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Category: Living the Life

9 Months

Published by dee on March 28, 2006

(originally written March 26, 2006) 

Dear Zachary,

Today you turned nine months old. Up until now, things have been relatively easy with you. When a mom chooses to have a baby, they understand that there will sometimes be bad days. But, when you have nine months of having a mostly pleasant, cheerful baby and then three days of having a baby who completely tests your patience it kinda throws you for a loop. The last three days (all on the weekend of course) have been, um, let’s just say…unpleasant. I’m totally blaming it on the teething right now, but even I don’t believe that’s all it is. I only hope that we can find a middle ground sometime soon or I am certain that I will go completely crazy.

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I don’t blame you too much for being on edge because the last month has been anything but normal in our lives. The day after your 8-month birthday your daddy got a very sad phone call. We found out that day that your Uncle Josh had died. The news was quite a shock to me and Daddy. We packed up everything we needed and left the next morning to go to Louisiana to be with our family. Mommy’s boss was very nice and let us take the company plane down there so you got to experience your very first airplane ride.

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Even though we were there for such a sad occasion, it was really nice to see all of Daddy’s family again. You got to meet your Uncle Matt and Aunt Maria for the first time. Just between you and me, I think you charmed the socks off of them. We even went to a Mardi Gras parade, which was a first for Mommy too. When we headed back home, everyone came to the airport to see us off. We kinda felt like rock stars haivng such a crowd there (Daddy really liked that part).

I spent a lot of time that week thinking about how much Uncle Josh loved you and how much he enjoyed holding you and playing with you. I wish that you were old enough to remember those times, but I know you aren’t. They are wonderful memories for me however, and some day I will get to share those with you.

Right after we got back from Louisiana, for some reason you started sleeping. I don’t know how or why because you barely slept the week before. The day we got home you decided to give Mommy and Daddy a great present and slept ALL NIGHT LONG. Since then, it comes and goes. Some nights you sleep all night and other nights you wake up around 3:00 or 4:00 wanting a bottle…yes, I said bottle.

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That is another big change that we have recently made. As of this week, we are officially done with the whole breastfeeding thing. I had been gradually reducing the number of feedings and replacing them with bottles of formula, but all of a sudden you busted out a couple of teeth and I quickly figured out that teeth and boobs don’t mix well. You now have two teeth on the top and two on the bottom and they are all quite sharp. Last weekend you started getting frustrated when you were nursing and I figured out that you just weren’t getting enough milk from me anymore. On Monday, I decided that it really wasn’t worth trying anymore and started fixing you bottles instead. You didn’t seem to miss it much until today when were wanting comforting and grabbed at my shirt.

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Speaking of needing comfort, for some reason you decided that you wanted to try out the stairs at day care last week. I got a call from Aliesha right after I got to work one day saying that I needed to come pick you up. Apparently one of the other kids had taken down the baby gate and you decided it would be fun to take a tumble down the stairs. You were very lucky and only ended up with a small cut in your mouth. I looked you over for a couple of days and didn’t find a single bruise on your body. So when you started heading for the stairs at Grandpa’s house today I may have overreacted just a little bit and yelled a little too loud. You just move entirely too fast.

Even after nine months, you still have me so intrigued every day. I could sit and watch you forever just to see what you are going to do next. Today I sat you down in a laundry basket and pushed you around the floor while you laughed and laughed. For a few seconds I forgot just how cranky you had been all day.

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You are growing up so fast that I can barely keep up. It is amazing that you have learned so much in only nine short months. Today I held a baby that was only one week old and was reminded just how far you have come. Just thinking of it now almost brings a tear to my eye…almost.

Every day that I am with you I am so thankful that God chose me to be your mother. You are so perfect (even when you are cranky). I don’t think a minute goes by that I don’t think about you in some way. I hope that you never, ever forget how much I love you.

Love,
Mama

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Hang On….

Published by dee on March 26, 2006

I have finally decided to try and fix up this site a little bit.  In the meantime, things might be a little messy.  If you come across anything that doesn’t work, please leave a comment and let me know.

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I Cheated

Published by dee on March 23, 2006

I’ve been doing really well on my diet so far this week.  Well, until today anyway.  I gave in to temptation and had one of these for lunch. Every single bite was worth it…even if I gain back the pound and a half that I’ve lost this week.

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Morning Panic

Published by dee on March 21, 2006

Today started out like any other weekday.  Zach (thankfully) slept all night, which means that I slept all night so I got up on time, showered and quickly got ready for work.  We actually left on time for a change.  I dropped Zach off at day care and went on to work. 

Here’s where the fun part started.  About 20 minutes after I got to work my phone rang.  For some reason, no caller ID showed up, so I picked up the phone not sure what to expect.  As soon as I said hello the voice on the other end said, "You need to come pick Zach up right now.  He fell down the steps and he seems ok but you better have him checked."  So, I said I would be right there and rushed out the door to go get my baby. 

On the way there, which is about a 10-15 minute drive, I’m thinking of all kinds of terrible awful things that I think could happen to a kid that falls down a big flight of stairs.  Then I started picturing all the movie scenes I’ve seen where someone falls down a flight of stairs and snaps their neck and dies.  By the time I got there I was totally in a panic, not sure exactly what I was going to see.

Of course I had really over-dramatized things in my head.  When I got to day care, I could see him sitting in the high chair in the kitchen playing with some toys.  He had a cut in his mouth that had already stopped bleeding.  He was a little fussy, but otherwise seemed just fine.  I packed him up, stopped at the house to grab the diaper bag and a bottle and brought him to work with me.

I haven’t gotten a whole lot of work done today, but I do have to say thank God for noggin.com or I wouldn’t have gotten anything done at all.  All I had to do was turn on the Jack’s Big Music Show videos and he was entertained.  We went out for lunch with my mom, and now he is all snuggled up sleeping in his stroller.  Hopefully I’ll get at least another hour out of that nap to get some work done.  Ugh, he’s starting to squirm.  So much for that hour.

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Babies and Memories

Published by dee on March 16, 2006

I recently heard through the grapevine that one of my exes and his wife are expecting a baby.  I honestly couldn’t be more happy for him.  I always pictured him being a really great father.  He was my first really serious boyfriend in high school and my first true love.  He was the first boy I ever imagined myself married to, as well as the first I ever imagined having babies with.  I think I even had those imaginary babies’ names picked out.  He also picked on me constantly, which for some strange reason, made me like him even more.

It is odd that even after so many years I can still care so deeply about someone who I barely even know now.  I’m the kind of person that once I love you, I will always love you, regardless of how things turn out in the end…even if you dump me because I’m not willing to put out.  Hey, who am I to question a 16-year-old boy’s motives?  Well, maybe that wasn’t the whole reason, but I’m pretty sure that had something to do with it.  I have always wondered a little bit what would have happened if I would have given in.

We have kept in touch here and there, although over the last few years it has really gotten to be only an e-mail every six months or so, maybe less.  I even went to visit him and his wife a few years ago.  Hubby just happened to be working where the ex lived and we got together with him and his wife for dinner.  It was only a little bit weird with his wife and my future hubby sitting next to us.  I had a great time seeing him.  Looking straight into his eyes still made me squirm a little bit even after so many years had gone by.

This summer is supposed to be our 10-year high school reunion and even though I ended up moving before graduation, I was planning on attending.  However, I just found out the date for it and it just happens to be the same time that we were planning to go on vacation.  The vacation can’t be re-scheduled because part of the vacation is going to Phoenix for hubby’s brother’s wedding.  The rest of the time we are spending with hubby’s parents.  Given the recent circumstances, I think the time with his parents is extremely important.

I was really hoping to see him at the reunion, along with a few other people that I have lost touch with over the years.  I’m a little bummed now that I won’t get to see them.  Personally, I think that they should re-schedule the whole reunion for me, but I guess that’s a bit too much to ask for someone who didn’t really even graduate there. 

Perhaps somewhere along the way our paths will meet again someday, but I’m not holding my breath.  I guess an e-mail every six months or even every year will have to do.  But, he has been notified that if I don’t receive some baby pictures I will make the 3 1/2 hour drive and kick his ass!

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A New Feeling

Published by dee on March 16, 2006

As I got out of the shower this morning I could hear Zach screaming.  He has recently decided that if mommy is more than two feet away from him that it is just entirely too far.  I knew the screaming would stop as soon as I picked him up, but also that once I picked him up there was no putting him down unless I wanted the screaming to commence again.  So I stuck a pacifier in his mouth as I rushed around trying to get dressed and make myself presentable for work.

I went to my closet, grabbed a pair of jeans and a shirt, threw them on, and then sat down to put on my shoes.  As I sat, I caught a glimpse of myself in the full-length mirror next to my closet and thought, "Damn, I look good!"

I honestly don’t remember ever feeling that way about myself before.  As I have mentioned before, I have always felt like I was fat, whether I was or not.  The shirt I put on this morning has not been worn for probably two years, if not more.  The last time I wore it I couldn’t even button it, it was so tight.  I used to always wear it open with a tank top under it.  Even the sleeves fit tightly on my arms.  It has a little bit of stretch to it, so it still worked and didn’t look too bad (or so I thought at the time).  Today I put it on and buttoned it up without even giving it a second thought.  When I saw myself in the mirror, I was amazed at how loosely it fit. 

I have really been beating myself up lately because I have been totally slacking on the dieting.  There has been so much happening in my life in the last couple of months that it has been near impossible to control exactly what I am eating.  I finally got back on track last week and re-lost 3 of the pounds that I’ve been fighting with during that time.  As of today, I am back down to the weight that I was 6 weeks ago, with a total loss since November 1st of 31.5 pounds.

What surprises me the most, even though I still have a long way to go before I reach my goal, is that for the first time in my life I really feel comfortable with my weight.  Ten years ago I would have thought that I was huge at this weight, but I’m not a teenager anymore.  I am quickly nearing 30 years old.  My metabolism has most likely slowed way down.  I have a beautiful baby boy that I carried and gave birth to.  My body is not the body of an 18-year-old girl and I am satisfied with that.

I do plan to continue the diet and try to reach my goal.  That will require me to lose another 26 pounds yet.  If I feel this good now, I can’t wait to see how good I feel then.   If it weren’t for those nasty stretch marks and the jiggly baby tummy that Zach left me with, I might have even considered buying a bikini to wear at the lake this summer!

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