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Category: Kids & Parenting

Under the Knife

Dear Zachary,

Please indulge me if I need a little extra cuddling tonight because your mama is a wee bit distraught.  You have no idea what is in store for you tomorrow, but I do and the images going through my head are creating a deep desire to hold you tightly and never let go.

You see, tomorrow morning we will wake up a little earlier than usual.  We will get up and get dressed and everything will seem normal.  You may get a little upset when you ask for your “tock-otte” in your “mock” (milk) and I can’t give it to you, but other than that you won’t see much of a difference.  Then we’ll load up in the car and head to the hospital.

Once we get to the hospital, we’ll have to sign you in.  The nurses will help you get all ready while I try not to have a panic attack.  Eventually, they will give you some medicine that will put you into a very deep sleep.  They will make Mama leave the room when they do that and go off into a waiting room.

While I sit in a far off room trying to distract myself with books, magazines, or knitting, they will take you back into the operating room.  The doctors will make two tiny incisions inside your ears and insert tubes in them.  Hopefully, this will help your ears drain better so that you can quit getting those nasty ear infections that you seem so prone to.  The surgery itself will take less than ten minutes, or so I’m told anyway.  The part that will drive me crazy, is having to sit and wait for you to wake back up afterwards.

The part that is causing me heartache is knowing that you will wake up in a hospital bed, not knowing where you are, and not having your mama anywhere nearby.  I know that fear well, as I have been through it many times.  Even when I was old enough to have an understanding of what was going on, it was still a little scary.

I just want you to know, that as soon as they let me, I will be there by your side to hold you and comfort you.  Maybe I’m making a big deal out of nothing, but someday when you are a parent yourself you will understand.  That instinct to comfort and protect your child is so strong that nothing can hold it back.

So, like I said, I may need a little extra cuddling tonight but I’ll be sure to give you yours tomorrow.

Love,
Mama

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I've Created A Monster

A few weeks ago, I noticed that Zach’s day care provider was adding chocolate to his milk every once in a while as a treat.  I had given him chocolate milk a few times at home, but it wasn’t a regular thing.  The next time I went to the store I picked up a bottle of chocolate syrup just to have on hand (since the one in our fridge was years old).  As soon as he saw it, he got all excited and wanted some right then and there.  Since then, the chocolate milk has become a daily thing.  Every time I go to get him a cup of milk, he begs for his “tock-otte.”

Then, last weekend we made a trip to Sam’s to pick up a few things.  I was going to pick up a package of their pre-made cookies since my sister and her kids were coming over, but decided instead to get the big tub of chocolate chip cookie dough and bake them myself.  That way they would be all warm and gooey, just the way I like them.  Besides that, I could sneak a spoonful or two of dough out and no one would notice.

Apparently I wasn’t sneaky enough with the cookie dough, because Zach caught me with a spoonful Saturday night and wanted a bite.  Being the loving mom that I am, I just couldn’t deny him the joy of chocolate chip cookie dough.  Let me tell ya, the boy enjoyed that cookie dough.  He enjoyed it so much that he kept asking for “more”.  After sharing another spoonful, I told him that was enough and put the spoon in the sink.  He wasn’t done though.  He marched right into the kitchen, opened the drawer, pulled out a spoon, held it up to me and said, “more!”

Now every time I go toward the fridge he is either asking for “tock-otte” or grabbing a spoon out of the drawer in order to get a little scoop of cookie dough.  I think his chocolate addiction is starting to surpass mine and that is a scary thing.  It kind of makes me miss the days when he would just beg for cheese or carrots.

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Friday Randomness

I am so incredibly happy that today is Friday.  It hasn’t been a particularly bad week, but I am definitely ready for the weekend.  I have pretty much no plans at all for the weekend and that is just how I like it to be. 

The weather here in KC is warming up, which means that Spring is just around the corner and I really love Spring.  It is just so nice to see the sun again after a dreary winter.  The only problem is that my shopping urges kick into overdrive during this time of year.  I’m trying to suppress it, but there is a $10 off coupon to Old Navy that is burning a hole in my purse.  Plus, my friend NSP encouraged me to do some online window shopping this week and now I have a whole new wish list of items I want.

Zach has noticed the change in the weather over the last few days too.  When we got home the other night I pulled the car into the garage and put the door down as I was getting him out.  He pointed at the garage door and said “Up, up!”  I asked if he wanted to go outside and play. He immediately nodded his head and said, “MmmmHmmm.”  The truth is, I’m aching to spend some time in the great outdoors myself.  Hopefully we can get outside this weekend.  I would love to have some new pics of the boy out in the natural sunlight.

Speaking of the boy, things have been going much better with him this week.  The tantrums have really decreased and we’re all a little more relaxed.  We’ve been enjoying a lot more play time with the TV actually turned off lately and I am loving it.  He is not asking for TV as much and I am trying not to turn it on just for background noise any more.  I am also noticing a big change in his attention span.  He can now sit for several minutes at a time doing the same activity instead of hopping from one thing to the next.  We read four whole books the other night without him jumping up and running off to another activity.  Ah, my baby is growing up.

One final thing before I go.  I’ve been trying to come up with a playlist of songs to listen to while I work out.  (I know, funny huh?)  I am bound and determined to start back up with a work out regimen in the very near future and I thought maybe if I had some good music to encourage me I would be more likely to enjoy it (and therefore, continue to do it).  The workout will most likely consist of walking on my treadmill, with possibly some intermittent jogging, until I can work myself up to something better.  I need music with a good steady beat to keep me going for a minimum of 30 minutes.  I know I don’t usually get very good responses to my music questions around here, but I thought I would give it a shot.  What songs pep you up?  What songs get you moving?  I’ll give you the weekend to think it over, but Monday morning I want some answers people!  I’m leaving the fate of my future workouts in your hands.

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20 Months

Dear Zachary,

Watching DoraMommy is running a little behind this month.  You turned 20 months old over a week ago and I’m just now getting around to writing this letter.  I have no excuse really, except to say that you have been requiring a lot more attention from me these days and my free time has been significantly reduced.

I have learned a lot about you and myself this month.  For one thing, I learned that I need to pay better attention to your cues.  After a week of you screaming non-stop, I was at the end of my rope.  I didn’t know what to do to help you and I certainly couldn’t take another day of the screaming.  Finally, in a moment of clarity, I realized that I just wasn’t listening to you.  I was trying to make you do what I wanted you to do and wasn’t letting you have any control over the situation.  Once I changed my attitude and started really paying attention to your verbal and physical cues things changed immediately.  Instead of focusing on me and all of the things that I feel like I need to do, I’m really focusing on you and it makes a huge difference.

feb_07 190Sometimes all you need to make you happy is a few minutes of snuggling on the couch while you watch Blue’s Clues.  Other times you just need me to slow down and wait for you to do things in your time.  There are also times when catering to you just isn’t possible, but hopefully in time you will figure out how to deal with those frustrations. Trust me, it really doesn’t get any easier. Mommy doesn’t get her way all of the time either. 

You spent a lot of time this month with a pacifier in your mouth. I was all set to get rid of those things once and for all when we returned from our trip to Hawaii last month, but then you got sick. I just didn’t feel right taking away your one comfort item when you weren’t feeling well so I waited. Then you started with the constant screaming. For my own sanity I gave in and let you have your pacifier outside of your bed. It was the only way I could comfort you. Once you had that chunk of plastic in your mouth, you would immediately settle down, lay your head on my chest, and hug me with all the strength you had left. Then all of a sudden you started saying “noonie” and asking for your pacifier whenever you got upset. I detest that word with every ounce of my being and have been trying to get your dad to stop saying it since the day you were born. Obviously, I was unsuccessful and now I’ll get to hear you screaming it from your crib when I finally gather enough strength to throw the darn thing away for good.

feb_07 251Every day it seems you have grown up a little more.  Your skills are improving at such a rapid pace.  You are getting much better at using a spoon and fork when you eat.  Most of the food even makes it to your mouth these days.  There are still stains on your clothes at the end of the day, but if you take after me that will still be happening when you are 30.  I have even started giving you an open cup every once in a while with a little bit of water in it, but most of it ends up running down your belly. I’m sure you will get the hang of it soon.

Your speech has also been improving.  You are saying new words every day and even putting words together into short phrases.  I’ve caught “you mean” a few times, as well as “want more” and “Izzy down”.  I love listening to you talk and come up with new sounds.  You are even learning a few words with multiple syllables.  You also sometimes string together a bunch of jibberish, trying to create sentences that you don’t yet have the words for.

Best Smile EverOne of your biggest accomplishments this month was going pee in the potty.  We have been slowly introducing the potty over the last couple of months.  You got your Elmo potty for Christmas, but haven’t shown much interest in it until recently.  A couple of weeks ago I picked up two books about going potty when I was out shopping and you have been carrying them around with you ever since.  One night before you got in the bath tub you decided you wanted to actually sit on the potty.  Daddy was in the bathroom with you so I stepped out for a few minutes.  When I came back, you had gone pee.  Daddy and I were both very excited.  We clapped, sang, and praised you until you thought we had gone nuts.  Since then you haven’t wanted to sit on the potty again, but that’s okay.  I’m pretty sure you will when you are ready.

Another big accomplishment has just happened over the last few days.  Up until now, every time you managed to get a crayon in your hand you would chomp down and try to eat it.  For the last several days, however, you have been actually using the crayons to color with.  You have even started naming the things that you are drawing.  I was surprised the day you pointed to your drawing and said “star”.  Now we just need to work on keeping the coloring on the paper and not on the floor.

Bubbles!Even though this month has been a little rough on both of us, I wouldn’t change a thing.  The ups were incredible and the downs were extremely frustrating.  I know my temper has flared more than I like to admit and I wish I could take that back, but I know I can’t.  All I can do is try to be more patient in the future.  You are such an amazingly smart little boy.  Some days I think that I am learning more from you than you are from me.  I am so thankful that you are a part of my life.

Love always,
Mama

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No Longer With The Band

“Eight bucks” the bouncer said as we walked up to the door.  I pulled some cash out of my back pocket and passed him a twenty.  He handed me my change and we walked into the dark, smoky club.  After the five dollars for parking and the sixteen just to get in, I had nineteen left for the evening.

We did a quick search and found our friends sitting at the bar.  Hugs, hellos, and introductions were exchanged as we tried to melt into a crowd that we were no longer really a part of.  What used to be a regular night out suddenly felt so strangely unfamiliar.

We sat at the bar empty-handed while everyone around us chugged beer after beer and inhaled their sticks of nicotine.  I chatted with my friend, who I used to call my best friend.  I watched as the band set up on stage and felt out of place.  At one time I was part of the process, but now I barely know the band members’ names.

I finally ordered myself a drink, because my throat was dry and getting sore from the smoke.  I wasn’t really in the mood for alcohol, but the other option was a Diet Pepsi so I ordered a fruity mixed drink to sip on. 

I checked my phone for the time and saw that I had a missed call.  I escaped to the bathroom where the smoke wasn’t so thick and it was amazingly silent.  I called my mom back hoping that nothing was wrong because she had called almost an hour before.  It turns out she had only called to let me know that the boy had settled down right after we left.  He had watched another episode of his favorite show and was sound asleep in bed.  For a moment I longed to be there with him.  I hung up the phone, glanced at his picture on the screen quickly before I closed it, and returned to the bar.  The band would start playing soon.

As we scoured the crowd, we saw more people that we knew and went over to say hello.  We chatted for a few minutes and the band finally took the stage.  It had been a while since we had seen them play and it was obvious how much they had improved since the last time.  As always, the singer was an amazing front man and the rest of the guys were tight, supporting him perfectly.  It was a great performance. 

There was an older man, probably in his sixties or even seventies, dancing and grooving in front of the stage.  His son, watching from the side explained that his father was a musician and that he just needed to be around the music.  You could see the joy and love in his eyes as he watched the older man sway back and forth and shake his hands to the beat.

The rest of the crowd was the same as it always is.  There were the young girls wearing tight t-shirts and even tighter jeans, trying to show off their best assets.  There were the stoners and the bar dwellers who were so far gone they probably couldn’t even hear the music.  There were the hard rock boys trying to prove they were more hard core than the ones beside them.  There was the 30’s crowd, trying hard to fit in among the youngsters.  And then, there were the parents of the band members who stood out with their band t-shirts and gray hair.

The first band’s set ended.  I congratulated the guys on their performance and watched as they tore down the stage.  I really was proud of them.  They have come a long way since I first saw them play together almost a year ago.  I’m still not sure they are better than the last band my friend was a part of, but they seem to be hitting the scene at a better time.  They have had much more success.

Hubby and I stood there, talking mostly to each other while we waited for the next band to set up and start playing.  They would be the second of four, and while we weren’t necessarily interested in them, we thought the third band was worth waiting for.

A few minutes into the second band’s set we had to give up our prime spots at the table near the stage.  The sound coming from the speakers was excruciating and we just couldn’t take it anymore.  We found our friends near the back of the bar and joined them for a while.  Once again it seemed as though we were outsiders.  The crowd that we used to hang out with religiously had changed.  We found ourselves standing there just talking to each other again.

The second set finally ended and I was tempted to leave, but figured the next band would start up soon and I really wanted to see them.  They had impressed me when I had seen them before so I figured it would be worth the wait.  It seemed like an eternity while we waited for them to take the stage.  The equipment was all set up and the band was ready to go, but for some reason they were putting them off for a while.  Perhaps if I was younger, or if I was drinking more, I wouldn’t have minded the wait.

The band finally started playing.  By this point Hubby and I were leaning up against the wall.  We were tired.  We could barely breathe from the smoke and my calves and feet were aching from my poor choice in footwear.  About half way through the second song, I turned to Hubby and let him know that I was ready to leave whenever he was.  Within five minutes, we had said good-bye to our friends and were out the door.

The alarm went off entirely too early Sunday morning.  I awoke to the stench of the smoke from the night before.  I tried not to move my head too much for fear of jostling my hair and releasing more of the putrid smell.  I heard my son chattering away in his room and hopped up to give him his morning hug and kiss.  I wanted to shower first, but I couldn’t resist telling him good morning.  The smile on the boy’s face when I entered his room was better than the entire previous night.  I picked him up and snuggled him tightly before turning on his morning cartoons.

I think next time I’ll choose a night in with my boys instead of a night rocking out in a smoky bar.  Snuggling on the couch with a bowl of popcorn may not have sounded like much of a luxury a few years ago, but now I can’t imagine anything better.  It is funny how fast your priorities can change.

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