Category: Kids & Parenting

Random Bits

Published by dee on September 7, 2006

I am so hungry today. I’ve already eaten my Special K bar and a banana and I’m trying to hold off until lunchtime but I’m just really freakin’ hungry. I guess it’s a good thing that we’re going to go eat a yummy lunch at this little bar and grill place down the street instead of my regular Lean Cuisine meal.

Zach was a crabby little guy this morning. Well, not really crabby as much as clingy. He didn’t want to let go of me when I dropped him off at day care. He was crying when I walked out the door. I really hate that. I’m guessing that it was due mostly to the fact that he didn’t sleep well lastnight. He was awake at 1:00 screaming, so I let him come to bed and snuggle with me the rest of the night. Then, he decided to wake up at 6:00. I finally put him back in his bed so I could snooze for a few more minutes. When I went in to wake him up at 7:30 he was out cold. I felt so bad for making him wake up when he clearly needed more sleep.

When Zach woke me up at 6:00, I was writing a great blog entry in my head. It had something to do with my love for him, but I can’t for the life of me remember it. I don’t know why I was thinking about how much I loved him when he woke me up at 6:00 in the freakin’ morning. Perhaps it was because I really enjoyed snuggling with him all night. Sometimes I do miss the co-sleeping.

Hubby went to the doctor on Tuesday. They put him back on the meds he was taking before. I know it will probably take a few weeks to really kick in, but I’m hoping that this will help us to be able to work on the tension between us a little easier. It is amazing how different he has been the last few days. Things have been very, very good. It gives me a lot of hope about the future.

I have been feeling a little "off" lately. I can’t pinpoint anything other than the fact that I’m not sleeeping well. I’m pretty sure that has everything to do with the high stress around my house lately. That seems to be how my body usually reacts to stress. I’ve been having headaches pretty much every day which is probably a combination of the not sleeping, stress, and my insane allergies. I’m super hungry, but then when I eat, I don’t feel so good. And no, I’m definitely not pregnant. I’m just hoping that there’s nothing else major going on and that this will soon pass.

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Booboo

Published by dee on September 6, 2006

Since Zach first became mobile he’s had his fair share of bumps and bruises. He barely even flinches when he falls down or runs into something and rarely ever cries. He’s a pretty tough little guy. That’s why when I saw blood pouring out of his thumb tonight it really freaked me out. I think it was the first time I ever saw him bleed (other than when he gets his shots at the doctor’s).

We had been playing on the computer, closed it down and then moved to the floor to play with his new puzzle. When he put the puzzle piece down that he had been holding, I noticed something red on it that looked like crayon or paint. Upon further inspection, I discovered it was my baby’s blood. I freaked out only slightly until I figured out that it was coming from a very small cut on his thumb. One washcloth and two bandaids later, and everything was fixed.

Zach didn’t care much for the bandaid on his thumb, but at least it got the blood under control. I took the bandaid off before he went to bed so that he didn’t chew it off and choke on it. I’m just hoping that the cut doesn’t split back open and bleed all over the place tonight. I still have no idea where the cut came from though.

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The Question

Published by dee on September 6, 2006

Since I found out that my sister is pregnant on Saturday, I’ve been telling everyone I know about it. Babies are a big deal in our family and we are all very excited about this new little one. Even though it will be her third, to me it is just as exciting as the first. I’ve shared with all of my friends, posted it on 2 of my 3 blogs, told everyone at work, and still I can’t quit talking about it.

The only problem with talking about her pregnancy is that I keep getting the question. Everyone wants to know when I’m going to have another one. My standard reply is “when it happens”. The next question is, “So, are you trying?” To this I reply with “We’re not trying to not get pregnant.” The complicated part of this that I prefer not to get into is that making babies does not come easy for us.

It took over 2 1/2 years of trying to get pregnant with Zach. After the first year, we started the testing. We paid a lot of money to find out that there were slight problems with both of our reproductive parts. Fortunately, it was nothing very serious and we were eventually able to concieve. I have a condition called Polycycstic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS), which although it makes it more difficult to get pregnant, does not make it impossible. The doc put me on some medicine that was supposed to help keep this under control. Hubby made a few lifestyle changes (along with removing some major stressors in his life) and eventually I got knocked up.

Somewhere in the middle of all that I went through a pretty good spout of depression and trying to deal with the fact that there was a chance I would never have the family I so desperately wanted. Because of that, I really hate to tell people that we are “trying”. If I actually admit that we’re trying to get pregnant then I have to deal with all of the follow-up questions from everybody and quite frankly, I just don’t want to deal with it. I don’t want to listen to anyone’s suggestions or advice. I don’t want to have to answer when someone asks me how long we’ve been trying. The whole thing just ends up with me being more depressed about the whole thing in the end and doesn’t help my cause.

I really hate to even write about this because there are so many couples out there dealing with major infertility issues and here I am complaining because it might take me a while to get pregnant. Wah. Poor me. I read the blogs of women who are struggling with conception and miscarriages and IVF cycles and I think, “wow, I’m so lucky”. Yet here I sit complaining because I can’t get pregnant when I want to.

I have one amazing child at home. He is what makes every day worth living. Sometimes I like to think that I would be okay with just having him. But, deep down in my heart, I know that I won’t. I need another child to complete my family. I need another child to complete me. I have more love to give.

So, yeah, we’re trying.

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All In One

Published by dee on August 29, 2006

Hmmm…it’s been a little quite around here the last couple days. I guess I figured with the posting not only once, but twice this weekend I could take a break or something. But really, it was just because we had no internet at work for most of the day yesterday. Turns out there was some kind of power surge or something that actually made it through the surge protector and totally jacked up our router and switch that connects us all to the internet and our file server. I did have a bit of a breakdown when I discovered I couldn’t check my e-mail though. That was rough.

I think I finally have a plan in place for Zach while his Day Care Provider is on maternity leave. I’ve mentioned before that the in-laws are coming up for three weeks. If I manage to make it through those three weeks, I’ll still have at least a week and 1 day before day care opens back up (if the delivery goes as planned with no complications). So, being that my mom and I both still have some vacation time left for the year, we are going to split the time up and each take a few days off to stay with Zach. I think my mom is going to try to get my Grandma to come up for a few days during that time so that she can spend some time with her also. If the maternity leave ends up extending past that I still plan on lining up alternative care. I’m sure I can find a day care center or home day care that will take a drop-in for a couple days. I may have to pay a small fortune, but after skipping 4 weeks of paying for day care I think I’ll be able to afford it.

Sunday afternoon we were supposed to go to a birthday party, so we came home right after dinner at my dad’s instead of hanging around and visiting. I put Zach down for a nap and Hubby decided to nap too, so I took the opportunity to spend a couple of hours by myself on my computer. I downloaded a digital scrapbook kit from Designer Digitals and created an invitation for Hubby’s 30th birthday party that I am throwing for him next month. I wanted to get the invitiations out early because most of my friends tend to have pretty busy schedules. I really love how the invitiations turned out. I e-mailed them yesterday morning (before our internet crashed) and have gotten several compliments. I wanted to post it here and show it off, but I’m too lazy to black out the address and personal info. It really got me wanting to work on some digital scrapbook pages though. I downloaded several free scrapbook papers and kits that I found while looking for just the right thing for the invitation. Now, if I could only find the time to work on it.

I’m really looking forward to this weekend. Not only is it a 3-day weekend, but Hubby and I have committed to cleaning the house from top to bottom and cleaning up the yard (as long as the weather cooperates). That may not seem all that exciting to some, but it is for me. With the little guy clinging onto my legs most of the time it is pretty difficult to get even the simplest of cleaning tasks done. And the yard? It has been really needing some work since early summer. But, Hubby said that he will help get it done this weekend so that we can have Monday to relax at home with nothing to do. The absolute only way I can completely relax is if the house is clean. Otherwise I sit there thinking about all of the things I should be doing instead of what I am doing. Plus, that should leave us with only a quick run-through the house to do before the in-laws show up two weeks later.

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Fourteen Months

Published by dee on August 27, 2006

Dear Zachary,

You are now fourteen months old. Each month when I sit down to write these letters I go back and read over the one I wrote the month before. I am always amazed that you can change so much in just one short month.

I think the biggest development that I’ve seen this month is that you are really starting to show that you understand what other people say to you. One day when I was picking you up at daycare, I asked you to go get your shoes so I could put them on you. You walked directly over to the cubbies and waited for me. When I grabbed your shoes, I asked you to sit down and you did just that. Also, when Daddy or I ask you to go get your cup or to get your ball you will look around the room, find what we asked you for, and bring it to us. That’s quite an improvement over the blank stares that we used to get when we asked you for something.

Along with your greater understanding of language, you are also talking more and more. You have several words that you can say pretty clearly now. There are the old words, Mama, Dada, and Bubba that you have been saying for a long time now. Then there are some new ones: ball, Dylan (your cousin), no (which amazinly you don’t really say often), yes (which is usually accompanied by a head nod), bye-bye, this, and drink. Then there is the jibberish which you go around saying all the time. I know it must mean something to you, but I haven’t quite figured out your language. Lastnight I asked you a question and you turned, looked straight at me, and gave me your answer. I was trying to make meaning out of what you said so I repeated the question several more times and you answered the exact same way every time. I really wish I could have understood what you were saying, because it was obvious you were really trying to tell me something.

Sometimes, for no reason at all that I can see, you break out with a loud scream. I haven’t been able to figure out whether you are just wanting some attention or if you do it only to hear yourself. I’m guessing it is the latter of those two. The other funny thing you do is spin in circles. I’ve caught you doing it a couple of times now and it just cracks me up. You’ll just be standing there and then all of a sudden start spinning around. Then you bust out laughing. You laugh a lot these days. It seems you can find humor in almost anything, so of course, Daddy and I sit around all the time just trying to come up with things that will get a giggle out of you.

The weather has started cooling off a little bit in the last week or two and I am starting to get anxious for Fall. I started digging through your clothes and I’m pretty sure that most of the warmer clothes that you wore in the Spring will be too small for you now. I’ve been out doing a little bit of shopping and have been buying you new clothes in a size 2T. I can’t believe my 14-month-old little baby is already wearing 2T’s. Granted, most of them are a little big on you right now, but I’m sure they’ll be fitting just right by winter time. I weighed you the other day on our home scale and you weighed just over 26 pounds.

In a few weeks your day care provider will be having a new little baby boy. I’m anxious to see how you react to a baby so small. You won’t be the little guy at day care anymore. Granny and Papa are going to come up and stay with you for 3 whole weeks while she is on maternity leave. I’m guessing that will be sufficient time for them to spoil you rotten. I think you will have a great time with them while they are here. I’m sure that they are really looking forward to having some bonding time with you.

As I sit here writing this letter, you are lying in your bed sound asleep taking your afternoon nap. While I treasure every minute I get to spend with you, I am also learning to really enjoy those times when I actually have a few uninterrupted minutes to myself. I usually spend those minutes cleaning up after you, looking at pictures of you, or at the very least thinking about you, but I guess that is all part of being a mom. It is quite a job, but I think it’s the best one I’ve ever had.

Love,

Mama

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Words Cannot Define It

Published by dee on August 16, 2006

For some reason I’ve been a little bit emotional lately so sit back and bear with me.

In the last week or so I have been catching myself just sitting there doing nothing but watching my son. I watch him as he plays with his toys or teases the dog by holding his chew toy just out of reach. I watch him as he pulls the drawer out of his toy bin so he can reach in and grab the specific toy that he wants. He knows exactly where each toy is and how to get to it.

I watch as he walks up to the tv, pushes the power button, then runs away and looks at his daddy, just waiting for the reaction that he knows is coming. I watch as he walks up to his dad, arms outstretched, hugs him, then goes back to playing.

I watch as he points to anything and everything within his sight with curiosity, wanting to touch it and explore it to see what it does. I watch him point to pictures of family and loved ones around our house and then wait for me to tell him the name for each person. I watch him as he climbs up onto a chair or on the couch, sitting like a little man, trying to copy what Mommy and Daddy are doing.

I listen as he chuckles and then releases his beautiful, boisterous laugh that I love so much. I have never in my life heard a more wonderful sound.

Before I became a parent, I read. I read and read and read all the parenting magazines, the books, and tons of parenting blogs. I figured the more I read the better prepared I would be. But no amount of reading, advice, or preparations could ever prepare me for the deep, deep, love I feel for this child. I can’t describe how it makes me feel when he reaches out to me for a hug, or when he cries and there is nothing I can do to console him, or when I brought him to bed with me lastnight and he reached out to put his little hand on my face trying to pull me closer to him.

Just sitting back and watching him as he moves through the room can almost bring me to tears at times. The emotions that surge through me are so powerful. I have never in my life loved anything so deeply. He is my life, my world. He is my everything. I never want to know a world without him in it.

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