Category: Living the Life

“If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all”

I couldn’t even tell you how many times I heard that saying when I was a kid.  But I never really cared about things like that back then.  I just said what I wanted, when I wanted – especially when I was fighting with my brother or sister.  Well, either that or I just got really quiet and did something sneaky to piss them off or get them in trouble.  I guess I did actually adhere to the rules sometimes.

The reason I bring that up is because I think that is the whole reason why I can’t seem to write here lately.  I just don’t have anything nice to say and I want this to be a happy place.  I feel like every post I’ve written or started to write lately has been just negative and depressing.  So instead, I run away and avoid dealing with the things that I really need to write about.

There are good, wonderful, happy things happening in my life like Evie cutting her third tooth and giving me the cutest, goofiest smiles in the world but there are also some really sucky things going on like Evie being sick for almost an entire week and Zach having an attitude way bigger than his 3 years should allow.  Not to mention the fact that every single thing I touch right now seems to break or fall apart and I’m getting really behind at work.  All of this negative stuff is just weighing me down and making it hard to concentrate on the good.  I want to think we’re just having a string of bad luck right now but when does it stop?  I know kids get sick and 3-year-olds have attitude, but all of the money we’ve spent either replacing or fixing things here lately is atrocious, especially considering we don’t have any extra money to spend.

The whole money thing?  It really gets to me.  I know times are hard for everyone right now but every single time I finally feel like I’m getting a grip on things financially, something big happens.  Then I get stressed and when I get stressed I spend money.  It is a seriously vicious cycle that I can’t seem to get out of.  The worst part is that I know I do it, yet I do it anyway.

Right now I’m sitting here contemplating whether I should even hit publish.  I really hate writing posts like this because I feel like a total Negative Nancy but I also hate it because it dips a little into the part of me that I always try to hide from the world.  I’m always the positive, happy-go-lucky type of person.  I don’t let things get me down.  Friends at work are constantly amazed at how I can keep my cool even in really stressful situations but in reality it is all a lie.  I just push it down and don’t let my true feelings show because that’s what nice girls do.  Yep, I’m a nice girl – on the outside.

But guess what? Nice girls have real feelings too.

Before I was contacted by the local newspaper and decided to go public with this blog I had a place to deal with my feelings.  It was here.  I wrote whatever I wanted.  (Don’t try searching. Most of those posts have been deleted or are private now).  I didn’t worry about anyone being offended or finding out who I really was.  It was my safe place.  I chose to open it up and share it and I do think it was a good decision.  But now I have no where to go with the bad stuff, the stuff I don’t share with even my closest friends.

When I get stressed I run.  I hide.  Then?  I need change.  I need something new.  I need to find a place to control something in my life because I can’t control the thing that is causing the stress.  Usually it ends with a new hair cut or a shopping spree.  Sometimes it ends in seriously life altering decisions.  Um, this time?  I spent the last three weekends straight working harder than I have ever worked on my house.  I cleaned, sorted, re-arranged, and organized almost my entire house.  I’m not done yet either, but we’re going out of town this weekend so the rest will have to wait.  Granted, it resulted in a new playroom for my kids which we all love, but only now am I realizing what my motivation for all of it was.

As usual I have no idea where I’m going with all of this.  I think I just needed a brain dump.  I needed to get it out there because I’m tired of holding it in.  I’m tired of holding everything in, but I always have a hard time letting it out.  I don’t want people to see the bad stuff.  Instead, I keep it in.  Because that’s what nice girls do.

But this nice girl?  Has really freakin’ adorable kids and that is what gets me by when life otherwise sucks.

This has not been my week.

The weekend was good, but I still didn’t get nearly enough things done around the house.  I did make a yummy dessert for dinner Saturday night and got to  spend a little time sewing and taking photos, so that kind of makes up for the lack of housekeeping.  Unfortunately, the housekeeping still has to be done and there will just be more to do by the time I get around to it.

The weekend did not end well though.  I really should consider it the beginning of a horrible week I guess since it started Sunday night.  I had fully intended to get the kids to bed Sunday night and then spend some time writing Evie’s 7 month letter while Hubby and I enjoyed our Sunday night shows.  I suppose that was my first mistake – actually planning to do something.  I suppose I should have known better.

Both kids decided that sleeping was unnecessary that night.  Zach refused over and over again to go to bed.  Once he was finally in bed he kept getting up all night long.  Evie also refused to go to bed.  Every time I tried to lay her down she would wake up crying.  Eventually both restless kids ended up in bed with me which meant very little sleep for any of us.  Hubby was smart and sent to sleep in Zach’s bed.  He was the only one that got any solid sleep that night.

Monday morning was a rush because I had forgotten to pack the bags we needed the night before.   I also had to pack up an extra bag for the kids because I had a meeting after work and needed to take them to my mom’s for the evening.  Zach needed a quick bath because the restlessness during the night resulted in a wet bed the next morning.  I’m not sure how I even made it to work, but I did…eventually.

I skipped out on work a few minutes early, rushed to day care, rushed through McDonald’s and back to my mom’s with the kids.  Then I scarfed down my sandwich, nursed Evie and was out the door for my meeting.  The meeting actually went very well and I left in a good mood.  I picked the kids up and headed home.  Apparently, when I got home and unloaded the kids and our fifty million bags I forgot to lock my car.

I woke up Tuesday morning in a great mood.  Evie had slept through the night until 6:45, which meant I got a great night’s sleep.  Zach wasn’t too difficult that morning and we headed out the door almost on time.  Just as I pulled out of the driveway, I noticed something odd.  There was a plug missing from the cigarette lighter in the car.  At first I thought Hubby had just grabbed his phone charger out of the car, but it was still there.  I racked my brain to figure out what else was missing and then it hit me.  My radar detector was gone.  I called Hubby just to make sure he hadn’t grabbed it for some reason, but I pretty much knew that he wouldn’t have taken it.  While I was talking to him I also realized that the ash tray full of change was also missing.  Nothing else seemed to be bothered.  All of the cd’s were still there.  The stereo and Hubby’s expensive sunglasses were still there.  I was pretty pissed off that the radar detector was gone, but what bothered me even more is that someone was in my car.

The worst part was that it was all my fault.  I was the one that left the car unlocked.  It is possible that it would have happened anyway and that I would have a broken window on top of it all, but I still feel like it is my fault for being stupid.

The rest of Tuesday wasn’t so bad, except that I couldn’t really focus and Evie decided not to sleep again.  Then I got up this morning, drove the kids to day care and got pulled over for speeding.  I knew as soon as I looked at my speedometer that it was coming.  I drive through a school zone ever morning and I know to slow down there but for some reason I was spacing off.  He clocked me going 38 mph.  Fortunately, the cop was a nice one and I have a pretty clean driving record.  He ended up giving me a $12 citation for not wearing a seat belt (even though I was wearing it) instead of the $100+ ticket that I should have gotten for speeding in a school zone.  I completely lucked out.  I’m not sure how I got so lucky, but I thanked him profusely as he walked away.  The worst part is that I have to drive by there every day and now he’ll be watching for me.

So, that’s pretty much it.  It has just been a really crappy week so far.  Plus it is cold and dark and rainy outside.  I just want to crawl back in bed and stay there until next week.  It has to get better, right?

Twilight HD Exclusive Trailer

1. Get up late…again. Rush through shower, skip fixing hair, and throw on a headband to save time.
2. Find dried cat puke on bed you just got out of.
3. Remove poopy diaper from very squirmy baby and then realize there are no wipes in the container.
4. Fight with 3-year-old because he won’t get dressed only to finally figure out all he wants is “soft” pants, not jeans.
5. Chase cat down because he escaped out the door while you were trying to get the dog to come back in.
6. Finally get in car and realize you don’t even have enough gas to get to day care.
7. Stop at gas station and discover your wallet is not in you purse.  It is in the diaper bag you used last night which is at home.  Fill up on emergency credit card which is (thankfully) in your purse.
8. Go back home, get wallet, jump back in car and arrive at day care at the same time you should be arriving at work.
9. Decide you have to stop and get some food because the vitamin you took on an empty stomach is making you nauseated.
10. Finally arrive at work very, very, late.

(Yes, and then you blog about it because in some sort of strange way it helps relieve the stress and makes everything better.)