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Month: March 2007

20 Months

Dear Zachary,

Watching DoraMommy is running a little behind this month.  You turned 20 months old over a week ago and I’m just now getting around to writing this letter.  I have no excuse really, except to say that you have been requiring a lot more attention from me these days and my free time has been significantly reduced.

I have learned a lot about you and myself this month.  For one thing, I learned that I need to pay better attention to your cues.  After a week of you screaming non-stop, I was at the end of my rope.  I didn’t know what to do to help you and I certainly couldn’t take another day of the screaming.  Finally, in a moment of clarity, I realized that I just wasn’t listening to you.  I was trying to make you do what I wanted you to do and wasn’t letting you have any control over the situation.  Once I changed my attitude and started really paying attention to your verbal and physical cues things changed immediately.  Instead of focusing on me and all of the things that I feel like I need to do, I’m really focusing on you and it makes a huge difference.

feb_07 190Sometimes all you need to make you happy is a few minutes of snuggling on the couch while you watch Blue’s Clues.  Other times you just need me to slow down and wait for you to do things in your time.  There are also times when catering to you just isn’t possible, but hopefully in time you will figure out how to deal with those frustrations. Trust me, it really doesn’t get any easier. Mommy doesn’t get her way all of the time either. 

You spent a lot of time this month with a pacifier in your mouth. I was all set to get rid of those things once and for all when we returned from our trip to Hawaii last month, but then you got sick. I just didn’t feel right taking away your one comfort item when you weren’t feeling well so I waited. Then you started with the constant screaming. For my own sanity I gave in and let you have your pacifier outside of your bed. It was the only way I could comfort you. Once you had that chunk of plastic in your mouth, you would immediately settle down, lay your head on my chest, and hug me with all the strength you had left. Then all of a sudden you started saying “noonie” and asking for your pacifier whenever you got upset. I detest that word with every ounce of my being and have been trying to get your dad to stop saying it since the day you were born. Obviously, I was unsuccessful and now I’ll get to hear you screaming it from your crib when I finally gather enough strength to throw the darn thing away for good.

feb_07 251Every day it seems you have grown up a little more.  Your skills are improving at such a rapid pace.  You are getting much better at using a spoon and fork when you eat.  Most of the food even makes it to your mouth these days.  There are still stains on your clothes at the end of the day, but if you take after me that will still be happening when you are 30.  I have even started giving you an open cup every once in a while with a little bit of water in it, but most of it ends up running down your belly. I’m sure you will get the hang of it soon.

Your speech has also been improving.  You are saying new words every day and even putting words together into short phrases.  I’ve caught “you mean” a few times, as well as “want more” and “Izzy down”.  I love listening to you talk and come up with new sounds.  You are even learning a few words with multiple syllables.  You also sometimes string together a bunch of jibberish, trying to create sentences that you don’t yet have the words for.

Best Smile EverOne of your biggest accomplishments this month was going pee in the potty.  We have been slowly introducing the potty over the last couple of months.  You got your Elmo potty for Christmas, but haven’t shown much interest in it until recently.  A couple of weeks ago I picked up two books about going potty when I was out shopping and you have been carrying them around with you ever since.  One night before you got in the bath tub you decided you wanted to actually sit on the potty.  Daddy was in the bathroom with you so I stepped out for a few minutes.  When I came back, you had gone pee.  Daddy and I were both very excited.  We clapped, sang, and praised you until you thought we had gone nuts.  Since then you haven’t wanted to sit on the potty again, but that’s okay.  I’m pretty sure you will when you are ready.

Another big accomplishment has just happened over the last few days.  Up until now, every time you managed to get a crayon in your hand you would chomp down and try to eat it.  For the last several days, however, you have been actually using the crayons to color with.  You have even started naming the things that you are drawing.  I was surprised the day you pointed to your drawing and said “star”.  Now we just need to work on keeping the coloring on the paper and not on the floor.

Bubbles!Even though this month has been a little rough on both of us, I wouldn’t change a thing.  The ups were incredible and the downs were extremely frustrating.  I know my temper has flared more than I like to admit and I wish I could take that back, but I know I can’t.  All I can do is try to be more patient in the future.  You are such an amazingly smart little boy.  Some days I think that I am learning more from you than you are from me.  I am so thankful that you are a part of my life.

Love always,
Mama

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The Drive

Yesterday on the drive home I had the windows rolled down.  It was sunny outside and the radio was blaring.  At times like that I feel hopeful, free from the day’s worries.  The stress of the work day is gone and the anticipation of a relaxing evening excites me.

I flipped through the presets on my radio and couldn’t find anything to suit my mood.  I finally resorted to the collection of cd’s sitting in the console.  As I rifled through them to find just the right one, I saw the bright blue case standing out.  Pearl Jam it was.  I slid the shiny disc out of the case and pushed it into the cd player.

As the sound washed over me I knew I made the correct choice.  A flood of emotions came rushing through with each note that passed.  This was exactly what I needed.  The music took me back and I suddenly knew why I needed it today.

Even though this particular cd wasn’t released until May of last year, the tracks were leaked on the internet a couple of months before.  The day I returned to work after my brother-in-law’s funeral, I downloaded the first of the leaked tracks.  In the weeks that followed I ended up with the remaining tracks from the still-to-be-released album and burned a cd.

Every day after work, I climbed into my car, popped that cd in and blared it all the way home.  There was something comforting about the lyrics, guitar licks, and the familiar voice.  At a time when my world had been turned upside down it gave me something to look forward to.  It was early Spring – a time for new beginnings and healing.

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No Longer With The Band

“Eight bucks” the bouncer said as we walked up to the door.  I pulled some cash out of my back pocket and passed him a twenty.  He handed me my change and we walked into the dark, smoky club.  After the five dollars for parking and the sixteen just to get in, I had nineteen left for the evening.

We did a quick search and found our friends sitting at the bar.  Hugs, hellos, and introductions were exchanged as we tried to melt into a crowd that we were no longer really a part of.  What used to be a regular night out suddenly felt so strangely unfamiliar.

We sat at the bar empty-handed while everyone around us chugged beer after beer and inhaled their sticks of nicotine.  I chatted with my friend, who I used to call my best friend.  I watched as the band set up on stage and felt out of place.  At one time I was part of the process, but now I barely know the band members’ names.

I finally ordered myself a drink, because my throat was dry and getting sore from the smoke.  I wasn’t really in the mood for alcohol, but the other option was a Diet Pepsi so I ordered a fruity mixed drink to sip on. 

I checked my phone for the time and saw that I had a missed call.  I escaped to the bathroom where the smoke wasn’t so thick and it was amazingly silent.  I called my mom back hoping that nothing was wrong because she had called almost an hour before.  It turns out she had only called to let me know that the boy had settled down right after we left.  He had watched another episode of his favorite show and was sound asleep in bed.  For a moment I longed to be there with him.  I hung up the phone, glanced at his picture on the screen quickly before I closed it, and returned to the bar.  The band would start playing soon.

As we scoured the crowd, we saw more people that we knew and went over to say hello.  We chatted for a few minutes and the band finally took the stage.  It had been a while since we had seen them play and it was obvious how much they had improved since the last time.  As always, the singer was an amazing front man and the rest of the guys were tight, supporting him perfectly.  It was a great performance. 

There was an older man, probably in his sixties or even seventies, dancing and grooving in front of the stage.  His son, watching from the side explained that his father was a musician and that he just needed to be around the music.  You could see the joy and love in his eyes as he watched the older man sway back and forth and shake his hands to the beat.

The rest of the crowd was the same as it always is.  There were the young girls wearing tight t-shirts and even tighter jeans, trying to show off their best assets.  There were the stoners and the bar dwellers who were so far gone they probably couldn’t even hear the music.  There were the hard rock boys trying to prove they were more hard core than the ones beside them.  There was the 30’s crowd, trying hard to fit in among the youngsters.  And then, there were the parents of the band members who stood out with their band t-shirts and gray hair.

The first band’s set ended.  I congratulated the guys on their performance and watched as they tore down the stage.  I really was proud of them.  They have come a long way since I first saw them play together almost a year ago.  I’m still not sure they are better than the last band my friend was a part of, but they seem to be hitting the scene at a better time.  They have had much more success.

Hubby and I stood there, talking mostly to each other while we waited for the next band to set up and start playing.  They would be the second of four, and while we weren’t necessarily interested in them, we thought the third band was worth waiting for.

A few minutes into the second band’s set we had to give up our prime spots at the table near the stage.  The sound coming from the speakers was excruciating and we just couldn’t take it anymore.  We found our friends near the back of the bar and joined them for a while.  Once again it seemed as though we were outsiders.  The crowd that we used to hang out with religiously had changed.  We found ourselves standing there just talking to each other again.

The second set finally ended and I was tempted to leave, but figured the next band would start up soon and I really wanted to see them.  They had impressed me when I had seen them before so I figured it would be worth the wait.  It seemed like an eternity while we waited for them to take the stage.  The equipment was all set up and the band was ready to go, but for some reason they were putting them off for a while.  Perhaps if I was younger, or if I was drinking more, I wouldn’t have minded the wait.

The band finally started playing.  By this point Hubby and I were leaning up against the wall.  We were tired.  We could barely breathe from the smoke and my calves and feet were aching from my poor choice in footwear.  About half way through the second song, I turned to Hubby and let him know that I was ready to leave whenever he was.  Within five minutes, we had said good-bye to our friends and were out the door.

The alarm went off entirely too early Sunday morning.  I awoke to the stench of the smoke from the night before.  I tried not to move my head too much for fear of jostling my hair and releasing more of the putrid smell.  I heard my son chattering away in his room and hopped up to give him his morning hug and kiss.  I wanted to shower first, but I couldn’t resist telling him good morning.  The smile on the boy’s face when I entered his room was better than the entire previous night.  I picked him up and snuggled him tightly before turning on his morning cartoons.

I think next time I’ll choose a night in with my boys instead of a night rocking out in a smoky bar.  Snuggling on the couch with a bowl of popcorn may not have sounded like much of a luxury a few years ago, but now I can’t imagine anything better.  It is funny how fast your priorities can change.

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Just In Time



Baby Blanket, originally uploaded by deew27.

Another project completed and just in time. I finished the baby blanket up Saturday afternoon, threw it in the washer to soften it up, and had it wrapped and ready to give to my sister today.

I actually really enjoyed making this blanket. It was a very quick project and I didn’t have to follow any complicated patterns. I found a pattern I liked online, adapted it a little bit, and came up with this. I liked it so much I almost wanted to keep it for myself.

The color didn’t quite come out right in the photos, but it is a bright blue with a little green blended in.

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Welcome to my life, tattoo. We've a long time together, me and you.

Tiger

My tiger tattoo was my first. I honestly never though I would be the type for tattoos, but at some point I got the notion that I wanted one. On our first anniversary my ex-husband and I went to the tattoo studio. He came home with a sun on his shoulder and I came home with this tiger on my back.

People often ask me if I regret getting it when they hear that story. I don’t. That tiger is now a piece of my history. It is a part of my past that I never want to forget.

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Chocolate Fix

Do you want to know how to cure a week long chocolate craving?

Cookies!

It may not have been such a good idea for the diet, but it was great for the cravings.  Hubby and I both have been in the mood for some cookies, so I finally caved and baked some up last night.  They’re just your regular Toll House chocolate chip cookies with a little baking cocoa and chocolate/caramel swirl chips added.  And?  They are delicious.  I can’t wait to get home and eat some more.

I feel I’ve really been slacking on the blogging this week.  My mind has been going in so many other directions that I’ve had a really hard time stopping long enough to actually put together a decent post.  I have some things floating around in my head, including Zach’s 20 month letter/update, but I just can’t seem to find the time to sit down and focus.  When I do write, I just feel like I’m throwing things together (like in this entry).  My in-laws even commented on the phone last night that I haven’t updated my family site in a while.  Guess I need to work on that.

I have finally gotten myself together and added a new feature over there on the far right sidebar. Thanks to Google Reader, I am now sharing some of my favorite blog posts. Take a look over there underneath the gorgeous pictures of my son to see what I’ve been enjoying lately.

This weekend is shaping up to be a busy one for us.  We have plans to have dinner and hang out with friends tonight, another friend’s band to see Saturday night, and an after church lunch/surprise baby shower on Sunday.  That pretty much leaves me only Saturday morning and afternoon to relax and I need to spend that time finishing up the baby blanket I’m making.  I just hope that Zach holds up well with the busy weekend.  He seems to need a lot of relaxation/mommy time here lately and I won’t be able to give him much of that when I’m running all over the place.

And, that’s all I’ve got for now.  Go have a cookie and enjoy your weekend!

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