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Sometimes It's The Little Things

Published by dee on February 19, 2007

For over a week now, my office has been completely out of Coke Zero.  You might think that this is not a very important thing, but it most definitely is.  I am a creature of habit and being a creature of habit I find it very necessary to maintain a simple daily routine.  Part of this routine includes drinking a bottle of Crystal Light Peach Tea first thing in the morning and then grabbing my first Coke Zero of the day shortly after I get to work.  When I can’t have my Coke Zero it throws my whole day off.  I’m less productive (if that is even possible) than usual and I’m having cravings all day.  The really bad part is that I have been to the store several times and could have purchased my Coke but I keep forgetting to pick it up.  I’ve tried subbing it with Diet Coke, real Coke, and Diet Dr. Pepper but none of them do it for me.  Somebody seriously needs to stock the fridge soon.  And yes, I realize that I am lucky to have an office where my drink of choice is normally stocked in the fridge and I should not be complaining.

I really enjoyed my weekend with Zach.  I made a point to spend some time just focusing on him and paying attention to what he needed.  The result made me realize that I really haven’t been giving him enough of myself lately and that I need to do that more.  I have been relying way to much on the fact that he is capable of entertaining himself for longer periods of time and I have not been spending enough one-on-one time with him.  A few small changes this weekend made a huge difference in his attitude.  Coincidently, the same changes seemed to work wonders on the Hubby too.

Jack's Big Music Show t-shirts-1One of my biggest struggles as a mother/wife is finding a little “me time” amidst the daily chaos.  This weekend I managed to not only focus on Zach and the Hubby, but also to find some time to myself to release a little creative energy.  I did some work on a blog site for a friend (that I will link to when it is all finished), made Zach and my nephew some Jack’s Big Music Show t-shirts (iron-on transfer paper rocks!), and started knitting a baby blanket for my new little nephew that is due to arrive at the end of April.  I am loving the blanket and it is coming together very quickly thanks to my extra big knitting needles and the thick chunky yarn I found.

Sometimes the little things in life can be frustrating, but other times they make life worth living.

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So. Much. Better.

Published by dee on February 16, 2007



feb_07 190, originally uploaded by deew27.

We got a couple more inches of snow this afternoon so we decided to stay home tonight instead of going to a friend’s house. Turns out, that was a great idea because we had an awesome night with Zach. He’s almost back to his normal self and I am very thankful.

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The Weekend Awaits

Published by dee on February 16, 2007

Holy hell am I ever ready for the weekend!  This week has been just a wee bit stressful and I’m ready to unwind and do some serious cuddling with my boy.  Well, that and some reading.  And maybe even some snugglin’ with the Hubby if he’s nice.

I really appreciate all of the comments and suggestions on yesterday’s post.  The demon child was much better last night which was wonderful because I really needed some time to focus on The O.C. and Grey’s Anatomy.  I seriously caught myself gasping for air during the commercial breaks.  Both shows were just a little intense.

After some online research, your comments, e-mails, and a conversation with my sister, I’m feeling much better about the whole tantrum, crying, screaming situation.  I’m pretty sure this is indeed just a phase and that I’m going to have to show some tough love to get through it.  I’m just not so good at that part.  I don’t like to see my baby upset and I definitely don’t like to feel the way I’ve been feeling toward him the last couple of days.  But seriously, what are you supposed to do with a toddler who doesn’t want to wear pants, socks, or a coat when it’s freezing outside?  The fight is painful for both of us.

I’m hoping for a weekend full of relaxation, reading, no power struggles, some craft time for myself, and some time to chill with the Hubby.  We may or may not decide to have an evening out, depending on the monster.  Whatever the weekend holds, I just hope that it is a little better than the last five days have been.

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Friends Always Have The Answers

Published by dee on February 15, 2007

In my ongoing quest for answers as to why my son has suddenly turned into the type of monster that I often see throwing tantrums at Wal-Mart, I consulted with my friend Amazon this morning. My dear friend is sending some documents my way that will help me find find all the answers I am seeking.  I expect to them to arrive tomorrow and by Monday I will know all of the secrets to turning the little demon back into the angelic little boy that I have come to know and love.

If this doesn’t work, then perhaps I will have to consult my other friend, ebay, and see exactly how much toddlers are going for these days.

In all seriousness, I am just about to the end of my rope with Zach right now.  He is frustrating me so badly that I’ve actually had to stop and use the “count to ten” method to try to calm myself down before dealing with him.  I’ve pretty much ruled out that this attitude is being caused by pain and now am theorizing that his frustration is coming from the fact that he can’t communicate his wants and/or needs with us.  I get that when he’s saying “no” he is telling me that something is wrong, but I can offer him the world and he is still not happy.

Being the bad (and extremely frustrated) parent that I am, I have resorted to letting him have his pacifier when he is upset.  I can already tell that I’m going to regret that but sometimes amidst the screaming I feel I have no other choice. At this point I’ll do almost anything to save the little piece of sanity I have left.  Previous to the last week or so, the pacifier was only being used at bedtime and I was really hoping to get rid of it all together very, very soon.  Now, he is suddenly asking for his “noonie”, the hideous name that his dad gave the pacifier, and I am doubting that we’ll ever be able to get rid of it.

The part of this that is breaking my heart right now is that he is totally one hundred percent fine at day care.  He gets upset when I leave and cries until he can no longer see my car.  But, once I am out of his sight he calms down and is perfectly fine the rest of the day.  He eats, plays, and naps just like he is supposed to without any break-downs.  As soon as I get there to pick him up he starts crying, screaming, and fighting me with every ounce of energy he has and it pretty much continues until I get him in bed that night.  I’m glad he’s happy at day care and all, but it is killing me that he is so unhappy at home right now.

I’m usually pretty confident in my parenting skills, but right now I’m feeling like a total failure.  I’ve done everything I can think of and nothing seems to help.  So, I’m caving.  I’m really hoping I can find some answers or some new techniques to help us get through this phase because I feel like I’m sinking fast over here.  I know some of you readers are parents and even some of you that aren’t often have a lot of insight so if you have any suggestions or words of wisdom please feel free to share.

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I Want to Love You Madly

Published by dee on February 14, 2007

As sappy as it seems to me right now, I am desperately trying to get into the Valentine’s Day mood and so far I have not been successful.  For the last two days I have been listening to Heather’s Valentine’s Day Playlist thinking that maybe some tunes would perk me up but no.  Still feeling nothing.

I’ve honestly never really been a big fan of the big "day of love".  I’m pretty sure it all stems from my first Valentine’s Day as part of an actual couple.  When I found out that my sister had to tell my boyfriend to buy me a rose (that was actually being sold at school so it wasn’t like he had to go out of his way or anything) I was pretty much crushed.  I couldn’t believe that the love of my life wasn’t romantic enough to think of something that simple.

I have a history of dating or being involved with non-romantic guys.  I’m starting to wonder if it is something I do to them or if they were just that way from the beginning.  I’ve had three relationships that I considered to be serious-one boyfriend and two marriages-and out of the three not a single one had an ounce of romance in them.  Actually that’s not really true.  The two that I’m no longer with have gone on to be perfectly romantic husbands to their wives.  Maybe it is me after all.

My sister, on the other hand, has an overly romantic husband who constantly dotes on her and buys her roses "just because".  I’m not looking for that, but sometimes it would be nice to be surprised or to receive a gift that I didn’t tell someone to buy.  (And this is where I totally contradict myself because I told Hubby to absolutely not buy me anything this year for V-day.)

It is no secret really that things haven’t been so hot between the Hubby and I in quite a while.  We’re not by any means headed for the divorce lawyers, but I would say there is definitely room for much improvement and I think he would agree.  While I understand that life isn’t always going to be peachy, I still find myself dreaming of the days when we had no responsibilities and nothing better to do than lay around in bed all day just being together.

It isn’t so much that time in my life that I want back, but the feelings that I felt then.  I want to love without restraint.  I want that floaty feeling back that I had when we wanted to spend every single second of every single day together.  I want to feel the electricity when we touch.  I want to look into his eyes and feel all tingly inside.

I want all of that back but instead we are drowning in a sea of responsibilities, debt, a screaming kid, and lack of time for each other.  I wish for just one day that I could throw all of that away and go back to a time when life was more simple.

I guess that’s why I can’t seem to get the lyrics from Cake’s "Love You Madly" out of my head today.  I’ve always liked the song but it really seems to be summing up the way I’ve been feeling lately, or at least the way I want to feel.  If this works the way it is supposed to, you should be able to click the play button below to listen to the song or you can check out the lyrics below the fold.

**So the player doesn’t seem to be working and I’m not sure what I need to do to make it work so just go read the lyrics.  I apologize for publishing a million times for those of you using a feed reader. But now I’m publishing again because I think I finally got it working. Enjoy!** 

Continue readingI Want to Love You Madly
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