Category: Kids & Parenting

Five Years In The Blink of an Eye

Published by dee on June 26, 2010

Dear Zachary,

Five years ago today, I became a mother. Some might argue that I became a mother upon your conception, but something inside me changed in those first few moments when I heard your (very loud) cry and got my first glimpse of your beautiful face. That is the moment when I truly understood what it means to be a mother. At 4:40 p.m., on June 26th, 2005, I finally knew the meaning of true, unconditional love.

We’ve been through a lot in five years. I’ve watched you grow from a tiny (ok, maybe not so tiny) baby into a little boy who is a force to be reckoned with. While I’ve tried to shape you the best that I can, you are very much your own person. You are so strong-willed and yet also so sensitive at times. You take after your daddy quite a lot in this way.

You have changed so much over the last year. You’ve lost every bit of your baby face and now you are just all boy. You are growing so fast I can barely keep you in clothes and shoes. I’m just thankful that it is summer now so that you can wear shorts and I don’t have to worry about your pants being too short anymore. I’m guessing there is another growth spurt coming soon though, because several nights recently you have eaten more at dinner than I have!

This last year you finally got to go to preschool. You were so excited for school to start. I think you really enjoyed it for the most part. There were a few rough times, fights with other kids, and days when you just didn’t want to go, but overall I think it was a good experience. We also learned that you sometimes have a hard time focusing on tasks. I’m hoping this is something that will come with maturity and not become a life-long problem. You do pretty well in a one-on-one environment, but are easily distracted otherwise. You are so incredibly smart though. There are still days when you absolutely amaze me with the conversations we have. My favorite part of preschool was watching you on stage during your school music programs. You are a true music lover and you practiced so hard to learn your songs. You were so proud up there performing for your family and friends. Don’t tell anybody, but I might have cried just a little bit watching you.

After preschool graduation we changed gears a bit. You are spending the summer going back and forth between your cousins’ house and Miss Paula’s. I’m glad you are getting a little time to play and relax because in August, a whole new venture begins. You’ll be starting Kindergarten. I have very mixed feelings about it at this point. You seem to be very excited about going to a “big school” but I am a bundle of nerves. I’m excited for you, but also scared to send my baby off into the unknown. I’d feel so much better if you could go to Aunt Tanya’s school where I at least know some of the staff. If I had my way I’d wrap you in my arms and carry you through until you were an adult. I have this fierce need to protect you from all of this, yet I know that I have to let you go and it’s really tugging at my heart. I just am not ready for all this growing up and I know that this will be a life-changing year for you.

Five years ago, lying on that hospital bed, I never could have imagined the incredible journey that we’ve been on. I am so proud of you, of all of your accomplishments, of the things you’ve overcome, of the sweet little boy that you are. My eyes seem to be watering a bit as I’m writing this because I just can’t find the words to express what I want to say. The love I have for you is sometimes just so overwhelming. Of all the boys I have loved and cared for in my life, you are the one who completely stole my heart.

Happy 5th Birthday, Zachary! I love you so much!

Love always,
Mama

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Boiling Point

Published by dee on March 1, 2010

My mind races with things that need to be released. I write post after post in my head, yet lack the time to sit and type them out. My life, it is chaotic. As I whine and complain about how busy and crazy things always are, I also know that this is the life I chose. My choices got me to this place of constant activity, stress, and very little rest. The weekends and evenings go too fast, the weekdays too slow.

There are ups and downs and so many things in between. Some days I sit back amazed at how blessed I am in my life. Other days I wonder just how much longer I can keep it all together. At times I feel like I’m just going through the motions, just to get through one more day. Those times make me feel like I am missing out on so much. I wonder how I’ll ever make it when the kids are older and involved in school and activities and play dates and birthday parties.

This last week was particularly hard. I was still trying to catch up on life as February went and got all crazy on me. My car was in the shop. Grocery shopping got delayed due to the snow and ice the weekend before and we were out of food. Zach had a music program at preschool Wednesday night. I had to get our taxes done because we needed the refund to pay for the car repairs. Zach had to go to the doctor due to some stomach problems he’s been having. I couldn’t find time to work on web site updates that were long past due. I was worried about not having time to get the bills paid before the end of the seemingly very short month. Plus, on top of that, I was trying to fight off a cold. Things just kept piling up and by Friday night I was spent.

Saturday I got up with my own agenda in mind while everyone else in the house had a different one. As much as I’d like to deny it, Evie will be turning 2 in a couple of weeks and I wanted to set up my makeshift photography studio, experiment with some lighting, and attempt to get some good photos of her. I thought this would relax me, but I found myself getting angry at my not quite 2-year-old for wiggling when I wanted her to sit still. I kept getting interrupted by Zach and Hubby kept asking me questions until the point that I lashed out at him.

I finally decided to give up on the pictures because I was getting too frustrated (and so was Evie). Hubby left to pick something up at the store. I took Evie back to her room for a nap where we snuggled for a few minutes and I apologized to her for yelling. Then she asked if we could go take more pictures. If she’s willing, I’m game. I took her back to the playroom where everything was set up and we tried again. This time, instead of getting frustrated, I tried to make it fun. We sang songs, we laughed, and we had a good time until I could tell she was tired of it. I got some great photos of her smiling and laughing.

Sometimes I just have to hit the edge before I can see a situation clearly. The rest of the weekend was better. I still had to do things like pay bills, stress over money, feed my children, bathe them, and all the rest of the mundane daily tasks, but I tried to keep myself in a better frame of mind. I didn’t find the time to finish editing photos, to dig into the photography books I’ve been dying to read, to browse around on the Clickin’ Moms forum like I wanted to. But those things will still be there tomorrow, and the many days after that.

Besides, I did manage to get some gorgeous photos of my little girl and even a few of my boys too.

Rest assured, I’ll be sharing more of these once I have a chance to do some editing. My lighting and exposure wasn’t quite right, but I’m learning.

And, for those of you interested, here’s a small piece of Zach’s music program performance. He was so excited for this and did such a good job. This proud mama was beaming.

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22 Months

Published by dee on January 20, 2010

Dear Evie,

Oh my little monkey, here you are at 22 months old and already I’m seeing visions of your pre-teen years. You’ve always had a little sass to you, but recently the sassiness has escalated to levels I was not prepared for. Rest assured, I am not the only one that has noticed this. You suddenly seem to think that you control the world. Though I hate to burst your bubble, I have to tell you that it just is not so.

All of this attitude came along with a huge speech explosion. It seemed like overnight you went from saying single words to speaking in sentences and making demands. You tell us what you want, when you want it (NOW!), and how you want it. When we don’t comply with your wishes, you let us know just how unhappy you are by screaming like a banshee and repeating yourself over and over again. Maybe you’re trying to make us understand your words, but yeah, WE GOT IT.

You have also discovered the fact that humans were blessed with free will and you apparently think that makes all things in life optional. So now, when Mommy says things like, “Evie, it’s time to take a bath.” you respond with, “NO, I NOT!” It was charming and rather funny the first few times, but it got old really fast. Even the things you like to do (like take a bath) usually get a “NO, I NOT!” these days until you figure out that you really do want to do it. I know you’re only trying to assert your new found independence, but I still dream of the day when “yes” becomes your favorite word.

While it may sound like I’m complaining about all the talking, I absolutely love it! I finally get to know what’s going on in your head. We have actual conversations now which just amazes me. You are one smart little girl. You have a great memory and surprise me constantly with all the words you know. The best part though, is when I tuck you into bed at night. Every night we say a bed time prayer and then sing a couple of songs to help you settle down. You can almost recite the entire prayer with me now and you always request “Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star” and sing along with me to the words you know. It’s a sweet way to end a busy day and I enjoy it every time.

Your brother, on the other hand, does not like you talking so much. You see, before you started talking, he was under the impression that he controlled the world because he was the only child in the room that spoke. He assumed that his demands were the only ones that existed, simply because we heard no others. Now things have changed and he’s having a hard time getting used to it. He gets really upset when we allow you to make a choice before him (even though we generally alternate) but I suppose it is just something we all have to get used to. I remember arguing about the same things with my brother and sister.

You are becoming so much more independent all of a sudden that I have to remind myself to just let you do things yourself. You are getting really good at using your fork and spoon and actually getting the food to your mouth. You have also started using a regular cup when we’re at the table. You usually still request a sippy cup full of milk when we’re finished eating, but it is nice to see that you can use a regular cup without spilling too much.

The other thing we’ve been really working on is potty training. You know exactly what to do when we get you to the potty at the right time, but you aren’t really telling us when you need to go. I think you’ll be there soon. You’re brain has just been busy focusing on other things. You definitely have the right idea. You do love wearing your pull-ups during the day and can even pull them up and down by yourself now.

A few weeks ago, your day care provider started watching a new baby. I was a little afraid of how you would react at first because you and your BFF had been the babies there for so long. You seemed to adjust just fine though. At home, you started carrying your baby dolls around with you constantly. You tell us when they are hungry, feed them bottles, change their diapers, and tuck them into bed when they are sleepy. I love watching you take care of them. You’ll be a great mama some day.

Each month seems like it goes by faster and faster as I watch you growing up so fast. Two is less than two months away now. As you inch towards it, I feel myself relaxing in some ways. Even though I still call you a baby, you really aren’t any more. I see more and more glimpses of the big girl you are quickly becoming and I am so proud.

Love always,
Mama

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One of Those Nights

Published by dee on December 3, 2009

Last night at 12:30, I was just getting in bed as I heard a cry from the kids’ room. I assumed it was Evie because she’s been rather cranky the last few days and not sleeping well. I waited to see if she stopped before heading in there, but when she kept crying I figured I better go see what was wrong. When I got in the bedroom, it wasn’t Evie crying. It was Zach.

He was sitting up, holding his ear, and crying. He couldn’t sleep because his ear was hurting so bad. By that time, Evie was awake also, sitting up and crying. I got Zach up so I could take a look at his ear and give him some Motrin for the pain. Evie was screaming her head off so I handed her off to Daddy and listened to her scream the entire time.

When I finally got Zach ready to go back to bed, he refused to go to his bed and crawled in our bed instead. He refused to move. Evie was still screaming. After a few words with Hubby I left Zach where he was, scooped Evie up and snuggled up in her bed with her. The screaming continued for quite a while after Evie and I got in her bed. She was not at all happy to be woken up.

The funniest part of the night though, was what I learned about my daughter during the hour or so that I spent trying to settle her down. She is so much more like me than I ever knew. She wanted to snuggle, and wanted me to be close, but she didn’t want me to touch her at all. She sat up and adjusted her pillow multiple times before finally settling down. She had to have her blanket just right and every single time I moved the slightest bit she woke up and screamed again, thinking I was getting up. She apparently sleeps just like me – except I don’t scream every time Hubby moves.

Hubby, on the other hand, got to find out what it was like to sleep with someone who is just like him. Zach spent the night smushed up against his Daddy, kicking and wiggling all night long, while there was an entire half of the bed empty on the other side. He’s a bit of a snuggler.

Let’s just say that neither of us slept very well. It was one of those nights that you have to expect as a parent, but they never get any easier.

I took Zach to the doctor today and of course he does have an ear infection. He’s now on oral antibiotics plus antibiotic drops because his ear tubes are apparently clogged. To top it off, he ended up getting both the seasonal and H1N1 flu shots as well because we happened to be there right after the doctor’s office got a shipment in. He was NOT happy about the shots or the ear drops, but hopefully his ear will start feeling better soon.

As for me, I’ll be all better after a good night’s sleep…which I may get in another 18 years or so.

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20ish Months

Published by dee on November 30, 2009

Dear Evie,

It’s been a while since I’ve written a monthly letter. I got off when I had surgery a few months ago and I just never could find the time to get caught back up. It’s not that I don’t have a lot to say about (or to) you, I just don’t have the time to focus because you demand that my attention be on you whenever possible, not on the computer screen.

Tonight was a night when I just really needed time to wind down. Zach was watching a movie back in the bedroom. You were demanding to watch princesses on the play room TV, and I was ready to go sit in my chair and relax for the evening. You had other plans though. As I stepped away from you, you hollered out, “Mommy, Mommy, Mommmmyyyyy!” and held your hands up in the air. One look into your big, bright eyes and I just couldn’t walk away. You have that power over me.

I grabbed you up into my arms and then sat on the floor hugging you for as long as you would allow. We watched a few minutes of Beauty and the Beast before you were up searching for toys to play with. TV never keeps your attention, even when you beg for your princesses or Elmo. You grabbed your favorite bucket of toys – your shape sorters and stackers – and we sat in the floor playing together for over an hour.

Even though I know to expect it now, you amaze me with just how smart you are. You pick up on things so quickly. As we played with the shape sorter blocks, I named each shape and soon you were saying the shape names with me. Then you started stacking the blocks to make “towers” just like your brother does. Perhaps not an amazing feat for a kid your age, but it still impressed me. You just seem to be doing things so much faster than your brother did, although it could just be my memory failing.

Your verbal skills are definitely good for your age. You talk all the time. Seriously, all the time. It’s not often I get a chance to be alone with just you, but yesterday you weren’t feeling well and went to work with me for a while. You sat in your stroller (incredibly well behaved) and pretty much talked non-stop the entire time. Most of the time you were just playing and talking to yourself but it was so fun to listen to you. Not every word is clear, but I can figure out what most of them are.

Before I had you, I would have sworn up and down to anybody that there really wasn’t much difference between boys and girls (other than body parts). You, my darling, have proven me wrong. You have a gentleness about you that I rarely see in your brother. You are obsessed with princesses, dolls, ponies, and kitty cats. You love your shoes, purses, hair bows, and pretty clothes. Sure you like Elmo, your brother’s cars, and wrestling on the floor with the boys too, but when it comes down to it, you are one of the girliest girls I’ve ever known. And, surprisingly, I love every single bit of it.

My heart aches when I realize just how close you are getting to your second birthday. I’m so proud of who you are, yet I am really missing my baby. Every now and then when you snuggle up with your head on my chest I remember those first few weeks at home with you. Never in my dreams did I imagine that in 20 short months you would be filled with so much personality, love, and charm.

Tonight as I put you to bed, you started crying. It wasn’t just the normal “I don’t want to go to bed” type of cry. You were sobbing and becoming hysterical. I never could figure out exactly what was wrong, but after holding you and singing “Rock-a-Bye Baby” (which has magical powers over you for some reason) a few times you finally settled down. Maybe it was just a long day. Maybe it was due to you not feeling well the last few days. Maybe you were scared about something. I have no idea. Whatever it was, I was there to make it better. I always want to be there to make it better, and take the hurt away, no matter what the cause is. That’s the thing about Moms, we’ll do just about anything to take the hurt away.

Right now I’d give just about anything to peek in on you before I head to bed myself, but you are too much like your Mama and the slightest noise wakes you up. Instead of checking in on you, kissing your soft cheeks, and saying good-night one more time, I’ll quietly sneak past your door to my own room. Just know that I’m looking forward to morning, because I know the moment I crack your door open you’ll pop up out of your bed with a huge smile on your face and yell out “Morning!” as you do every day. It is one of the highlights of my day and I hope someday you’ll understand just how much it means to me.

With all my love,
Mama

P.S. You know that big smile you get on your face with the batty eyes when you’re trying to get away with something? Save that for Daddy. I’m on to your tricks, little one. After all, I’m pretty sure I used that on my Daddy a time or two. 😉

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Halloween Fun in the Kitchen

Published by dee on October 28, 2009

I debated where to post this entry because it really could work as a recipe post or even a crafty post, but really it is just about me and my boy having fun in the kitchen so I’m posting it here.

Back in early September I was walking around Dollar Tree and spotted a bag of Halloween cookie cutters. I couldn’t pass them up for the grand price of $1.00 so I bought them and stashed them away. Well, apparently Halloween is coming up in a couple of days (whether I’m ready or not) so I told Zach that we could go ahead and make some cookies using them tonight.

(And when I say *make* cookies, I mean roll out the Pillsbury pre-made cookie dough, cut out the shapes, bake, and then decorate with pre-made icing. One of these days I’ll do it from scratch but I’m just not there yet.)

Zach and Evie both helped with the cookie cutters while I rolled out the dough and placed each cutout on the cookie sheet for baking. Evie got bored after the first few and went off with Daddy while Zach and I finished up. I was a little disappointed because for some reason I can never get sugar cookies to bake without spreading and flattening out so some of the shapes didn’t come out too well. Zach didn’t seem to mind though.

I had planned on baking the cookies tonight and then decorating tomorrow because I knew it would make for a late night but Zach was having so much fun I gave in and we started decorating. I think he got about four cookies done before he was too “tired” to do any more. He munched on a couple of cookies, then headed off to bed and left me to finish the rest.

Some of them came out nice, some didn’t. But, the important part is that we had fun together, right?

Here are Zach’s masterpieces:

A group shot:

And my very favorite one* that I love so much I won’t be able to stand to eat it:

*The idea for the spiderweb design came from another blog (I believe she used it on cupcakes?) that I read this week but I can’t for the life of me remember which one. If anyone knows, please tell me!

Also, sorry about the crappy photos but I was too lazy to go get a real camera and took these with my iphone!

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