Lately, my frustration has been growing. Perhaps it’s the post-partum depression hitting me a little late. I’m not really sure. What I am sure of is that I’m tired. I’m completely worn out mentally and physically. I feel like I spend all of my time doing things for others and have no time left for me. I don’t mind taking care of the baby. In fact, the few hours that I spend with him every day are always the best of the entire day. What I am tired of is all of the cooking, cleaning, laundry, dishes, grocery store runs, etc. It seems like it never ends. I suppose it is just a bit overwhelming. I can’t possibly keep up with it all. When I get home from work all I want to do is spend time with the baby, yet I have all of these tasks looming over me that must be done. Some nights the only time I get to spend with him is when I am feeding him.
My husband thinks that he is helping out but when it all comes down to it, he’s not doing much. When I do ask him to do something for me, which isn’t very often, he gets all huffy and acts as though I’m really putting him out. If he actually peels himself out of his recliner to do what I asked he complains the whole time. Most of the time I just prefer to do it myself instead of having to listen to him.
Then, of course, there is the whole sex issue. It has been 12 weeks now since I had the baby and we have not yet resumed that part of our lives. He is getting crankier and crankier about it. He says he respects me and will wait until I am ready, yet he keeps trying. Right now, I can barely stand for him to touch me. I’m certainly not ready to have sex with him but I don’t know how to explain it to him. I don’t really have a good reason other than I just don’t feel like it. I don’t know why his touch bothers me so much. It used to be comforting, now it just causes me to tense up. I wish I knew how to get past this.
Basically, I’ve just decided that I don’t want to be a grown-up anymore. I want to go back to having that youthful innocence. I want to go back to not having any responsibilities. I want to stay home and play all day instead of going to work. I want me back.