Month: January 2007

As a working parent, I think one of the things I dread the most is to hear my phone ring and see the day care number flash up on my caller ID.  That number means that something is wrong because if everything was right there would be no reason to call.  When that number shows up it means that someone is sick or someone is hurt and neither one of those is a good thing.

Today I got the call.  Zach was bitten four times on his face by another little boy that just started day care there today.  Not only was he bitten, but the little boy was sitting on his chest holding him down while he leaned over and chomped on Zach’s precious little cheeks.  While I haven’t seen the damage yet, I was told that he bit hard enough to break through the skin a couple of times.

His day care provider was even more shaken up than I was about the whole situation.  She has cared for him since he was 6 weeks old and loves him just about as much as her own kids.  When the biting happened she was in the middle of nursing her 4-month-old and couldn’t jump up right away.  The kids were all in the playroom where she couldn’t see them.  I’m not angry at her because Zach has gotten hurt plenty of times at home when I’ve walked out of the room for a few minutes.

I do have to wonder though, if he was in a bigger day care center–with more teachers around–would something like this have happened or would it have been stopped before my child was hurt?  If he was at home with me, this most definitely would not have happened.  I hate it when I have to question my parenting decisions.  I chose home day care because it was the closest I could get to having him home with me.  I chose a provider that I trusted and had full confidence in.  I wanted him in a relaxed setting for the first few years of his life.  I wanted someone that would care for him with as much love as I would and I do believe that is what he gets there.  On most days he thrives there.  In fact, he rarely wants to leave when I get there to pick him up because he is having so much fun with the other kids.

The worst part of all of this is that I desperately want to be at home with him.  As far back as I can remember, I always wanted to be a stay-at-home mom.  I have written about it over and over again on this blog.  Most days I try to avoid thinking about it but it is always there.  No matter how I figure it, there is just no way we can manage without me working.  My past financial mistakes have caught up with me and there is no way out of it.  I have to work or we don’t eat.

I just wish there was a way to make all of the guilty feelings go away.  I want to hold my son and hug him and tell him that everything will be okay.  I know that I can’t protect him forever from the harshness of this world, but he is still so little.  This is the first time that anyone has intentionally hurt him.   Even though he is probably too young to really understand it, I have a feeling that this experience will change him in some way and it breaks my heart to know that I wasn’t there to help protect him when he needed me.  I just wish he could be unaware and innocent a little longer.

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Zach has always been into music.  I can’t remember exactly when I figured it out, but I know that he started responding to music when he was very young.  He is obsessed with Jack’s Big Music Show and begs for his Laurie Berkner cd’s every time we are in the car.  He sings along when there is a song on one of his favorite tv shows and occasionally at church during the hymns.

It really was no surprise when he started copying the characters’ motions and moving along to the music while he watched tv.  He copies my actions on a daily basis.  It cracked me up the day that he picked up my flat iron (it was turned off) and tried to straighten his hair with it. 

Given his previous behavior, I’m not really sure why it surprised me so much when he started dancing in the middle of a restaurant one day.  I’m not talking a little swaying back and forth.  It was all out booty shaking going on.  And?  It was the cutest thing I’ve ever seen.  Almost everything he does is cute (in my opinion), but this really takes the cake.  Soon after that he started dancing at home.  Any time he hears music he breaks out in dance.  And the most amazing part is that he keeps a beat really well.  He is always right on with the music.  I have yet to get a good video of it, but I hope to soon.

A couple of nights ago we went out to dinner and while we were sitting there waiting for our food to arrive a song came on with a good dance beat.  Zach started bouncing and shaking in his chair so hard that I was afraid he was going to fall out for a second.  When he noticed us laughing and enjoying his dance he started dancing even harder.  His arms were up in the air and he was really getting into it.

Looking at the smile on his face reminded me of how innocent he really is at this age.  He has no inhibitions whatsoever.  He didn’t care who was watching him or what they thought of him.  He was just sitting there in that highchair having the time of his life.  I wish that feeling could last forever for him.  I never want him to feel the shyness or the insecurities that I felt as a child (and still sometimes feel as an adult).  I want him to always feel like that carefree little boy that I watched dancing in his highchair.

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