It’s been a while since I’ve written a monthly letter. I got off when I had surgery a few months ago and I just never could find the time to get caught back up. It’s not that I don’t have a lot to say about (or to) you, I just don’t have the time to focus because you demand that my attention be on you whenever possible, not on the computer screen.
Tonight was a night when I just really needed time to wind down. Zach was watching a movie back in the bedroom. You were demanding to watch princesses on the play room TV, and I was ready to go sit in my chair and relax for the evening. You had other plans though. As I stepped away from you, you hollered out, “Mommy, Mommy, Mommmmyyyyy!” and held your hands up in the air. One look into your big, bright eyes and I just couldn’t walk away. You have that power over me.
I grabbed you up into my arms and then sat on the floor hugging you for as long as you would allow. We watched a few minutes of Beauty and the Beast before you were up searching for toys to play with. TV never keeps your attention, even when you beg for your princesses or Elmo. You grabbed your favorite bucket of toys – your shape sorters and stackers – and we sat in the floor playing together for over an hour.
Even though I know to expect it now, you amaze me with just how smart you are. You pick up on things so quickly. As we played with the shape sorter blocks, I named each shape and soon you were saying the shape names with me. Then you started stacking the blocks to make “towers” just like your brother does. Perhaps not an amazing feat for a kid your age, but it still impressed me. You just seem to be doing things so much faster than your brother did, although it could just be my memory failing.
Your verbal skills are definitely good for your age. You talk all the time. Seriously, all the time. It’s not often I get a chance to be alone with just you, but yesterday you weren’t feeling well and went to work with me for a while. You sat in your stroller (incredibly well behaved) and pretty much talked non-stop the entire time. Most of the time you were just playing and talking to yourself but it was so fun to listen to you. Not every word is clear, but I can figure out what most of them are.
Before I had you, I would have sworn up and down to anybody that there really wasn’t much difference between boys and girls (other than body parts). You, my darling, have proven me wrong. You have a gentleness about you that I rarely see in your brother. You are obsessed with princesses, dolls, ponies, and kitty cats. You love your shoes, purses, hair bows, and pretty clothes. Sure you like Elmo, your brother’s cars, and wrestling on the floor with the boys too, but when it comes down to it, you are one of the girliest girls I’ve ever known. And, surprisingly, I love every single bit of it.
My heart aches when I realize just how close you are getting to your second birthday. I’m so proud of who you are, yet I am really missing my baby. Every now and then when you snuggle up with your head on my chest I remember those first few weeks at home with you. Never in my dreams did I imagine that in 20 short months you would be filled with so much personality, love, and charm.
Tonight as I put you to bed, you started crying. It wasn’t just the normal “I don’t want to go to bed” type of cry. You were sobbing and becoming hysterical. I never could figure out exactly what was wrong, but after holding you and singing “Rock-a-Bye Baby” (which has magical powers over you for some reason) a few times you finally settled down. Maybe it was just a long day. Maybe it was due to you not feeling well the last few days. Maybe you were scared about something. I have no idea. Whatever it was, I was there to make it better. I always want to be there to make it better, and take the hurt away, no matter what the cause is. That’s the thing about Moms, we’ll do just about anything to take the hurt away.
Right now I’d give just about anything to peek in on you before I head to bed myself, but you are too much like your Mama and the slightest noise wakes you up. Instead of checking in on you, kissing your soft cheeks, and saying good-night one more time, I’ll quietly sneak past your door to my own room. Just know that I’m looking forward to morning, because I know the moment I crack your door open you’ll pop up out of your bed with a huge smile on your face and yell out “Morning!” as you do every day. It is one of the highlights of my day and I hope someday you’ll understand just how much it means to me.
With all my love,
P.S. You know that big smile you get on your face with the batty eyes when you’re trying to get away with something? Save that for Daddy. I’m on to your tricks, little one. After all, I’m pretty sure I used that on my Daddy a time or two. 😉