This morning I was reading a few blogs when I clicked on a link and then clicked on another link and eventually found myself at Chookooloonks (which is a fabulous blog if you’ve never read it). I scrolled down the page to see what Karen had written lately and came across this entry which really hit home for me. When I saw the title of the post, "Love is a decision" I already had an idea of what I was about to read. She really summed it all up when she said, "love isn’t just that exhilarating rush you get when someone walks into the room. It is also the decision to consciously love, even when the going gets a bit rough." That line is really sticking in my head today, probably because I see so much truth in it.
Hubby and I have been married for 4 and a half years now. We were both married before. We have both experienced love in many different ways, shapes, and forms. But for me, this is the first time I have ever felt like I made the decision to truly love someone. Love is easy between family and friends but when it comes to choosing the person that you are going to spend the rest of your life with, it gets more difficult. When I got married the first time, I think I was too young and too immature to really understand what I was committing myself to. I definitely loved my ex-husband, and still do in a way, but I never really made the decision to consciously love him. When things got rough I took the easy way out instead of standing by him and working things out.
Love is something that I fall into easily. When Hubby and I first met, things happened very quickly. I knew right away that I wanted to be with him. Just when I had convinced myself that I would never meet anyone worthy of my love again, he appeared in my life. The night we met, I told my best friend that he was the one. He ignited a spark in my heart that had been missing for quite a while. Love is easy in the beginning.
It wasn’t until things got a little rocky that I actually had to sit back and evaluate our relationship. It was then that I made the conscious decision to love him. Since then, there have been a lot of rocky times. There have been times when I was so angry at him that the thoughts of leaving crossed my mind. There have been times when I even wondered whether I still had enough love to give him. Eventually I always come around to the same answer. I made the decision that I was going to love him. By marrying him, I made a commitment before God, my family, and my friends to love him. Through thick and thin, he is the man I want to be with and the man I want to love for the rest of my life.
When it comes to a marital relationship, I think that love goes in cycles. There is the excitement in the beginning where you can barely stand to leave each other’s side. As your relationship grows and matures that excitement fades into comfort. There are ups and downs and sometimes a little monotony in the middle, but through it all love can persevere if you have both made that decision to love each other day in and day out.
I may not always show my love. In fact, Hubby doesn’t think that I show it nearly enough, but deep down I do truly love him. We both have our faults, which we are quick to point out to each other when we are angry, but we also have love-for ourselves, for each other, and for the family we have created. As long as we have love we can get through anything.
You hit the nail on the head. I told hubby once that he knew I loved him, because even when I was at my angriest at him I still felt love for him. Although, that never stopped the thoughts of leaving during some of the rough times. However, now we only think of running screaming from the kids. LOL!!
Leaving the marriage isnt an option. Suddenly when the option is off the table, these dont seem so big anymore.
Happy Love Thursday.
I think the big challenge with long term love is knowing that you cannot fulfill every emotional need another person will have throughout their lifetime – they will need others to help them and love them in other ways as well.
Being married is just like being a part of your family growing up. You don’t always feel ‘in love’ with them, but you love them just the same.
That’s how I look at it anyway… except that I eventually grew out of my family. My hubby will have a harder time shaking me off his boot.
wow, this is a great post. i can definitely relate. i heard someone once say, “love is an action verb. it’s not something that happens, it’s something you do.” i think the ideas are basically the same – that it takes an active decision on someone’s part to love another person. great writing.
p.s. thanks for delurking on my site! 🙂
If you were reading my mind you couldn’t have written anything that parallels my own thoughts on love and my marriage (although, I hope I am lucky enough to have caught on now, since this is my first (and only!)).
Thanks for a good Sunday morning read. I wish they did make divorce harder to achieve (without making it impossible). No fault divorces just seem to be too much of an easy out.
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