Last night I had the pleasure of hanging out with two dear friends, one of which I’ve been friends with for about 18 years now. She has known me and my family for more than half of my life. It’s a little crazy to think about in those terms. We’ve been through so much together – from the angsty teenage years, through college, and now this new grown-up world that we seem to be a part of.
She was in town last night after attending a family funeral so we met up for drinks before she had to head back home today. As always, it was amazing how fast the time flew by. I had only planned on staying for an hour or two and then getting myself home and to bed. I looked at the clock on my phone a little after 10:00 and the next thing I knew it was last call and after midnight.
Through the course of our conversation last night, we rehashed lots of old memories. As I said, we’ve been through a lot together – including times when we barely spoke. At one point she brought up something that I can now barely remember. It was during the time that I was going through a separation and divorce from my ex and was having a lot of emotional issues. What I didn’t remember was that she was there. That really bothers me.
I didn’t remember that she was there. I didn’t remember her being there to help me load up my things and move out of my apartment. I remember it was snowing that day. I remember my Mom and Dad being there. I remember cleaning the carpet. That’s it. That’s all I can remember of a day that was pretty monumental in my life.
When I really strain I have a very faint memory of her being there to help but if she hadn’t told me I wouldn’t have remembered at all. I blocked a lot of things out back then. I blocked out emotions to the point where I just didn’t feel anything at all. It took me a long time before I allowed myself to feel again. I guess I just didn’t realize how much of the other memories I was blocking out as well.
It is kind of a scary thing, knowing that your mind can work that way. I mean people forget things all the time, but this was more like a mental block because when I really focused and tried to remember it was there. I just needed a little help to find it.
What really has my mind spinning today though is that she was there. She has always been there for me. Through all of the bad and all of the good she has always been there. She stood by me even when I wasn’t there for her because I was too busy dealing with my own crazy life. And even though I have always known this it really struck me last night for some reason.
She is the best friend a person could ask for and it has taken me 18 years to truly recognize that.