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Under the Knife

Dear Zachary,

Please indulge me if I need a little extra cuddling tonight because your mama is a wee bit distraught.  You have no idea what is in store for you tomorrow, but I do and the images going through my head are creating a deep desire to hold you tightly and never let go.

You see, tomorrow morning we will wake up a little earlier than usual.  We will get up and get dressed and everything will seem normal.  You may get a little upset when you ask for your “tock-otte” in your “mock” (milk) and I can’t give it to you, but other than that you won’t see much of a difference.  Then we’ll load up in the car and head to the hospital.

Once we get to the hospital, we’ll have to sign you in.  The nurses will help you get all ready while I try not to have a panic attack.  Eventually, they will give you some medicine that will put you into a very deep sleep.  They will make Mama leave the room when they do that and go off into a waiting room.

While I sit in a far off room trying to distract myself with books, magazines, or knitting, they will take you back into the operating room.  The doctors will make two tiny incisions inside your ears and insert tubes in them.  Hopefully, this will help your ears drain better so that you can quit getting those nasty ear infections that you seem so prone to.  The surgery itself will take less than ten minutes, or so I’m told anyway.  The part that will drive me crazy, is having to sit and wait for you to wake back up afterwards.

The part that is causing me heartache is knowing that you will wake up in a hospital bed, not knowing where you are, and not having your mama anywhere nearby.  I know that fear well, as I have been through it many times.  Even when I was old enough to have an understanding of what was going on, it was still a little scary.

I just want you to know, that as soon as they let me, I will be there by your side to hold you and comfort you.  Maybe I’m making a big deal out of nothing, but someday when you are a parent yourself you will understand.  That instinct to comfort and protect your child is so strong that nothing can hold it back.

So, like I said, I may need a little extra cuddling tonight but I’ll be sure to give you yours tomorrow.


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  1. so sweet. i’m sorry you have to go through the scary yuckiness of this, but i know that you know you’ll both pull through just fine. i’ll be sending good thoughts. 🙂

  2. Oh – hang in there! Both of you!

  3. Good luck to both of you!

  4. I’m sure it will be fine, but it certain is scary!! Hope the little guy does okay.

  5. Thinking of you two! It will be over (for both of you) before you know it.

  6. Oh my goodness, good luck to all of you!

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