Yesterday I had another fun day of sitting around waiting at my OB/GYN’s office. I had a 10:30 appointment for a follow-up sono to check on my latest round of PCOS related ovarian cysts and then an appointment to see my doc. Per usual, if I don’t schedule a 9:00 a.m. appointment, the doc got called out to the hospital for an emergency procedure and I ended up sitting around there for over three hours. I know these things can’t be helped, but when you are sitting there waiting to find out if you have to have yet another surgery you tend to get a bit impatient.
When the doc finally got in there, she looked at my sono pics, pushed around on my tummy a bit, asked me some questions, and decided that the best course of action is surgery. This time around, the surgery is not to remove an excessively large cyst though, but to remove my right ovary. Well, most likely removal of the ovary. She basically said that she needs to get in there and look around to find the source of the pain, but that most likely the ovary will need to come out. She suggested there might be some endometriosis or even scar tissue that is causing it, but she can’t be sure until she gets in there. The good news is that I only have normal-sized cysts this time and she doesn’t think that is the cause of the pain.
She also gave me the option of Lupron injections, which would maybe help. Even with that, there was still a high chance that surgery would be needed. We both agreed that just going ahead with the surgery seemed like the best option.
When you talk about removing an ovary, the inevitable question comes up, “Do you plan to have any more kids?” Granted, pregnancy can still happen with just one functioning ovary, but I’m sure what she was wanting to know is if it would be better to just take it all out. The problem is, I’m not ready to answer that question yet. I am beyond blessed with the two children I have. At one time I didn’t think I would be able to have any, so to have two beautiful, healthy children without any pregnancy-related complications is a pretty amazing feat. I have the perfect family – one boy, one girl – the way I always dreamed it would be. Yet, there is a little part of me that just doesn’t feel quite finished.
When I weigh out the pros and cons, everything points to stopping at two. Financially, we really don’t have room for another baby. We need to buy a new car. We would like to someday actually buy a house. We have debt up to our eyeballs and are not making much progress on it right now. Plus, thinking about swallowing another five years of day care/preschool costs makes me sick to my stomach.
Then, of course, there is the Hubby to consider. He says he’s done. He’s happy with our two and doesn’t want to rock the boat. I get that. Maybe it is wrong of me to even consider wanting another child when he feels that way. Yet, I just can’t commit to saying I’m done. I’m leaning that direction, but it seems so final.
Evie wants a little sister. She brings it up frequently. When she plays with her dolls she feeds them, burps them, changes their diapers, snuggles and sings to them, then tucks them into bed. She is a natural care taker. A real baby brother or sister would blow her mind. I know that is not a reason to have another child, but how amazing would it be to give her another sibling to bond with? And there is Zach too. Even though he thinks his little sister is the coolest ever, he would really like to have a brother.
All these things swirl around in my head. Even though I don’t have to make a decision now, making the ultimate decision that I am done would make things much easier on me in the future. Taking both ovaries out would relieve a lot of stress, pain, and future surgeries. It’s just the finality of it that I can’t handle. What if I change my mind?
I could potentially just go for a full hysterectomy, which I have always planned on doing after I was done having kids, due to PCOS and my high risk of breast/ovarian cancer. I’m a little scared of what that would do to my body hormonally, but it really would lessen a lot of health risks for me. Being that it’s not medically necessary right now to go that extreme, would I regret it later? I don’t know.
I have a lot of questions right now, and not a lot of answers (what else is new?). It seems to make the most sense to just take out the one ovary now, and deal with the rest later which is pretty much what I have decided to do. Things could be fine after that, or they may not. While I do have cysts on the left side as well, they don’t seem to cause me pain. That doesn’t mean that they won’t though. And the not knowing, that is the problem.