Category: Life

2 kids, 2 dogs, 2 cats, and 1 husband – life isn’t perfect, but it is what we make it

I Wanna Be The Not-So-Big Me Again

Published by dee on October 25, 2006

A couple of weeks ago I made the decision to start Weight Watchers again. I have never cancelled my online membership, but have let it slip from my mind over the last 6 months or so. In the meantime, I have also gained back somewhere in the range of 10-15 pounds but I don’t know the exact number because I don’t want to see it on the scale. I do know that my clothes are getting a little too uncomfortably tight. So, in order to prepare myself for my November 1st start date (the same date I started last time) I have been stuffing my face with every food item I come into contact with. Yes, I do realize how stupid this is. The thing is, I have been trying to cut back but then I see something I want to eat and I figure I can’t have it after November 1st so I go ahead and eat it whether I am hungry or not. I’m guessing this is where the last 5 or so pounds came from. Either that, or it was my mother-in-law’s cooking that I’ve been eating for the last month. Either way, I’m not happy with myself. I have to lose this excess weight. I want to feel better. I want to look better. I want to wear clothes that fit instead of the big baggy ones I tend to wear when I feel fat. I want to find my confidence again. I need to change the way I eat. I need to change the way I live. I have to make these permanent changes. I don’t want to do the yo-yo dieting for the rest of my life. I need to have a healthy relationship with food. I need to use a little self-control. I need to get the idea out of my head that food will make me feel better.

Now, if I can just make it past Halloween and all the gobs of gooey chocolate that will surely be spilling out of Zach’s Trick-or-Treat bag I’ll be doing good.

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Reply Requested

Published by dee on October 25, 2006

Dear Zachary,

I have a little bone to pick with you my darling little boy. I realize that you life has been thrown upside down (or “uh-sie-dow” as you say) over the last month or so and that it will take a little time for adjusting back to our normal schedule and routine. I understand that when I drop you off at day care you aren’t going to be thrilled about it because you spent the last four weeks lounging at home with Granny. You are always thrilled to see me when I pick you up after work. But why, oh why, must you scream and cry when I put you in the car to go home? For some reason you just scream and scream and I can’t for the life of me figure out the reason. When we get home you continue screaming for a good 20-30 minutes until you finally tire out and it is driving me insane. Aren’t you happy to be home with Mommy and Daddy after a long day at day care? Do you miss Granny? Are you just expressing your frustration over the change in schedule? Do you just need more time with Mommy holding you? I have tried all of the normal tricks to settle you down and nothing seems to work. The only thing that has been semi-successful is to give in and let you have a pacifier and that disappoints me because we were doing so good limiting it to nap and bedtime only. I really wish you would tell me what the problem is because I’m out of tricks and am quickly running out of patience as well.

There is another little issue that I would like to discuss as well. Why have you all of a sudden decided to wake up in the middle of the night wanting to play? I understand why you weren’t sleeping well on the Claritin, but now that we have gone back to Benadryl for your allergies you should not be having problems sleeping. I expect at least eleven peaceful hours when I put you to bed. I need a couple of hours to spend with Daddy and then I need to sleep. This whole waking up for two or three hours during the night is not working very well into my schedule. You see, Mommy needs eight hours of sleep at a bare minimum to be able to function at work and the four and a half hours I got lastnight just didn’t cut it. Mommy is tired. I am willing to compromise. You can play all you want in your crib during the night. You know how to turn your little nightlight on. I’m even willing to leave some toys in there with you. Just please stop screaming and waking me and Daddy up. I don’t mind checking in on you, but I just can’t wake up and play with you at 2:30 in the morning. Mommy doesn’t get nap time at work. I have to function. Can we please work something out?

I love you with all my heart but I get frustrated too. I don’t want to take my frustrations out on you so can we agree to work together on these issues? Please reply.

Love always,
Mommy

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A Little Reflection

Published by dee on October 24, 2006

Lastnight when I was talking to Hubby about my blog, he asked me how long I have been doing it. My response was that it had been a couple of years. Today I looked back at my old blog and found that it has been almost three years that I’ve been blogging. My first post was on November 17, 2003.

When I first started blogging, I had no idea really what blogging even was. I had heard a lot about it and knew that it was really growing on the internet so I decided that I would start one just to check it out. I was really interested in web design at the time so I figured I needed to learn about this blogging phenomenon. My first few months of posts were pretty boring. It was like reading a note that was passed around to your friends in jr. high school. As I read more and more great bloggers, my writing style changed quite a bit. I got more serious about my posts and other people started reading them. I experimented with several different free blogging sites and after getting frustrated at the amount of down time most of them had decided to move to my own site.

By the time I moved here, I had several people following my blog and some regular commenters. Some of those regulars have changed over time, but many of them are still here with me through my ups and downs. I have come to rely on them for advice and comfort when I need it. I have made friends that I hope to never lose contact with. I have discovered a diverse social support group that I doubt I would ever find without my online world.

Through my blog I have become more outgoing, open, and honest with myself. I may sometimes embellish things slightly for the sake of entertainment, but for the most part this is me. I may not always remember details exactly as they happened but when I write about my life, I write it the way I remember and interepret it. I have always feared being discovered by friends or family, but I chose to be truthful about my feelings anyway.

There has been a lot of negativitiy in the blogging world lately and several of my favorite bloggers have written about it. I have tried not to get sucked into it and keep reminding myself that I write for me and for me only. I know that I’m not the best writer and don’t have the most entertaining life, but my blog has changed my life. Perhaps there have been some negative aspects, but I am finding ways to overcome and move past those. I don’t know what I would do without my blog. Life would go on but it would never be the same.

Over the next few weeks, or maybe months (depending on how long it takes), I am going to start copying some of my old posts over to this site. I don’t plan to copy the “Man, I’m so bored!” type of posts, only those that are relevant to my life. I’ll back date them so they are in the correct chronological order, and most of you won’t see them unless you go searching. If, however, you are using a feed reader they will pop up. Feel free to ignore them. I just want to have everything all in one place.

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The Cat Is Out Of The Bag

Published by dee on October 24, 2006

Hubby now knows about the blog. We had a nice conversation lastnight about it and I think it went rather well. He didn’t seem too upset and didn’t get angry like I expected. It felt good to talk about it with him and because things were going so good I was even able to discuss some other issues that I always try to avoid talking about. I kind of feel strange today knowing that he may read whatever I write here, but I’m sure that will pass with time. At first he said he wouldn’t read it, but then I think he wanted to so we’ll see what happens. I’m pretty sure only good things will come of this.

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Highs and Lows

Published by dee on October 23, 2006

This is what most of my weekend looked like. Nice, huh? Zach has decided that he wants to do everything by himself with no help from anybody. That includes the things that I normally help him with, like eating yogurt, applesauce, and other messy things. I love that he’s showing this little streak of independence, but it sure does create a lot more work for me.

The weekend for the most part was fantastic. I stayed home on Friday and ended up watching my two nephews as well as Zach. We all had a really good time together. It was fun to have my nephews without their parents being there. As most kids, they are just little angels when Mom and Dad aren’t around. It also allowed me to reconnect with my youngest nephew a little bit. He’s very clingy to his Mommy and when she’s around you don’t get much of a chance with him. The kids all enjoyed playing together and I enjoyed taking pictures of the three of them together.

Saturday morning hubby got up super early to take his mom to the airport. I don’t think it really hit him until then just how much he was going to miss having her around. I think I will miss her as well, but it has been nice just having the house to ourselves again. He got back from the airport before Zach woke up and let me sleep in which was wonderful.

When I finally managed to pull myself out of bed, I had to rush around to get Zach and I ready to go to a birthday party for one of his day care buddies. The party was fun, but a little boring as it ended up being only Zach, me, and the little boy’s family. It was cold and rainy outside and almost everybody cancelled at the last minute. I actually considered cancelling myself, but I’m glad I didn’t. I would have felt really bad if no one had showed up.

After the birthday party, Zach and I headed over to my mom’s house and Hubby met us there. My grandma was in town for the evening so we spent the rest of the day there until Zach started melting down (no nap all day) and we had to leave so we could put him to bed. It was nice to see my Grandma and I know she loved seeing the boys again. She kept commenting on how it reminded her of watching her own kids when they were little. I could tell she was both happy and sad at the same time while she watched them. I can only imagine what it would be like to sit there with your children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren and ponder the wonders of life.

Sunday was a day of mixed emotions for me. I found out about some things that are going on in my dad’s life that really bother me. I can’t go into much detail about this but here’s the short version. My dad is a pastor and we attend his church almost every Sunday. Right now I am both angry and disappointed at some individuals in the church that are making his life extremely difficult. This is the first church I have attended in a very long time that I actually enjoy going to and up until now thought things were going pretty well there for my dad. I should have known that things were going too good. I absolutely hate church politics. Church should be about love and fellowship and worship, not stabbing someone in the back when they aren’t looking. I guess this is just another lesson that people are not what they seem to be. It is disheartening to say the least.

Now, to bring things back up, head over to my VOX site and have a listen to KT Tunstall’s new song Ashes. It makes me happy.

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I Should Have Known Better

Published by dee on October 19, 2006

I don’t know why I ever write a blog post saying that I have nothing to say because as soon as I do I think of a million and one things that I want to say. Maybe it is just a good use of reverse psychology. Maybe all of those psych classes paid off after all.

First of all, I am really thinking about telling hubby about the blog. I’m a little nervous about telling him about it because I have no idea what his reaction will be. Hopefully he thinks it is cool and won’t give me too much crap about it, but there is a chance that he will get angry. I really don’t want to do anything to piss him off right now because things are going really, really well. But, I am to the point where I really feel like I need to tell him about it because the more and more involved I get in the blogging world, the more I want to share it with him. There is also a need to share it with him if I am going to ever have a chance at explaining to him why I want to go meet someone off the internet that I don’t even know (like someone who happens to be coming to KC in the very near future who I would totally love to meet). I realize that I probably should have never kept it from him in the first place, but I did and now I can’t figure out how to fix that. And if someone could please get rid of those damn butterflies that keep finding their way to my tummy every time I think about this it would be much appreciated.

Remember back when I was really nervous and worked up about the in-laws coming? Saturday morning it will all be over and it really hasn’t been all that bad. In fact, the closer and closer it gets the sadder I am getting about it. In all honesty (I can’t believe I’m about to say this) I am kind of starting to wish that they lived a little closer. I will even admit that if they lived locally, I would let my MIL watch Zach while I’m at work and it wouldn’t bother me. She really has been doing a great job with him and he is going to miss her SO very much after she leaves. That said, I cannot wait to have my house back to myself. I can’t wait to have an evening alone with my husband. I also can’t wait to have sex and not have to worry about how much noise the creaky headboard makes.

On a whim yesterday I decided to stop by Payless and check out the selection. I have been searching for some brown boots that I could afford to get me through winter to no avail. Since I can’t find anything I like in the right price range (read: cheap) I decided to see if I could find some really, really, cheap shoes to get me by until I can find what I want. I immediately found two pairs I liked and decided to get them both. It wasn’t until after I got home that I realized they had the “buy one get one 1/2 off” sale going on. Bonus! I wore one of those pairs today to work and my feet have been cold all day. Either the shoes suck or I need to get some warmer socks. I’m not sure which.

I’m pretty sure there was something else I wanted to add, but there is only about 45 minutes left of my work day and I really have to get some things done so I can be sick tomorrow.

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