2 kids, 2 dogs, 2 cats, and 1 husband – life isn’t perfect, but it is what we make it
It is 8:40 p.m. on Friday night. Zach is in bed asleep. Hubby is at a friend’s house. Pearl Jam is playing on the stereo. The T.V. is turned off. There’s a pizza in the oven. I’m sitting on the couch, my notebook computer in my lap. I can hear the swishing of the dishwasher in the kitchen. The dog is curled up next to me. For once, I am alone. At this very moment, life could not be more perfect.
Comments closedRecently there seeems to be a surge of great bloggers who are getting paying gigs to blog. For quite some time now I’ve admired some of the regulars at Blogging Baby and wondered if there would ever possibly be a chance that some day I might be able to do something like that. In the last couple of weeks I’ve read about several people getting jobs at ClubMom and even AlphaMom.
As I read about each one, I sit here in disbelief that these people are getting paid to blog. Then I start dreaming and think, what if I could get paid to blog? Quickly, reality sets in and I realize that I am nowhere near the status of these great bloggers who get hundreds of comments on every entry they post. I’m lucky if I even get ten or fifteen visitors a day on my blog. But everyone has to start out somewhere, right?
Today I did something that makes me nervous as heck. I finally sucked up some courage and put in my application to one of those big multi-blog sites. I keep telling myself not to get my hopes up, but I know that if I don’t at least try that I will always wonder, "what if?" I don’t want to someday regret the fact that I sat here and didn’t chase after my dreams.
My fingers are officially crossed…
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I looked up lastnight to find Zach standing up on his own, with both hands occupied by his cup. He wasn’t holding on to ANYTHING! Fortunately I had the camera in my hand when he did it. He has also been getting much more steady with the walking over the last few days. It won’t be long now!
Comments closedI’m feeling off. Not really depressed. Certainly not happy. Just off. I’ve tried to keep up with things lately, but it’s not working. Something is not right. I am not right. Little things make me feel good for a short time, but then the dark cloud re-surfaces. I have no patience for other people. I just want to be alone with my thoughts.
I know that most of these feelings come from the fact that I am very unhappy with my job and somewhat unhappy with my marriage right now. I tried to talk to hubby about some of my ideas that would allow me to work from home and he pretty much just laughed it off. He doesn’t encourage me. He doesn’t believe that I can do it. It terrifies me to even think about quitting my job, but it would be so beneficial for our family. I wish he could see it the way I do.
At times like this I am so thankful that I have Zach. He is what keeps me going. He gives me purpose. He makes me feel needed. I worry that if hubby and I don’t get things worked out soon that it will end up hurting Zach and I don’t want that. I am trying, but I’m not sure if I’m succeeding yet.
Comments closedAfter forcing myself not to write everything that popped into my head last week (because I would have spent every hour of every day blogging) now I am having writer’s block. It might have something to do with Zach waking up about every two hours lastnight and the amount of sleep that I got because of that. Not sure. I do know that one of the times that I woke up to the sounds of a screaming baby I was dreaming about Pearl Jam. Too bad I didn’t get to finish that one out.
We had a great weekend. Zach has started taking a few steps with only one hand being held instead of both. I got to spend almost two full hours yesterday just playing with him in the floor with no other distractions and it was awesome.
More later…if I can wake myself up.
p.s. I’m trying this new thing out. Really it is just for fun, but if I can publish a few articles in the meantime and make some money, it is even better. Articles are automatically published after 200 clicks, so if you have some free time, go here and click away.
p.p.s. That second link is fixed now and should take you to the one article I have submitted.
Comments closedToday it is the 2-month anniversary of my brother-in-laws’s death. Honestly, I hadn’t even thought about it until I just received an e-mail from hubby’s aunt titled "In Memory of Josh". I suppose that means I am moving on. Then I wonder how I could possibly forget. How can I move on and not even think of him?
I wonder if I am selfish because I don’t think of him and his family more often. Am I a bad person because I have failed in my promise to keep in touch with his wife and my nephew? Or, is this just my way of coping? Is it okay to want to forget? Isn’t it easier to avoid the situation than to feel the pain?
Is it wrong of me to want to click away and not read the e-mail from his aunt who talks about how this is God’s plan and that he now has peace and how glad she is that he has a family who have all been "saved" and how God will comfort us? Because no matter how much I believe in God, it still doesn’t make this feel any better.
Is it wrong of me to be mad at her for sending the e-mail because I know that hubby will read it when he gets home and spend the rest of the evening and possibly the upcoming weekend being severly depressed, angry, and missing his brother? Is it selfish of me to not want him to have to feel that sadness and pain?
I miss Josh. I know that my pain isn’t even close to the pain that his family has. I only knew him for about 4 years. They knew him for 27. But, it still doesn’t make it any easier.
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