life is what you make it
Category: Kids & Parenting
Last night Hubby ended up working late so I decided instead of trying to fix dinner and try to judge when he would be home that we would just go out. We headed down to CiCi’s because I’m a sucker for pizza and it is cheap. As we walked in, I noticed a flier on the door for a missing girl. Kara Kopetsky has been missing since May 4th apparently. She went off to school one morning and never came home. Based on the circumstances, it doesn’t sound at all like a run away situation, although that would be more comforting.
Kara’s story is so frightening to me. As a mother, you live to protect your children. You spend years teaching them how to be safe, what to do if a stranger approaches them, not to cross the street without looking, etc., only to see cases like this where a child just disappears. School is the one place where your children should be safe from harm.
During my drive to work this morning, I caught part of a segment discussing Kara’s disappearance. The woman speaking to the dj was a family member, but I can’t say for sure who she was as I didn’t hear the introduction. As I listened to her pleading, I got chills. I realized that this can happen to anyone, and does happen much more than I am willing to acknowledge.
I know that things like this have been going on for centuries, but I have to wonder how things have changed in this new information age. We (myself included) post pictures and intimate details of our lives online (and yes, Kara has a MySpace page). We know there are predators out there looking, but we continue to live our lives as though we are safe from them. At the same time, the internet, along with all of the various news feeds and warning systems, helps to get the word out as soon as a child is missing. The instant transfer of information has surely helped find many abducted kids. I’m not a stats type of person, but I have to wonder which side is more heavily weighted-the number of abductions due to online activity or the number of recoveries due to getting the word out faster. It would be interesting to compare.
Most of all, this really has me thinking about the safety of my own child as he gets older, and any that may follow. Where do you draw the line? How do you let kids have their freedom, yet keep them safe? How do you feel at ease when there really is no safe place? How do you send them off to school or day care when you hear about children disappearing from those places? How do you parent in a world where there really are no sure answers?
I pray for Kara’s family and friends and for her safety. I hope that she is safe and returns home soon without harm. Most of all, I pray that she isn’t found like Kelsey Smith was.
Technorati Tags: Kara Kopetsky, Kelsey Smith, abduction, missing, teen, kansas city, parenting, safety
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The last couple of weeks have been a little challenging with Zach. It seems no matter what I do I cannot please the boy. He is 13 days away from turning two and right now I’m wondering if we are going to make it through those 13 days.
At first I blamed it on him being sick, then on teething, on developmental stages, leaving him overnight, and on the terrible two’s. I’ve read tons of parenting web sites and even flipped through the toddler how-to books that line my bookshelves trying to find some kind of explanation for his behavior. I’ve come to the conclusion that there is no explanation.
There is no rhyme or reason for his behavior. He gets mad when I wake him up in the morning. He gets mad when I try to change his clothes. He gets mad when I pour him a cup of milk that he asked me for two seconds before. He really gets mad when I drop him off at day care–so mad that he refuses to eat breakfast and flips himself out of his chair onto the floor. He gets mad when I pick him up and when I put him down. He screams, cries, and occasionally swings and hits. But mostly, he just cries.
I know kids go through phases, but this one has just about done me in. I’m trying really hard to react in a loving way without giving in too much. I know that I have to choose which battles I’m going to fight. Does it really matter whether he wears his pj’s to day care? No. Does it matter if he gets his diaper changed? Yes. I don’t think that is really unreasonable, but he seems to think I’m the world’s worst mother for it.
Every day I’m trying to come up with a new game plan for the morning routine because it seems to be the hardest part of the day and the routine I came up with the day before didn’t work. I’ve tried getting him up earlier, getting him up later, changing the order of when and how we do each morning task and nothing seems to work. The new plan involves me waking up at least a half hour earlier in the morning and trying to get him to eat breakfast at home. At least that way he gets some food in him before the screaming and crying start. If it works I’ll gladly give up that extra half hour of sleep.
I realize that the only thing that will really work is to just give it time. It has to stop eventually, right? I just don’t get how that little angelic face above can turn into this in a matter of seconds.
Comments closedDo you ever have one of those moments where a feeling just hits you so strongly it is almost overwhelming? I had several of those this weekend. They may seem insignificant to others, or even go by completely unnoticed, but to me they hold so much meaning.
Saturday morning Zach and I got up and headed up North to our church. The church preschool was having their end of the year picnic and invited all of the kids from the church to attend. My sister and her kids came as well. There was a band, led by another local minister, that performed for the kids, lots of picnic food, and then playing on the playground. At one point, while our kids were all playing together in the sandbox I looked up and just felt such a rush of love for them all. I love that they all love each other so much.
Later that night, we went to a party hosted by one of my sister’s good friends (I suppose I could claim her as my own friend too, but I never would have met her had it not been for my sister). 
As I sat there chatting with some of the girls I realized just how much things have changed between me and hubby over the last few years. It used to be that at social functions we were practically attached at the hip. We rarely left each others’ side. Saturday night I barely saw him at all. As I was sitting there talking to my friends, I couldn’t help but miss him a little bit. It was both a good and bad moment for me. It was good because it showed me just how much I have come out of my shell in the last few years. I didn’t need him there to protect and take care of me. I conversed and enjoyed myself without feeling completely awkward in a social setting. I may have finally learned to be a little independent. Yet, in the same moment, I saw just how disconnected we have become from each other. It made me miss those days when we couldn’t leave each others’ side for a moment. I kind of wish we could find our way back there.
Sunday Zach woke up with a stuffy/runny nose and a cough. By lunch time I could tell he was miserable. He didn’t improve as the day wore on and I ended up having to stay home with him on Monday. Since all he wanted to do was lounge around, I unfolded the futon in the living room and we snuggled up to watch Curious George together. I wrapped my arms around him and he held my hand. It was one of those moments that I wish could have lasted forever. I felt such an intense love for him in that moment. I am still so amazed at times that I can love a person as much as I love him.
Last week I was on a major writing kick that seemed like it would last forever. I had so many words flowing out of my head and didn’t have nearly enough time to write them all down. I was hoping it would never stop, but as they (whoever they are) say, all good things must come to an end. This week? Total blockage.
I’ve been trying to find the time and the words to describe my Mother’s Day weekend but all I can really come up with is that it rocked. Somehow that just doesn’t seem very descriptive. It all was pretty low-key, which is just how I like things to be these days.
I spent my day Saturday completing the cleaning out the closet project. When I was finished, it was much more organized and contained about 1/3 less junk than it started out with. (It just occurred to me that I should have taken a before and after picture) I ended up with a pretty large trash pile, and an even larger garage sale pile. I organized all of my scrap booking/knitting/sewing/crafty stuff and now have some actual space in the spare room that I can work on that stuff if/when I have the time. I have some left over material from Christmas gifts that I’ve been wanting to play around with, but my sewing table has been buried for a while. My scrap booking stuff has been buried in the closet for a few years now and, you know, since Zach is almost 2, I think it might be time to start on his baby scrapbook.
Saturday night after dinner, while I was cleaning up, Zach came in the kitchen toting a large handled basket and a card. The basket was part of my Mother’s Day present and was meant for me to keep my knitting projects and yarn in. Next I got a pretty necklace and a card from Hubby. I was very impressed with my gifts because Hubby isn’t exactly known for picking out thoughtful gifts. I absolutely love both of my gifts and love even more that he picked them out on his own.
Sunday was a busy day, but I got to spend it with all of my family. We went to church, then to my Dad’s house for dinner afterwards. My dad and his wife had to rush off to a graduation ceremony, so we went over to my sister’s house to put the kids down for a nap. While everyone else was sleeping, I spent a little time taking more pictures of Brayden and then reading up on some news headlines. After that, we went over to my brother’s house for a Mother’s Day dinner with my mom. Zach was the only kid brave enough to hold the bird. The kids had a lot of fun running around in the back yard while the adults chatted. By the time we ate dinner, the kids were all exhausted and pretty crazy, but we still enjoyed the time together.
The only bad part of the weekend was that Zach was pretty cranky the whole time. He didn’t sleep well all weekend and again I’m blaming the teething. When he wouldn’t go to sleep last night for the 3rd night in a row, I felt around in his mouth again and he actually jumped when I touched the gums near where his molars are coming in. Between the teething and his allergies, I imagine he isn’t too comfortable right now. I’m thinking a little snuggle time might be in order tonight…for both of us.
When I was a kid, we never lived near my cousins. The closest were a few hours drive away and we saw them maybe 3 times a year on holidays or a special summer trip. The others we saw once a year on their annual trip to Missouri. When we did get together, we had a ton of fun playing and laughing and doing things that kids do but I never felt like I really knew my cousins.
In school I would get jealous of my friends who had cousins nearby. I was jealous of that bond that they had. I always wanted to have a cousin who was also my best friend. I loved my cousins dearly, but I didn’t get to see them often enough to form that kind of friendship with them.
When I found out I was pregnant with Zach, my sister was about six or seven months into her pregnancy. I was so excited to know that my son or daughter would have a cousin that was so close in age. I hoped that one day they would become the best of friends and share the love that only cousins can share.
Last weekend I saw that dream coming to life. Saturday night, Ryan came to our house to spend the night. We wanted to give his mom and dad a break so they could celebrate their anniversary and figured the boys would have a great time playing together for the evening.
Even with the six month age difference, Zach and Ryan seem to be hitting a few developmental milestones around the same time. Right now, they are both finally able to actually play together instead of the parallel play that they previously demonstrated. The boys played so well together all night that I rarely had to step in and remind them to share. They were laughing and squealing and having so much fun.
They took turns riding on Zach’s hand made rocking horse, danced to their favorite music, looked at books, played with cars, climbed in and out of Zach’s red wagon, chased bubbles, and ran around the yard. They were happy and carefree, just as toddlers should be.
When it came time for bedtime I set up the pack ‘n’ play right next to Zach’s toddler bed for Ryan to sleep in. The boys went to bed without a fuss and settled in for the night. When I went to check on them a few minutes later, Ryan was asleep and Zach was laying there looking at him. He soon nodded off too.
Sunday morning we got up and headed off to church where we would meet back up with Ryan’s parents. We did our usual Sunday routine of church and dinner afterwards at my Dad’s house and then parted ways.
Zach fell asleep on the drive home and then finished his nap in his bed. When he awoke, I found him crying and asking for “Ry-Ry”. He kept pointing to the pack ‘n’ play and saying, “Ry-Ry, Ry-Ry,” over and over again. He missed his cousin. I explained to him that Ryan was at home with his Mommy and Daddy, but he kept insisting.
Finally, as a last ditch effort to settle him down, I told him we could call Ry-Ry on the phone and talk to him. Never in my life would I have imagined how well an almost 2 year old and a 2 1/2 year old could carry on a phone conversation. Ryan did most of the talking, but Zach stood there with a huge goofy grin on his face interjecting once in a while. He was so happy just to be talking to his cousin on the phone.
Later that night, when I put Zach to bed, he pointed to the pack ‘n’ play once more with a sad look on his face, asking for Ry-Ry. Once again I explained to him that Ryan was at home with his Mommy and that he would see him again soon. He seemed satisfied with that and went on to bed.
Somewhere deep inside I was feeling all warm and fuzzy. As much as I hate to project my own wants and emotions onto my child, it somehow seemed that something missing in my life had suddenly been fulfilled. My son begging for his cousin brought tears of both sadness and joy to my eyes. I love that he loves his cousins so much. I only wish that his other cousins lived a little closer so that he could know them as well as he knows my sister’s kids.
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