Category: Life

2 kids, 2 dogs, 2 cats, and 1 husband – life isn’t perfect, but it is what we make it

The Anniversary

Published by dee on June 8, 2006

Four years ago today I married the man that I planned to spend the rest of my life with. We met each other just a little over a year before that by an accidental (or maybe not so accidental) bump on the dance floor. There seemed to be an almost instant spark between us and we quickly jumped into a relationship.

There were a few little bumps in that first year that we had to work through, but on our wedding day we didn’t care about anything other than making a permanent commitment to each other. It wasn’t a fancy wedding as it was the second for both of us, but our families were there and it was exactly how we wanted it to be.

We’ve had our share of ups and downs, as any relationship has, but the last year has probably been the most difficult. There have been times when I have sat back and wondered how I let myself get into this situation. Then there are other times when I am reminded of why I fell in love with him in the first place.

My husband is far from perfect. I am far from perfect. But, something between us just works. I have made the decision to make sure that it works between us and am determined to put forth as much effort as I need to in order to make it work. I realized this week that I want to make it better and that I’m the one that is going to have to make it better through my attitude and my efforts.

A week ago, I wasn’t sure that there was enough of a relationship left to salvage. We have both changed so much that it seemed nearly impossible. Today, on our anniversary, I caught a glimpse of the man that I married four years ago and somewhere behind all of those walls that I have built up, my heart skipped a little. There is still a lot of work to do to get back to the way it was, but I think we might be heading back in the right direction…if I can keep up my end of the bargain. Somewhere, deep down, I really do love that man.

I’m actually looking forward to spending some time with him alone tonight, even if it is only for a couple hours at dinner.

Comments closed

Sizing It Up

Published by dee on June 8, 2006

I haven’t written about my dieting adventures lately because I haven’t really been dieting the last few months. I’ve still been kind of watching what I eat, but haven’t been too strict with myself. I have pretty much maintained my weight, but haven’t really lost any more since about February.

I decided Monday that it was time to start up again. I’ve thought this several times in the last few weeks, but haven’t really done it. This time I did. So far this week I have been sticking very strictly to my Weight Watchers plan and have dropped 5 pounds already this week. I’m sure I can’t contribute all of that to the diet. More than likely there was some natural fluctuation and water weight added in, but I already feel better.

As stupid as it is, the numbers on the scale really do affect my mood. I’ve had a much more positive attitude this week and I know that part of it is because I’ve taken back control over my eating. The other part of it I think can be contributed to the fact that I’ve made a firm decision to try to improve things with Hubby.

The thing that really pushed me back to the dieting was trying on clothes this weekend. I went shopping for a dress for my BIL’s wedding (Holy cow…it’s next weekend!) in Phoenix and was getting frustrated because every dress I tried on seemed to be just a little tight in the waist. Yes, I know I had a baby and I know that my stomach will never be the same, but I still want to be able to buy clothes that fit. You would think I would be happy that I am at least 2-3 dress sizes smaller than I was the last time I bought a dress but that’s just not good enough for me.

The other thing pushing me back to the dieting is that my 10-year high school reunion is in 2 WEEKS! I want to go there looking good and feeling good about myself. If I can drop a few more pounds before then, I’ll feel better and be more confident.

I’ve been doing quite a bit of shopping over the last couple of weeks. I blame it on the fact that we’re getting ready to go on vacation and I don’t have a lot of casual clothes that fit that are appropriate for the weather. I can’t really wear jeans and long sleeve shirts in Phoenix mid-June so I’ve been buying some capris and cute tops to go with them.

The problem is I keep buying my shirts too big. I’ve gotten in the habit of buying all my shirts in an extra-large over the years. First I went through the baggy clothes stage where everything had to be at least one to two sizes bigger than what I actually should have been wearing. Then I grew into my large clothes. Now that I’m smaller again, I still think I need to buy that size when I really need a large or medium depending on the style. I told my mom this morning that I need to start making myself try everything on before I buy it. I hate trying on clothes and usually just buy off the rack unless I’m not sure about the size. Either that, or wash everything in really hot water and hope it shrinks.

But back to the dieting. Tonight Hubby and I are going out for dinner…dinner that will include at least one if not more margaritas and will not fit into my diet. It is a special occasion so that’s ok. But, then, on Saturday I’m going to a friend’s bachelorette party where there will be another dinner and many drinks which will not fit into my diet. I’m a little worried about what kind of effect that will have on the 5 pounds I lost. Perhaps I will just not eat on Friday and Sunday to make up for it. Yeah, right. I can diet, but I cannot skip eating all together.

Comments closed

Feeling Someone Else's Pain

Published by dee on June 6, 2006

How do you help someone that is hurting when you just don’t know what to say? I have always been the type of person that friends come to with problems. I’m a great listener. I try to give helpful advice when I can, but some instances don’t call for advice. Sometimes there is just nothing to say.

One of my co-workers, who I have only known for a short time, had something terrible happen over the weekend. Her 13-year-old niece was killed in a car accident. I don’t know any details as she is not ready to talk about it, but my heart is aching for her and her entire family.

I feel like I can understand some of the emotions she is going through because I recently had to deal with the sudden death of a family member. I realize that my situation was very different, but the loss you feel at the death of a loved one is something you can’t understand until you have been through it.

When my brother-in-law died, no words could possibly comfort the ache in my heart so I have not attempted to offer my condolences to my co-worker. She is not ready to talk about things and I respect her wishes to keep busy and keep her mind off of it. We all deal with pain in different ways and if keeping busy is what helps her, then I’ll let her be.

I can’t seem to keep my mind off of it though. My thoughts keep going back to my nephews. They are so young and innocent. I can’t even begin to imagine my life without them in it. Since the day they were born, I have loved them as if they were my own. I have cared for them. I have protected them. To think that one day my nephews, or even Zach, might be stripped away from this world as my co-worker’s neice was is beyond what I can fathom.

What makes me hurt the most is knowing that my co-worker was never able to have children of her own. She has made her peace with that, but I know that when I thought I might never be able to have my own kids, the one thing that comforted me was that I knew I had a nephew to give my love to. I wonder if it wasn’t the same for her. I imagine that her niece was a "replacement" of sorts for the children she couldn’t have.

Comments closed

How To Start Your Day Off Right

Published by dee on May 31, 2006

Step 1: Wake up already!
Step 2: Stumble into the bathroom and examine the huge dark circles under your eyes, all the while trying to figure out why in the hell you didn’t go to bed earlier.
Step 3: Put contacts into burning eyes, pee, brush teeth, shower, etc.
Step 4: Get dressed (put jeans on even though it isn’t jeans day because you have no clean undies that won’t show through the only pair of clean khakis in the laundry basket).
Step 4: Search for shoes. Put on slightly too high-heeled black slides because the jeans are long and this will make you look slimmer and not quite so sloppy.
Step 5: Hear baby waking up. Ignore baby and take dogs outside before they pee on the carpet. Notice puppy made a big mess in her kennel overnight.
Step 6: Get baby up and dressed. Fix cup of milk and sit baby in the highchair while you clean up dog mess.
Step 7: Lock dogs up in respective day areas (kennel and basement).
Step 8: Grab Coke Zero from fridge. Wait. Remember you forgot to put the Coke in the fridge. Say words baby should not hear. Grab water instead.
Step 9: Drop baby off at day care in a rush because on the way there you realize you forgot to stop and get gas lastnight and that stupid light won’t quit flashing at you again.
Step 10: Stop at gas station. Fill car up. Go inside and buy 2 bottles of cold Coke Zero and a danish that you totally don’t need.
Step 11: Drive to work holding phone in one hand while listening to mom blab about her screwed up web site, trying to eat danish, and drink Coke with other hand. Steering mostly with knees.
Step 12: Arrive at work only a little late. Brush crumbs off of clothes. Get out of car. Walk toward office building.
Step 13: Somehow manage to get bottom of jeans all caught up in too high-heeled black slides, fall on face (or knees), scrape up hand, watch Coke fly across parking lot. Look up to see somewhat cute guy trying not to laugh as he picks your Coke up and asks if you are ok.
Step 14: Hobble up steps quickly hoping nobody else saw what happened.
Step 15: Tell the whole internet about it because even though you were totally embarrassed, it was kind of funny.

Comments closed

Sweet Dreams

Published by dee on May 30, 2006

What’s better than dreaming about your former BFF apologizing for not speaking to you in 5 years? Dreaming about Chris Daughtry telling you that he totally has the hots for you. What’s even better than that? Dreaming about those two things happening in the same freakin’ dream and totally blowing off the former BFF for Chris. I don’t often even remember my dreams, but that was one I really didn’t want to wake up from.

Unfortunately, the dang alarm didn’t want me to conutinue my awesome dream and kept going off, no matter how many times I hit the snooze button. So, here I am back at work after an awesome Memorial Day weekend. It wasn’t nearly as relaxing as I wanted it to be, but I suppose that is my own fault.

Friday night we hung out with some friends. Our drummer friend just joined a new band and we got to listen to them practice a little bit. I haven’t really formed an opinion of them yet, but it does sound promising. I really miss going to see the local bands play so maybe this will encourage hubby and I to get out a little more often.

Saturday I decided to have a barbeque and invite a few friends over. I set up a little pool for the babies and a sprinkler for the older kids. They all had a blast playing in the water. We had a TON of food, plenty of beverages, and perfect weather. Overall, I think everyone had a great time. We’re planning to do the same thing next month for Zach’s birthday, so it was kind of nice to have a trial run.

Sunday after church, my dad treated us to a movie. We all went and saw Over the Hedge, which was pretty cute. I ended up missing a lot of the movie because Zach just wouldn’t sit still. He was tired but in one of those moods where if he started getting too comfortable he had to squirm to keep himself awake. I don’t think I’ll be taking him to another movie for a while. Maybe we’ll try again when he has more than a 2-minute attention span.

Sunday we had planned on a day of eating and swimming at my mom’s apartment. We did plenty of eating, but the swimming got rained out so we ended up just vegging out and watching movies instead. The kids had a great time playing together. I spent most of my time chasing after Zach and trying to keep him out of the things he shouldn’t be into.

Also, I finally got my new laptop that I’ve been wanting so badly. I got it yesterday morning and haven’t really had a chance to get it all set up the way I want it so I’m really looking forward to getting home tonight and messing around with it.

Comments closed

Eleven Months

Published by dee on May 26, 2006

Dear Zachary,

It has been eleven months now since the day that we first met. You would think that I would know you pretty well by now, but you still continue to surprise me every day. Just when I think I have you figured out, you go and do something completely different than what I am expecting. You really surprised me one night when I looked up to see you standing all by yourself without holding on to anything but your sippy cup.

One of the most exciting things I have noticed about you recently is that you have started reacting to praise, which also means you are starting to understand words and physical cues a little better. You have been trying really hard to get some new words out, but I still can’t understand most of what you say. Sometimes it sounds as if you are trying to imitate the words I say and other times it just sounds like jibberish. One word you definitely understand is no. Every time I say "no" to you, you start saying "nonononononononono" and shake your head. I never realized that I was shaking my head when I said no until you started doing it too. Now I catch myself doing it all the time. It’s just too bad you don’t comply and stop whatever you are doing when I use that word. I suppose that will come with time…hopefully.

I have really been having fun praising you when you do something good. Every time you do something new I now have to clap my hands and say "yay Zach" and you get so excited. You just think it is the coolest thing ever and when you do the same action again, you wave your hands in the air and holler to get my attention and show me what you have done. This has become quite a ritual at dinnertime. I got excited the first time you actually placed your cup (right side up) in the cup holder part of your high chair tray, so now every time you do it you expect the same level of excitement. And, really, it is still exciting-even after the twentieth time.

We have also been playing a really fun game almost every night after your bath. Daddy and I both get down in the floor with you. We sit across from each other and then you walk back and forth between the two of us. You started out only able to take about two steps at a time, but a couple nights ago I counted nine whole steps before you stumbled and fell to your knees. You get really excited about this whole process, giggling and squealing the whole time. I have really loved watching your progress. When we first started doing this, only a couple weeks ago, it seemed that you were just stumbling as you fell forward. Now you have taught yourself to slow down and re-gain your balance as needed so you can take a few more steps.

We had a couple of really bad weeks this month while you were teething. You now have a total of 7 teeth, with the eighth about to appear any day now. During the same time you developed a cold and a very bad ear infection. Mommy was up with you several times a night while your little body was working through that. You finished off another bottle of anti-biotics and now seem to be feeling much better. I’m still trying to catch up on my sleep, but you are back to your normal sleep schedule. In fact, you are sleeping even longer than usual since I finally got some curtains up in your room to darken it a bit.

There is only one more month left before you turn one year old. June is going to be a big month, and althought I’m looking forward to it, I wish I could freeze every moment I have with you right now. You are so much fun to be around. Your personality and character are really coming out as you discover this big world in your own little way. I could spend all day just watching you and never get bored. I want to savor every single moment I have with you. These last eleven months have been the best of my life.

Love always,
Mama

Comments closed