A New Feeling

As I got out of the shower this morning I could hear Zach screaming.  He has recently decided that if mommy is more than two feet away from him that it is just entirely too far.  I knew the screaming would stop as soon as I picked him up, but also that once I picked him up there was no putting him down unless I wanted the screaming to commence again.  So I stuck a pacifier in his mouth as I rushed around trying to get dressed and make myself presentable for work.

I went to my closet, grabbed a pair of jeans and a shirt, threw them on, and then sat down to put on my shoes.  As I sat, I caught a glimpse of myself in the full-length mirror next to my closet and thought, "Damn, I look good!"

I honestly don’t remember ever feeling that way about myself before.  As I have mentioned before, I have always felt like I was fat, whether I was or not.  The shirt I put on this morning has not been worn for probably two years, if not more.  The last time I wore it I couldn’t even button it, it was so tight.  I used to always wear it open with a tank top under it.  Even the sleeves fit tightly on my arms.  It has a little bit of stretch to it, so it still worked and didn’t look too bad (or so I thought at the time).  Today I put it on and buttoned it up without even giving it a second thought.  When I saw myself in the mirror, I was amazed at how loosely it fit. 

I have really been beating myself up lately because I have been totally slacking on the dieting.  There has been so much happening in my life in the last couple of months that it has been near impossible to control exactly what I am eating.  I finally got back on track last week and re-lost 3 of the pounds that I’ve been fighting with during that time.  As of today, I am back down to the weight that I was 6 weeks ago, with a total loss since November 1st of 31.5 pounds.

What surprises me the most, even though I still have a long way to go before I reach my goal, is that for the first time in my life I really feel comfortable with my weight.  Ten years ago I would have thought that I was huge at this weight, but I’m not a teenager anymore.  I am quickly nearing 30 years old.  My metabolism has most likely slowed way down.  I have a beautiful baby boy that I carried and gave birth to.  My body is not the body of an 18-year-old girl and I am satisfied with that.

I do plan to continue the diet and try to reach my goal.  That will require me to lose another 26 pounds yet.  If I feel this good now, I can’t wait to see how good I feel then.   If it weren’t for those nasty stretch marks and the jiggly baby tummy that Zach left me with, I might have even considered buying a bikini to wear at the lake this summer!