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Once, there was this girl who wouldn’t go and change with the girls in the change room.

I’m frustrated.  I’m frustrated with myself.  I’m frustrated with work.  I’m frustrated with my body.  I’m frustrated with life.  I’m just plain frustrated.

It comes in waves.  I don’t feel depressed.  I just feel frustrated and defeated all of the time.  I can play it off like life is perfect when I need to (which is most of the time).  Sometimes I just get this feeling like my life is completely out of my own control and I need to get it back there.

I guess that is part of the reason that I feel such a need to get back on my diet and to start budgeting my money better.  Those are things I can control.  Well, those are things I can try to control anyway.  Those are also the two things that go flying out the window when I get stressed.

I feel so out of place in every aspect of my life right now.  The only place that I feel good is when I am alone with Zach, snuggling or playing.  He is my life.  The problem is that I know he shouldn’t be.  There should be a balance and right now the scale is tipped as far as it can go in one direction and is about to tumble over.

My relationship with my husband should be a priority.  I really have been trying.  I’ve been reading about relationships and trying my hardest to pay more attention to him but things get better for a few days and then we start reverting back to our old ways.  It always ends up in frustration for me.

I’m really down about my appearance right now, which has a lot to do with starting my diet again.  I have gained a little weight back and I can feel my pants getting a little tighter and I am so angry with myself.  I cut my hair short because I like it that way and it is easy to take care of, but even though I like it, I hate it.  I lightened it a little thinking that would help and now I don’t like that.  I don’t like any clothes I put on and can’t go on a shopping spree to buy new because of the whole budget thing.

I’m frustrated that I don’t have the time to do the things I want to do.  I don’t have time to do the things that make me happy.  I only have time to take care of everybody else.  Even when I plan a relaxing weekend at the lake, I work my ass off chasing after the boy, taking care of hubby, keeping things picked up.  Sadly, work is the most relaxing environnment I find myself in these days.

I know, I know.  Bitch, bitch, bitch.  But, hey, it’s my blog and I’ll bitch if I want to.

You know what else frustrates me?  That damn junk food machine in the mail room and the fact that when you get a craving for peanut M&M’s there is absolutely nothing that will suffice until you get the damn peanut M&M’s.  Why can’t they just make some 0 calorie, 0 fat peanut M&M’s?  The world would be a much happier place.  Well, my world would be anyway.

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  1. You know, I have been feeling like this too – just blah about work. The only thing that has help is that I identify my MIT of the day – the most important task. That is the first thing I start on when I wake up, no matter how much I’m dreading it. If I can do that one thing, I consider my day a success. Sometimes the MIT wipes me out and the rest of the day is shot, sometimes it motivates me to do other stuff. But every day, at least the MIT gets done. Don’t know if it would work for you…but it’s been VERY helpful in getting me through these rough patches.

  2. Oh yeah, I forgot to mention, sometimes the MIT is something simple like “respond to emails” or “go grocery shopping”….

  3. Ya know… the thing that cured me of M&M’s? At the doctor’s office I read the following:

    You must run (not jog) the enire length of a football field (that’s right… 100 yards!) to burn off ONE SINGLE M&M! A peanut M&M you ask? No. that requires 3 times the run.

    OMG… I read that over 2 years ago, and never touched another M&M. Plain, peanut, or otherwise.

  4. Well, there worse things to be craving. A package of Peanut M&Ms (1.74oz) has 250 calories and is 6 points on Weight Watchers.

    You could use some of your flex points for the whole bag, or just try to eat four-five a day (I know, I know – I could never do that either!)

    Definitely just go with the Peanut ones though. Regular M&Ms have almost as much calories and no protein.

    Just a thought. You’re doing great, even though you’re frustrated. You can do it!!!

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