Today it is the 2-month anniversary of my brother-in-laws’s death. Honestly, I hadn’t even thought about it until I just received an e-mail from hubby’s aunt titled "In Memory of Josh". I suppose that means I am moving on. Then I wonder how I could possibly forget. How can I move on and not even think of him?
I wonder if I am selfish because I don’t think of him and his family more often. Am I a bad person because I have failed in my promise to keep in touch with his wife and my nephew? Or, is this just my way of coping? Is it okay to want to forget? Isn’t it easier to avoid the situation than to feel the pain?
Is it wrong of me to want to click away and not read the e-mail from his aunt who talks about how this is God’s plan and that he now has peace and how glad she is that he has a family who have all been "saved" and how God will comfort us? Because no matter how much I believe in God, it still doesn’t make this feel any better.
Is it wrong of me to be mad at her for sending the e-mail because I know that hubby will read it when he gets home and spend the rest of the evening and possibly the upcoming weekend being severly depressed, angry, and missing his brother? Is it selfish of me to not want him to have to feel that sadness and pain?
I miss Josh. I know that my pain isn’t even close to the pain that his family has. I only knew him for about 4 years. They knew him for 27. But, it still doesn’t make it any easier.