Sometimes I really just wish my brain had an “off” switch. I’ve had bouts of insomnia at least since my early high school days. It could have started even before that but I just don’t remember. It has been bad enough at times that it has required medication, but other times it just lasts for a few days or weeks and then it is over.
Since I got pregnant with Zach, way back in 2004(!), being able to sleep really hasn’t been an issue. The exhaustion that comes along with pregnancy and child-rearing has been enough to keep the insomnia at bay. Every once in a while, however, I get a glimpse of those sleepless nights of my past.
There are nights when I just can’t get my brain to shut off. I lay awake with my mind racing, all the while desperately wanting to just shut down and sleep. When I finally do get to sleep, I’m restless. I’ll awake in the middle of the night to a quiet house and wonder why my body refuses to give in. My thoughts move from one trivial thing to the next until I am finally able to drift off again.
When the alarm sounds I sometimes beg for just a few more minutes of precious sleep. Other times, like this morning, I am relieved to finally hear that crude sound telling me that it is time to get up. Even though my head aches and my eyes burn from the lack of sleep, getting up and having something to do is better than being left alone with my thoughts.