Category: Body Issues

With my new mindset of “change will only happen if I make it happen” I have decided to focus first on the things that I can most easily change.  The one next to the big fat numero uno is to stick to my diet.  I have been doing pretty well the last few weeks, but am still going up and then back down on the scale.  I do great for a couple of days, drop a couple pounds, then I get hungry, or someone offers me a doughnut that I can’t refuse, then I blow it the rest of the day and the pounds creep back up.  I’m fluctuating about 4 pounds throughout the week and I’m getting tired of it.  I need to find a way to make myself stick to it.  I do very well counting my points during the day, but when I go home and have to fix dinner for the whole family I tend to quit counting.  It just takes too much effort to measure and count points for every cup of rice or every ounce of meat that I eat.  So, I estimate and I think my estimates are a bit off.  Well, that and the fact that I seem to be finding the need for a margarita or other calorie-rich cocktail about every night here lately.

This week I’ve done pretty well, with the exception of yesterday.  I’ve stuck closely, or at least fairly closely, to my allotted points.  Yesterday was just a hungry day so I gave in and let myself eat at Fazoli’s.  Just for the record, breadsticks and baked spagetti parmesean don’t really fit into the 6-8 points I usually allow myself for lunch.  I had a pretty decent dinner, but then found the need to drink not one, but two delicious margarita’s afterwards.

Knowing that I was bad yesterday, I vowed to be good today.  But then I got hungry.  After I finished my 4 point WW frozen meal, I just wasn’t satisfied.  I decided that I would allow myself some Chex mix from the vending machine so I scrounged up a dollar in change, popped it in the machine, put in my code and waited for my Chex mix to drop down.  And it didn’t.  It got stuck in the damn machine.  In 4 1/2 years that I’ve been working in this building I have never once had a problem with the vending machine.  It always works.  So, I came back upstairs defeated and sat down at my desk.  About two minutes later I was looking for more change because I really wanted that Chex mix.  I took my quarters downstairs, put them in the machine and finally got my covetted Chex mix.  And it tasted so good that I ate the whole bag instead of the half that I had planned on eating.  I guess dinner tonight will be a little lighter than I had planned.

One of the things that I love about my small office job is that we always keep the fridge stocked with pop (soda) and water for the employees.  There is also coffee, but I don’t touch the stuff so it isn’t really relevant here.  So, instead of plopping my 65 cents into the Coke machine downstairs when I need a drink, all I have to do is grab one out of the fridge in the kitchen.

The only downside to this, is that I am usually the one who has to do the grocery shopping and stock the fridge when it gets low.  I don’t mind too much though, because that means I get to pick out what goes in the fridge (which is ALWAYS stocked with Coke Zero these days).

On Monday, my mom and I went and had a wonderful salad bar lunch at the grocery store down the street so that we could do the "stock the fridge" grocery shopping at the same time.  Besides the drinks in the fridge, we’ve also been trying to keep some fresh fruit around for everyone to snack on.  See how health conscious we’re being?  So we picked up some apples and then decided to get some of the 100-calorie packs of pretzels and snacks as well.

We returned with our goods and set them out in the kitchen.  Two days later, the pretzels and other salty goods are almost gone while the apples sit there untouched.  I guess they went over well.  And I, lover of all things salty, have had only one little bag of pretzels. 

I had thoughts of grabbing a couple of bags and stashing them in my desk so that I get some before they are all gone, but I didn’t do it.  It reminded me of when my mom and dad would come home with groceries and each one of us kids would grab our favorites and try to hide it so the other ones wouldn’t eat it before we got any.  I don’t really know why I feel that way about food.  I’m an adult.  It isn’t like I can’t go to the store and buy my own if I really want it.  There will always be more.

I just have to keep reminding myself that I don’t have to have it all today.  There will be more food to be had tomorrow.  Maybe I should put that on a sign and hang it on my fridge, and pantry, and desk drawers, or maybe the back of my hands… 

I made it through one whole day of dieting.  Woohoo!  I actually did good.  I stayed right on my target points for the day.

Today, so far, has not been as good.  First off, I forgot my lunch which means I have to eat out.  That sucks because it means more points used up, plus more money used up that I don’t really have.  I decided to get some Wendy’s because they have a 7 point chicken sandwich and with a side salad and low-fat dressing that’s only 8 points which is about the best I can do with fast food. 

So about an hour ago, I was heading out the door to go pick up my lunch because I was super hungry and thought I would beat the lunch crowd by leaving a few minutes early.  On my way out I was told that someone else was going to go pick up lunch at Wendy’s and that they would get mine too.  I’ve been waiting and waiting and she just came back and told me that she is leaving now.  As in an entire hour later.  I could have gone, picked up my lunch, eaten, and been back to work by now.  Instead I’ve been jacking around waiting for my lunch to get here.  I’m a little irritated.  And HUNGRY.

I finally gave in and ate some fruit snacks that were sitting in my desk drawer.  That’s 2 points that I could have saved for dinner but wasted because I just couldn’t wait anymore.  Add that to my 3 point breakfast and my lunch and that’s already 13 points for the day.  Damnit.  Dieting sucks!

What really sucks is that I had already planned to make my yummy spagetti casserole (the low-fat version of course) for dinner tonight and I’m barely going to be able to eat any of it.  And I was so looking forward to it.  Guess I better pick up some salad on my way home.

…the diet is officially back ON.  I have somehow managed to gain back 10 pounds over the last few months and it is killing me.  I feel so fat and I never want to feel this way again.  I am so hungry right now I could eat a freakin’ elephant but that would be gross so instead I’ll just turn my music up so I can’t hear my stomach growling.