Month: January 2007

18 Months

Published by dee on January 7, 2007

Dear Zachary,

A couple of weeks ago you turned 18 months old. With all of the holiday chaos and the illnesses around our house lately I haven’t had the time to sit down and reflect on your last month. I’m sure you have done some pretty amazing things that I need to record before I forget them.

Probably the biggest thing that happened in the last month was that I went out of town and left you alone with Daddy for four days. I knew that Daddy could handle you while I was gone, but I had a hard time being away from you for that long. One night away is bad enough, but I had to go to bed three nights in a row without any kisses or hugs from my little man. The worst part of it was that I ended up being sick the whole time so I couldn’t even drown my sorrows in a margarita (not that you should ever do that). I did have a great time on my trip but I don’t think I have ever been more happy to be home.

The weekend before I went to Portland, we helped your cousin Ryan celebrate his 2nd Birthday, which only served to remind me of how quickly you’ll be arriving at that milestone. I can’t believe how fast the two of you are growing up. It is so much fun to watch you play together. I realize that you aren’t actually playing together yet but you do manage to keep each other busy. When you aren’t fighting over toys you seem to have a really good time.

Celebrating Christmas was really fun with you this year. We spent Christmas morning at home, but also spent some time at both Grandpa and Grandma’s houses. You must have been a very good little boy this past year because you ended up with tons of new toys. You seemed to enjoy ripping the paper off to find out what was inside, but after a while you got bored and Mommy had to help you a little bit. Everyone must have known how much you love Elmo because he now has a very prominant presence in our home.

Over the last month of so you have developed quite a fascination with kids that are older than you. You’ve always loved playing with your cousin Dylan, but now you get excited any time you are around kids that age. I even bribed you to quit screaming in the car the other day by telling you that we were going to see J at day care.

You continue to amaze me daily by your amazing sense of balance, the many words you can say, and your ability to actually understand what I am saying to you. You seem to be quite an intelligent little boy (I guess you do take after your mom!). You still love to climb and tend to freak people out that aren’t used to watching you climb on things. While I do have to rescue you from time to time when you get too high, I usually leave you alone and let you explore. Your favorite place lately to climb is onto the kitchen table which isn’t really such a good thing.

You are also getting a little bit better at coloring without eating the crayons. I had to take the crayons away for a while because I was tired of fishing little colored pieces out of your clenched teeth. Either I’m getting better at stopping you before you get them to your mouth or you are doing better at using them for their intended purpose because most of your current crayons still have tips on them.

You are starting to get a little more coordinated with using a spoon and fork but still prefer to use your hands for most things. Much of your meal still ends up on your lap, but progress is progress, right? Your favorite food is now cheese. You will go to the refrigerator, hold onto both handles and yell "cheese!" until someone comes in to get you a piece. You will also ask for "wa-wa" (water), juice, drink, and "bob-bob" (SpongeBob fruit snacks) when you want them.

I usually end this with something mushy, to tell you just how much I love you. But all I can think of right now, is that I must be one of the luckiest mom’s in the world to have a son like you. Not a single day goes by that I’m not thankful that you are part of my life.

Love always,
Mama

Comments closed

Lazy Weekend

Published by dee on January 6, 2007

There has been no puke for 24 hours now. Zach seems to be in a much better mood and I am actually getting to relax a bit this weekend. We went out for a little bit this morning to return a purchase and do some shopping. Zach got a brand new stroller for the trip to Hawaii because he has outgrown the cheapie one that we bought when he was a baby. This one should be much more comfortable for him and also will work with our infant seat if/when we have another baby.

While Hubby and I finished watching the last 5 episode’s of Grey’s Anatomy lastnight (because I finally caved and bought them off of iTunes so we could get all caught up) I finished my very first knitting project. I started with a hat because I thought it would be fairly easy but it seemed to take me forever to finish it. I think I started it over Thanksgiving and just now finally got it finished. It turned out pretty good, but is a little too big for Zach’s head. I suppose he’ll grow into it eventually.

A week from today we’ll be leaving to go to Hawaii and I’m finally getting a little bit excited. I’m really dreading the flights there and back because I have no idea how I’m going to entertain Zach that long. But, once we get there I know I’ll really enjoy it. I also have a feeling that the warm weather and sunshine will do wonders for my mood even if I do have to be seen in a swim suit and shorts. At least I can wear my flip-flops without my toes freezing!

Comments closed

Pukefest 2007

Published by dee on January 5, 2007

Yesterday started out as a very normal day. Zach had a doctor’s appointment in the afternoon so I picked him up early from day care and took him. It was just a normal check up and everything was fine (35 inches tall, 27 pounds) except that his cold apparently gave him a double ear infection.

The doctor’s visit was quick so afterwards I took him with me back to the office for a little bit. Normally he’ll settle down and watch videos on the extra computer in my office but he wasn’t having any of that. He was abnormally fussy, which I attributed to the fact that his nap got interrupted early, so I decided to just pack it in and go home.

On the way home we stopped at Wal-mart to get his medicine for his ear infection. While we were waiting for it to get filled at the pharmacy we wandered around the store. I stopped in the craft section to get a couple of things and while I was perusing the selection of knitting needles Zach decided to puke all over the floor. Welcome to motherhood!

I’m not sure how I managed to get through his entire 18 months with only one other puking experience, but I did. So this was kind of a new experience for me. The one other time in his life that he has thrown up it was just as I was laying him down in his bed and it was fairly easy to clean up with a change of pj’s, new sheets, and a quick bath.

I informed the lady working in the craft department what had happened and she quickly informed me that she couldn’t clean it up but that she would call someone. While I stood there contemplating what to do with my child who had puke dripping down the front of his clothes she called for maintenance. Other customers needed to go down that aisle and were getting pretty grossed out and no one was showing up to clean up the mess. Finally I said that I would clean it up if someone could just get me something to clean it with. She handed me a roll of paper towels and I cleaned it up the best I could.

We finally got out of there and I pretty much sprinted to the pharmacy to see if his medicine was ready yet. It wasn’t, even though I had waited 5 minutes past the time they told me it would be ready. While we waited another 15-20 minutes for his prescription, Zach fell asleep in my arms, puke and all. I laid him down in the shopping cart, finally got his medicine and checked out.

When we got home, I stripped him down and was just about to put him in the bathtub when I saw the look on his face and knew that it was going to happen again. I snapped into action and his new Elmo potty was officially initiated. I suppose that wasn’t the intended purpose of the potty, but it was the fastest thing I could grab and it kept the puke from landing on me.

We made it through the next couple of hours without any incidents. He refused to eat which was actually a relief because I was afraid anything that went down was sure to come back up. Against my better judgment, I decided to go ahead and give him his medicine before he went to bed. Not such a good idea. He went to bed and I never heard a peep from him so I decided I better check on him before I turned in for the night. When I opened his door the smell hit me. He had indeed thrown up again and it was everywhere.

He got his second bath of the night and then laid down with Daddy for a few minutes while I cleaned up his bed and got it ready for him again. I finally got him back to bed and he slept through the rest of the night okay.

Needless to say, I’m home with him today. So far, there has been no puke today which is a blessing. He’s certainly not feeling up to par, but I’m guessing it is at least better than he was feeling lastnight. He fell asleep around 10:30 and I haven’t heard a peep from him since. Now I’m just praying that he doesn’t pass this nice little bug on to me or Hubby.

Comments closed

Looking Forward instead of Backward

Published by dee on January 4, 2007

Hmmm. Something seems different around here lately. Oh, yeah. It’s a new year. When did that happen? I’ve been so down and out the last few ~~days~~ weeks that everything just seems like a bit of a blur. I’ve gone on and on about how wonderful Christmas was and how much I enjoyed the holidays but to be perfectly honest, it just wasn’t all that spectacular this year. It wasn’t bad, it just was. I don’t think I’ll ever look back at this holiday season and have any of those magical holiday memories. Maybe it is part of growing up, or maybe my mental/emotional state is in much worse shape that I have allowed myself to acknowledge. It certainly doesn’t help that I’ve been sick off and on for the last few weeks.

I usually find myself looking forward to a new year, but this year just seems different. I don’t feel that sense of hope and excitement that I usually feel at this time. I actually feel the opposite because it seems like the harder I try to improve my life the worse things seem to get. And when things start getting worse I go into denial and try to just ignore the problems. I have gotten to the point where I feel like all effort is futile so instead of trying I don’t do anything.

I suppose that is why there are no resolutions this year. I never stick to them. I never follow through or even look back at them after January so I suppose there really is no point. I don’t even remember if I made resolutions or not last year. I know I failed in most of the goals that I set throughout the year. As much as I hate to admit it, 2006 was pretty much a year of failure for me. The fact that I feel like I have been feeling lately tells me that I have not been taking good care of myself and that is indeed a big failure. When I divorced my ex-husband, I promised myself that I would always put myself and my needs first and not succumb to others’ wants and wishes before my own. So much for that.

I’ve been thinking a lot over the last couple of days and reading a lot of people’s resolutions for the new year. The more I think about things, the more I feel like I just really need to get my life back on track. Lately I just feel like I’m doing what everyone else wants (or needs) me to do and I’m not doing what I want to do. I’m not living the life I want to live. I’m not standing up for myself and my needs and it is time to change that. Actually doing that will be a struggle for me, but I’m going to try a little harder.

Here’s a list, not of resolutions, but of things that I want to change about myself and my life so that I feel I am more in control:

Learn to say no when someone asks me to do something I don’t want to do. There’s no reason to make up an excuse to get out of going somewhere or doing something. If I just feel like staying home, then I should be able to do so without feeling guilty. I’m so tired of wearing myself out just to make others happy.
Plan ahead for (healthy) meals to reduce the stress in trying to come up with meals at the last minute. This also goes along with getting back on my diet and re-losing those 15 pounds plus another 15-20 pounds and getting myself back to a reasonably healthy weight. My self-esteem has plummeted lately and I know this has a lot to do with it. Plus, I just don’t feel good.
Exercise more. Not only will this help me lose the weight, but it will reduce stress, help me sleep better, and help me have more energy. That’s what I’ve heard anyway. All of those things would definitely be an improvement to my life.
Improve my marriage. I don’t even know where to begin with this one, but something needs to change soon. Hubby and I neither one are happy right now and that needs to be fixed. We both want to work on things but don’t really know where to begin.
Learn to control my spending and stick to a budget. This is a life-long struggle for me. We are way over our heads in debt right now and it just has to stop. I love to shop and love to find a good bargain, but I do it too much. And? I do it when I’m depressed. I know that I am pretty much responsible for our current financial situation and it eats me alive every day. We were really making some progress before Zach came along but since then I have not been able to get my spending back under control. Some of it is necessity, much of it is just emotional. If it doesn’t get under control soon we will never be able to have the things we really want in life–like our own home or a retirement fund.
De-clutter my life and my home. When you walk into my house there is stuff everywhere and I can’t stand it. It never used to bother me, but over the last couple of years all of the clutter, the knick-knacks, the stuff has really gotten to me. Most stuff I keep around because someone important in my life has given it to me but I just can’t do it any more. I have to learn to let go and realize that it is just stuff. The emotions attached to it don’t have to go away but the stuff does. It is time.
Take an active step in keeping myself healthy. I hate going to the doctor and even more than that I hate calling to make appointments. I haven’t been to a dentist in almost ten years now. I’m past due for my annual girlie-bits exam and way past due for my last eye exam. I couldn’t even tell you when the last time I had a physical was. And, as much as I hate to face it, I just may need someone to examine my head and emotional status in the very near future as well. Within the next month or so I’m going to start scheduling appointments and make myself go. The dentist and the annual appointment with my OB/GYN are my first priorities. Hopefully the rest will follow.
Turn the TV off and spend more quality time with Zach. I rely on the TV for his entertainment more that I ever thought I would. I don’t think a little TV will hurt him in the long run, but not having enough time with personal interaction from his parents will. He is at an age where he seems to be soaking everything in and I want to make an active effort to fill his brain with the good stuff. I want us to have more family time together. I want to read to him more, take him for walks, go to the park, go outside to play ball. I want to help him explore this world that we live in instead of only seeing it on the TV screen.
And, perhaps most importantly, I want to make time for myself. I feel like almost everything I do in my life is done for someone else. Other than the time I take to write in this blog I do very little for myself. I want to make it a point to take some quiet time out to relax and knit, or read, or even to just take a bath in peace. Somehow I have to save myself from the insanity of the day.

I know this seems like a very ambitious list and I know that these things will probably take longer than a year to succeed at if that is even a possibility. But somehow, some way, something has to change and I have to be the one to change it. I can’t sit back and just let life happen to me anymore, I need to actively make it be the way I want it to be. I hope that Hubby will help me along the way because I am weak and I’m pretty sure I can’t do it by myself (even though I hate to ask for help).

If nothing else, let’s just hope that 2007 is a much better year than 2006.

Comments closed

Bummer

Published by dee on January 4, 2007

Today is a sad day. I kind of knew it was going to happen, but I still hate to say goodbye to one of my guilty pleasures.

Comments closed

Mindless Chatter

Published by dee on January 3, 2007

This cold is affecting my brain functioning today so I’m trying to keep my work tasks as simple as possible. So far today, I have accomplished one thing and that was clearing out our financial spreadsheets and replacing all of the real numbers with zeros to get them ready for the new year. Now that that is done, I’m not sure what to move onto next.

After picking Zach up from my sister’s house lastnight, I really needed to relax for a bit. Since we finished up season 2 of Grey’s Anatomy last weekend, I’m ready to start watching the new season. I pulled up the the ABC website, picked up my knitting project, and prepared to indulge in a couple of episodes before I went to bed. However, the website kept freezing up and basically told me that my internet connection was not fast enough to stream the show. I have broadband cable. There is no reason that it shouldn’t be able to accommodate streaming the show. I have no idea what was slowing down my connection and I went to bed pissed off and disappointed. I hope I can get it working because I really want to get caught up and be able to watch the rest of the season.

The good part was that after I managed to quit coughing I did actually get some sleep lastnight. I think I actually slept pretty solidly between about 11:00 and 3:00 and that is much better than I’ve done lately. I slept off and on from 3:00 to 6:30 and Zach didn’t wake me up all night so I guess you can call that a good night. Of course, when I woke up with my eyes almost swollen shut I didn’t appreciate the sleep quite as much.

Zach didn’t want to be left at day care today. In fact, from the minute I got him out of bed this morning he didn’t want to let go of me. He gets so clingy sometimes and while I know day care is good for him, I still feel guilty leaving him there sometimes. I hate that I don’t get to spend more time with him and that when I do get to spend time with him I am always so tired.

I’ve been trying to expose myself to some new music the last couple of days so I’ve been listing to TV on the Radio, Ben Kweller, and Sufjan Stevens. Next on the list is As Fast As. So far I’m digging Ben Kweller. I’m still undecided on Sufjan Stevens, although I do dig a few songs. TV on the Radio was just okay. I’m looking forward to listening to As Fast As because I did like the one song of theirs that I have heard before. Feel free to share any suggestions for other artists I should check out.

This officially ends the greatest blog post ever. Enjoy (the fact that it is finally over).

Comments closed