I think I just realized what is missing from my marriage. Validation. Validation of my thoughts, my wants, and my needs.
Lastnight hubby and I were watching TV for a few minutes after finally getting Zach to bed. I made some comment about what we were watching (which I cannot even remember now) and turned to hubby waiting for a response.
I stared at him for about a minute or so while he stared at the TV and waited. Nothing. Dead air. Finally I said, "…and you wonder why I never talk to you anymore." He then said, "I heard you." So then we got into a big argument about why he didn’t give me any kind of response. He didn’t have an answer for that which just irritated me even more.
A few minutes ago I was reading a comment on one of my posts and I realized why it bothered me so much that he did not respond back to me. I was waiting for validation of what I had said. It really didn’t matter what he said back. I just wanted to know that he thought about what I said. I wanted to know that what I said mattered to him. But, apparently, it didn’t.
The more and more I think about it, I think this may be the cause for many of the issues in our marriage. Don’t get me wrong, we are pretty happy together, but we have our ups and downs. Lately there have been a lot of downs but we are trying to work on it. I’m not putting all of the blame on him either. I’m sure I’m just as guilty of this as he is. In fact, I know I am. I blow him off all the time when I don’t feel like discussing what he wants to discuss. I guess this just gives me something new to work on.
This blogging thing just started out as a fun way to pass time, but it may have just given me the answer that I’ve been searching for for quite a long time. I love reading the comments on my blog because they totally validate the feelings that I am trying to express. Perhaps all along I’ve been finding here what I’ve been missing at home.