Month: November 2006

Is It Friday Yet?

Published by dee on November 13, 2006

Me. Tired.

So I got a little taste of the whole single parenting gig this weekend. It wasn’t all bad really, but it will be nice to have Hubby back home tonight.

Friday night started off wonderfully with the highway being shut down between work and my house. Zach’s day care also happens to be on the other side so I called to let them know I was on my way but would most likely be a little late. Fortunately his day care provider didn’t charge me overtime because it took me an hour and a half to get there (normally a 15-minute drive). Every single side road that goes in that general direction was extremely backed up. It’s a good thing I’m not a violent person because the rage was definitely building up. When I finally got to day care to pick Zach up, she was feeding him dinner which was so nice. They invited me to stay for dinner too so we ate and hung out for a bit before heading home.

Zach and I spent the rest of the evening just hanging out together. He was happy just sitting in my lap and cuddling which I really enjoyed. When it was time for bed he got a little angry. I’ve been having a really hard time getting him to bed lately. After letting him cry and kick and scream for a bit I gave in and put him in bed with me. We snuggled and slept soundly until 8:00 Saturday morning.

Saturday was a busy day. Zach was pretty much attached to me all morning and wouldn’t even let me get away long enough to take a shower. Fortunately my hair wasn’t too big of a mess so I just skipped the shower, got dressed, and then we headed out to run some errands. We made another trip to Old Navy, to Payless for Zach some shoes, and then lunch at McDonald’s. I took him home for a nap and while he was sleeping I rushed around the house doing laundry, taking a shower, washing some dishes, and packing bags to take to my mom’s. When he woke up I packed up the car, strapped Zach and both of the dogs in and headed over to my mom’s house.

My nephews were already at my mom’s when we arrived. Zach was so excited to have someone other than his boring old mommy to play with. The boys destroyed my mom’s house in less than ten minutes. My sister got there around 8:00 and we started up the first season of Grey’s Anatomy. I had never watched it before, but my sis loves it and wanted us to watch it. We stayed up until about 1:30 I think watching tv. I don’t sleep well when I’m not in my own bed so I tossed and turned most of the night. Zach was pretty restless too so when we heard my nephew running through the house squealing at 7:00 it was a pretty rude awakening. As soon as Zach heard him, there was no going back to sleep so we got up.

I had planned on leaving my mom’s early so that I could get some stuff done at home, but my sis convinced me to stay and finish watching Season 1. We finally ended up heading home around 1:00. I tried putting Zach down for a nap when we got home but he absolutely refused. After listening to him scream for half an hour, I decided to let him get up. I had to make yet another trip to Old Navy because they messed up my charges the day before (they forgot to take my 20% off and I was not happy!). We went to out to take care of that and to stop and pick up some kleenexes and milk for Zach. On the way we stopped at a little park to let Zach play for a bit. He had a blast and I got some really cute pictures of him which always makes me happy.

Sunday night was another battle of the wills when it came to bedtime and Zach was the winner (again). I finally got him to sleep by laying down with him in my bed. I wanted to just go to sleep with him then but I knew I needed to finish up some laundry and clean up the mess still in the kitchen from dinner. I was really tempted just to leave it but I hated to leave that mess out for Hubby to find when he gets home today.

Hubby asked me the other day if I was missing him yet. My reply was that I really hadn’t had time to miss him. Zach kept me very, very, busy. I did miss him a little, but what I missed the most was having a second pair of hands around the house. I missed having someone to pass Zach off to when I just really needed a minute to myself or needed to take a shower.

It makes me wonder how single parents do it because I am exhausted.

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Whee!

Published by dee on November 12, 2006

nov_06 125, originally uploaded by deew27.

Zach decided this afternoon that he didn’t want to take a nap. I had a few errands to run so I took advantage of him being awake and we went out for a bit. On the way, we stopped at this little park so Zach could play for a few minutes. I was so glad I had the camera in the car because he had a blast playing on the slides. We didn’t stay too long because it was pretty cold out and I forgot to bring him any gloves to keep his hands warm. I am so glad we stopped though. I think I had just as much fun watching him as he had playing.

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Duh.

Published by dee on November 10, 2006

Sometimes I do things that are just dumb. Like that last post I wrote. If you keep up with my blog or use a feed reader, you got to read half of an unfinished post. When my boss told me I could have the afternoon off on Wednesday I was in the middle of composing it and decided to save it and finish it later. Apparently instead of saving it as “unpublished” I published it and it was sitting there on my blog for everybody to read. I guess you could just look at it as a sneak peek of sorts. When I went in to finish it lastnight I discovered my error and felt like an idiot. So, I deleted it, finished it, and posted it again in its entirety. Enjoy.

So, the hubby headed off for Pittsburgh lastnight. The guys were so excited they barely finished eating before they were ready to jump in the car and get going. I’m really glad that he had this opportunity because I think he will have a really good time. The only problem is that I need somebody warm in my bed with me at night. I got very little sleep lastnight. I stayed up until 11:30 which is very late for me when I have to work the next day. My eyes were strained and I was so very tired but I just couldn’t fall asleep. I did finally get to sleep probably around midnight but spent the rest of the night tossing and turning. I was tempted to let the dog come in and snuggle but he would steal my covers so I opted for the two cats instead. I was actually hoping that Zach would wake up so I could pull him into bed with me but he didn’t.

This morning I was tired and groggy. It isn’t so much that I can’t sleep without Hubby there. It is just that feeling of something being a little off in my world that won’t allow me to fully relax. The bed just doesn’t feel the same without him there to weigh down the other half. I hate to admit that I need him there because I’m all about being independent and doing things on my own. But, yeah, I need him there. I really need my sleep! It is funny how you adjust to things being a certain way and then get totally thrown off when they change.

It is cold and cloudy here today, after two days of summer-like weather. I’m a little bummed because I was really hoping to be able to spend some time outside with Zach this weekend. TV is only entertaining for so long. I suppose we can still go out for short amounts of time, but it just won’t be the same without the sun shining down on us. I’m sure I can find some way to wear him out though. I’m really looking forward to the one-on-one time I’ll have with him this weekend (and the quiet time I’ll get to myself while he is napping/sleeping). I just hope he doesn’t get sick of me.

For anyone interested I have a new post up on my Vox page. Have a great weekend!

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To exist is to change, to change is to mature, to mature is to go on creating oneself endlessly.*

Published by dee on November 9, 2006

All of my life it seems I have been waiting to grow up. I can remember as far back as when I was waiting to go to Kindergarten. I was so anxious to go to school because that meant that I was growing up. Then I started school and every year I was anxious to start the next grade because that would mean I was even more grown up.

That got boring after a couple of years and then I just couldn’t wait until I was 13. When I was 13 everything in my life would change. Everyone knew that you were so grown up at 13. When you were 13 you could watch PG-13 movies after all. For my 13th birthday, my parents threw me a surprise party and invited boys. It was my very first boy/girl party. We had cake, opened presents, then turned the lights down and danced to Stevie B.’s "Because I Love You" on repeat all night because I got the tape for my birthday and it was the only slow song we had handy. I spent most of the evening unhappy because the only boys that showed up were the ones "going out" with my best friends and I had no one to dance with.

When I was 14, I had my first serious boyfriend. I thought I was so grown up then. We went on dates to the local pizza joint and to the movies. My sister would drive me over to his house to watch movies or just hang out. His parents even let us hang out up in his bedroom, which would have stopped the visits immediately if my parents would have found out. Sometimes he would come to my house and we would watch the Cowboys together. At the time I thought that he was for sure the one I was supposed to be with for eternity.

That relationship ended after about a year, and although I was upset by it I didn’t let it slow me down much because I was almost 16! I was going to be an adult and have a car and be able to go and do whatever I wanted to do! Unfortunately, Mom and Dad put the brakes on those ideas very quickly. I still wanted to be grown up though, so I went out and got a job. Having a job meant you were grown up right? Well, I quickly found out that I hated working (and still do!). The job at the local grocery store was awful. My best bud at that job was a guy who later got arrested for being a sniper and shooting cars on the interstate. I did like having a little spending money, but I didn’t last long there. I wrote a nasty letter to my boss, who probably got a really big laugh out of it, and I was done.

Since 16 didn’t turn out to be the magical age where I was finally all grown up, I looked forward to 18. I was in the midst of my next very serious relationship and was ready to graduate from high school. I already had a ring on my finger and was ready to get away from my parents and start a new life with my soon-to-be husband. My last year of high school was anything but pleasant and I just couldn’t wait to get away from it all. Plus, college was just around the corner and once I was there I would surely be grown up.

While I did feel much more grown up once I was in college and out on my own, I still reverted back to Mom and Dad when I needed something. After my Freshman year, I got married, moved off campus, and started what I though would be my adult life. As it turned out, just because I was living like an adult didn’t mean I had the maturity of an adult. When things got rough, I ran away from them instead of dealing with them. That helped me end up with a divorce, a job well below what I was capable of, and a lot of debt. I sure was grown up then. I constantly lived in fear because I just couldn’t handle life. I wanted so badly to just go back to being a kid again.

Eventually, I pulled myself back up, met my husband and decided life was worth living agian. We fell for each other hard and fast and suddenly I was ready to try and be an adult again. We got married, moved into a house (even though it isn’t ours), got a dog, and had a baby. Over the last year I have felt a change within myself. There is a settling of sorts that has happened. I finally feel like I have grown up and I have realized just how childish I was before.

I think the biggest change was when I had my son and realized that I was responsible for someone else’s life. Above everything else, that is what made me feel grown up. I am no longer the shy person I once was. I am capable of standing up for myself, my son, and my family. I feel a sense of responsibility and pride in the things I do for my family.

At almost 29 years old, I finally feel grown up. I know I have a lot yet to learn and so many more things to experience in my life but I finally feel like I have grown into the person that I always wanted to be. I’m not afraid to be who I am. I am not afraid of what other people think of me. I know I have flaws and things I can improve upon, but I am me and I’m happy with that. And you know what? I kind of like the grown up me.

*Henri Bergson

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Retail Therapy

Published by dee on November 9, 2006

It is amazing what a sunny afternoon (seriously, 80 degrees in Missouri in November?!?), one hour of my time and about $100 can do for my mood. Okay, so it was more like $135, but about $50 of that was spent on the boys, so I rounded to $100.

Just before lunch time yesterday my boss walked in and said, “It’s 81 degrees outside. Unless you just have too much to do, go ahead and take off after lunch.” I did have a lot to do, but I certainly wasn’t going to pass up the opportunity to get outside and enjoy an afternoon off. I was just about to leave for my lunch break where I had planned on making a quick trip to Old Navy to check out the clearance racks. Plus, since it is Stuff ‘n’ Save (20% off) time again, I figured I could splurge on a new shirt or two for myself. Instead of a rushed trip through the store, I got to spend extra time combing through the clearance racks that were marked an additional 50% off.

I ended up walking out of the store with two big bags full of clothes with a grand total of 11 shirts, 6 pairs of pants, 2 pairs of shorts and a hat/glove set for Zach. 4 of the shirts were for Zach and Hubby got a pair of jeans. All of the rest was for me. My wardrobe just got a nice little makeover. I say all of that for only $135 is a pretty damn good deal.

Instead of getting up and dreading trying to find something to wear to work this morning, I was anxious to put on a brand new outfit. I got dressed and felt so good actually putting on clothes that fit and that were not 10 years old. My whole attitude is better today. I’m happy. I’m productive. Even the piles of work sitting on my desk aren’t stressing me out today because I feel good and I think I look pretty darn good too (except for my hair that is driving me totally insane).

It could be that the sunny weather and the afternoon off contributed, but my bets are all on the new clothes. I’m starting to re-think all of those clothes that I have stored away thinking I might wear them again. The truth is I hate pulling out old clothes and trying to get extra mileage out of them. New clothes feel so much better!

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All By Myself

Published by dee on November 9, 2006

Tonight after work I’ll go pick Zach up, rush home, pick Hubby up and drive up to my sister’s house. We’ll have dinner together and then Hubby and my Brother-in-law will leave for their trip to Pittsburgh. He’ll be gone for a total of four days which isn’t really that long, but also is longer than we’ve ever really been away from each other. Definitely longer than we’ve been away from each other since having Zach.

It is not so much that I mind him going. I know that he and BIL will have a great time together and will really enjoy seeing their two favorite teams hash it out on Sunday. Of course I’ll miss him, but that isn’t really it either. What I’m most worried about is that I will have to deal with Zach plus two hyper dogs and two cats for four days by myself. At first I was all “Woohoo! Time to myself!”. Then I realized there will be no time to myself.

I imagine that I will spend the majority of my time while he is gone playing with Zach and taking the dogs outside to pee. Perhaps we will go to the park or do some other kind of outdoor activity that Hubby never wants to do. I suppose we could rake up the millions of leaves that have suddenly scattered themselves across my yard in the last two days. Or perhaps we’ll just sit around in our pj’s watching episode after episode of The Upside Down Show.

There are so many things I would have done with this time back before I had a child. I could have possibly finished up my scanning project, created a few web site designs, maybe crocheted a blanket or a few hats, edited my digital photos, read a book, cleaned my house, or even just sat on the couch watching endless hours of TV until my brain was fried. Now there isn’t much time for those things. Now I am responsible for a life other than my own and I can no longer be selfish. Granted, he has to go to bed and take naps so there will be a little alone time, but I’m guessing I’ll be ready to sleep too.

It should be an interesting weekend.

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