Month: May 2008

They Grow So Fast

Published by dee on May 31, 2008

Evie is getting bigger and bigger and discovering more about the world every day. A couple nights ago we sat down to dinner and I put her in the high chair. I had drug it out a few days before so she could sit with us while we eat, even though she’s really a bit too small for it still. The high chair has a toy on top of the tray that plays music. As we were sitting there eating, I noticed she was picking her arm up and aiming for the toy. She managed to hit the rolling part that starts the music. I watched as she did it a few more times then realized I should grab the video camera. As soon as I got the camera started up, she started getting fussy, but I did manage to catch her reaching for the roller a couple more times.

I get so excited as she meets these little milestones, but at the same time I just want to slow her down. I don’t want my baby to grow up!

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If I Could Just Make The World Stop

Published by dee on May 30, 2008

It has been five weeks now since I’ve been back to work. I knew the first couple of weeks would be hard, but figured once we got into a routine things would ease up a bit. Ha! Shows what I know.

Yes, we have managed to get into a bit of a routine, but things are not easier. I simply cannot keep up. If Hubby manages to get dinner fixed before I get home with the kids I feel like we have a head start on the evening. I usually end up nursing Evie at the dinner table while I scarf down my food just to save some time. Then there is bath time for the kids, a few minutes to play, potty breaks, diaper changes, teeth brushing, story reading, and finally bed time for Zach. If I’m lucky (and Zach stays in bed) I can nurse Evie to sleep so that I have a few minutes to fold a load of laundry, prepare her bottles for the next day, or do one of the other various tasks that is begging to be done.

Then it’s my time. I sit on the love seat, daughter in my arms, flip open my laptop, and catch up on some TV shows with the Hubby. That? Is the most relaxing part of my entire day. I need that time to unwind. I put off the things I need to be doing (paying bills, cleaning house) because I just can’t go any more. I reluctantly go to bed around 11:00 because I know it starts all over again the next day and the alarm will go off way too early (again).

I really don’t know how other people do it. After five weeks I am utterly exhausted. I wonder every morning if I really can make it through another day. My memory is pretty much non-existent. I forget where I’ve put things and sometimes even what I am doing. I nearly fall asleep at my desk every day. I have to write everything down or I’ll forget to do it. Heck, if I wasn’t drinking so much in an effort to keep myself awake all day I would probably forget to pee!

My husband had to remind me last night that our anniversary is next weekend. Um, I never forget important dates. I’ve been planning for Zach’s birthday party at the end of June for over a month now and I know that Father’s day is coming up (although I don’t know the exact date), but our anniversary? Totally slipped my mind. I felt like such a terrible wife in that moment – when he realized that I had actually forgotten – that I tried to think of ways to cover it up but I was just too tired to think that hard.

Something has to give soon. Even my weekends are busy. This weekend we’ve got a graduation party on Saturday and a baptism and lunch to attend on Sunday. In between those I’ll be frantically trying to clean my disastrous house up, sort through a monstrous pile of bills, fill out birthday party invitations, and spend just a little bit of quality time with my kids and Hubby. What I would much rather do, is sleep through the whole weekend.

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7 Random Things About Me

Published by dee on May 28, 2008

Since I seem to be having a slow blogging week, I decided it is time for a meme. I got tagged a few days ago for the “7 Random Facts” meme by Vera. She’s been following my blogs since I first started blogging years ago so I didn’t think it was fair to deny her some random facts. Now, I just have to think up seven random things about me. Here are the rules:

1) Link your tagger and list these rules on your blog.
2) Share 7 facts about yourself on your blog, some random, some weird.
3) Tag 7 people at the end of your post by leaving their names as well as links to their blogs.
4) Let them know they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.

I’ll tell you right now that I don’t plan on tagging anyone. This one has been around and around and I’m probably one of the few bloggers left out there that hasn’t done it before so I’ll just let you decide if you want to participate. If you do, leave me a comment so I can come check it out.

Ok, here are my 7 random facts about me:

I’m a preacher’s kid but never really fit the rebellious stereotype that most P.K.’s have. I certainly wasn’t a perfect kid, but I just wasn’t a bad kid. I got good grades and did what I was supposed to do most of the time. I just wish my best friend’s step-dad would have realized that instead of trying to keep her from hanging out with me based on my P.K. status.
I’ve only had three serious boyfriends in my life. Out of the three, I married two of them and still have occasional contact with the third.
I have a Bachelor’s degree in Psychology and a minor in Family Life and Resource Management. I spent my college years studying child development, child psychology, and how to function as a family. Yet, I still doubt my abilities to parent and manage my own family on a daily basis.
If I could choose any profession (besides being a SAHM) and be really, really, good at what I chose, I would be designing web sites.
I have three guitars that I can’t play and I can’t bring myself to get rid of them.
When I see a really beautiful photo I sometimes get teary-eyed. I really want to take a photography class so I can take beautiful photos that induce tears.
I’m addicted to McDonald’s new Southern Style chicken sandwich and I can’t seem to get enough of them. I could eat them for every meal and a snack in between right now!

Well, I guess that wasn’t so hard. Feel free to join in, but make sure and let me know so I can read your 7 random things!

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The Sound of a Broken Heart

Published by dee on May 23, 2008

Dear Evie,

Yesterday was your 2-month check-up with the doctor. You got weighed and measured (13 lbs, 15 oz. and 24 1/2 inches long) and all that good stuff. The doctor checked you out and told me how perfect you were. Then the nurse came back in to give you all of your immunizations.

One of the immunizations was oral and you didn’t mind it so much. You sucked it right down. Then came the needles. Four of them right in a row. Two in each of your chunky little thighs. Baby girl, you screamed such an awful scream that my heart broke in half. Never could I have imagined such a sound coming from my beautiful girl. I am so very sorry for making you go through that. Oh, and you didn’t let me forget it all night either. You finally crashed out about 12:30 last night, but you cried off and on all evening.

I guess it hit me harder because your brother didn’t train me very well. He was (and is) a tough little guy and barely even whimpered when he had to get shots. I still felt really bad for him because he would get a bit cranky afterwards and his legs would be sore for a couple days, but I never had to hear the scream like you let out.

If it was up to me, I would just sit and hold you for the next few days until you are feeling all better. Unfortunately I can’t do that because I have other things to take care of too. Just know that Mommy told the nurse to give you those shots so that you won’t have to suffer through some terrible illnesses. The last thing in the world I want to do is hurt you in any way. It may be hard to believe, but I truly did it out of love. I hope some day you will be able to forgive me.

Love,
Mama

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Confessions: The Book Collector

Published by dee on May 22, 2008

When I was a kid I loved to read. Whether it was my beloved Baby-Sitters Club or the latest from Christopher Pike, I just couldn’t get enough. A trip to the book store was just as much fun as a trip down the toy aisle for me and to be honest, it still is. I love books.

I spent my summers devouring books. I wasn’t quite as fast a reader as my sister who would often finish off two or more books in a day, but if it was a good one I would stay up until I finished every last word. I waited eagerly for each new release by my favorite authors. I know my parents bought some of my books, but I remember using my allowance or baby sitting money for quite a few of them too. As soon as I got my hands on one I was ready to sit down and read. As I got older, the lure of boys was enough to convince me to put the books down and get out of the house, but I was still able to get my reading in.

These days I’m still just as addicted to books. I buy them up like crazy. I peruse Amazon on a regular basis and heaven forbid I actually step foot in a book store. I can’t resist the promise of a fascinating story or the next big thing that will change my boring life. I love the feel of a new book in my hands. The problem is, I never have time to actually read them. I bring them home where they sit on my night stand for months collecting dust.

Now and then I pick one up from the night stand when I have a few spare moments before bed. I’ll read a few pages until my eyes can no longer stay open and then set it back down. On very rare occasions, like when I have a new Nicholas Sparks novel I’ll actually manage to read a chapter or two. Those are about the only books I seem to finish here lately and the last one took me over a month to actually read. Most of the time I read a few chapters and the book sits so long that I feel like I need to start all over. Eventually it ends up on the bottom of the stack, never to be finished.

I have stacks and stacks of unfinished books. I even have a pretty good stack that I’ve never even started reading. A while back I vowed to myself that I would not buy any more books until I finished reading some of the ones already lining my bookshelves at home. Unfortunately, I forgot about that vow and ordered a couple more, as well as pre-ordering another. I’m only about half way through Skinny Bitch (which one day deserves a post of its own) and not quite half way through Into the Wild (which is interesting but a very slow read for me), the last two that I purchased. I’m determined to finish them, yet I couldn’t resist starting in on one of the new ones last night. There’s just something so fresh and satisfying about cracking open a new book.

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Two Months

Published by dee on May 19, 2008

Dear Evie,

When I was a young girl dreaming of my future family I always knew I wanted both a boy and a girl. Just as I hoped, the boy came first. You see I always wished that I had a big brother when I was growing up, so that’s what I wanted for my daughter as well. When I found out you were coming along I hoped and prayed that you would be a girl, the last puzzle piece to complete the family that I always dreamed of. And now here you are – my perfect baby girl – and I couldn’t be happier.

You are two months old already and I still have yet to find the time to write about your birth. Your birth was much easier on me than your brother’s and for that I thank you. I’m sure the details of the day will soon start to fade, but I know I’ll never forget the moment when I first saw your face. You looked so much like Zachary, but softer and curvier, just as a girl should be.

I’m not yet sure whether it is fortunate or unfortunate that you seem to have inherited the same stocky build as the rest of your family. You weighed in at 11 pounds at your one month check-up and now, at two months, you are at least 14 pounds. You have your brother’s wide shoulders (which you’ll appreciate some day) and the most adorable little chubby thighs. I absolutely cannot get enough of those thighs.

I try not to compare you to your brother, but it is so hard when I notice such strong differences. While he was smiling and carrying on at about 5 weeks, you always seem to have such a serious look on your face. It has only been within the last week or so that you have started flashing around that gorgeous toothless grin. I already see a so much of myself in your personality. I’m not sure whether to apologize for that or to take pride in it. You are already so intent and focused on the world around you. You like to watch and just take everything in. Only when you are ready will you interact.

I’ve been trying to make sure that your Daddy gets a chance to hold you every now and then. I miss you so much when I’m at work that it is really hard to put you down when I get home. A few days ago Daddy was holding you and I walked in the room to talk to him. As soon as you heard my voice you turned your head trying to find me. Once you got your eyes locked on me you didn’t look away. When I walked away your eyes followed me across the room and then you promptly started crying. I know Daddy didn’t like that much, but I have to admit it felt pretty good to me.

Sometimes when you are fussy I’ll hold you up in a sitting position on my knees. You are getting so strong that you can nearly hold yourself up. When I talk to you, you coo back at me and look directly into my eyes. I’m amazed at how much of a connection I feel with you already. When you tire of sitting and I hold you to my chest, you snuggle your little face into the crook of my neck and it is as if the rest of the world disappears. There in that moment there is nothing but perfection.

I wish I was a better writer so I could perfectly craft the words to tell you just how much you mean to me. My heart nearly explodes with love each time I look at your beautiful face or when you turn to give me one of your slobbery baby kisses. I never knew I was capable of such love. To love two children so wholly and completely is more than I could ever ask for. You and your brother make me feel like the luckiest mom in the world.

Love always,
Mama

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