Tag: me

The Longest Short Month

Published by dee on March 2, 2011

Well, that was the longest short month ever. I’m so happy that we’ve finally made it to March. It seems like my birthday was ages ago, when really, it has only been 3 weeks. I feel like I’ve gone through most of it in a daze. I spent nearly a week sleeping after my surgery, then spent the next week in a mad rush to get things caught up at work. Now that I finally feel like I can breathe again at work, my house is a mess and the laundry is piling up. Oh, how I miss my mother-in-law!

I had my 2-week check up today with my doctor and everything is looking good. I was a little concerned about one of my incisions, but she seems to think it looks okay and told me to put some neosporin on it a couple times a day. She said I can go back to normal activity as I feel up to it, as long as I don’t overdo it. I didn’t tell her I’ve been pushing myself to that point for over a week now. She obviously does not know my kids or how much energy they require.

And now, in order to rescue this extremely insightful post, here are cute photos of my kids that I took last week.

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Back to Life, Back to Reality

Published by dee on February 23, 2011

Yesterday was one week post-op. Yesterday was also my first full day back at work. As much as I would like to lounge around the house and rest a few more days, I’m needed at the office. Sadly, the work just won’t do itself. It isn’t so bad being back, other than the fact that I have to sit up in a chair for eight hours straight and that isn’t very pleasant right now. I’m still pretty sore in the abdomen area and need to be able to lay flat every now and then to let that area rest. By the end of the day yesterday I was hurting quite a bit.

I woke up this morning feeling a little more energetic, despite tossing and turning most of the night. I’m hoping that I can keep my energy level up through the day as I still tend to tire pretty quickly. I’ve enjoyed the break, but I need to get back to my normal routines.

Hubby’s parents have been a tremendous help, as always. They came in and took over with the kids, the cooking, and laundry. They’ve been making the school/day care runs every day, helping with the kids’ baths, and even fixed a few things around the house that needed some work. I don’t know how we would have done it all without them. They pretty much took over all the “mom” duties and let me get the rest that I needed. I am so grateful to have in-laws that are willing and able to help us out from time-to-time. They are such a blessing. We’re going to be very sad to see them leave again.

One nice part of being forced to slow down is that I’ve done a lot of reading. Over the last week I’ve read one book and started another, which is a lot of reading for me. I really am loving reading books on my Nook Color. I love the instant access to whatever book I might want to read, plus I’ve figured out how to download and transfer books from my local library so I can read many of the books I want for free. The only downside to the library ebooks is that most of the books I want to read have a hold list and you only have three days to check them out when they become available. I’ve had to skip a couple that I knew I wouldn’t have time to read, but I can always put them on hold again and catch them the next time around.

As my energy and ability to move around come back, I’m looking forward to getting back to my photography. I’ve (barely) kept up with my 365 project, but I’ve let the Joy of Love class slip. I’m hoping to get caught up on that before the end of the month as I was really enjoying it. There’s also a sweet little five week old baby (and his momma) here visiting that I’d love to get in front of my lens before he heads back home to Chicago next week. There’s nothing I love shooting more than itty bitty babies!

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Minus One

Published by dee on February 16, 2011

Yesterday morning I got up and headed to the hospital for my surgery. Since my Doctor didn’t know exactly what was going on in there, she did a diagnostic laproscopic surgery. We talked about and agreed to the possibility that she may have to remove one ovary, which apparently was the right choice.

Not only did I have more cysts, she also found Endometriosis, and a cyst growing inside the ovary. So, my doc made the decision to remove the right ovary. She seems to think the other side will be ok for at least a couple more years, so I get to keep that one for now. I hope she’s right. I would prefer not to go through this again for a while.

I’m feeling pretty good, thanks to my friends, Percocet and Naproxen. I have three small cuts on my stomach that should heal up pretty quickly. As long as I don’t move, I don’t hurt. So far, trying to roll over in my bed has been the most painful.

I’m taking it easy today, catching up on some shows, and hopefully getting a little nap in this afternoon. It feels good to be able to just sit and not have to do anything for a change.

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33

Published by dee on February 11, 2011

So I had a birthday yesterday. As far as birthdays go, I have to say it was a pretty good one. It would have been nice if I could have taken the day off from work, but then I would have missed out on delicious cupcakes, lunch with the girls, and the gorgeous flowers that my mom had delivered for me.

When I got home, I received a sweet card from Hubby, along with a yummy-looking peanut butter/chocolate cake, and a Barnes and Noble gift card from the kids to go with the Nook I got a couple weeks ago. Then we rushed off to Chuck E. Cheese because Zach’s school was having a fundraiser night there. Gotta support the school, even if it is Mom’s birthday. By the time we got back I was too full/tired to eat the cake, but rest assured I plan to devour it tonight!

As you can tell from my lack of posting, life has been moving very fast again these last couple of weeks. It seems like every time I get a little break, things start piling up even more. Work is crazy busy right now. I’m rushing to get things done. Then, just when I think I’ve got something done, it changes and I have to go back and do it all over again. There is nothing that frustrates me more than having to do the same work twice. I have Monday to finish up a huge to-do list, and then I’m off for the rest of next week because of my surgery.

My surgery is scheduled for Tuesday morning. My doc plans to go in and look around, then most likely end up with the removal of one ovary. I’m anxious to get it over and done with. I’m tired of hurting and if she takes it out, I don’t have to worry about ginormous cysts growing on that side anymore. I can’t say I’m looking forward to the actual surgery, but I’ll just be glad when it’s all done. My in-laws are coming up to stay with us while I recover. I can’t thank them enough for all they do for us. It is so reassuring just knowing that they will be here to help out with the kids so that I can rest and recover the way I need to.

One thing I am really looking forward to after my surgery is sleeping. I haven’t been getting much sleep lately and it is starting to show. I’m tired, cranky, and forgetful on top of it all which really isn’t a good combination. I know I’m trying to do too much, but I can’t seem to stop. I think I have too many hobbies, but I can’t give any of them up. I also can’t seem to put my Nook down, which is definitely cutting down on my sleep time. In the meantime, my house is a disaster, I’m way behind on laundry, and I’m going a little nutty with all the things I’m not finding the time to do. I just realized last week that I still have some Christmas decorations sitting out that I forgot to put away. The days just fly by too fast and by the time I finally get kids to bed and can stop for the night, I’m too exhausted to think or do any more.

So yes, I’m looking forward to getting some good (drug-assisted) sleep after my surgery. I’m looking forward to not being in pain after I recover. Most of all, I’m just looking forward to having a little break and having someone else take care of me for once.

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Unanswered Questions

Published by dee on January 13, 2011

Yesterday I had another fun day of sitting around waiting at my OB/GYN’s office. I had a 10:30 appointment for a follow-up sono to check on my latest round of PCOS related ovarian cysts and then an appointment to see my doc. Per usual, if I don’t schedule a 9:00 a.m. appointment, the doc got called out to the hospital for an emergency procedure and I ended up sitting around there for over three hours. I know these things can’t be helped, but when you are sitting there waiting to find out if you have to have yet another surgery you tend to get a bit impatient.

When the doc finally got in there, she looked at my sono pics, pushed around on my tummy a bit, asked me some questions, and decided that the best course of action is surgery. This time around, the surgery is not to remove an excessively large cyst though, but to remove my right ovary. Well, most likely removal of the ovary. She basically said that she needs to get in there and look around to find the source of the pain, but that most likely the ovary will need to come out. She suggested there might be some endometriosis or even scar tissue that is causing it, but she can’t be sure until she gets in there. The good news is that I only have normal-sized cysts this time and she doesn’t think that is the cause of the pain.

She also gave me the option of Lupron injections, which would maybe help. Even with that, there was still a high chance that surgery would be needed. We both agreed that just going ahead with the surgery seemed like the best option.

When you talk about removing an ovary, the inevitable question comes up, “Do you plan to have any more kids?” Granted, pregnancy can still happen with just one functioning ovary, but I’m sure what she was wanting to know is if it would be better to just take it all out. The problem is, I’m not ready to answer that question yet. I am beyond blessed with the two children I have. At one time I didn’t think I would be able to have any, so to have two beautiful, healthy children without any pregnancy-related complications is a pretty amazing feat. I have the perfect family – one boy, one girl – the way I always dreamed it would be. Yet, there is a little part of me that just doesn’t feel quite finished.

When I weigh out the pros and cons, everything points to stopping at two. Financially, we really don’t have room for another baby. We need to buy a new car. We would like to someday actually buy a house. We have debt up to our eyeballs and are not making much progress on it right now. Plus, thinking about swallowing another five years of day care/preschool costs makes me sick to my stomach.

Then, of course, there is the Hubby to consider. He says he’s done. He’s happy with our two and doesn’t want to rock the boat. I get that. Maybe it is wrong of me to even consider wanting another child when he feels that way. Yet, I just can’t commit to saying I’m done. I’m leaning that direction, but it seems so final.

Evie wants a little sister. She brings it up frequently. When she plays with her dolls she feeds them, burps them, changes their diapers, snuggles and sings to them, then tucks them into bed. She is a natural care taker. A real baby brother or sister would blow her mind. I know that is not a reason to have another child, but how amazing would it be to give her another sibling to bond with? And there is Zach too. Even though he thinks his little sister is the coolest ever, he would really like to have a brother.

All these things swirl around in my head. Even though I don’t have to make a decision now, making the ultimate decision that I am done would make things much easier on me in the future. Taking both ovaries out would relieve a lot of stress, pain, and future surgeries. It’s just the finality of it that I can’t handle. What if I change my mind?

I could potentially just go for a full hysterectomy, which I have always planned on doing after I was done having kids, due to PCOS and my high risk of breast/ovarian cancer. I’m a little scared of what that would do to my body hormonally, but it really would lessen a lot of health risks for me. Being that it’s not medically necessary right now to go that extreme, would I regret it later? I don’t know.

I have a lot of questions right now, and not a lot of answers (what else is new?). It seems to make the most sense to just take out the one ovary now, and deal with the rest later which is pretty much what I have decided to do. Things could be fine after that, or they may not. While I do have cysts on the left side as well, they don’t seem to cause me pain. That doesn’t mean that they won’t though. And the not knowing, that is the problem.

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Intimidated By A Blank Page

Published by dee on December 31, 2010

I’ve been sort of lying low on the internet for a while now. My blog posts have become much more random and infrequent, I rarely post on Twitter, and while I do keep up on Facebook most of the time, I don’t post nearly as often as I used to. I’m still reading though. I try to keep up with what my friends are doing. I check in on Twitter a few times a day (usually) and what I don’t catch there, I get on Facebook. My Google Reader, however, is overflowing with unread posts. I tend to read posts that are linked on Twitter and Facebook more often and this one about journaling really caught my attention.

You see, I have this slight obsession with paper products and pens and I really have a weakness for pretty leather-bound journals and notepads. Just before 2010 started, I purchased a pretty lime green covered journal and promised myself that I was going to use it. I also selected a pack of multi-colored pens that were to be used specifically in that journal. I made a total of one entry in that journal, which listed my one goal for 2010 – to complete the Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure. I never added anything else. The blank pages intimidated me. As with every other journal I’ve ever had, I didn’t want to mess up the perfection of the book before me.

After reading Karen’s post, however, I have a completely different outlook on what a journal can – or should – be. It doesn’t have to be elaborate or deeply introspective. It can simply be a list of to-do’s or what you did that day, a favorite photo or quote that you came across, a picture drawn by a child. The everyday things that make life what it is are probably much more worth remembering in years to come than a perfectly thought out rant about the state of the world today. And really? The messier the better. Why not scribble that design that has been playing around up in my head? Why not write down that funny comment that my daughter made last night?

I couldn’t wait to get home, pull out that pretty, practically brand new, green-covered journal and start writing. I took it to bed with me last night and, before I turned out the lights, started writing. My first entry was a list of accomplishments for 2010. I had two pages filled in no time. Next, I wrote a list of things I would like to do in 2011 – not goals or resolutions, but just things I would like to do. By the time I stopped, I had filled four pages of that perfect little book.

And the best part? I went to bed feeling peaceful, instead of lying awake with a million thoughts swirling through my head. I slept well, and woke up feeling refreshed this morning instead of tossing and turning all night. Maybe it was a fluke, but if a few minutes of writing is all I need to do to get a good night’s sleep, I’d say it is well worth it. Who knows, maybe it will help me get back to blogging on a regular basis. I already have a couple of post ideas from things I scribbled out last night.

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