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Month: August 2006

Gone

Published by dee on August 7, 2006

As I sit here tonight, I am in awe of this little boy standing in front of me.  I watch as he runs around the room, slows to catch his balance, and takes off again.  He goes after a toy, plays for a few minutes, then drops it on the floor.  He walks to the rocking chair and climbs up.  He stands in the chair and looks, waiting for me to tell him to sit down on his "butt" (one of his favorite words).  He slides down and gives me a grin.  Then off he goes again to grab the next toy that has caught his attention.  He walks over to me and lays his head on my knee, then raises his arms up for me to pick him up and hug him.  He snuggles up in my lap and sits with me, enjoying my company for a moment.  Then he is off again to find his next source of entertainment.  Never have I been more proud of anything in my life.  My heart swells as I think about how much he has grown up in the last 13 months.  I realize, with sadness, that my baby is gone.

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Another Boring Weekend Recap Post

Published by dee on August 7, 2006

Mondays sure seem to come quickly these days.  Why does the weekend have to buzz by so fast?  At least it was a fairly good weekend and not quite as busy as the last few.

After finally getting my car back Friday afternoon, I called the Hubby up and told him to be showered and dressed when I got home because I needed to de-stress and there was no way in hell I was cooking dinner.  I picked up the little man from day care, picked up Hubby, and we went and had dinner at a new Mexican place that we had been wanting to try.  The food was good but they don’t have a liquor license yet, so there were no margaritas to go with it which kinda bummed me out.  I guess the lack of liquor did make the bill a little bit cheaper though.

Saturday morning we got up and took Zach to get his 1-year photos taken.  He was a little monster the whole time and wouldn’t sit still for more than about 2 seconds.  I was really afraid that they hadn’t come out very well, but there were several shots that I absolutely loved so it wasn’t all a waste after all.  I think the photographer was getting a kick out of him trying to run away in between each shot, even if it was a bit frustrating.

After the photos, we stopped by my mom’s to use her printer as mine was out of ink and ended up staying for the rest of the day.  My sister and her family came over and we all had dinner together and watched a movie.

Zach decided that he was boycotting naps all day long on Saturday.  I tried absolutely every trick in the book to get him to sleep and he just wasn’t having it.  I guess he thought he was going to miss out of the fun if he fell asleep.  Every time he would lay his head down and relax and make me think he was going to sleep, it would pop right back up.  He apparently thought it was a very funny game judging by his laughter.

On Sunday, the lack of napping caught up with him.  We went out to dinner after church and he fell asleep in my lap.  It has been a very long time since that has happened.  I drove him home and put him in bed and he slept until 5:30 that night.  I was afraid that would keep him from going to bed at bedtime, but I was enjoying it too much to wake him up.  His extra long nap gave me time to get some much needed cleaning and organizing done around the house.  I didn’t get everything finished that I wanted, but it was definitely a good start.

So, all in all, it was a pretty good weekend.  The very best part though was this morning when I stepped on the bathroom scale.  Even with all of the cheating I did last week on my diet, I still managed to lose 4 pounds.  Losing a few pounds is the best encouragement I can get to stick to it this week.  It is pretty likely that most of that was water weight since it dropped off so quickly, but it still makes me feel great!

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There's Something In The Air

Published by dee on August 4, 2006

For some reason I have just had this feeling all week that something was going to happen.  Something bad.  It hasn’t been a very good week in general, but nothing really bad has happened.  I just keep waiting for it to happen.

I think it happened lastnight.  It wasn’t really bad, just irritating more than anything.  I left work, looking forward to a relaxing night at home.  I stopped and picked Zach up who was thrilled to see me.  When we went back out to the car to head home it wouldn’t start.  I called hubby, who fortunately was home, and he came over and jump started it. 

Hubby took the car up to Auto Zone and had the battery tested and they said that it was fine.  Nothing was wrong with the car.  Ha!

This morning it started up just fine.  I took Zach to day care and dropped him off and when I got back in my car to go to work it wouldn’t start again.  It is a good thing the windows were rolled up because I wouldn’t have wanted the kids to hear the words that came out of my mouth at that moment.

So, I made some calls and my mom came to rescue me.  She let me use her car to jump start again and followed me to the dealership that will probably charge me out the ass to fix whatever is wrong.  I’m really hoping it is just the battery and nothing major.  I’m still waiting for a phone call and hoping that I get my car back for the weekend. 

My boss did offer to let me borrow his Jeep if I need a car for a few days which I thought was very nice.  I’m almost tempted to borrow it just so I can drive the Jeep around cause I love it! He’s trying to sell it and I would love to buy it from him if we had any extra funds, but we don’t.

I’m pretty sure my Red Sox tickets are out of the question now.  I think I might go cry now. 

**UPDATE**
The final conclusion from the guy at the insanely expensive dealership is that the ONLY thing wrong with my car is that the battery is dead.  If the idiots at Auto Zone would have figured that out lastnight, I could have saved myself a lot or trouble and probably $100 too.  The good news is that I should have my car back within an hour with a fresh new battery that includes a 5-yr parts and labor warranty.

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Once, there was this girl who wouldn’t go and change with the girls in the change room.

Published by dee on August 3, 2006

I’m frustrated.  I’m frustrated with myself.  I’m frustrated with work.  I’m frustrated with my body.  I’m frustrated with life.  I’m just plain frustrated.

It comes in waves.  I don’t feel depressed.  I just feel frustrated and defeated all of the time.  I can play it off like life is perfect when I need to (which is most of the time).  Sometimes I just get this feeling like my life is completely out of my own control and I need to get it back there.

I guess that is part of the reason that I feel such a need to get back on my diet and to start budgeting my money better.  Those are things I can control.  Well, those are things I can try to control anyway.  Those are also the two things that go flying out the window when I get stressed.

I feel so out of place in every aspect of my life right now.  The only place that I feel good is when I am alone with Zach, snuggling or playing.  He is my life.  The problem is that I know he shouldn’t be.  There should be a balance and right now the scale is tipped as far as it can go in one direction and is about to tumble over.

My relationship with my husband should be a priority.  I really have been trying.  I’ve been reading about relationships and trying my hardest to pay more attention to him but things get better for a few days and then we start reverting back to our old ways.  It always ends up in frustration for me.

I’m really down about my appearance right now, which has a lot to do with starting my diet again.  I have gained a little weight back and I can feel my pants getting a little tighter and I am so angry with myself.  I cut my hair short because I like it that way and it is easy to take care of, but even though I like it, I hate it.  I lightened it a little thinking that would help and now I don’t like that.  I don’t like any clothes I put on and can’t go on a shopping spree to buy new because of the whole budget thing.

I’m frustrated that I don’t have the time to do the things I want to do.  I don’t have time to do the things that make me happy.  I only have time to take care of everybody else.  Even when I plan a relaxing weekend at the lake, I work my ass off chasing after the boy, taking care of hubby, keeping things picked up.  Sadly, work is the most relaxing environnment I find myself in these days.

I know, I know.  Bitch, bitch, bitch.  But, hey, it’s my blog and I’ll bitch if I want to.

You know what else frustrates me?  That damn junk food machine in the mail room and the fact that when you get a craving for peanut M&M’s there is absolutely nothing that will suffice until you get the damn peanut M&M’s.  Why can’t they just make some 0 calorie, 0 fat peanut M&M’s?  The world would be a much happier place.  Well, my world would be anyway.

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Best Lunch Date Ever

Published by dee on August 2, 2006

This week is my sister’s last week at home before going back to school to get her classroom ready for the little munchkins.  So, what did she decide to do with her free time?  She came and met my mom and I for lunch with her two boys.  She also stopped by and picked Zach up from day care so he could join us too.

My sister was running a little late so my mom and I stopped by a garage sale that we saw on the way.  I picked up a Little Tikes table and chair set and a toy bin for Zach for a total of $35.  I know I didn’t really have the extra money to spend but I’ve been really wanting to get these for him and they are much more expensive to buy new.

Finally, we were on our way to Godfather’s and arrived just before my sister.  Zach was so excited when I opened the van door and he saw Mommy standing there.  We had a nice lunch (totally off of my diet!) and Zach managed to eat two entire pieces of pizza, plus some peaches, and then a few bites of dessert pizza.  I guess he takes after me when it comes to pizza.  I have no idea how I’m going to manage to feed the boy when he is a teenager. 

After we ate, we brought the boys up to the office to say hi to everybody.  Zach is always a big hit around here so we figured we could bring all three boys and triple the cuteness effect.  It definitely worked.  All the ladies in the office gathered around and showered them with attention.  I got to be the proud Mommy and Aunt listening to everyone talk about how cute they all are and how much they have grown since the last time they saw them, etc.

My sister then took the kids over to my mom’s house for naps.  After work, hubby and I are meeting them over there to take the kids swimming and have some dinner.  It should be fun and what is even better is that I don’t have to cook!

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