It has been five weeks now since I’ve been back to work. I knew the first couple of weeks would be hard, but figured once we got into a routine things would ease up a bit. Ha! Shows what I know.
Yes, we have managed to get into a bit of a routine, but things are not easier. I simply cannot keep up. If Hubby manages to get dinner fixed before I get home with the kids I feel like we have a head start on the evening. I usually end up nursing Evie at the dinner table while I scarf down my food just to save some time. Then there is bath time for the kids, a few minutes to play, potty breaks, diaper changes, teeth brushing, story reading, and finally bed time for Zach. If I’m lucky (and Zach stays in bed) I can nurse Evie to sleep so that I have a few minutes to fold a load of laundry, prepare her bottles for the next day, or do one of the other various tasks that is begging to be done.
Then it’s my time. I sit on the love seat, daughter in my arms, flip open my laptop, and catch up on some TV shows with the Hubby. That? Is the most relaxing part of my entire day. I need that time to unwind. I put off the things I need to be doing (paying bills, cleaning house) because I just can’t go any more. I reluctantly go to bed around 11:00 because I know it starts all over again the next day and the alarm will go off way too early (again).
I really don’t know how other people do it. After five weeks I am utterly exhausted. I wonder every morning if I really can make it through another day. My memory is pretty much non-existent. I forget where I’ve put things and sometimes even what I am doing. I nearly fall asleep at my desk every day. I have to write everything down or I’ll forget to do it. Heck, if I wasn’t drinking so much in an effort to keep myself awake all day I would probably forget to pee!
My husband had to remind me last night that our anniversary is next weekend. Um, I never forget important dates. I’ve been planning for Zach’s birthday party at the end of June for over a month now and I know that Father’s day is coming up (although I don’t know the exact date), but our anniversary? Totally slipped my mind. I felt like such a terrible wife in that moment – when he realized that I had actually forgotten – that I tried to think of ways to cover it up but I was just too tired to think that hard.
Something has to give soon. Even my weekends are busy. This weekend we’ve got a graduation party on Saturday and a baptism and lunch to attend on Sunday. In between those I’ll be frantically trying to clean my disastrous house up, sort through a monstrous pile of bills, fill out birthday party invitations, and spend just a little bit of quality time with my kids and Hubby. What I would much rather do, is sleep through the whole weekend.
I think every working mom feels the same way as you. There is no solution.
Boy, do I sympathize. My kids are finally older. The 2 boys are grown and gone, and the girls are 12 and 10 and much more self reliant. I used to cry every morning when I dropped the kids off at the sitter. I’d cry every night from sheer exhaustion, saying “I can’t do this.” I did it, though.
At one point, it cost every bit of my income to keep me working, so I quit for a few years. It was tough, and we were constantly shuffling bills to make it work. If it pays for you to work, you can do it. Ask for help, pray for peace, and just keep chugging away.
Or, win the lottery and hire some help!
That one never worked for me. *sigh*
[…] I know it is time to cut back, but it is so hard when I am just so hungry all the time. Yet, every time I look in the mirror I feel shame because I worked so hard to lose all of the weight that I am now carrying again. I hate myself for every bite I take yet I just can’t stop. I tell myself it is for the baby, but is it really? Or is it just the one way I have of gratifying myself when it seems like everything else is so out of control? […]