Category: Kids & Parenting

13 Months

Published by dee on April 27, 2009

Dear Evie,

You turned 13 months old just over a week ago. Your 13 month birthday came and went with little fanfare since it just happened to fall the day after we buried your Great Grandfather “Papop”. Since our last minute trip to Louisiana, I haven’t had any free time to sit down and write your monthly letter so I’m going to try to do this as quickly as possible just so I can have something to look back on years from now.

It seems there is something magical about that 1st birthday. Until the day you turned one you were still my little baby. Now you’re suddenly a big girl – one that walks, and talks, and wants to feed yourself without any help. It’s all going by so fast that I can barely keep up. At your one year wellness check you were 31 1/4 inches tall and weighed 22 lbs 11 oz. It seems that nearly every day you have outgrown another outfit or pair of shoes.

A little over two weeks ago you stopped nursing. We had been weaning gradually, but it didn’t seem you really wanted to let go quite yet of your special time with Mama. You finally went about three days without it, then had a bad night where I sat up with you for over an hour before finally giving in and letting you nurse. After that you never really tried again. Sometimes you stick your hand down the front of my shirt (and if I dare try to remove it you let me know that is not acceptable) which seems to give you some kind of comfort. I’m sure it looks a little odd when we’re out in public, but as long as it is just a transitional thing for you I don’t mind so much. I have to admit I was a little sad yesterday when I packed away my breast pump and supplies for good. I miss it because it was our special uninteruppted time together, but at the same time I am enjoying seeing you become more independent. I would be lying if I said I wasn’t enjoying having my body to myself again too. The next stop is trying to break you from the bottles. I’m willing to give you some time on that though. The bottles still allow me to get some snuggle time in.

The only complaint I have (and really it’s only a half complaint because I don’t really mind it so much) is that you have suddenly become extremely clingy. I’m not sure if it is related to the nursing situation or just a developmental thing but you want Mama nearly all the time. When you’re in a clingy mood you will not let me put you down at all. On very rare occasions you will allow your Daddy to hold you for short periods of time, but then it is back to me. You actually cried at day care drop off a couple of times lately, which is very unusual for you because you LOVE day care (most of the time you would rather stay there than go home with me). The trip to Louisiana seemed to make the clinginess even worse. You were pretty much attached to my hip the entire time. You did eventually warm up to Granny and Papa and would get down in the floor to go play but if anyone else tried to talk to you you would latch back on to me and hide your face. That right there is part of your Mama’s personality and I really hope you are able to outgrow it because when you’re an adult you aren’t allowed to do that anymore.

You are talking more and more (when we’re at home and you aren’t being shy) and I just love listening to you. It is obvious that you are putting meaning into the words you say now instead of just repeating sounds. Just in the last couple of weeks you have started using “yes” (which is usually with a quick nod) and “no” (though it sounds more like “nah”) when I ask you a question. Sometimes you even shake your head and say “nah, nah, nah” when you get caught doing something you know you aren’t supposed to be doing. It’s so cute it makes me laugh even when I’m trying to scold you. You also say “up” when you want to be picked up or want up in your high chair to eat. Last week when I was trying to get your brother up in the morning, you patted him and said “up, up, up” until he uncovered his head and looked at you. You also say “down” when I’m holding you sometimes because you just want to be on the floor where you can play.

You are getting better and better at walking. You really want to be able to run and keep up with the big kids, but you still stumble now and then. I have noticed in the last few days that you have been able to stand yourself back up without holding on to anything though. Before long I imagine you and your brother will be racing each other through the house and I’ll be yelling at you to slow down just as I do to him.

As each month passes, I watch you and your brother get closer and closer. I love standing outside the door in the morning listening to the two of you giggle and talk together before I come in to get you up. You are starting to play together more and even though you steal his toys and frustrate him, Zach loves playing with you. I see signs of that protective big brother coming out in him and it makes me so proud. Even though he doesn’t like to admit it all the time, his actions show just how much he loves you. And that huge grin you get on your face when he talks to you? It shows just how much you love him too. It makes my heart dance with joy. I know there will come a time when the two of you fight like cats and dogs so I’m trying to soak up every ounce of love I can get now.

I am just so very proud of you and all the things you are learning. I love watching your personality develop as you get to be more independent. Even though you look more and more like your dad as you get older, you seem to get your personality more from me. It’s almost like looking into a little tiny mirror some days, which is both amazing and terrifying.

I love you with all of my heart.

Love always,
Mama

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Zach's Pizza Party

Published by dee on April 2, 2009

Ever since Evie was born, Zach has kind of gotten the shaft on this here blog. It certainly doesn’t mean that I love him any less. It is simply because Evie is developing so fast and she seems to be doing something new nearly every day. And, since I documented Zach’s early days I find myself trying to keep up with that precedent that I set for myself.

In the meantime, I’ve missed blogging a lot of fun things Zach has been doing over the last year. He is definitely a struggle most days, as I’ve documented, but the kid is also absolutely hilarious. He constantly surprises me with the things that come out of his mouth. He has an incredible imagination. There are times that I wish I had a voice recorder to just follow him around with so I could remember all of his stories.

This morning on the way to work he told me he wanted to have a pizza party. When I asked him what kind of pizza party he wanted he explained, “Mommy, I want to have a pizza party on the grass at our house with everybody on Earth. We can all eat around the house and I’ll be in front. I’ll be in front of the house.” He’s been very interested in this concept of “Earth” lately and I’m not exactly sure he understands the enormity of it all. He went on to explain more about his pizza party, but I can’t remember the details now.

That is nowhere near as outlandish as some of his ideas. It makes me wonder where his imagination will take him someday and what amazing things he will accomplish in his life. He is such an amazing kid and I really hate to think about how much time I spend having to fuss at him to do this or do that when all he wants to do is tell me another story about Mater flying through the air to save Buzz Lightyear.

I know he’ll understand someday when he has kids of his own (he says he would like to have four, by the way) that life isn’t all about play. But I hope even more that when he’s an adult he’s lucky enough to have a job where he gets to use his imagination and play every day. Because really, isn’t that what we all want?

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Supernanny, Where Are You?

Published by dee on March 28, 2009

What do you do with a child when you’ve tried everything you can think of and they still misbehave? We’ve been having a horrible time with Zach lately and nothing I do seems to help. He always seems to be testing to see just how far we’ll let him go and then pushes a little farther.

The hard part is that he can go from an angelic child, laughing and playing one second to a smart-mouthed little monster the next. He’s generally fine until we ask him to do something or tell him “no” for some reason. Then we hit total meltdown mode.

We’ve tried just gently talking to him, time outs, grounding him from TV, taking toys away, and even spanking (which I hate to do) and nothing seems to work. I just don’t know what to do with him anymore.

Every little task is a struggle. Something as simple as asking him to take a bath or brush his teeth is a major struggle. Getting him to go to bed can take anywhere from 10 minutes to an hour, sometimes more. Even just getting him out of the car to go to daycare in the mornings becomes a fight. I hate it. I end up having to leave with him crying and it breaks my heart.

Last weekend during Evie’s birthday party he started screaming and throwing a tantrum while we sang Happy Birthday to his sister because we started before he was ready. I’m sure here was some jealousy going on, but it is always like that. Eveything always has to be his way.

He’s 3 years old and wants to control everything. I know this. He’s pushing the boundaries and trying to figure out how the world works. But how do I teach him to have more respect for adults and not argue back? How do I teach him to follow directions without having a total meltdown? And how do I do all of this while keeping my sanity?

I need Supernanny!

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What They Didn't Tell Me

Published by dee on March 24, 2009

I always knew I wanted to have kids. It never really was an option for my life. I never considered the alternative. It was just something that I was going to do, one way or another. I was going to grow up, get married, and have kids.

I didn’t figure in the divorce, second marriage, PCOS, or the resulting fertility issues, but those were just bumps along the windy path that got me to where I am today – married with two amazing kids. Somehow, through all the twists and turns I eventually got to where I always intended to be.

I am a mother.

I spent my entire life preparing for this enormous job. As a little girl I spent hours changing my baby dolls’ diapers, feeding them bottles, rocking them, and doing all of the things that I thought mothers did.

Then, as soon as I was old enough, I started babysitting. I watched the neighborhood kids and my parents’ friends’ kids. I kept an eye on my brother after school. I got paid to do what I thought was the best job ever.

When my sister got pregnant I tried to learn as much as I could. After my nephew was born I watched her take care of him. I sat back and admired her parenting skills. I learned how to give a baby a bath and how to warm his a bottles. I held him and took care of him every single chance I got and dreamed of what it would be like to hold my very own child. I loved him as if he were my own.

Years later, when I finally became pregnant with Zach, I read everything I could get my hands on about pregnancy and babies. I bombarded my sister (who was also pregnant at the time) with millions of questions. I researched and studied. I learned everything I could have possibly learned in preparation for his arrival.

When the day finally came I thought I was prepared for anything, but as any mother will tell you, you can never be prepared for everything.

What I missed, even with all of my research, was the one thing that nobody can really tell you. It’s not that they don’t want to tell you. They just don’t want to scare you. After all, it isn’t the same for every woman. What they don’t tell you is just how easy it is to lose yourself once that baby is born.

From the day that child comes into your world, they become your focus. They consume every spare minute of your time and every ounce of energy. It seems like you are always feeding, changing diapers, or lulling them to sleep. Your arms are rarely free during those first few months. When they are you want to do nothing in those few precious child-free moments, except maybe pick your beautiful baby back up and watch his chest rise up and down while he sleeps. At least that’s the way it is for me.

That’s why it is so easy to lose yourself. Between the crazy schedules, the sleepless nights, and the all-consuming love you have for your child the old “you” tends to get forgotten. You would think that I would have learned the first time around. The truth is, I did remember. This time I was going to do it right. I was going to make sure and make time for myself. I was going to keep doing those things that keep me sane. I was going to stay connected to my husband. I was going to get out of the house more often.

You know what they say about the best of intentions, right?

Having two children only magnified the effects. I tried desperately to keep up with my hobbies. I made promises to people only to find that I just couldn’t keep them. My house was is in shambles. I paid bills late. I spent too much money because I couldn’t keep on top of my checkbook. I felt disconnected from my husband and my friends and still do. I gained weight after losing the extra baby weight and couldn’t even think about the effort it would take to lose it again. I nearly quit updating my blog.

My daughter turned one year old last week and I am finally starting to feel the fog lifting. Most days my head feels clearer. Most nights I actually get to sleep for at least 6 hours straight. I feel the desire to go out with my husband sans kids. I’m ready to start eating better, exercising, and get my old body back. I’m ready to rock out at a concert, to dig deep into some web site code, to dig out my sewing machine and start using up the fabric I bought well over a year ago, and to really learn how to use my camera. I also want to play with my kids, snuggle on the couch, and enjoy every moment of their childhood because I know it will be over entirely too fast.

But, I feel myself surfacing again and it feels good. I’m ready to be me again – an individual – not just a mom.

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One

Published by dee on March 18, 2009

Dear Evie,

St. Patrick’s Day of 2008 was probably the first year ever that I couldn’t have cared less about a holiday that is good for nothing other than parades and partying. That year there was no time for parades or doing anything other than thinking about you. It was a cold rainy day and I spent the entire day hanging out with your brother and packing for the hospital. I was so excited knowing that I would get to see you and hold you in my arms the next day.

We packed the car up after Daddy got home, stopped and had dinner, then headed to Grandma’s where we spent the rest of the evening. Daddy, Grandma, and I stayed up way too late watching movies but it didn’t really matter because it wasn’t like I could sleep anyway. I could hardly sit still knowing what was headed our way.

Daddy and I got up super early to head to the hospital. Since my doctor was expecting you to be big, she was inducing labor 10 days before my due date. For me it couldn’t come fast enough. It seemed like forever before the nurses got me all hooked up and set things in motion.

Finally, at 2:22 p.m., on March 18, 2008 you were born after only a few short pushes. You gave us a little scare when you didn’t take that first breath and cry right away but I’m sure what seemed like an eternity to us was really only a few seconds. Shortly after that you were in my arms and I think that if the whole world had melted away at that moment I wouldn’t have even noticed.

From that moment on my life has been completely changed. Being the mother of two children is so much different than being the mother of only one. It makes life a lot more stressful, but the good times are so much better when we’re all together. Now that you’re getting a little bit older I can see the bond forming between you and your brother. I love watching you together. The two of you actually play together now. You steal his toys. He steals yours. He gets frustrated at you but then a few seconds later he’s talking to you and trying to make you laugh. The sound of you two laughing together? That is the absolute best sound ever. I don’t ever want to forget what that sounds like.

Speaking of sounds, you are talking up a storm these days. It seems like you have a new word every day, though your favorite is still “hi!”. Anytime someone walks into the room you tell them hi and sometimes string a name along with it. I’ve heard you say “hi kitty”, “hi dada”, “hi caitlin”, and “hi ack (zach)”. You say “uh-oh” when you drop something and “done” when you are finished eating. The last couple of days you’ve been trying to say “bye-bye” but it comes out sounding more like “bubba”.

We’ve been expecting you to take those first independent steps any day now. A couple of weeks ago you started walking all over the place with push toys, but you just aren’t quite ready to let go yet. Sometimes you’ll walk holding onto my hands, but most of the time you still prefer to drop to your knees and crawl. You have perfected the jello legs and drop right down when you have had enough of the walking.

Besides the walking, you have started climbing EVERYTHING. I have to be careful leaving you alone for too long or I’ll find you standing on top of toys, chairs, laundry baskets, or whatever else you manage to climb up on. I’m glad you’re getting more adventurous, but I’m terrified you are going to fall and get hurt. This morning when we made a quick stop at the grocery store for cupcakes (to replace the ones mommy lovingly made and your brother flipped upside down) I caught you standing up in the grocery cart seat and nearly had a heart attack. You can bet I’ll never forget to buckle the straps again!

You have graduated from eating baby food to eating real table foods. Unlike your brother, who would eat anything at this age, you are a rather picky eater. You love macaroni and cheese, spaghetti, carrots, applesauce, bologna, mandarin oranges, and McDonald’s cheeseburgers. You still love the Gerber ravioli so I keep a few around for nights when we have something that is difficult for you to eat. You also have a major sweet tooth! I’m pretty sure that explains all the cravings I had when I was pregnant.

Over the last month we have gradually decreased the amount that you are breastfeeding. Just in the last week we have cut down to about once a day. You drink whole milk most of the day and have gotten much better at taking a bottle from me. You still get mad when I try to put your milk in a sippy cup, although you will drink juice or water from a cup just fine. Although I have pushed just a little more to wean you this week, I’m still trying to let you do it on your own. If you want to nurse I let you, but even I can tell that you aren’t getting much milk anymore. I’m sure that our nursing days are numbered. While it makes me a little sad that we won’t have that special time together anymore, I am looking forward to having my body to myself again and I’m sure you will enjoy becoming a little more independent.

A couple weeks ago I decided it was time to buy you a little potty seat of your own so that we could introduce the concept and you could get comfortable with it. I had no intention of actually trying to get you to use it yet, but you loved it and wanted to sit on it. Just for fun I put you on it during a diaper change and to my surprise you actually peed in the potty. I was sure it was a fluke, but still sat you on there now and then (both with and without clothes). You’ve gone in the potty three times now. I know you are nowhere near being ready to potty train, but it is still very exciting every time.

You have become very lovey lately and give out hugs and kisses whenever you can. Your hugs are sweet as can be, but the kisses can be a little painful sometimes. When you dive in for a kiss it is usually with your mouth wide open. It’s pretty much a 50/50 chance whether you will bite down or close the teeth and give a sweet kiss. I haven’t yet figured out what to do about that because I would like to scold you for biting, yet I don’t want you to stop the kisses. For now I’m just enjoying the kisses and hoping you outgrow the biting soon.

Tonight we took you out to dinner to celebrate your birthday, then came home to have some cake. While we were out, so many people stopped to look at you. They talked to you, smiled at you, and commented about just how cute you were. The same thing happened at the grocery store this morning, at a restaurant last weekend, and nearly every other place that we’ve been lately. You really seem to draw people in and I imagine you will always have many friends around you because of this. You seem to have gotten your daddy’s magnetic personality.

I complain a lot about just how fast the time is going by and how fast you are growing up, but the truth is I love watching each new accomplishment. I love the look on your face when you figure out how to do something for the first time. I celebrate with you as you make each tiny stride toward independence. I beam with pride when anyone compliments you. As my favorite Darius Rucker song says, “It won’t be like this for long” so I’m trying to soak up every moment. Before long you’ll be going off to college, getting married, and maybe even having kids of your own. Only when you hold your own child in your arms will you have any idea how immense the love is that I have for you. I hope that I’m there to celebrate all those moments with you.

Happy Birthday big girl! I love you SO much!

Love always,
Mama

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11 Months

Published by dee on February 18, 2009

Dear Evie,

Today you are eleven months old. As I make plans for your first birthday next month, I still can’t believe that so much time has passed. You are turning into a toddler before my eyes and all I want to do is make you slow down. As I celebrate each new accomplishment, I mourn the babyhood that you are leaving behind.

Each day it seems that you pop out a new word. I don’t always understand what you are saying, but you are saying a lot. You tell everyone “hi” with your sweet little voice either in greeting or sometimes just to get our attention. You call the dogs “bubba” and “bop bop”, our nicknames for them. I think you are also trying to say “brother” and you attempt to repeat much of what we say to you as well. The best part though, is when you sing with me. I love when you bust out with the “yayayayayaya” in the car as we drive home in the evenings.

You’re getting more mobile, even though you don’t seem to have much desire to walk yet (you crawl faster than I can walk anyway). You stand up and walk along the furniture quite a lot, and have even been seen letting go from time to time. I caught you standing in your crib one day with hands up in the air not touching a single thing. However, as soon as we try to stand you up to walk, your legs collapse as if they’re made out of jello. I know you’ll do it when you’re ready, but for some reason I’m just anxious to see those first few steps.

You’ve also been really starting to notice people around you more. You are starting to enjoy playing with (or at least next to) others. When your brother is around you always want to be right next to him and usually want whatever toy he happens to have in his hand at the time. That doesn’t always go over so well, but he is starting to get used to it and is learning to be a little more patient with you.

You also are figuring out cause/effect. For instance, when you push the buttons on the TV and turn it off you get a very big reaction. You think it is the funniest thing in the world, but daddy sure doesn’t. Even Zach has learned to tell you “No-No!” when you get near those fun little buttons. Today he picked you up and moved you away from the TV when you were about to go for a second round. You loved it when your brother lifted you up and you had a huge grin on your face.

A few weeks ago you got very sick. It all started with a cold. Then you got a stomach virus and the cold turned into a bad double ear infection. Amazingly it was your first ear infection ever. We spent days cuddling on the couch together while your body tried to heal itself. Even though I hated it that you were so miserable I couldn’t help but enjoy the cuddles. You are such a snuggler and it really comes out when you don’t feel well.

Next to your snuggles, I think the sweetest thing you do is when you give kisses. You either smack your lips together like you are blowing kisses or you just dive (open-mouthed) toward my face and plant one on me. I wish I could say I was the only one on the receiving end of that special token of love but you are quite generous with your slobbery kisses (just ask your brother!).

Baby girl, I don’t think I could ever tell you just how much you bring to my life. The love, the joy, the laughter that is now part of my every day life is so far beyond what I ever thought was possible. Watching you and your brother together makes my heart melt into a big puddle. No matter what the day brings my way, knowing that I get to come home and be with this family that your dad and I have created makes it all worth it.

Love always,
Mama

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