I’m feeling off. Not really depressed. Certainly not happy. Just off. I’ve tried to keep up with things lately, but it’s not working. Something is not right. I am not right. Little things make me feel good for a short time, but then the dark cloud re-surfaces. I have no patience for other people. I just want to be alone with my thoughts.
I know that most of these feelings come from the fact that I am very unhappy with my job and somewhat unhappy with my marriage right now. I tried to talk to hubby about some of my ideas that would allow me to work from home and he pretty much just laughed it off. He doesn’t encourage me. He doesn’t believe that I can do it. It terrifies me to even think about quitting my job, but it would be so beneficial for our family. I wish he could see it the way I do.
At times like this I am so thankful that I have Zach. He is what keeps me going. He gives me purpose. He makes me feel needed. I worry that if hubby and I don’t get things worked out soon that it will end up hurting Zach and I don’t want that. I am trying, but I’m not sure if I’m succeeding yet.
As a complete outsider here……It does sound like you need some sort of change or at a minimum, some sort of opportunity for you and your husband to sit back and take an inventory of what is going on. You both have had a A LOT to face these past few months and maybe you aren’t giving yourselves enough emotional credit for that..
Have you thought of some sort of marriage retreat or counseling? I think (ie. IMHO) if a marriage is really strong, that provides you a good base in which to face all the other Life Crap being flung at you. Again, that’s IMHO.
I agree with cagey – maybe talking to an outside person is a good option. You’ve been blogging about this for some time now, and it seems to add to your depression that the attempts you make to discuss things with your hubby always fall flat.
On a more positive note – Pearl Jam comes out today! :o) Right?
If you are in fact depressed (which is something out of your control, like getting the flu) you may think about trying something to help you cope with the challenges.