Category: Life

2 kids, 2 dogs, 2 cats, and 1 husband – life isn’t perfect, but it is what we make it

17 Months

Published by dee on August 18, 2009

Dear Evie,

Seventeen months fly by so fast. Nearly a year and a half is gone in the blink of an eye. I think of those first few days with you, how tiny you were, and can’t believe that in seventeen months you have grown so much.

Last weekend we had a small garage sale. I sold the baby swing that both you and your brother used. The exersaucer, the play mats, the bathtub chair – they’re all gone now. I’m still holding on to the high chair, crib, and pack ‘n’ play, just in case. I sorted through your teeny, tiny, baby clothes. I put price stickers on a few and packed the rest back into the plastic tote they came out of. I can’t part with them yet. I’m not ready. Someday I will be, but not just yet.

You have decided all on your own that you are a “big girl” now. You don’t want to sleep in your crib any more. You climb right up into brother’s bottom bunk when it’s time for bed. We made it yours this weekend, and you picked out your very own princess sheets and comforter to make it official.

You suddenly want to do everything yourself, from brushing your hair to putting on your clothes and shoes. You pretty much have the shoe thing down, but you’re still a little confused on the clothes. Shirts go over your head, not on your legs.

You talk all the time. You say so many words, I cannot even try to list them anymore. Yesterday, as I was buckling you into your car seat, you were reaching for a brush on the floor of the car. I handed it to you saying, “Are you happy now?” You looked up, gave me a huge grin, and said, “Happy!” That may have been our first true conversation.

You have a fierce love for your brother these days, always wanting to be near him. I worry a bit about how you will handle being separated from him in a few weeks as he heads off to preschool. I’ve found comfort in knowing that even when I’m not with you, the two of you are still together. That will quickly come to an end. As I listened to the two of you giggling together until nearly 11:00 last night, I thought again that maybe it is time for separate bedrooms. Then again, maybe not. You need all the time you can get to be together right now. I’m sure it won’t be long before you are fighting like cats and dogs and begging for separate rooms.

Baby girl, you are so intelligent and caring and just everything I ever dreamed you would be. I know we’ll have our struggles down the road, but I hope that someday you can look back at this and know that you have filled every bit of empty space in my heart.

Love always,
Mama

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Good

Published by dee on August 17, 2009

My boss and I pulled into the parking lot at the same time this morning. As we got out of our cars, he asked me how my weekend was.

“Good,” I replied.

And it was good, just not great. I was moody. Hubby was moody. The kids were a little crazy, which didn’t help out the moodiness of the adults. One thing just added onto another and by Sunday morning Hubby and I were having it out. It was inevitable I suppose. I felt it coming on all week.

All week long I felt the pressure building. Our weekly schedule is a little out of whack with Zach in swimming lessons. I was extra stressed at work trying to get my computer back up and running after replacing the hard drive. Hubby seemed a little more cranky than usual (though I suppose it could have just been me). Zach was more difficult than usual. Evie’s shrieks seemed to grate on my nerves more than usual. Money was tight as we waited for pay day to come on Friday. And I threw a new diet and exercise (ha!) routine in on top of all that.

Friday night Hubby started on-call for work and got called out just as I was getting home with the kids. We agreed to meet up for dinner after he finished his job, but by the time we all got there it was nearly 7:00. The kids were totally out of hand (because they were hungry!) and my stress level was crazy high trying to deal with them. Once we finally got food they settled down. I had promised the kids we’d go swimming at Grandma’s since I needed to pick up some tables from her house so we headed over there next. We ended up leaving Zach to spend the night at Grandma’s with his cousins and headed home where I still needed to prepare for the garage sale I planned on having Saturday.

I ended up staying up until around 2:30 trying to get stuff ready for the garage sale. I didn’t sleep well at all, and then got up at 7:00 to shower and get ready for the sale. Apparently Saturday was just not the day for garage sales in my neighborhood. It was slow as heck and while I did get rid of quite a few things, I had a lot more I wanted to get rid of. I also lowered a lot of prices just to sell stuff and ended up only making $61. When it started raining at 3:00, I was actually glad that I had an excuse to fold up early. We piled everything in the house and I sat down in my comfy chair where I promptly fell asleep and dozed off and on for the next 2 hours or so. I finally forced myself up, but only because my kids needed dinner. I don’t even really remember the rest of the evening, except for the fact that I went to bed early.

I was hoping to set up the sale again for a few hours on Sunday, but when I woke up to thunder and the sound of rain hitting the roof, I knew that was out of the question. Instead, I intended to spend the day cleaning. The kids and I started the morning out slow, with cartoons and pop tarts in the living room. I had warned Zach that as soon as his show ended we would go start cleaning up the play room. With about 5 minutes left of his show, Hubby started telling Zach he needed to go start cleaning. Zach and I both bot irritated by that since I had already told him he could finish his show, and things just escalated from there.

Hubby and I spent the rest of the morning irritated with each other, mainly because we had different agendas for the day. We both pretty much had the same goals (except mine involved a little more work) just a different way of getting to them. Instead of communicating, we were just griping. But, eventually we got (almost) everything done anyway.

After Evie woke up from her nap, I got the kids dressed and headed out to do some shopping. Both kids have outgrown their shoes (again!!!) so we hit up Payless first for some BOGO deals. I also had a 20% off coupon, which ended up getting us four pairs of shoes for $52, which was a pretty great deal (and Zach passed up the Cars shoes for some nice looking tennis shoes, which made it even better!).

Next we headed to Target for a few groceries to get us through the week and to let Evie pick out bedding for her new “big girl” bed. She’s been wanting to sleep in the bottom bunk bed for the last week or so, so I figured it’s time to make it hers. Target had some really cute (generic, non-Disney) bedding sets on clearance, but Evie was having none of that. We ended up with a comforter, sheets, and a throw pillow all in pink Disney Princesses (or “cin-cess”, as Evie says).

By the time we got home, had dinner, and got the kids settled and into bed, I was spent. I will admit that the little bit of retail therapy did help my mood, but I was exhausted. Just as Hubby and I were settling in to watch True Blood, I realized I still needed to fill out the preschool forms that I had set out earlier in the weekend. Instead of sitting back relaxing, I filled out a million forms, repeating the same info over and over again (seriously, can’t they just pull it all from one dang form?).

This morning, I woke up feeling like I hadn’t slept at all. I’m still tired and a bit cranky. It’s still rainy and cruddy outside. And even though it seems like I had a bad weekend, it was good. Between all the cruddy, cranky, gripey, grumpiness going on, I still got to spend it with my three favorite people in the whole world. I still got lots of hugs, kisses, and zerberts. I still got to see my daughter’s face light up when she hugged her “cin-cess” pillow. I still got to listen to my son’s silly stories before I tucked him into bed for the night. I still got to snuggle up in bed with my Hubby after a long day. It was good. Maybe it was better than good. Maybe it was great.

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Is It Time For An Allowance?

Published by dee on August 13, 2009

Zachary is becoming much more interested in money here lately. He has had a couple of opportunities to make his own purchases at the store and really enjoyed it. We talked through the process first, told him how much money he had to spend, helped him choose which toys that were less than that amount, and then let him pay for them himself at the cash register. Ever since then, he keeps asking when he can buy more toys. I explain to him that he’ll have to save more money up before he can buy more toys. The problem is, he probably won’t be getting much money until his birthday rolls around again.

Is it time to start giving him an allowance?

My first response to that question is yes. I do think it is time. He’s interested and ready to start learning about money management. But, how do I go about it? Do I just give him a set amount every week, no matter what? Do I make him do chores in exchange for his allowance? At first I thought chores were the way to go, but the more I think about it I’m not so sure.

A while back I read an article about family responsibility (I would link but can’t remember where I read it). The basic premise was that things like cleaning and taking care of the house should be the shared responsibility of all members of the family (to the best of each member’s ability) and should not be done for any kind of expected reward, but for the good of the family. The only reward would be the natural consequence of the action (the child can easily find the toy they want because it is put away where it belongs) rather than receiving an allowance or other treats for doing something that should be expected of them as a member of the family unit.

Along with this argument, comes the fact that the true purpose of an allowance is to teach the child money management, not teach them to do chores. When giving an allowance, you should also be teaching your child to budget, save, and spend wisely (none of which I’m very good at myself).

On the flip side of that is the argument that as an adult he will be expected to work for his money. Zach knows that Mommy and Daddy go to work in order to have money for food, clothes, toys, etc. He understands that work is required to earn money. So, should I just hand him money with no expectations? Doesn’t that negate the idea that you have to put forth effort in order to meet your financial needs? I don’t know.

I’m still leaning toward an allowance in exchange for chores because it is what he has been asking for, but I’m thinking some things should just be expected of him without earning money for doing them as well. Maybe a base amount with a “bonus” if he keeps up with his chores would work? I don’t know.

I’m pretty sure I’m over thinking this whole thing, but I’m really curious to hear how other families handle it. Do your kids get an allowance? How old were they when they started receiving it? Do they do chores in exchange for earning allowance or are they just given a certain amount each week?

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You're The Inspiration

Published by dee on July 30, 2009

Some days all I want to do is write. There are things that need to move from my head to a piece of paper (or a glowing screen). I’ve always had that side to me. When I feel something deeply, I need to write it out. It helps me process. It helps me release the hurt, the joy, the emotions that build up inside of me. When I was younger, it came out in poetry or letters to those that had wronged me, sometimes to those who I was infatuated with beyond my own understanding. Most of those words were never read by any eyes other than my own. As soon as the words were released, they were destroyed (and boy do I wish I had held onto some of that).

When I first started blogging, it was my own private little getaway. I could write about anything and everything I wanted. The internet was full of strangers. I didn’t use my name. I didn’t tell anyone that this private world of mine existed. But I made friends in my private little world. And they told me that my writing was good. They validated my feelings. They helped me become more honest with myself and with my writing. They helped me overcome my shyness. They made me feel like I had something to contribute to this world, even if it only reaches a few. They made me feel like my story was important.

When I decided to move up in the blogging world and buy my own domain, I chose the name Voices In My Mind. The title came from the lyrics of a song: “Voices in my mind, the voices I can’t hide”. The line just kept ringing through my head. I was done hiding my voice. I was ready to let the world hear it.

In the beginning I let it all out – the good, the bad, and the ugly. I was in a pretty dark place for a while and I complained about everything and everyone that had wronged me. I complained about my husband, my job, my money issues. I didn’t even realize how many boundaries I had overstepped until I suddenly found my blog being featured in the Kansas City Star. Talk about a panic attack! At least I had a little time to delete and make private some of the worst ones. Going public changed the way I write. It made me think twice about the words flowing onto the screen. It made me keep a lot inside. It also reduced my blog from a personal blog to a “mommy blog” in many ways. I stopped writing so much about my true feelings and more and more about my kids as they were a safe topic for my family and friends to read.

At some point during my pregnancy with Evie, my blogging really slowed down. After she was born it slowed down even more. Life with two kids was much harder and busier than I had anticipated. My blog posts decreased to maybe one a week, sometimes more, sometimes less. It got to the point where when I did want to sit down and write it had been so long since the last post that I felt too overwhelmed to write anything at all. I wanted to change it. I just didn’t know how.

At some point in there I also stopped really reading blogs. I didn’t completely stop reading, but found it was easier to keep up with people on Twitter. So I’d click a link here and there but pretty much stopped keeping up with my feed reader. It was just all too much. I didn’t feel like there was enough time for my personal life and my online life. Yet, I still felt like something was missing.

Somewhere amidst the BlogHer ’09 hoopla I found inspiration again. I’ve read account after account of women finally getting to meet their favorite bloggers, friends who have reached out to each other with their words, women who have bonded over babies, infertility, humor, politics, and a plethora of other things. I’ve read posts that have literally brought me to tears because of the emotions so strongly conveyed through letters strung together on a glowing white screen. It gives me goosebumps even thinking of it now.

Suddenly I want to write again, and not just about my kids. I want to write from the heart. I want to fill the page with my emotions, no matter who is reading. I want people who stop by this space to know who I am, not just about my kids. I want to be a part of this amazing blogging community. I want to read posts from my favorite bloggers that fill me with so many emotions and “aha” moments. I want to interact with all of the amazing women (and men) that I’ve come across in the blogosphere and not just sit silently on the sidelines. I want to be a part of something bigger. I want to step outside of this comfortable little box that I’ve been hiding in.

Over the last week or so I’ve been sprucing things up around here. You won’t notice any major changes (especially if you’re reading through a feed reader), but I have updated a few things, including adding uPrinting as a blog sponsor and a few text ads (with all proceeds being set aside for a new camera fund and my next big dream). I’ve also updated my About page, the Blogs I Read page (to reflect those that I’m actually trying to keep up with again), and added links to my other sites along the top. On top of that, I finally took the time to update to the most recent versions of WordPress and Thesis (the best theme of all time).

So, for now anyway, I’m re-energized. I’m ready to rock this thing. You are the inspiration and I love every single one of you.

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Evie – 16 1/2 Months

Published by dee on July 27, 2009

Dear Evie,

I’ve missed two months now of these “monthly” letters and I really have no excuse other than that I just can’t seem to find the words to describe you these days. You are beautiful and charming. You are so full of life and attitude. One minute you have me in tears laughing so hard and the next minute all you want to do is snuggle up on my lap like we did for hours at a time when you were an infant. You make my heart swell and hurt in such a good way.

You are growing up so dang fast. Some days it seems like you are one going on fifteen. You still let me pick your clothes out in the morning, but heaven help me if I try to put the wrong pair of shoes on you. You will kick and scream and fight until I give up and let you choose the ones you want. As long as something is covering your feet it doesn’t really matter much though. You just love your shoes and even though you can’t manage to put your own shoes on yet, I keep finding you walking around in your brother’s. I’ve also found you walking around trying to wear a t-shirt as pants because you are trying to dress yourself already. There were even a few days when I had to laugh because you started asking for a “bow” in your hair every night before bed and refused to lay down until you had one. It seems I may have a little miniature diva on my hands.

You talk all the time now. You can still only say one or two words at a time, but girl you have a lot of words for your age. Your favorite word? Shoes. (You may have to get a job when you’re 3 to keep up with your shoe habit.) I can’t possibly list all of the words you say, but the most common are: shoes, mommy, mama, daddy, zach, bubba, bopbop, cat, bye bye, more, night night, outside, belly (while you lift your shirt to show it off), hello, hi, ball, baby, bath, potty, yes, no, and cup. I know I’m forgetting some because you’re always spouting off new words. You try to repeat pretty much anything we say, even if you can’t get the sounds quite right.

You are getting more and more social all the time. You love your friends at day care and your cousins, but you love your big brother even more. You want to play with him all the time, which means I hear a lot of “No Sis!” coming from the playroom and living room when you start messing with his toys. Most of the time he ends up giving up the toys and playing with you instead. When he does pay attention to you the two of you giggle like crazy and it is the best sound in the world.

It’s been fun watching you develop your motor skills lately as well. You’ve been walking since just after your first birthday, but now you love to dance as well. In the last week or so, I’ve noticed you trying to jump. Every kid does it, but I think it is the cutest thing when you try to jump and your feet don’t leave the ground. You are so proud of yourself every time even though you aren’t going anywhere. Your fine motor skills are improving as well. You have started picking up crayons and coloring and you are doing much better feeding yourself with a fork and spoon.

Along with all of the growing, you’ve been cutting teeth like crazy. You cut all four of your 1st year molars and all four incisors within a few weeks of each other. In between cutting all of those teeth, you somehow got a bacterial infection in your skin, got a cold, and a horrible sinus infection that caused a week long fever. You were a pretty miserable girl for a couple weeks, but once we got through the antibiotics you were back to your normal goofy self.

Baby girl, you are just so much fun. You are so lively and funny and just perfect in every way (except for maybe your sudden obsession with princesses). I can spend hours just tickling you and giving you zerberts on your belly and you never get tired of it. You just ask for “more” and lift your shirt to show me your belly. You bring so much joy and love to our family. I can’t imagine a more perfect fit. I love you, my little monkey!

Love always,
Mama

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Pity Party for 1

Published by dee on July 24, 2009

Every year as the BlogHer conference rolls around I find myself feeling jealous of all of those who are able to go. I want to go. I love the idea of being surrounded by 1500+ other women who get why blogging is so cool. I love the idea of being able to speak geek talk with other people who actually understand what I’m saying. I really love the idea of meeting so many of the bloggers that I’ve been following and talking to online for years. It would be such an incredible experience.

But…

In order to go I would have to shell out way more money than I can afford. I would also have to somehow manage to come out of my little shell I hide under in social situations (but a margarita or two would help with that part). Plus, I’m pretty sure I would end up completely overwhelmed with the whole thing.

So instead I sit at home watching the #blogher09 tweets fly by and reading the blog posts of those that are there and dream of some day being able to make it happen. Maybe when the kids are older. Maybe when we get a little debt payed down. Maybe, maybe, maybe. Someday…

I plan to spend Saturday enjoying my kids and hopefully get away from Twitter for a bit. I can’t stay completely off the computer as I have some blog maintenance/site design type things to get done this weekend, but I really need to focus on the important things and just quit feeling sorry for myself.

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