Category: Life

2 kids, 2 dogs, 2 cats, and 1 husband – life isn’t perfect, but it is what we make it

Confessions: The Book Collector

Published by dee on May 22, 2008

When I was a kid I loved to read. Whether it was my beloved Baby-Sitters Club or the latest from Christopher Pike, I just couldn’t get enough. A trip to the book store was just as much fun as a trip down the toy aisle for me and to be honest, it still is. I love books.

I spent my summers devouring books. I wasn’t quite as fast a reader as my sister who would often finish off two or more books in a day, but if it was a good one I would stay up until I finished every last word. I waited eagerly for each new release by my favorite authors. I know my parents bought some of my books, but I remember using my allowance or baby sitting money for quite a few of them too. As soon as I got my hands on one I was ready to sit down and read. As I got older, the lure of boys was enough to convince me to put the books down and get out of the house, but I was still able to get my reading in.

These days I’m still just as addicted to books. I buy them up like crazy. I peruse Amazon on a regular basis and heaven forbid I actually step foot in a book store. I can’t resist the promise of a fascinating story or the next big thing that will change my boring life. I love the feel of a new book in my hands. The problem is, I never have time to actually read them. I bring them home where they sit on my night stand for months collecting dust.

Now and then I pick one up from the night stand when I have a few spare moments before bed. I’ll read a few pages until my eyes can no longer stay open and then set it back down. On very rare occasions, like when I have a new Nicholas Sparks novel I’ll actually manage to read a chapter or two. Those are about the only books I seem to finish here lately and the last one took me over a month to actually read. Most of the time I read a few chapters and the book sits so long that I feel like I need to start all over. Eventually it ends up on the bottom of the stack, never to be finished.

I have stacks and stacks of unfinished books. I even have a pretty good stack that I’ve never even started reading. A while back I vowed to myself that I would not buy any more books until I finished reading some of the ones already lining my bookshelves at home. Unfortunately, I forgot about that vow and ordered a couple more, as well as pre-ordering another. I’m only about half way through Skinny Bitch (which one day deserves a post of its own) and not quite half way through Into the Wild (which is interesting but a very slow read for me), the last two that I purchased. I’m determined to finish them, yet I couldn’t resist starting in on one of the new ones last night. There’s just something so fresh and satisfying about cracking open a new book.

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Two Months

Published by dee on May 19, 2008

Dear Evie,

When I was a young girl dreaming of my future family I always knew I wanted both a boy and a girl. Just as I hoped, the boy came first. You see I always wished that I had a big brother when I was growing up, so that’s what I wanted for my daughter as well. When I found out you were coming along I hoped and prayed that you would be a girl, the last puzzle piece to complete the family that I always dreamed of. And now here you are – my perfect baby girl – and I couldn’t be happier.

You are two months old already and I still have yet to find the time to write about your birth. Your birth was much easier on me than your brother’s and for that I thank you. I’m sure the details of the day will soon start to fade, but I know I’ll never forget the moment when I first saw your face. You looked so much like Zachary, but softer and curvier, just as a girl should be.

I’m not yet sure whether it is fortunate or unfortunate that you seem to have inherited the same stocky build as the rest of your family. You weighed in at 11 pounds at your one month check-up and now, at two months, you are at least 14 pounds. You have your brother’s wide shoulders (which you’ll appreciate some day) and the most adorable little chubby thighs. I absolutely cannot get enough of those thighs.

I try not to compare you to your brother, but it is so hard when I notice such strong differences. While he was smiling and carrying on at about 5 weeks, you always seem to have such a serious look on your face. It has only been within the last week or so that you have started flashing around that gorgeous toothless grin. I already see a so much of myself in your personality. I’m not sure whether to apologize for that or to take pride in it. You are already so intent and focused on the world around you. You like to watch and just take everything in. Only when you are ready will you interact.

I’ve been trying to make sure that your Daddy gets a chance to hold you every now and then. I miss you so much when I’m at work that it is really hard to put you down when I get home. A few days ago Daddy was holding you and I walked in the room to talk to him. As soon as you heard my voice you turned your head trying to find me. Once you got your eyes locked on me you didn’t look away. When I walked away your eyes followed me across the room and then you promptly started crying. I know Daddy didn’t like that much, but I have to admit it felt pretty good to me.

Sometimes when you are fussy I’ll hold you up in a sitting position on my knees. You are getting so strong that you can nearly hold yourself up. When I talk to you, you coo back at me and look directly into my eyes. I’m amazed at how much of a connection I feel with you already. When you tire of sitting and I hold you to my chest, you snuggle your little face into the crook of my neck and it is as if the rest of the world disappears. There in that moment there is nothing but perfection.

I wish I was a better writer so I could perfectly craft the words to tell you just how much you mean to me. My heart nearly explodes with love each time I look at your beautiful face or when you turn to give me one of your slobbery baby kisses. I never knew I was capable of such love. To love two children so wholly and completely is more than I could ever ask for. You and your brother make me feel like the luckiest mom in the world.

Love always,
Mama

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A Great Way To Start The Day

Published by dee on May 16, 2008

When Evie woke up this morning she was flashing smiles all over the place. She’s given us a couple smiles but until now they have been very hard to come by. This morning she smiled at me a couple of times. Then I put her in the crib to get her dressed and she was staring down her “Boo” doll and giving her tons of smiles. I wish I had gotten a better picture, but my cell phone camera was the only one I had handy at the time. The poor kid’s going to have a camera in her face all weekend now while I try to capture another one.

Today is Zach’s last day at his “school”. Beginning Monday he’ll be attending the home day care that Evie has been at for the last few weeks. So far she only has three kids including my two. The other is a little girl about Zach’s age. She’s quite energetic but I think that Zach will have a fun time playing with her. I’m still a little sad about having to take him out of school, but I do think it will be the best for all of us. His class is having a pizza party for him today so I get to go join them for lunch. I’m not sure he really understands what is going on yet, but he is enjoying being the center of attention today. I’m just really hoping that the switch goes smoothly next week.

I am really looking forward to the weekend. It is supposed to be warm and sunny all weekend, just the way I like it. I’m hoping to get a few things done around the house and to spend some time outside enjoying the sunshine with my kids. Zach is excited to have his cousin (and best friend) Ryan over on Saturday. He’s already been telling me all the things that they are going to play with while Ryan is here. I’m just happy that he’ll have someone to play with and won’t be glued to the TV all weekend.

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How Was Your Mother's Day?

Published by dee on May 13, 2008

Sunday morning at 6:30 I woke up to a child puking in my bed. It was a lovely way to start out Mother’s Day. What I didn’t know at the time was that he had already been up a couple hours before that getting sick but Hubby had taken care of it. I knew he was up but didn’t realize he had gotten sick. When I finally woke up enough to figure out what was going on, the poor kid had a 103 degree fever and was just miserable.

Hubby offered to stay home with Zach so I could go to church and I took him up on it. Evie and I got up and headed to church, then stayed and had lunch with my sister’s family and my mom. The plan was to have a picnic in the park that evening with all of them plus my brother’s family but I wanted to get home to check on Zach.

By the time I got home the puking was over with but the fever stuck with him through the night and for most of the day Monday. Since Zach was sick, Evie and I stayed home with him on Monday. Somehow I lucked out and got both of them down for naps at the same time and actually had time to clean my kitchen, do some laundry, and fix the keyboard tray on my computer desk that was falling off. I felt so productive.

Zach is feeling much better today but still wasn’t quite ready to go back to school. He spent half the day at work with me and then Hubby brought him home for a nap and some relaxation. Hopefully tomorrow we’ll get back to our regular schedule and things will go much more smoothly.

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8 Weeks

Published by dee on May 13, 2008

8 Weeks - 1

Today Evie is 8 weeks old, only a few days shy of 2 months. At her last weigh in, over two weeks ago she was nearly 12 pounds. I wouldn’t be at all surprised if she has gained at least another pound by now. She’s quickly outgrowing her clothes and is already starting to wear some 3-6 month sized outfits.

She has such a distinct personality already. I’m amazed to see so many differences between Evie and Zach. Evie seems to be much more social than Zach was as a baby (although she’s still stingy with the smiles). She loves to watch people’s faces and gets downright angry if you stop paying attention to her. I don’t remember Zach being that way as much, but that could be because he pretty much had my attention 100% of the time. He didn’t have to share.

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Not Necessarily Greener

Published by dee on May 8, 2008

A few days ago a friend of mine (who lives in a land far, far away called Oregon) posted on MySpace (yeah, I know, I hate it too) that she was having a BBQ and invited anyone over than wanted to attend. I jokingly wrote back to her that I wanted to come but that I might be a bit late since it was such a long drive. I kind of laughed it off at the time, but now I can’t seem to get it off of my mind. Every time I think of it I just feel sad.

The thing is, I would really like to be there. It isn’t so much because I miss my friend (which I most certainly do but I’m going to see her in a couple weeks anyway) but more the realization that I miss just having a group of friends to hang out with. I miss having someone I can call on Friday night and not have to ask if we’re doing something, but instead ask what we’re doing because the if isn’t even a question. I miss hanging out with people who know me so well that I can just be myself. The ones that know all my secrets and faults and love me anyway. Oh, and I really miss having conversations that don’t have anything to do with Race Cars or Blue’s Clues or snacks or when I’m going to go get that chocolate milk.

The last time I really had those kind of friends was when I was in college…almost 9 years ago. They were the kind of friends who could tell me what I was thinking before I could even get it out of my mouth. Unfortunately, those friends disappeared along with college. I lost two of them when I got divorced shortly after graduation and simply lost contact with the other one a few years later.

Since then I’ve never really found a group that I fit into. I have friends but not those kind of friends – the ones you can count on to always be there. My social calendar pretty much consists of hanging out with my family. It’s not that I don’t enjoy hanging with my family. I just miss having that close knit group of friends to confide in, to be silly with, laugh with, and cry with.

Sometimes I wonder if I gave that all up to have a family. Now that I have kids there is so little time for a social life. We’re so busy during the week and then spend all weekend just trying to catch up. It doesn’t leave much time for making new friends. When you work full-time there is no time for Mommy groups or play dates and I work in a small office where everyone is at least 15 years older than me. I can’t even meet new people, much less cultivate a friendship.

I guess that’s why I turn to the internet. I read a lot of blogs. I sure part of the reason why is because I’m searching for the friendship that I feel is so lacking in my life. I read a lot about stay-at-home moms who feel isolated and have trouble finding friends, but they aren’t the only ones. There are lots of working women who struggle with the same thing. I don’t think it really has anything to do with your job status. I think we’re all just too busy to take the time out and really form those lasting friendships. Sometimes being a grown-up just plain sucks.

My friend, the one having the BBQ, is just starting out in her chosen career and recently commented about how excited she was to finally move beyond living the “college lifestyle” as she put it. I wanted so badly to tell her not to be so anxious to give it up. Embrace it. Enjoy it. The grass is not necessarily greener on the other side. But I held my tongue. Maybe it will be for her. She might be one of the lucky ones.

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