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Because That’s What Nice Girls Do

Published by dee on November 11, 2008

“If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all”

I couldn’t even tell you how many times I heard that saying when I was a kid. But I never really cared about things like that back then. I just said what I wanted, when I wanted – especially when I was fighting with my brother or sister. Well, either that or I just got really quiet and did something sneaky to piss them off or get them in trouble. I guess I did actually adhere to the rules sometimes.

The reason I bring that up is because I think that is the whole reason why I can’t seem to write here lately. I just don’t have anything nice to say and I want this to be a happy place. I feel like every post I’ve written or started to write lately has been just negative and depressing. So instead, I run away and avoid dealing with the things that I really need to write about.

There are good, wonderful, happy things happening in my life like Evie cutting her third tooth and giving me the cutest, goofiest smiles in the world but there are also some really sucky things going on like Evie being sick for almost an entire week and Zach having an attitude way bigger than his 3 years should allow. Not to mention the fact that every single thing I touch right now seems to break or fall apart and I’m getting really behind at work. All of this negative stuff is just weighing me down and making it hard to concentrate on the good. I want to think we’re just having a string of bad luck right now but when does it stop? I know kids get sick and 3-year-olds have attitude, but all of the money we’ve spent either replacing or fixing things here lately is atrocious, especially considering we don’t have any extra money to spend.

The whole money thing? It really gets to me. I know times are hard for everyone right now but every single time I finally feel like I’m getting a grip on things financially, something big happens. Then I get stressed and when I get stressed I spend money. It is a seriously vicious cycle that I can’t seem to get out of. The worst part is that I know I do it, yet I do it anyway.

Right now I’m sitting here contemplating whether I should even hit publish. I really hate writing posts like this because I feel like a total Negative Nancy but I also hate it because it dips a little into the part of me that I always try to hide from the world. I’m always the positive, happy-go-lucky type of person. I don’t let things get me down. Friends at work are constantly amazed at how I can keep my cool even in really stressful situations but in reality it is all a lie. I just push it down and don’t let my true feelings show because that’s what nice girls do. Yep, I’m a nice girl – on the outside.

But guess what? Nice girls have real feelings too.

Before I was contacted by the local newspaper and decided to go public with this blog I had a place to deal with my feelings. It was here. I wrote whatever I wanted. (Don’t try searching. Most of those posts have been deleted or are private now). I didn’t worry about anyone being offended or finding out who I really was. It was my safe place. I chose to open it up and share it and I do think it was a good decision. But now I have no where to go with the bad stuff, the stuff I don’t share with even my closest friends.

When I get stressed I run. I hide. Then? I need change. I need something new. I need to find a place to control something in my life because I can’t control the thing that is causing the stress. Usually it ends with a new hair cut or a shopping spree. Sometimes it ends in seriously life altering decisions. Um, this time? I spent the last three weekends straight working harder than I have ever worked on my house. I cleaned, sorted, re-arranged, and organized almost my entire house. I’m not done yet either, but we’re going out of town this weekend so the rest will have to wait. Granted, it resulted in a new playroom for my kids which we all love, but only now am I realizing what my motivation for all of it was.

As usual I have no idea where I’m going with all of this. I think I just needed a brain dump. I needed to get it out there because I’m tired of holding it in. I’m tired of holding everything in, but I always have a hard time letting it out. I don’t want people to see the bad stuff. Instead, I keep it in. Because that’s what nice girls do.

But this nice girl? Has really freakin’ adorable kids and that is what gets me by when life otherwise sucks.

11 Comments

The Only Good Thing About This Week Is That It Is Almost Over

Published by dee on November 6, 2008

So, not that I necessarily need to state the obvious, but I’m not participating in NaBloPoMo this year. I considered it, but I just simply can’t post every day. Heck, I’m lucky to post once a week here lately. I’ll try my hardest to keep up with all of you who are participating, but from the looks of my feed reader right now that isn’t really going to happen either.

If you follow me on Twitter, then you know why I haven’t updated this week. Evie has been one sick little girl and pretty much all of my time has been consumed snuggling and soothing a cranky baby. The girl has been blessed with excellent health up until now so of course when it happened it happened in a big way.

She started running a fever either Sunday night or Monday morning. I though she felt a little warm at day care drop off Monday morning, but brushed it off thinking it was just because the car was a little warm on the way there. By the time I picked her up she was definitely feverish and it hasn’t let up since.

After finding out Tuesday morning that the other baby at day care (2 months younger than Evie) had a confirmed case of Strep, I called the doctor and took Evie in. Evie tested negative, but continues to show signs of possible Strep so if she’s not better by Friday morning we’re going back to the doctor.

I’ve been trying to cram in as much work as possible from home while Evie naps or (on very rare occasions) plays in the play pen next to me. Yesterday she graced me with a three hour nap. Today? Not so much with the napping. It looks like we’ll be home again tomorrow. I really hope my boss isn’t getting mad at me for being gone so much.

In other news, we had an excellent Halloween. We took the kids trick-or-treating around my sister’s neighborhood and then headed over to see my dad and his wife for a bit at a friend’s house. We caught up with my brother, his wife, and my niece there as well. Then we went back to my sister’s house for a bit and let the kids play until they were ready to drop. On the way home Zach said, “Mommy, I LOVE Halloween!” Then he fell asleep and stayed that way until 10:00 a.m.

Somehow I managed to get totally motivated on Saturday morning. I started cleaning out our guest/guitar/sewing/junk room to prepare for some re-arranging of furniture. Then I decided it would be a brilliant idea to pull the nasty carpet up. I knew there was hard wood underneath it. I just didn’t know what kind of condition it was in. There are a few bad spots, but it really isn’t horrible. I’m really glad that we got rid of the carpet, but my body was not so happy with me. Hubby wasn’t feeling well so I did the majority of the heavy lifting on my own and I felt every bit of it the next morning.

The re-arranging project is now about halfway complete. The guest room is now an office/music/craft room with a futon for our occasional overnight guests instead of the full-size bed. It came in quite handy this week while I’ve been trying to work from home. The room the computer and desk were in is set to become a play room for the kids as soon as I can finish cleaning up the junk in there, get the carpet cleaned, and actually move the toys. Unfortunately, Evie being sick has really slowed down my progress this week. I was hoping to at least get to cleaning the carpet so that by Saturday we could be setting up the toys in there.

So, that’s pretty much where I’m at right now. I know this was a really long and boring post, but I always feel the need to catch up before I can write anything of substance. Hopefully once I get finished with my little home makeover project (and Evie is feeling better) I’ll be able to get back to more regular blogging. Maybe someday I’ll even get Evie’s 7 month letter written, possibly even before she turns 8 months.

2 Comments

Halloween Photo Shoot

Published by dee on October 31, 2008

My photography skills still need a bit of work, but these kids are absolutely adorable!

2 Comments

I Thought Bad Things Happened In 3's

Published by dee on October 28, 2008

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about the direction my life is headed. I’ve been feeling very out of control and in need of a bit of structure. Part of that structure includes getting control of our family budget. This was supposed to be the month that I tightened things up and started paying a bit more attention to exactly where that money is going. I’ve been trying really hard to cut down on my spending (no laughing mom!) because I’m the one that does the shopping and always ends up picking up way more than what is on the list. Yes, I admit to having a problem with that. Shopping is my escape when everything else in life gets me down.

Just after I made the conscious decision to do this, all kinds of unexpected expenses popped up. First, there was the cracked windshield. I didn’t see that as a huge deal, but something that will have to be dealt with eventually. Then, there was the A/C going out in my car. We paid $100 for a fix that only worked for two days before it gave out again. It can wait until Spring/early Summer before it has to be fixed, but it still makes me angry. Next, my radar detector was stolen and I got a ticket the next day. The radar detector is a must-have item for me. Buying a new one is most likely less expensive than the tickets I will rack up without it.

That’s three pretty major unexpected expenses in a short period of time, but that’s not all! Anyone want to know what happened this weekend? Our basement drain backed up and our washer broke all in one day. The drain isn’t a huge issue because we don’t own the house. My boss (and landlord) will foot the bill for that one but the washer? That’s one heck of an unexpected expense and one that can’t really wait. With a baby in the house I do laundry nearly every day and I don’t have time to go to a laundromat. We haven’t decided whether to try to get the washer fixed (only about 6 yrs old) or to just buy a new one. I’m guessing a repair bill would be at least half of what a new one would cost anyway and maybe more depending on parts/labor.

We do have a little bit of money back in savings but I was planning to use a little of that for a weekend trip we have coming up (where I’ll finally get to meet my almost 1-year-old niece!) and the rest was being saved up for taxes. I’m just tired of never having enough money to go around. I’m tired of living on credit cards and being in debt. Every time I have the slightest hope of being able to crawl out from this mess we’re in something else happens.

I’m just hoping and praying that nothing else major happens for a while so we can try (once again) to get caught up.

4 Comments

Another Pillowcase Dress

Published by dee on October 22, 2008

Saturday night I took my sister to JoAnn’s to find some fabric for some curtains she wants made. I thought I was doing a really great job of not picking up any extras, but we stayed in the store just a little bit too long. I ended up picking up a couple of fabric quarters, some ribbon, and bias tape to make Evie another little pillowcase dress. The quarters were just the right size to make her a dress and a matching headband.

This dress is a little bit longer than the Halloween dresses. I’m hoping Evie can wear it at least through the next Spring and maybe even Summer. I love the fabric (if you look closely a few of the flowers have aqua colored centers) and I think the bias tape around the arm holes and the bottom really gives it a finished look. I also made the headband a little differently this time and I think I like it better than the other ones.

What do you think? I would love to see more pictures of pillowcase dresses if anyone else has made any. These are so simple and I have lots of ideas for little embellishments!

If anyone is still wanting to purchase a Halloween tote bag please get your order in now! Orders must be in by 5:00 p.m. Friday to ensure arrival before Halloween!

3 Comments

Can I Just Go To Sleep And Wake Up Next Week?

Published by dee on October 22, 2008

This has not been my week.

The weekend was good, but I still didn’t get nearly enough things done around the house. I did make a yummy dessert for dinner Saturday night and got to spend a little time sewing and taking photos, so that kind of makes up for the lack of housekeeping. Unfortunately, the housekeeping still has to be done and there will just be more to do by the time I get around to it.

The weekend did not end well though. I really should consider it the beginning of a horrible week I guess since it started Sunday night. I had fully intended to get the kids to bed Sunday night and then spend some time writing Evie’s 7 month letter while Hubby and I enjoyed our Sunday night shows. I suppose that was my first mistake – actually planning to do something. I suppose I should have known better.

Both kids decided that sleeping was unnecessary that night. Zach refused over and over again to go to bed. Once he was finally in bed he kept getting up all night long. Evie also refused to go to bed. Every time I tried to lay her down she would wake up crying. Eventually both restless kids ended up in bed with me which meant very little sleep for any of us. Hubby was smart and sent to sleep in Zach’s bed. He was the only one that got any solid sleep that night.

Monday morning was a rush because I had forgotten to pack the bags we needed the night before. I also had to pack up an extra bag for the kids because I had a meeting after work and needed to take them to my mom’s for the evening. Zach needed a quick bath because the restlessness during the night resulted in a wet bed the next morning. I’m not sure how I even made it to work, but I did…eventually.

I skipped out on work a few minutes early, rushed to day care, rushed through McDonald’s and back to my mom’s with the kids. Then I scarfed down my sandwich, nursed Evie and was out the door for my meeting. The meeting actually went very well and I left in a good mood. I picked the kids up and headed home. Apparently, when I got home and unloaded the kids and our fifty million bags I forgot to lock my car.

I woke up Tuesday morning in a great mood. Evie had slept through the night until 6:45, which meant I got a great night’s sleep. Zach wasn’t too difficult that morning and we headed out the door almost on time. Just as I pulled out of the driveway, I noticed something odd. There was a plug missing from the cigarette lighter in the car. At first I thought Hubby had just grabbed his phone charger out of the car, but it was still there. I racked my brain to figure out what else was missing and then it hit me. My radar detector was gone. I called Hubby just to make sure he hadn’t grabbed it for some reason, but I pretty much knew that he wouldn’t have taken it. While I was talking to him I also realized that the ash tray full of change was also missing. Nothing else seemed to be bothered. All of the cd’s were still there. The stereo and Hubby’s expensive sunglasses were still there. I was pretty pissed off that the radar detector was gone, but what bothered me even more is that someone was in my car.

The worst part was that it was all my fault. I was the one that left the car unlocked. It is possible that it would have happened anyway and that I would have a broken window on top of it all, but I still feel like it is my fault for being stupid.

The rest of Tuesday wasn’t so bad, except that I couldn’t really focus and Evie decided not to sleep again. Then I got up this morning, drove the kids to day care and got pulled over for speeding. I knew as soon as I looked at my speedometer that it was coming. I drive through a school zone ever morning and I know to slow down there but for some reason I was spacing off. He clocked me going 38 mph. Fortunately, the cop was a nice one and I have a pretty clean driving record. He ended up giving me a $12 citation for not wearing a seat belt (even though I was wearing it) instead of the $100+ ticket that I should have gotten for speeding in a school zone. I completely lucked out. I’m not sure how I got so lucky, but I thanked him profusely as he walked away. The worst part is that I have to drive by there every day and now he’ll be watching for me.

So, that’s pretty much it. It has just been a really crappy week so far. Plus it is cold and dark and rainy outside. I just want to crawl back in bed and stay there until next week. It has to get better, right?