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Zach & Uncle Josh - Christmas 2005
Zach & Uncle Josh - Christmas 2005

Today is the three year anniversary of the day my brother-in-law took his own life.  It isn’t a happy anniversary by any means, but I doubt the day will ever go by again without it crossing my mind.  I still can’t imagine the pain that my husband and his family feel when they think of it.  It is hard enough for me and I only knew him for a few years.

A couple months ago Hubby had a wreck in his work truck.  It was a rainy day and the temperature was dropping.  Apparently he hit some ice, skidded around a bit and ended up trying to take the bark off a tree in a field.  He was very lucky that day and wasn’t hurt other than a bit of soreness.  His truck wasn’t so lucky and was totaled.

Later that night, we were talking about the wreck over dinner.  Neither one of us came right out and said it, but basically we were talking about how grateful we were that he made it home that night and that nothing worse had happened.  Since Zach was sitting at the table with us, we were very careful not do say anything about the fact that he could have very well died in that wreck or been hurt very badly had he gone off the road just a few feet further down.

As we got up from the table and started cleaning up, Zach started singing.  That’s not an uncommon thing in our house, but it was what he was singing that was remarkable.  It took me a second before I realized what was coming out of his mouth.  He was singing, “Uncle Josh, Uncle Josh, Uncle Josh…” to the tune of Jingle Bells.

Zach was 8 months old when Josh died.  While we do talk about him from time to time and look at pictures, Zach doesn’t have any memories of Josh being alive.  That’s what made his song so strange.  He has never mentioned his name on his own and always thinks that pictures of Josh are Daddy until we correct him.

It may just be a really odd coincidence, but in my heart I have to believe that Josh was looking out for his brother that day.  Every time I think of it I get chills and then I say a prayer of thanks that Hubby was protected and is still here with us.  Whether it was Josh or some higher power, Hubby was very lucky.

Wherever Josh is, I just hope he knows that we miss him, love him, and will always remember him.

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  1. Any comment I make will just detract from your beautiful tribute post. So I’m just going to sit quietly and reflect on the enormity of statement you made. I honestly do believe that children sense things we can’t. Zach’s Uncle Josh is probably with him more than we’ll ever know.

    Thinking of you and your family today.

  2. Amy Amy

    Always thinking of you and the whole family. Take care.

  3. What a beautiful and touching post. I’m so sorry for your loss–I didn’t know before now.

    My son was born 5 1/2 weeks premature on the anniversary of my dad’s death 23 years prior and I believe my dad was there, making sure Theo and I were okay. I’m sure Josh was there protecting your husband as well.

    My thoughts are with you.

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