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I’ve been writing a lot lately about this nagging feeling of discontent going on in my life.  After reading the comments from my Get a Grip post the other day and then reading a few other blogs, I realize that I’m certainly not the only one living with disappointment and discontent.  Okay, so I knew I wasn’t the only one, but I guess I just needed a little reassurance.

All of this spurred a little brainstorming session in my head.  I really feel like I need to make some changes in my life but I’m not even sure where to begin.  I want to change for myself, but also for my family.  I can’t possibly give them 100% if I am not 100% myself.  If I am grumpy or depressed or just disappointed in myself, then I don’t respond to them in the way they deserve.  When Zach is begging for attention and I am in a bad mood, I get irritated and don’t give him the attention he needs and wants.  When I come home from work grouchy, I don’t fully appreciate or give notice to those little things that Hubby does to try to make my day a little better.  Really, they deserve more.  They deserve a mother and wife who can give back to them what they give to me.

Wiccachicky‘s comments about the "pushing 30" crowd really got me to thinking.  I think she definitely has something there. My whole life I have been pushed to "be all that I can be" and now I look back and see that I’m nowhere near achieving that.  The responsibilities and financial obligations I have put on myself are now keeping me from being able to achieve the goals that I once had.  That’s kind of hard to swallow and is definitely one of the things that has been bothering me a lot lately.  I don’t know that I will ever get back to the point where the sky is the limit.  Even my hobbies are suffering these days as I just don’t have the time or the money to put into them.  I want to do so many things, but I see them as impossible dreams now.

I know I always have these little moments of insight, but then I never follow through.  This time I want to follow through.  I want to find the time and the energy to make some permanent changes happen.  I want to find a way to enjoy my life more and appreciate what I have rather than worry about what I don’t have.  I want to find peace in my life.

The pity party is officially over.  It is time for me to make a change and quit feeling so sorry for myself.  Of course, that could all change next week.  I’m just feeling good today.

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  1. Thanks for the link!! No one ever links me (except my friend Amy). 🙂

    But, I am glad you have turned a page here. I’m telling you, I recently turned it after my wedding. I am too old for this crap any more. Teen angst is over. Realizing we have limits is one thing, letting them control us is another.

  2. Don’t feel bad if you want to post moody again…it is one big ferris wheel…the good the bad and the ugly…Lets all just hope for lots of good.

  3. I don’t think Happiness is static state. It’s something that has to constantly be worked on. It takes WORK to be Happy.

    I spent much of my 20s being resentful towards others for this and that and this and that. I have a tendency to be cynical and negative anyway. Once I sat down and did an inventory of how my life wasn’t really that bad, things got better. It sounds like you may be on that path. I hope you are because honestly? It’s easier being Happy once you get there. I think it requires a bit of letting go, for sure.

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