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Lately, my frustration has been growing. Perhaps it’s the post-partum depression hitting me a little late. I’m not really sure. What I am sure of is that I’m tired. I’m completely worn out mentally and physically. I feel like I spend all of my time doing things for others and have no time left for me. I don’t mind taking care of the baby. In fact, the few hours that I spend with him every day are always the best of the entire day. What I am tired of is all of the cooking, cleaning, laundry, dishes, grocery store runs, etc. It seems like it never ends. I suppose it is just a bit overwhelming. I can’t possibly keep up with it all. When I get home from work all I want to do is spend time with the baby, yet I have all of these tasks looming over me that must be done. Some nights the only time I get to spend with him is when I am feeding him.

My husband thinks that he is helping out but when it all comes down to it, he’s not doing much. When I do ask him to do something for me, which isn’t very often, he gets all huffy and acts as though I’m really putting him out. If he actually peels himself out of his recliner to do what I asked he complains the whole time. Most of the time I just prefer to do it myself instead of having to listen to him.

Then, of course, there is the whole sex issue. It has been 12 weeks now since I had the baby and we have not yet resumed that part of our lives. He is getting crankier and crankier about it. He says he respects me and will wait until I am ready, yet he keeps trying. Right now, I can barely stand for him to touch me. I’m certainly not ready to have sex with him but I don’t know how to explain it to him. I don’t really have a good reason other than I just don’t feel like it. I don’t know why his touch bothers me so much. It used to be comforting, now it just causes me to tense up. I wish I knew how to get past this.

Basically, I’ve just decided that I don’t want to be a grown-up anymore. I want to go back to having that youthful innocence. I want to go back to not having any responsibilities. I want to stay home and play all day instead of going to work. I want me back.

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I haven’t had much time to blog this week, so here is a bunch of unrelated stuff all clumped into one entry…

It’s that time of year again. The football season has officially begun. I have sort of a love/hate relationship with football. I am a big fan of football. I love watching it and rooting for my team. I’ve been a Dallas Cowboys fan for as long as I can remember. They may not be so good these days, but I still cheer them on. Hubby is an avid Saints fan and never misses a game. What I hate about football is that my husband (and almost every other man I know) insists on being absolutely glued to the tv until football season is over. I just don’t understand it. Like I said, I like football but sometimes there are things a little bit more important. For instance, instead of going to church with the rest of the family, my husband is planning to go to another church down the street so he can get home in time for kickoff at noon. His reasoning is that since we pay for the DirectTV NFL package that he doesn’t want to waste any money by missing the beginning of the game. But, guess what? We have Tivo. He can rewind and watch it easily. But, no, that won’t work for him. Instead, Zach and I will go to our regular church while he goes to the early service next to the house. Our entire weekends from now until the end of the Super Bowl will consist of him sitting in front of the tv and me doing everything else so that I don’t even have time to catch a Cowboys game. But, enough about that for now. I’m sure there will be another football rant in the near future.

Poor little Zachary had 4 shots yesterday. About 3 hours later, his thigh had swollen up and turned a bit red where he got two of the shots. Every time he moved his little leg he would scream out in pain. I felt so bad for him. I took him home about 3:30 and we spent the rest of the night cuddling on the couch. He slept most of that time, but every time I would move even the slightest little bit he would start crying. I couldn’t even hand him off to my husband. Every time I tried he would cry again. So, I held him all night. I loved snuggling up with him, but I really hate it that he was hurting and feeling bad from the shots. Only two more months before we have to do it all over again.

On Wednesday, I finally decided it was time to cut my hair. I’ve been growing it out since about the time I got pregnant, but now it is all falling out. I can’t even wash it without ending up with handfulls of hair in the bottom of the shower. So, I gave in and cut it off again. I went on my lunch hour, thinking that it shouldn’t take more than 30 minutes or so if I could get right in. Boy, was I ever wrong. I got the longest haircut ever. It took her just over an hour and fifteen minutes to finish cutting my hair and then she wanted to wash and style it. I told her when I got there that I was on my lunch hour and only had about 45 minutes of it left. Plus, when it was all said and done, it wasn’t even close to the cut I had told her I wanted. I even brought a picture to show her and she acted like she understood exactly what I wanted. I will definitely not be going back to her again. She did a good job with the haircut that she gave me, it’s just that it wasn’t what I wanted and after sitting there for so long I think I deserved more. I’ll probably wait a week or so and then go somewhere else to get the cut I was wanting. The really irritating thing is that it was a total waste of both my money and time.

And finally, it is the weekend. Hubby and I had planned on spending Saturday working on a Habitat for Humanity house with a group from our church, but found out yesterday that it had to be cancelled. Apparently there was an inspection needed before we could do the work and it hasn’t been completed yet. So, now we have no plans at all for the weekend which is just fine with me. My house is completely trashed right now and in desperate need of a good cleaning. Plus, the idea of staying home and sleeping sounds pretty good to me too.

Now that I’ve gotten all of that out, I suppose I should get back to work so I can get out of here a bit early today.

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