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Category: Living the Life

Pig Sty

When I was a kid, Saturdays were for cleaning.  Period.  We got up Saturday morning knowing that before we could do anything else we had to help my Mother clean the house.  We did get to sneak in a few Saturday morning cartoons sometimes, but it never lasted long.  She would get out the bucket of cleaning supplies and delegate out the tasks that needed to be done.  Besides cleaning our own bedrooms we were also expected to help with the dusting and vacuuming of the rest of the house, as well as fold laundry and other various tasks that she may deem necessary that week.  As we got older, my mom would just make out a list of “chores” that we were supposed to do and the completion of those chores was directly related to the amount of allowance we received so we always did what was on the list.

Our house was never really that dirty.  There were things misplaced and toys strung about, but it was never just dirty.  We cleaned so often that there was never a chance of anything being dirty.  This is the way that it was supposed to be I guess, because that’s what my mother taught me.  With my dad being a preacher, we had to keep things clean and picked up because someone from the church could drop by at any time.  This rarely ever happened, but it was a possibility and my mom could not stand for someone to see a little dust settling on the coffee table.

As a teenager, it became mostly my responsibility to keep the house clean.  After school and during the summers I had a schedule of one room a day.  I got paid pretty well for my efforts and once I added mowing the lawn to my duties I had enough money to buy the Levi’s jeans and Nike tennis shoes that were so absolutely necessary to fit in with the social circles of my high school.  I didn’t always keep things as clean as my mom would have, but she was too busy working and avoiding home most of the time to notice.  She would help out sometimes when relatives or special company were coming over for a visit.  Actually, she would kind of go into OCD mode when she knew someone was coming over.  Things had to be completely spotless before anyone was allowed to view our home.

My mother’s habits have rubbed off on me a little bit over the years, but not so much in a good way.  My house is never close to being spotless.  I do as much cleaning as is necessary to keep myself from getting grossed out, but you are guaranteed to find dust bunnies lying around and you don’t have to look hard to find them.  I absolutely hate spending my weekends doing house cleaning.  I enjoy having a clean house, I just don’t enjoy the work involved to have it.  Over the years I have finally managed to get Hubby to help out some so I don’t have to do all of the cleaning on my own and that has really helped. 

We do the day to day necessary stuff like laundry and dishes and vacuum from time to time, but the deep cleaning is saved for when company comes over.  And that is the part that I get from my mother.  When I know someone is coming over, I go through a cleaning frenzy.  Which is why, when I found out today that my cousin and her family may be stopping by this afternoon I freaked out just a little bit.  My house is an absolute mess.  There is stuff strung out all over the place.  The bathrooms need cleaned.  The floors need swept and vacuumed.  The place is a wreck and that is how they will see my house for the first time.

I’m sure my cousin won’t judge me on my housekeeping abilities, but I just can’t stand the thought of her walking in and thinking we live in a pig sty.  Plus, they will most likely arrive before I am home from work so I can’t even offer up the obligatory apology for the mess as they walk in.  At least I have the reassurance that she has two kids and two dogs at home so maybe she won’t be completely appalled.

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Humpday is Overrated

I would give just about anything right now to be able to go back home, crawl in bed, and stay there for the next week.  I am so physically and mentally exhausted that all I want to do is shut down for a few days and receive no outside stimulus.  I’ve had a dull headache for over a week now that seems to think it has been invited to stay.  I’m not sure where it gets off making those kind of assumptions, but you all are more than welcome to kick it out for me.  I just don’t have the energy.  On top of that, it seems my sinus cavities are filling up and putting extra pressure on my head.  Just wonderful.  With the amount of sleep I’ve been getting lately, I should be feeling better by early Spring, just in time for my allergies to kick in again.

The good news is I get to leave work early today.  The bad news is that I’m leaving work early so I can go pick Zach up and take him to the doctor.  His “cold” has been going on for at least two weeks now and he has all sorts of green slimy gook coming out of him.  He was also crying and holding his ears lastnight after his bath so I have a feeling we’re on round number 6?, 7? (crap, I have no idea what number) of ear infections.  At least it is only the first of this cold season.  In a sick, twisted kind of way I’m actually hoping it is an ear infection and that it will help to explain part of why he’s been so crabby lately.  If so, I’m hoping that we get it cleared up quickly and that my sweet little angelic boy comes back.

The really sad part of all of this is that I would actually rather be at work today because I have so, so much to do.  I will lose a good three hours of work time by taking him to the doctor.  I might just bring him back to work with me after the doctor’s appointment instead of going home.  Might.  I’ll have to see how he’s acting.

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Whee!



nov_06 125, originally uploaded by deew27.

Zach decided this afternoon that he didn’t want to take a nap. I had a few errands to run so I took advantage of him being awake and we went out for a bit. On the way, we stopped at this little park so Zach could play for a few minutes. I was so glad I had the camera in the car because he had a blast playing on the slides. We didn’t stay too long because it was pretty cold out and I forgot to bring him any gloves to keep his hands warm. I am so glad we stopped though. I think I had just as much fun watching him as he had playing.

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To exist is to change, to change is to mature, to mature is to go on creating oneself endlessly.*

All of my life it seems I have been waiting to grow up.  I can remember as far back as when I was waiting to go to Kindergarten.  I was so anxious to go to school because that meant that I was growing up.  Then I started school and every year I was anxious to start the next grade because that would mean I was even more grown up.

That got boring after a couple of years and then I just couldn’t wait until I was 13.  When I was 13 everything in my life would change.  Everyone knew that you were so grown up at 13.  When you were 13 you could watch PG-13 movies after all.  For my 13th birthday, my parents threw me a surprise party and invited boys.  It was my very first boy/girl party.  We had cake, opened presents, then turned the lights down and danced to Stevie B.’s "Because I Love You" on repeat all night because I got the tape for my birthday and it was the only slow song we had handy.  I spent most of the evening unhappy because the only boys that showed up were the ones "going out" with my best friends and I had no one to dance with.

When I was 14, I had my first serious boyfriend.  I thought I was so grown up then.  We went on dates to the local pizza joint and to the movies.  My sister would drive me over to his house to watch movies or just hang out.  His parents even let us hang out up in his bedroom, which would have stopped the visits immediately if my parents would have found out.  Sometimes he would come to my house and we would watch the Cowboys together.  At the time I thought that he was for sure the one I was supposed to be with for eternity.

That relationship ended after about a year, and although I was upset by it I didn’t let it slow me down much because I was almost 16!  I was going to be an adult and have a car and be able to go and do whatever I wanted to do!  Unfortunately, Mom and Dad put the brakes on those ideas very quickly.  I still wanted to be grown up though, so I went out and got a job.  Having a job meant you were grown up right?  Well, I quickly found out that I hated working (and still do!).  The job at the local grocery store was awful.  My best bud at that job was a guy who later got arrested for being a sniper and shooting cars on the interstate.  I did like having a little spending money, but I didn’t last long there.  I wrote a nasty letter to my boss, who probably got a really big laugh out of it, and I was done.

Since 16 didn’t turn out to be the magical age where I was finally all grown up, I looked forward to 18.  I was in the midst of my next very serious relationship and was ready to graduate from high school.  I already had a ring on my finger and was ready to get away from my parents and start a new life with my soon-to-be husband.  My last year of high school was anything but pleasant and I just couldn’t wait to get away from it all.  Plus, college was just around the corner and once I was there I would surely be grown up.

While I did feel much more grown up once I was in college and out on my own, I still reverted back to Mom and Dad when I needed something.  After my Freshman year, I got married, moved off campus, and started what I though would be my adult life.  As it turned out, just because I was living like an adult didn’t mean I had the maturity of an adult.  When things got rough, I ran away from them instead of dealing with them.  That helped me end up with a divorce, a job well below what I was capable of, and a lot of debt.  I sure was grown up then.  I constantly lived in fear because I just couldn’t handle life.  I wanted so badly to just go back to being a kid again.

Eventually, I pulled myself back up, met my husband and decided life was worth living agian.  We fell for each other hard and fast and suddenly I was ready to try and be an adult again.  We got married, moved into a house (even though it isn’t ours), got a dog, and had a baby.  Over the last year I have felt a change within myself.  There is a settling of sorts that has happened.  I finally feel like I have grown up and I have realized just how childish I was before.

I think the biggest change was when I had my son and realized that I was responsible for someone else’s life.  Above everything else, that is what made me feel grown up.  I am no longer the shy person I once was.  I am capable of standing up for myself, my son, and my family.  I feel a sense of responsibility and pride in the things I do for my family.

At almost 29 years old, I finally feel grown up.  I know I have a lot yet to learn and so many more things to experience in my life but I finally feel like I have grown into the person that I always wanted to be.  I’m not afraid to be who I am.  I am not afraid of what other people think of me.  I know I have flaws and things I can improve upon, but I am me and I’m happy with that.  And you know what?  I kind of like the grown up me.

*Henri Bergson

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Retail Therapy

It is amazing what a sunny afternoon (seriously, 80 degrees in Missouri in November?!?), one hour of my time and about $100 can do for my mood.  Okay, so it was more like $135, but about $50 of that was spent on the boys, so I rounded to $100.

Just before lunch time yesterday my boss walked in and said, “It’s 81 degrees outside.  Unless you just have too much to do, go ahead and take off after lunch.”  I did have a lot to do, but I certainly wasn’t going to pass up the opportunity to get outside and enjoy an afternoon off.  I was just about to leave for my lunch break where I had planned on making a quick trip to Old Navy to check out the clearance racks.  Plus, since it is Stuff ‘n’ Save (20% off) time again, I figured I could splurge on a new shirt or two for myself.  Instead of a rushed trip through the store, I got to spend extra time combing through the clearance racks that were marked an additional 50% off.

I ended up walking out of the store with two big bags full of clothes with a grand total of 11 shirts, 6 pairs of pants, 2 pairs of shorts and a hat/glove set for Zach.  4 of the shirts were for Zach and Hubby got a pair of jeans.  All of the rest was for me.  My wardrobe just got a nice little makeover.  I say all of that for only $135 is a pretty damn good deal.

Instead of getting up and dreading trying to find something to wear to work this morning,  I was anxious to put on a brand new outfit.  I got dressed and felt so good actually putting on clothes that fit and that were not 10 years old.  My whole attitude is better today.  I’m happy.  I’m productive.  Even the piles of work sitting on my desk aren’t stressing me out today because I feel good and I think I look pretty darn good too (except for my hair that is driving me totally insane).

It could be that the sunny weather and the afternoon off contributed, but my bets are all on the new clothes.  I’m starting to re-think all of those clothes that I have stored away thinking I might wear them again.  The truth is I hate pulling out old clothes and trying to get extra mileage out of them.  New clothes feel so much better!

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All By Myself

Tonight after work I’ll go pick Zach up, rush home, pick Hubby up and drive up to my sister’s house.  We’ll have dinner together and then Hubby and my Brother-in-law will leave for their trip to Pittsburgh.  He’ll be gone for a total of four days which isn’t really that long, but also is longer than we’ve ever really been away from each other.  Definitely longer than we’ve been away from each other since having Zach.

It is not so much that I mind him going.  I know that he and BIL will have a great time together and will really enjoy seeing their two favorite teams hash it out on Sunday.  Of course I’ll miss him, but that isn’t really it either.  What I’m most worried about is that I will have to deal with Zach plus two hyper dogs and two cats for four days by myself.  At first I was all “Woohoo! Time to myself!”.  Then I realized there will be no time to myself. 

I imagine that I will spend the majority of my time while he is gone playing with Zach and taking the dogs outside to pee.  Perhaps we will go to the park or do some other kind of outdoor activity that Hubby never wants to do.  I suppose we could rake up the millions of leaves that have suddenly scattered themselves across my yard in the last two days.  Or perhaps we’ll just sit around in our pj’s watching episode after episode of The Upside Down Show.

There are so many things I would have done with this time back before I had a child.  I could have possibly finished up my scanning project, created a few web site designs, maybe crocheted a blanket or a few hats, edited my digital photos, read a book, cleaned my house, or even just sat on the couch watching endless hours of TV until my brain was fried.  Now there isn’t much time for those things.  Now I am responsible for a life other than my own and I can no longer be selfish.  Granted, he has to go to bed and take naps so there will be a little alone time, but I’m guessing I’ll be ready to sleep too.

It should be an interesting weekend.

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