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Inferiority Complex

I used to think of myself as being highly intelligent. Then I met the real world.

Growing up I was always one of the "smart" kids in class. I pretty much made straight A’s in school and could compete with the other smart kids with no problem. There were a few I met along that way that were smarter than me and that was fine as long as I wasn’t too far behind.

My parents always encouraged me in school and always expected me to do my best. I loved art and music, but I didn’t excell in those subjects. I was never artsy enough to hang with the artsy fartsy crowd and even though I loved music (and my instructors always said I had a natural talent for it) the clarinet I played wasn’t exactly going to get me anywhere in the world of rock and roll so I focused on the books.

It didn’t take a lot of effort for me to get good grades. I went to class. I did the homework. I studied only for the most difficult tests and flew through the easy ones without needing to study. I always thought that I was really intelligent and that someday I would grow up to do something amazing with my life. I thought that because that is what everybody always told me.

When I got out into the real world, my whole perspective on life changed.  Amazingly enough there were people out that that were a whole heck of a lot smarter than me and some of them didn’t even have a high school education.  As it turns out, education doesn’t make you smart.  

The more and more I explore this world (mostly via the internet) I find that I really know very little.  I have come across so many very intelligent people.  There are so many who can say the same things I am thinking but in a much more coherent way.  There are people who have experienced more and pondered more deeply than I could ever imagine. 

Sometimes when I sit down to write a blog post I question my abilities.  I don’t see myself as a great writer.  I often have difficulties finding the right words and sentence structure to get my point across. When I go back and read my thoughts on the computer screen I feel like it should be better, like I should be able to make it better.  Then I have to remind myself that this is me.  I am what I am.  I just can’t help but be envious of those that are better than me, that have really made something of themselves.

The hardest part of all of this is that I know I could have made something of myself.  I could have applied myself better.  I could have finished my Master’s degree.  I could have had a fantastic job doing something that I love.  Somewhere along the way I lost my spirit.  I lost my confidence.  Somewhere along the way I just gave up.  I let the world push me down and make me feel like I wasn’t good enough and I got stuck there.

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  1. The thing about writing is that the more you do it, the better you get at it. And fwiw, I would say that you are a better writer than most people. Remember, bloggers are a self selected group of people who LIKE to write. And even then, you are a better writer than most bloggers. It is just that when there are a million bloggers, that means there are *thousands* of blogs written by people who not only practice but who have been gifted with what can only be described as a rare talent.

    The rest of us can only present ourselves as well as can. But then when you think about it, that is a bit of a gift too because it allows us all to peek into another life. Anyhow, I certainly enjoy your blog so you have at least one fan out on the vast internet. (I read everything you post but you might not see stats because I do a lot of blog reading through an RSS feed)

  2. I think that you’re being too overly critical of yourself. :p

    Write (Blog) because you enjoy writing, and because you have something you want others to hear.

    There’s no “finish line”.

    Make “something” of yourself? You’re better than “someTHING”! You’re someONE. You’re YOU!

    Titles don’t mean a damn thing other than, somehow, you came into money. They don’t mean that you’re intelligent, or that you’re “better” than anyone else.

    I like your writing. :p

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