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2 Months Later

Today it is the 2-month anniversary of my brother-in-laws’s death.  Honestly, I hadn’t even thought about it until I just received an e-mail from hubby’s aunt titled "In Memory of Josh".  I suppose that means I am moving on.  Then I wonder how I could possibly forget.  How can I move on and not even think of him?

I wonder if I am selfish because I don’t think of him and his family more often.  Am I a bad person because I have failed in my promise to keep in touch with his wife and my nephew?  Or, is this just my way of coping?  Is it okay to want to forget?  Isn’t it easier to avoid the situation than to feel the pain?

Is it wrong of me to want to click away and not read the e-mail from his aunt who talks about how this is God’s plan and that he now has peace and how glad she is that he has a family who have all been "saved" and how God will comfort us?  Because no matter how much I believe in God, it still doesn’t make this feel any better.

Is it wrong of me to be mad at her for sending the e-mail because I know that hubby will read it when he gets home and spend the rest of the evening and possibly the upcoming weekend being severly depressed, angry, and missing his brother?  Is it selfish of me to not want him to have to feel that sadness and pain?

I miss Josh.  I know that my pain isn’t even close to the pain that his family has.  I only knew him for about 4 years.  They knew him for 27.  But, it still doesn’t make it any easier.

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  1. hey, don’t beat yourself up for moving on. we all have to, eventually.

    not thinking about him every waking moment is not the same as forgetting him, or his memory. i’m sure his wife and kid will understand and even appreciate that you, or anybody else, don’t fuss over them all the time as well.

    you honor his memory by continuing to live your life.

  2. It is REALLY hard to move on when those around you do not. And perhaps the email is a way to deal with that…actually, I think for parents it’s really really hard. It took my parents almost 15 years to truly be okay with losing a child, but even my father is still upset every March. Just keep at it as best you can. Remember that your progress is your progress and that others will be on different paths…

  3. I read your posts re: your BIL closely because a good friend of mine lost her husband just a month prior. Many of the sentiments are similar.

    My friend, who’s husband died Jan 28, has a saying “I’m not dead”. She doesn’t mean it crassly, but she does mean it seriously. She has to move on and take of her children. She has to rebuild her life from scratch. And you know what? Her husband would agree.

    I don’t know Josh, but I wonder if he wouldn’t agree, too.

    Peace be with you, hang in there, and always, ALWAYS, remember to be kind to yourself and don’t feel guilty for being alive.

  4. Everyone copes differently. This is your way. Not wanting to talk about it does not mean you have forgotten.

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