Category: Body Issues

33

Published by dee on February 11, 2011

So I had a birthday yesterday. As far as birthdays go, I have to say it was a pretty good one. It would have been nice if I could have taken the day off from work, but then I would have missed out on delicious cupcakes, lunch with the girls, and the gorgeous flowers that my mom had delivered for me.

When I got home, I received a sweet card from Hubby, along with a yummy-looking peanut butter/chocolate cake, and a Barnes and Noble gift card from the kids to go with the Nook I got a couple weeks ago. Then we rushed off to Chuck E. Cheese because Zach’s school was having a fundraiser night there. Gotta support the school, even if it is Mom’s birthday. By the time we got back I was too full/tired to eat the cake, but rest assured I plan to devour it tonight!

As you can tell from my lack of posting, life has been moving very fast again these last couple of weeks. It seems like every time I get a little break, things start piling up even more. Work is crazy busy right now. I’m rushing to get things done. Then, just when I think I’ve got something done, it changes and I have to go back and do it all over again. There is nothing that frustrates me more than having to do the same work twice. I have Monday to finish up a huge to-do list, and then I’m off for the rest of next week because of my surgery.

My surgery is scheduled for Tuesday morning. My doc plans to go in and look around, then most likely end up with the removal of one ovary. I’m anxious to get it over and done with. I’m tired of hurting and if she takes it out, I don’t have to worry about ginormous cysts growing on that side anymore. I can’t say I’m looking forward to the actual surgery, but I’ll just be glad when it’s all done. My in-laws are coming up to stay with us while I recover. I can’t thank them enough for all they do for us. It is so reassuring just knowing that they will be here to help out with the kids so that I can rest and recover the way I need to.

One thing I am really looking forward to after my surgery is sleeping. I haven’t been getting much sleep lately and it is starting to show. I’m tired, cranky, and forgetful on top of it all which really isn’t a good combination. I know I’m trying to do too much, but I can’t seem to stop. I think I have too many hobbies, but I can’t give any of them up. I also can’t seem to put my Nook down, which is definitely cutting down on my sleep time. In the meantime, my house is a disaster, I’m way behind on laundry, and I’m going a little nutty with all the things I’m not finding the time to do. I just realized last week that I still have some Christmas decorations sitting out that I forgot to put away. The days just fly by too fast and by the time I finally get kids to bed and can stop for the night, I’m too exhausted to think or do any more.

So yes, I’m looking forward to getting some good (drug-assisted) sleep after my surgery. I’m looking forward to not being in pain after I recover. Most of all, I’m just looking forward to having a little break and having someone else take care of me for once.

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Unanswered Questions

Published by dee on January 13, 2011

Yesterday I had another fun day of sitting around waiting at my OB/GYN’s office. I had a 10:30 appointment for a follow-up sono to check on my latest round of PCOS related ovarian cysts and then an appointment to see my doc. Per usual, if I don’t schedule a 9:00 a.m. appointment, the doc got called out to the hospital for an emergency procedure and I ended up sitting around there for over three hours. I know these things can’t be helped, but when you are sitting there waiting to find out if you have to have yet another surgery you tend to get a bit impatient.

When the doc finally got in there, she looked at my sono pics, pushed around on my tummy a bit, asked me some questions, and decided that the best course of action is surgery. This time around, the surgery is not to remove an excessively large cyst though, but to remove my right ovary. Well, most likely removal of the ovary. She basically said that she needs to get in there and look around to find the source of the pain, but that most likely the ovary will need to come out. She suggested there might be some endometriosis or even scar tissue that is causing it, but she can’t be sure until she gets in there. The good news is that I only have normal-sized cysts this time and she doesn’t think that is the cause of the pain.

She also gave me the option of Lupron injections, which would maybe help. Even with that, there was still a high chance that surgery would be needed. We both agreed that just going ahead with the surgery seemed like the best option.

When you talk about removing an ovary, the inevitable question comes up, “Do you plan to have any more kids?” Granted, pregnancy can still happen with just one functioning ovary, but I’m sure what she was wanting to know is if it would be better to just take it all out. The problem is, I’m not ready to answer that question yet. I am beyond blessed with the two children I have. At one time I didn’t think I would be able to have any, so to have two beautiful, healthy children without any pregnancy-related complications is a pretty amazing feat. I have the perfect family – one boy, one girl – the way I always dreamed it would be. Yet, there is a little part of me that just doesn’t feel quite finished.

When I weigh out the pros and cons, everything points to stopping at two. Financially, we really don’t have room for another baby. We need to buy a new car. We would like to someday actually buy a house. We have debt up to our eyeballs and are not making much progress on it right now. Plus, thinking about swallowing another five years of day care/preschool costs makes me sick to my stomach.

Then, of course, there is the Hubby to consider. He says he’s done. He’s happy with our two and doesn’t want to rock the boat. I get that. Maybe it is wrong of me to even consider wanting another child when he feels that way. Yet, I just can’t commit to saying I’m done. I’m leaning that direction, but it seems so final.

Evie wants a little sister. She brings it up frequently. When she plays with her dolls she feeds them, burps them, changes their diapers, snuggles and sings to them, then tucks them into bed. She is a natural care taker. A real baby brother or sister would blow her mind. I know that is not a reason to have another child, but how amazing would it be to give her another sibling to bond with? And there is Zach too. Even though he thinks his little sister is the coolest ever, he would really like to have a brother.

All these things swirl around in my head. Even though I don’t have to make a decision now, making the ultimate decision that I am done would make things much easier on me in the future. Taking both ovaries out would relieve a lot of stress, pain, and future surgeries. It’s just the finality of it that I can’t handle. What if I change my mind?

I could potentially just go for a full hysterectomy, which I have always planned on doing after I was done having kids, due to PCOS and my high risk of breast/ovarian cancer. I’m a little scared of what that would do to my body hormonally, but it really would lessen a lot of health risks for me. Being that it’s not medically necessary right now to go that extreme, would I regret it later? I don’t know.

I have a lot of questions right now, and not a lot of answers (what else is new?). It seems to make the most sense to just take out the one ovary now, and deal with the rest later which is pretty much what I have decided to do. Things could be fine after that, or they may not. While I do have cysts on the left side as well, they don’t seem to cause me pain. That doesn’t mean that they won’t though. And the not knowing, that is the problem.

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6 Days In

Published by dee on January 6, 2011

Well, so far I feel like I’m kicking 2011’s butt. I honestly can say I have no complaints yet this year. So what if we’re only 6 days into it? I’m feeling very good – energized even – about what is to come this year.

I really have to give a little bit of credit to my in-laws though, because if it weren’t for their visit during the last couple weeks of December, I would probably be as frazzled as I normally am in the new year. It was such a joy to have them here over Christmas, and they were incredibly helpful with the kids. Not only did they agree to take Zach to swimming lessons over his school break (which he LOVED!), but by keeping the kids at home, they knocked over an hour and a half of commute time off of my work day. It was so nice not to have to rush in the mornings, and to actually get home at 5:00.

Maybe it is because I actually got some sleep for a change, or maybe just because we are finally getting back into our routine, but my head feels clearer than it has in a long time and I’m making plans. I’m so excited about the decisions I’m making and can’t wait to see them unfold. Some of these are smaller things, like finally making the decision to commit to Weight Watchers again, and others are big, major, life-changing things that I’m not quite ready to spill just yet. I realize that some of it may fizzle out as time goes on and I decide which are the most important, but for now I’m just going with the excitement.

The first thing I’m focusing on is taking care of myself. I re-joined Weight Watchers on Monday and am really going to try to stick with it this time. I weighed myself this morning and am already down 3.5 pounds since I started. I know I always drop a few pounds quickly at first, but it still felt really good to see that number on the scale!

Thanks to some very gentle prodding from Cagey, I also registered for my first 5K of the year (feel free to follow that link if you’d like to help sponsor me!). Having a goal really helps motivate me to exercise, so I plan to do at least two 5K’s this year and I’ll have one of them knocked out by the end of January.

Taking care of myself also includes taking care of the craziness in my head, so I am journaling for the first time in years. It really helps to clear my head, even if it is something as simple as writing down my to-do list for the day. I hope to get better at this as time goes by. I’ve already missed a day or two, but since it is my journal, I guess that doesn’t matter that much.

I also want to make a concerted effort to rekindle some friendships and maybe make some new ones. Even though I’m on facebook and have re-connected with a lot of friends there, I don’t feel like I have many true friendships, mostly just acquaintances. I know it is pretty much my fault because I hate picking up the phone. Plus, actually getting out of the house takes some major scheduling and effort so I just don’t do it. It is time to change that. I need to get out every once in a while, even if it is just to meet up for an hour and gab.

I also miss my little online community that I used to be part of, so my Twitter account is public again and I want to start engaging more. I may not have much to say, but I’m going to try to jump in a little more often. I needed a break for a while and now I’m ready to roll again. What can I say, I miss the over-sharing! Besides, because I was on Twitter this morning, I’ve already signed up for my first 5K of the year and will be spending that time with a friend! Double score!

The biggest challenge I have set for myself though, is to improve my photography skills. I’m learning a little bit all the time, but I want to get to the point where I’m getting the results I want at least 99% of the time. I want to think through my photos, plan out what I want, and capture what I see in my head. I have a long way to go to get to that point, but I’m going to have fun getting there! To keep myself moving forward, I started a new 365 project. I’ve always been afraid to do it before, but this time I’m not putting any limitations on it (unlike my failed 365 gratitude project). One photo a day of anything that strikes me. It may be artistic or it may not; it all depends on the mood I’m in that day. It may be shot with my iPhone, my crappy point-n-shoot, or my DSLR, whatever I happen to have in my hands. No limitations. I’ve made it 5 days so far and I’m already patting myself on the back.

2011, I think I may love you. Let’s keep this good relationship going for the next 359 days, okay?

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The 2011 and Beyond Plan

Published by dee on January 4, 2011

This year there are no resolutions, no goals, no deadlines. This year there is a plan, but I’m calling it the 2011 and Beyond Plan. There is a beginning, because everything has to start somewhere, but there is no end. This plan is a life-changing, adapting as time goes by, kind of plan. Because, after all, I know myself and I never, ever, ever stick to goals, resolutions, or any of that New Year’s mumbo jumbo. Mostly, these are just simple things that I want to do more of (things that I should have been doing all along), plus a few new things that I think will bring a nice balance to my life. There are a few goalish sounding things included, but they are there just as reminders of things I would like to accomplish in time.

Education & Skills
- Take more artistic, meaningful, thought out photos – In other words, have a purpose – don’t just click, click, click
- Educate myself more about natural lighting, color management, and editing photos
- Research requirements of owning/operating a small business
- Take an advanced photography class
Body
- Develop healthier eating habits – more fruits and veggies, less pizza and cheeseburgers
- Start running again – I stopped due to laziness and a foot problem, but I’m ready to rock it again!
- Get more sleep (this may be unattainable, but I need to try)
- Run Race for the Cure and at least one other 5K every year
Mind
- Journal
- Read more books, read less online
- Be a better friend – pick up the phone more often, make plans to get together and actually do it
- Learn to say NO when I simply don’t want to do something or don’t have the time to do it – stop over committing
Family & Household
- Be more patient with my children (and husband)
- Focus on spending quality time with the kids and husband (no iphone, computer, tv)
- Learn to create and stick to a budget – I have failed at this so many times, but really need to do it.
- DE-CLUTTER my house – I may have to call in a professional on this one!
- Print photos and put in albums or make photo books
Professional
- Get paid to do something I love doing

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Interrupted

Published by dee on November 3, 2010

There’s nothing quite as fun as having your doctor called out to deliver a baby just as your appointment has finally started. Well, except when you are sitting in a cold room with no pants on and a thin sheet draped over your legs. That definitely makes it more fun – not!

So, now you know how my morning went. Seriously, the fun never ends around here!

Oh, but wait! There’s more!

While I was waiting for my doc to return, they went ahead and put me in the sono room where it was determined that I do indeed have another ovarian cyst. I pretty much knew that was the case. This isn’t my first go-round. I had two massive cysts removed when I was 19, and another fairly large one last September. This time around it isn’t as large, but instead I have a cluster of smaller cysts.

After the sono, I had to wait again to talk to my doctor. When she finally came to the room, she told me that this won’t require surgery (whew!), and that we can treat it by a change in medication. I go back in three months for another sono to check everything out. Hopefully, that will be the end of it.

I finally left the doctor’s office at 12:40, almost 3 1/2 hours after my original appointment time.

It’s a good thing that I really love my doctor, otherwise I would have been a bit annoyed.

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Eating Organic

Published by dee on July 26, 2010

I’m not sure when it started exactly. It has been in the back of my mind for years, but only recently it seems that it is being thrown at me from every direction. I’ve read magazine articles, blogs, stared at recipes, and always am left wondering, “How do they do it?” I’ve tried to diet and failed miserably, over and over again. Shortly after Zach was born, Hubby and I both did Weight Watchers and lost the pounds eating low-fat or no-fat, sugar free, chemical filled crap. Then, after depriving ourselves for so long, we started eating regular food again and put those pounds right back on. Not exactly the goal we had in mind.

So these things have been rattling around in my head for a while. Some posts by Cagey got me thinking about food dyes and their effects on behavior. I even ordered some books (which I have yet to find the time to read) to read up on this topic. Then there was the whole Food Revelation thing that convinced me my kids will be taking their lunches to school instead of buying the over-priced, processed school lunches. Then Andreanna started writing about her Primal lifestyle and posted some amazing progress photos. And then one night when I found myself home alone I watched Food, Inc. on Netflix. The next morning, I opened up my inbox to find a Groupon opportunity for a discounted box of fruits/veggies from Fresh Connect, a local delivery service for organic and locally grown produce, meat, and dairy.

The wheels started turning.

I’ve known for a long time that I wanted to eat healthier foods. I’ve wanted to switch to locally grown produce. I’ve wanted to cut the junk out of my diet and eat real foods. But there’s always been something holding me back – time, money, convenience. Those are the big ones. We’re a busy family, with two parents who work outside of the home full-time. Our normal grocery shopping consists of a huge trip about once a month to stock up the freezer and a few quick runs for milk, bread, and other perishables in between. I’ve never been able to carve out the time to go to a local farmer’s market, mainly because it would require me getting up way too early on a Saturday morning to go. We spend a lot of money on food, and the thought of spending even more to buy organic at the grocery store makes me want to cling to my debit card. And then there’s the convenience factor. We want quick meals. We don’t want to spend hours in the kitchen. Plus, we have very impatient kids who want food on the table the minute we walk in the door after a long day at day care.

There’s always an excuse.

You know what though? I’m tired of the excuses. I finally decided that I’m going to throw all the excuses out and just do it. I brought it up to Hubby and told him about Fresh Connect and how I’d like to start getting some of our produce and maybe meat from them. I expected him to say I was being ridiculous, but he didn’t. He balked a little at the prices, but eventually agreed that it was a good idea to try it out. I purchased the Groupon for our first box of fruit/veggies. During my next trip to the grocery store, I picked up locally farmed, hormone-free, milk for my daughter (she’s the only milk drinker of the family).

We received our first Fresh Connect box Friday night full of delicious fruits and veggies – plenty to last us at least a week or two. There were a lot of items that I just don’t ever buy at the store. I’m looking forward to getting creative in the kitchen and finding ways to use them. My kids were impressed when they saw the carrots with the green part still attached. Evie devoured the grapes within minutes of us opening the box. We started planning meals for the week based on fresh vegetables, not the boxes residing in our freezer. We picked up a few more items that we would need at the grocery store to round out our menu, some of it organic, some of it not.

I’m not at all ready for a Primal diet and I know there will still be a lot of non-organic items in our kitchen, but I like the fact that we’re starting to make a change. My children seem to think they cannot survive without bologna and cheese sandwiches, but at least I can start pairing it with carrots and celery or an apple instead of chips.

The cost may still be a bit prohibitive for us, especially through the winter months, but I’m really hoping we can make this work. Since I started running in preparation for the Race for the Cure I’ve put a lot more thought into what I’m putting into my body. I’m drinking a lot more water. I’m snacking on nuts, veggies, and cheese instead of chocolate. I’m bringing my lunch to work instead of going through the McDonald’s drive-thru. This is the next logical step and I finally feel like I’m ready for the challenge.

*photo by val’s photos on flickr

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