Category: Life

2 kids, 2 dogs, 2 cats, and 1 husband – life isn’t perfect, but it is what we make it

Halloween Fun in the Kitchen

Published by dee on October 28, 2009

I debated where to post this entry because it really could work as a recipe post or even a crafty post, but really it is just about me and my boy having fun in the kitchen so I’m posting it here.

Back in early September I was walking around Dollar Tree and spotted a bag of Halloween cookie cutters. I couldn’t pass them up for the grand price of $1.00 so I bought them and stashed them away. Well, apparently Halloween is coming up in a couple of days (whether I’m ready or not) so I told Zach that we could go ahead and make some cookies using them tonight.

(And when I say *make* cookies, I mean roll out the Pillsbury pre-made cookie dough, cut out the shapes, bake, and then decorate with pre-made icing. One of these days I’ll do it from scratch but I’m just not there yet.)

Zach and Evie both helped with the cookie cutters while I rolled out the dough and placed each cutout on the cookie sheet for baking. Evie got bored after the first few and went off with Daddy while Zach and I finished up. I was a little disappointed because for some reason I can never get sugar cookies to bake without spreading and flattening out so some of the shapes didn’t come out too well. Zach didn’t seem to mind though.

I had planned on baking the cookies tonight and then decorating tomorrow because I knew it would make for a late night but Zach was having so much fun I gave in and we started decorating. I think he got about four cookies done before he was too “tired” to do any more. He munched on a couple of cookies, then headed off to bed and left me to finish the rest.

Some of them came out nice, some didn’t. But, the important part is that we had fun together, right?

Here are Zach’s masterpieces:

A group shot:

And my very favorite one* that I love so much I won’t be able to stand to eat it:

*The idea for the spiderweb design came from another blog (I believe she used it on cupcakes?) that I read this week but I can’t for the life of me remember which one. If anyone knows, please tell me!

Also, sorry about the crappy photos but I was too lazy to go get a real camera and took these with my iphone!

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The Best of Friends

Published by dee on October 27, 2009

I knew it would happen one day, I just assumed it was still a ways off…a long ways off. It happened without me even really noticing at first. I had been working all day cleaning out my closet and dresser, doing laundry, and just general house cleaning type of stuff. I finally decided I was done for the day and sat down in my comfy chair to relax for a bit. There I was minding my own business when I realized there were no little people in the room, just me and Hubby.

It was so QUIET.

It was quiet in a way that seemed so wrong, yet so right at the same time. I heard some giggles coming from the back of the house, but that didn’t ruin my moment of pure bliss. It was then that I realized my two kids were in the bedroom playing together. Evie, who is usually contained to the living room/playroom area by baby gates had escaped and gone back to watch TV with her brother.

They were playing and laughing and having the best time together. It’s not that they don’t play together, because they do all the time. The difference was that there was no screaming or crying or fussing. I didn’t have to jump up twenty times to see who was hurt or which one had stolen a toy from the other. They were just having fun together.

I sat in the living room with Hubby just enjoying the sounds of my kids being not only brother and sister, but friends. The fact that they were entertaining each other and not using me for a jungle gym or crying, “Mommy, Mommy, MOMMY!” was just icing on the cake.

It was one of those moments that reminds you just how worth it it all is. All the day-to-day stuff just pushes itself away and isn’t so important.

Later that night, as I was putting Evie to bed, Zach gave his sister a big hug and said, “Sissy, you’re my best friend!” And my heart melted into a gigantic puddle of goo.

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Late Night Ramblings

Published by dee on October 19, 2009

For some reason over the last few weeks I seem to be stuck in a bit of a rut. I don’t have a lot of patience for other people, including my kids. I’ve been spending a lot of time in my own head, trying to sort out some things. I feel like I’m on the verge of a big change, though I don’t know exactly what that change will be. I want to create change, but I don’t know how. I feel stifled by my current environment and feel like I need a change. I need less clutter in my head and my life. I’m tired of the routine.

I’ve been spending less time on Twitter and more time reading blogs. For a while I quit reading blogs entirely unless I happened to see a link on Facebook or Twitter. I missed reading the stories. You just can’t get that in 140 characters. I’m trying to remember to comment more, to re-connect some of the ties that have come unraveled.

I wonder how people do it all. How do you have a full-time job, keep up with a spouse and kids, be a good parent, keep your house clean, pay the bills on time, be there for your extended family, maintain friendships and hobbies, read, create, write, and make a difference in this world? How is it even possible to do all of that? I can’t do it all. There is always something slipping through the cracks.

I have so many goals, dreams, and desires, yet I have a hard time taking the steps I must take in order to make them happen. Maybe it is insecurity, but I always blame it on a lack of time or money. There’s never enough time or money though, so do I just let those things slip away or do I step outside of my comfort zone and make them happen?

Sometimes I wonder if I feel enough. Anything involving my kids I feel with extreme intensity, but when it comes to other things I wonder if I care as much as I should. Sometimes I just feel so indifferent to things that should matter. I listen to friends discussing politics and world issues and I wonder why those things don’t matter as much to me. Am I just numb to it all? Perhaps it is just selfishness and I only care about things directly affecting me. A simple e-mail can be touching enough to make my heart skip a beat, yet I can hear stories about people being killed in other countries and just blow it off. Does that make me a bad person or am I simply tuning it out because I don’t have enough energy left in me to worry about the world?

I miss writing. I write here, but this place is no longer a place where I can really let loose. The thoughts that twist and tear at my heart don’t have a place to go. I don’t journal or even keep up with a private blog anymore. There isn’t time. Sometimes I wonder if that’s why I don’t sleep at night. Perhaps the thoughts just won’t leave me alone until I find a place to write them down. The thoughts that used to flow freely are now kept locked up. I don’t trust anyone or anything with those innermost private thoughts. I won’t let them escape and perhaps that’s why I feel so weighted down.

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I Have Dreams…

Published by dee on October 14, 2009

…of being debt free

…of owning my own home

…of wide open, clutter free, brightly lit spaces

…of comfy but classy furniture that was chosen, not handed down

…of fashionable but minimalistic decor

…of a studio filled with brightly colored yarns and fabrics with which to create

…of sunshine every day

…of being content with what I have

Yes, I have dreams…so far out of reach.

And now, in my dreams
I can feel the wait, I can just come clean
I keep it to myself, I know what it means
I can’t have you, but I have dreams

By the way, if you like that song, check out my review of Brandi’ Carlile’s new album Give Up The Ghost.

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Want

Published by dee on October 5, 2009

I need a maid, a personal chef, a cat puke cleaner-upper, a bill payer, a computer expert, a chauffeur, and an extra pair of hands. I need a clone of myself, actually how about 3 or 4? I need someone to do all of those things that I don’t have the time for or just plain don’t want to do.

I want to escape the day to day life and go back to a time when things were simple.

I want to go sit in a comfy chair and read for hours on end, maybe even finish an entire book in a single day.

I want to knit until my hands cramp up, then warm them while I sip on a cup of hot chocolate and reflect.

I want to find a great photography book and teach myself how to set my camera just so and get that perfect shot.

I want to sew and to have the time it takes to learn by trial and error with no distractions. I would like to make my daughter a dress.

I want to dust off my guitar and re-learn the few chords I used to know. I’d like to learn to play an entire song that I can strum and sing to my kids.

I want to devote an entire day to playing with my kids without thinking about that bill that needs paid or the laundry that is piling up.

I want to design web sites again and finally finish the one that has been promised for so long.

I want a job that allows me to see my kids for more than 2 1/2 hours a day – one that is meaningful and that I can be proud of.

I want so many things, yet I feel like everything I want is so unattainable these days. The thing I want the most is time. There’s never enough. We rush through the work week to get to the weekends, but when the weekend comes there is so much to cram into it that we miss out on the things that matter most.

Sunday evening I felt myself getting frustrated beyond belief. I spent most of the day cleaning, trying to make up for all that was strewn around from the prior week. We spent Saturday having fun with family, which was totally worth it, but it made for a lot of catch-up on Sunday. While I rushed around the house picking up jackets off the floor, tripping over toys, cleaning the kitchen, vacuuming the floors, washing and putting away laundry, and fussing at Zach repeatedly to clean up his toys, Hubby sat and watched football. Evie followed Zach and I around, taking out everything that Zach and I had put away. Hubby was having some computer issues and kept stopping me to ask me questions.

I took a break from cleaning to fix dinner. Hubby made his awesome guacamole that I had requested and we enjoyed a nice dinner together. Then I started in on the evening bath routine. While Zach was in the shower, I ran through the living room to put another thing away when Hubby stopped me yet again with a computer question. I was short with him. I just couldn’t take one more thing. I was in a hurry to get Zach finished with his shower so I could get him settled down with a TV show and I could try to get bills paid before my shows came on that I wanted to watch. Hubby snapped back at me after I snapped at him.

I just wanted to get done so I could finally relax. In that moment I felt so under-appreciated. I felt like I had spent all day working my butt off while everyone else spent the day playing and relaxing. I was short with my kids and my husband. I was stressed about the fact that I just can not ever get it all done. I will never be caught up. I will never feel like I can truly sit down and relax because my mind is going in a million different directions.

I need life to slow down. I want my kids to have happy memories, not to remember a mom who yelled all the time because she was always so overwhelmed with life. I don’t want to be in such a rush that I miss the good times. I want to enjoy this life, not look back years from now and wonder where all the time went.

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Back On Schedule

Published by dee on September 27, 2009

Tomorrow morning I have to drag myself out of bed at 6:30 a.m. again. I have to do the morning rush again. I have to drag the kids out of bed, get them dressed, fed, and out the door. I have to drop Zach off at preschool, Evie at day care, and get myself to work for the first time since my surgery a week and a half ago. I have to rejoin the real world and I’m not looking forward to it one bit.

My body is healing and I’m definitely feeling much better, though I’m not too sure how it’s going to feel to sit up at a desk all day tomorrow. My energy is back to a pretty normal level finally, though that is with getting to sleep in nearly every day. My incisions are still a bit sore, but that I can handle.

I have pushed myself just a little harder than I probably should have, but there were a couple things I didn’t want to miss out on, like watching the Red Sox beat the Royals at the newly renovated Kauffman stadium. I wasn’t about to let one little surgery keep me from catching the Sox this year!

We celebrated Hubby’s 33rd birthday on Thursday with a delicious dinner my mother-in-law made. The kids helped Daddy blow out the candles on his cake and for once I didn’t have a camera in my hands. Oops.

Then on Saturday we took Granny and Papa to Deanna Rose Farmstead. The kids always love going there and it was a beautiful day. Plus, I wanted to play with my new camera lenses a bit. Zach was brave enough for the pony ride this time without getting scared.

All in all it was a really nice week. If it wouldn’t have been for that whole surgery thing, the last week would have been a really nice vacation!

I can’t thank my in-laws enough for all the help they’ve given us in the last couple of weeks. They’ve read books, changed diapers, given baths, fixed meals, kept up with the laundry, and even helped take the dogs out. I know my recovery would have been a lot harder without them here and I’m a little sad to see them head back home in the morning.

But, back to the grind it is. It all starts in about 8 1/2 hours.

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