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How To Start Your Day Off Right

Step 1: Wake up already!
Step 2: Stumble into the bathroom and examine the huge dark circles under your eyes, all the while trying to figure out why in the hell you didn’t go to bed earlier.
Step 3: Put contacts into burning eyes, pee, brush teeth, shower, etc.
Step 4: Get dressed (put jeans on even though it isn’t jeans day because you have no clean undies that won’t show through the only pair of clean khakis in the laundry basket).
Step 4: Search for shoes.  Put on slightly too high-heeled black slides because the jeans are long and this will make you look slimmer and not quite so sloppy.
Step 5:  Hear baby waking up.  Ignore baby and take dogs outside before they pee on the carpet.  Notice puppy made a big mess in her kennel overnight.
Step 6: Get baby up and dressed.  Fix cup of milk and sit baby in the highchair while you clean up dog mess.
Step 7: Lock dogs up in respective day areas (kennel and basement).
Step 8: Grab Coke Zero from fridge.  Wait.  Remember you forgot to put the Coke in the fridge.  Say words baby should not hear.  Grab water instead.
Step 9: Drop baby off at day care in a rush because on the way there you realize you forgot to stop and get gas lastnight and that stupid light won’t quit flashing at you again.
Step 10: Stop at gas station.  Fill car up.  Go inside and buy 2 bottles of cold Coke Zero and a danish that you totally don’t need.
Step 11: Drive to work holding phone in one hand while listening to mom blab about her screwed up web site, trying to eat danish, and drink Coke with other hand.  Steering mostly with knees.
Step 12: Arrive at work only a little late.  Brush crumbs off of clothes. Get out of car.  Walk toward office building.
Step 13: Somehow manage to get bottom of jeans all caught up in too high-heeled black slides, fall on face (or knees), scrape up hand, watch Coke fly across parking lot.  Look up to see somewhat cute guy trying not to laugh as he picks your Coke up and asks if you are ok.
Step 14: Hobble up steps quickly hoping nobody else saw what happened.
Step 15: Tell the whole internet about it because even though you were totally embarrassed, it was kind of funny.

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Published inLiving the Life

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  1. amybeth amybeth

    oh girl, i’m sorry…but your day did make me chuckle. have a better afternoon.

  2. OMG that literally made me laugh out loud when you got to the end. (Still Laughing)

    The upside. At least he was cute. It would have been even funnier if he was a dweeb. LMAO

  3. OMG, I’ve so been there!! I tripped up, UP the stairs in the theatre the other day while seeing Over the Hedge. Good thing there were only two other patrons in the theatre. Bad thing, they sat right where I tripped. LOL!!
    I’m seriously laughing out loud right now. Thanks!

  4. OMG! I so feel your pain. I’ve done things like this REPEATEDLY!!

    I tripped over the dog while talking to my next door neighbor the other day and fell flat on my rear.

    Thanks for the giggle.

  5. First….I thought the whole point of puppy kennels was that they don’t mess there. LOL. Definitely giving me second thoughts about getting a puppy.

    Second….the trip. The whole scraped hand thing made me say “Friggin’ OW!!!”

    and yes….I giggled a little at your story. Hope today is better.

  6. Step 16 – Open the shaken Coke?


  7. The only thing worse than falling down is falling down in front of witnesses!

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