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Category: Living the Life

Friends Always Have The Answers

Published by dee on February 15, 2007

In my ongoing quest for answers as to why my son has suddenly turned into the type of monster that I often see throwing tantrums at Wal-Mart, I consulted with my friend Amazon this morning. My dear friend is sending some documents my way that will help me find find all the answers I am seeking.  I expect to them to arrive tomorrow and by Monday I will know all of the secrets to turning the little demon back into the angelic little boy that I have come to know and love.

If this doesn’t work, then perhaps I will have to consult my other friend, ebay, and see exactly how much toddlers are going for these days.

In all seriousness, I am just about to the end of my rope with Zach right now.  He is frustrating me so badly that I’ve actually had to stop and use the “count to ten” method to try to calm myself down before dealing with him.  I’ve pretty much ruled out that this attitude is being caused by pain and now am theorizing that his frustration is coming from the fact that he can’t communicate his wants and/or needs with us.  I get that when he’s saying “no” he is telling me that something is wrong, but I can offer him the world and he is still not happy.

Being the bad (and extremely frustrated) parent that I am, I have resorted to letting him have his pacifier when he is upset.  I can already tell that I’m going to regret that but sometimes amidst the screaming I feel I have no other choice. At this point I’ll do almost anything to save the little piece of sanity I have left.  Previous to the last week or so, the pacifier was only being used at bedtime and I was really hoping to get rid of it all together very, very soon.  Now, he is suddenly asking for his “noonie”, the hideous name that his dad gave the pacifier, and I am doubting that we’ll ever be able to get rid of it.

The part of this that is breaking my heart right now is that he is totally one hundred percent fine at day care.  He gets upset when I leave and cries until he can no longer see my car.  But, once I am out of his sight he calms down and is perfectly fine the rest of the day.  He eats, plays, and naps just like he is supposed to without any break-downs.  As soon as I get there to pick him up he starts crying, screaming, and fighting me with every ounce of energy he has and it pretty much continues until I get him in bed that night.  I’m glad he’s happy at day care and all, but it is killing me that he is so unhappy at home right now.

I’m usually pretty confident in my parenting skills, but right now I’m feeling like a total failure.  I’ve done everything I can think of and nothing seems to help.  So, I’m caving.  I’m really hoping I can find some answers or some new techniques to help us get through this phase because I feel like I’m sinking fast over here.  I know some of you readers are parents and even some of you that aren’t often have a lot of insight so if you have any suggestions or words of wisdom please feel free to share.

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I Want to Love You Madly

Published by dee on February 14, 2007

As sappy as it seems to me right now, I am desperately trying to get into the Valentine’s Day mood and so far I have not been successful.  For the last two days I have been listening to Heather’s Valentine’s Day Playlist thinking that maybe some tunes would perk me up but no.  Still feeling nothing.

I’ve honestly never really been a big fan of the big "day of love".  I’m pretty sure it all stems from my first Valentine’s Day as part of an actual couple.  When I found out that my sister had to tell my boyfriend to buy me a rose (that was actually being sold at school so it wasn’t like he had to go out of his way or anything) I was pretty much crushed.  I couldn’t believe that the love of my life wasn’t romantic enough to think of something that simple.

I have a history of dating or being involved with non-romantic guys.  I’m starting to wonder if it is something I do to them or if they were just that way from the beginning.  I’ve had three relationships that I considered to be serious-one boyfriend and two marriages-and out of the three not a single one had an ounce of romance in them.  Actually that’s not really true.  The two that I’m no longer with have gone on to be perfectly romantic husbands to their wives.  Maybe it is me after all.

My sister, on the other hand, has an overly romantic husband who constantly dotes on her and buys her roses "just because".  I’m not looking for that, but sometimes it would be nice to be surprised or to receive a gift that I didn’t tell someone to buy.  (And this is where I totally contradict myself because I told Hubby to absolutely not buy me anything this year for V-day.)

It is no secret really that things haven’t been so hot between the Hubby and I in quite a while.  We’re not by any means headed for the divorce lawyers, but I would say there is definitely room for much improvement and I think he would agree.  While I understand that life isn’t always going to be peachy, I still find myself dreaming of the days when we had no responsibilities and nothing better to do than lay around in bed all day just being together.

It isn’t so much that time in my life that I want back, but the feelings that I felt then.  I want to love without restraint.  I want that floaty feeling back that I had when we wanted to spend every single second of every single day together.  I want to feel the electricity when we touch.  I want to look into his eyes and feel all tingly inside.

I want all of that back but instead we are drowning in a sea of responsibilities, debt, a screaming kid, and lack of time for each other.  I wish for just one day that I could throw all of that away and go back to a time when life was more simple.

I guess that’s why I can’t seem to get the lyrics from Cake’s "Love You Madly" out of my head today.  I’ve always liked the song but it really seems to be summing up the way I’ve been feeling lately, or at least the way I want to feel.  If this works the way it is supposed to, you should be able to click the play button below to listen to the song or you can check out the lyrics below the fold.

**So the player doesn’t seem to be working and I’m not sure what I need to do to make it work so just go read the lyrics.  I apologize for publishing a million times for those of you using a feed reader. But now I’m publishing again because I think I finally got it working. Enjoy!** 

Continue readingI Want to Love You Madly
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Everything Stays the Same

Published by dee on February 12, 2007

I celebrated my 29th birthday on Saturday.  Celebrated is really a bit of an overstatement actually.  The day came and went without much fanfare this year.  I chose not to make it too big of a deal, but I have to say I was a little disappointed with the lack of acknowledgment from my friends.  I got a total of one phone call to say Happy Birthday on Saturday and a few birthday wishes on my myspace page but that’s about it.  I suppose that’s what happens with getting older though.

What little celebrating I did was with my family.  We went out to a comedy club Friday night with my sister, brother-in-law, and mom and then out to dinner on Saturday which was nice.  I enjoyed both but everything just seemed to lack a little bit of excitement.

I think the best gift I got was the card that Zach gave me.  Hubby helped him color on it and then Zach came busting in the bathroom while I was in the shower because he couldn’t wait to give it to me.  I have to admit I was a little bummed that my shower time got cut short, but it was definitely worth it.  I’m sure I will treasure that card for many years to come.

The rest of the weekend was pretty much the same as usual.  Nothing changes.  Everything stays the same.

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Can You Define "Bloggy"?

Published by dee on February 6, 2007

I haven’t been feeling very bloggy lately.  I go through my daily routine and nothing really seems like it needs to be written about.  Yet, for some reason I still feel the need to write.  So here I am.  I guess it’s time for a little bit of catch up.

Zach is being a bit of a terror lately.  I think we have definitely hit the “terrible 2’s” stage of defiance.  No matter what I say to him, the answer is “NO!”  Getting him dressed in the mornings is a major chore.  He fights me every step of the way until I am so frustrated I can’t wait to drop him off at day care.  Then two seconds later he lifts his arms, gives me a hug, and totally redeems himself.  When he’s not frustrating me, I sit back in amazement while I watch his latest accomplishments.  I love to listen to him talk and sing.  He is learning so many new words and his speech is getting more and more clear.  He may just be a normal 19-month-old kid, but to me he seems like a genius in the making.

Work has been really busy lately.  It always is this time of year but for some reason it seems even more stressful this year. 

The diet is going okay.  As of Sunday morning I had lost 4.5 pounds, but on Monday (my official weigh-in day) I was only down 2 pounds so that was what got recorded.  The Super Bowl snacks are most likely what did me in.  This week is going to be really tough.  My boss took me and my mom out today for our birthdays and even though I had a salad, it had lots of fattening stuff on top.  Then we had cake and ice cream back at the office to celebrate.  I think I’ll do all right the rest of the week.  Well, until Saturday when we do our family birthday dinner.  February is just always a tough month.

I’ve become a little bit of a wino since Christmas.  My sister gave me a set of wine glasses that I absolutely love and I want to drink wine just so I can use them.  She also gave me a big bottle of White Zinfandel which has come in quite handy.  My only problem is that I’ve never really drank wine much before so I don’t know what I like.  I know I like White Zinfandel and this really cheap peach flavored wine that I found and that I don’t like Merlot, but other than that I’m pretty clueless.  I tasted a Riesling when we were in Hawaii and I liked it but I don’t even know what else to try.  I’m afraid to buy something I don’t already know I like because if I don’t like it then I’ve just wasted my hard earned money.  This new “hobby” of mine is also not good for the diet.

Thanks to the suggestion of a good friend, I’ve been doing a little re-evaluation of my priorities.  I feel so overwhelmed sometimes with all of the things that I feel like I need to do.  I’ve been trying to spend a little less time on the internet and more time doing the things I need to be doing.  I spent a big part of the weekend cleaning and organizing my house.  I de-cluttered, re-organized, and just generally made things look better and it felt great.  I also went through my blog subscriptions and cleaned out about half of them.  There were so many that I just really wasn’t keeping up anymore so I figured I needed to cut back.  As a result, I’m spending more time actually working at work and I’m pretty sure that’s a good thing.  Now I just need to quit that bad habit of adding new blogs to my feed reader.

And finally, the bad news of the day.  I found out yesterday that my sister-in-law had a miscarriage.  I want so badly to talk to her, to comfort her.  But again, I just don’t know how.  What do you say to someone in that situation?  They were both so excited that she was pregnant.  All she could talk about when we were at their house was baby, baby, baby.  I can’t even imagine what she must feel like right now.  I feel like such a schmuck for telling her how perfect and easy my pregnancy was.  I hurt for her, for the baby that is no more, and for my brother-in-law who was so excited at the prospect of becoming a father.

And that’s pretty much what’s going on with me.  Exciting, huh?

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Happy Birthday Mom

Published by dee on February 6, 2007
The Winning Photo

I decided to get artsy and make my mom a birthday card from scratch this year.  Of course I waited until the last minute so it didn’t turn out exactly the way I wanted it but she loved it anyway.  On the front of the card was this picture of Zach holding the Happy Birthday sign that he helped decorate.  It took us many shots to get one that would work because he wasn’t exactly being cooperative.  He would have much rather been watching Diego.  This was the best we got, but some of the outtakes are pretty funny.
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