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Category: Life

2 kids, 2 dogs, 2 cats, and 1 husband – life isn’t perfect, but it is what we make it

Waiting Anxiously

Over the last couple of days I have read many blogs talking about the coming of spring and I just can’t help but get excited.  We got a little taste of it over the weekend and I want it back!  Spring to me is all about renewal.  I love seeing the trees and flowers blooming, the grass turning green, and the sun shining brightly.  It gives me an energy that I don’t have at any other time of year.  Oh yeah, then of course there is this too.

Saturday was an absolutely beautiful day here.  I woke up with the sun shining through my bedroom windows and started the day in a great mood.  We lounged around the house for a bit and then when I just couldn’t stand it anymore I had to get outside and experience the nice weather.  For the first time EVER (well, in a very, very, long time anyway) I actually convinced hubby to go for a walk with me.  We put Zach in the stroller and walked around the neighborhood.  It felt great to be outside and Zach really enjoyed it.

While we were strolling around, we decided to have a spur of the moment get-together with some friends.  We called up my sister and a couple of other friends and invited them over for a barbeque.  We had a great time eating, drinking, and visiting.  Then we all settled down and watched the movie "Just Friends" which was hilarious.  (I broke down and allowed myself to drink 4 absolutely wonderful margaritas.  They are totally off-limits with my diet since one 12 oz. margarita is more than half of my daily point intake, but damn they tasted good!)

There is always a bad side of spring also, which we experienced this weekend as well.  Living in the midwest, you just can’t escape the possibility of thunderstorms and tornados.  Sunday was proof of that.  Fortunately, our area and all of my family and friends were spared.  Hubby was on call for work and was out most of the day due to downed power lines and such.  He was amazed at some of the destruction he saw in Lawrence and other areas.  He has lived through hurricanes but was still surprised at the damage that was caused by the storms.

Unfortunately, the storms brought the cold back and I’m now anxiously awaiting the return of the Spring weather.  I’m a little bummed out, but I known that the cold won’t last much longer.  I’m ready for flip-flops, tank tops, and sunshine.  I can’t wait for afternoons in the park, having a drink on the patio, barbeques, baseball, and letting Zach play in the grass.  It’s just around the corner.

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Trying To Move On

If there is one thing I have learned in the last 2 weeks, it is that when you are hurting words of encouragement from friends and loved ones can help to ease the burden on your heart.  In the days preceding and following my brother-in-law’s funeral so many people offered kind words and thoughts to our family.  I tried to stay strong for my husband, his brother, their parents, and my sister-in-law and help them to work through the grief they were facing.  I tried to be as encouraging and loving as I possibly could for them.  Of course I was grieving also, but I like to think that my strength helped to hold them up at a time when they really needed the support.

When we returned home Friday afternoon I felt numb.  I was exhausted from the week and I guess things were finally starting to sink in a little bit.  Over the weekend I had a really hard time getting my mind off of what had happened.  Even on Monday, the reality of the situation still hadn’t completely sunk in.  As the week goes on, I think each day I am processing a little bit more.

I don’t really know if you ever completely recover from a heartache such as I have experienced.  A good friend helped me to realize that even though it pains us that he is gone, regardless of the circumstances, it was his time to go.  I am sure that somewhere, somehow, something good will come out of his death and we will most likely never know what that is.

I am finally starting to feel like I am ready to move on.  My life needs to return to some kind of normalcy.  Hubby and I have started getting back to our regular routine.  There is a closeness between us now that has been missing for quite some time.  This experience has really pulled us together.  Our love for each other and for Zach is fiercer than ever before. 

I am feeling like writing again.  The last couple of posts felt forced.  I felt like I needed to write, but it was hard to get the words out.  This post has flowed quite easily.  I have been reminded once again of how strong the blogging community is.  Even though I don’t have a huge amount of readers, those that do read regularly know me.  Your comments this week have helped to comfort and encourage me in so many ways.  I may not have replied to all of them, but every single comment was appreciated.

 

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When Words Fail Me

After everything that happened last week I find myself thinking that the things I write here are just so insignificant.  I find myself wanting to write so many things but the words will not come.  My life has changed so much in one short week.  I cannot even begin to describe how I’m feeling right now.  Perhaps in time the words will come, but until then I suppose I will continue with the insignificant daily drivel that has become my blog.

One highlight of last week was that I finally attended my very first Mardi Gras parade and tasted my first King Cake.  The parade was a small one in my hubby’s hometown and nothing compared to the New Orleans parades, but we had a decent time considering the circumstances of the week.  We arrived in Louisiana early Tuesday morning and by that afternoon hubby was needing to get out of the house for a bit and get his mind off of the situation we were facing.  So, we loaded Zach up in the stroller and walked down to the parade.  The parade was nice, but mostly just a distraction for us.  Here are a few pics from the parade:

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I Don't Know How To Go On

On February 23rd, 2006 my Brother-in-law turned 27 years old.  On February 27th, he chose to end his life.  There are so many questions and very few answers as to why he made that choice.  Right now, it still feels like a very bad dream that I will wake up from.  I know in my head that it is real and I have to deal with it, but it is so hard.  I loved him so much and he is gone forever.

Today I’m back at work, but it just doesn’t feel right to be here.  Everything is different now.  Everyone else is the same, but I am different and I just don’t know how to go on.

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8 Months

Dear Zachary,

When I think of you these days only one word comes to mind.  Amazing.  You amaze me on a daily basis.  Every time I turn around you are doing something that I didn’t know you could do.  You are eight months old today, 2/3 of the way through your first year, and I can’t believe how quickly it has passed.

s41101cb103617_4_0It has been so much fun to watch you grow and learn this month.  You started crawling last month, but this month you really perfected it.  You can move faster on your hands and knees than I can on my feet most of the time.  We had to invest in some baby gates to keep you confined to the living room.  If I put you down and turn around for even a second you manage to get into something you aren’t supposed to be in.  I decided that you must really like to hear mommy yell because everytime you manage to get into the kitchen you go straight for the cat food bowl and dump it out.  You also have quite a fondness for mommy’s book shelves and computer cord.  They seem to be your favorite toys.

When you aren’t crawling around wreaking havoc, you are usually pulling yourself up and reaching for things that I thought would be far out of your reach for some time yet.  It is officially time for all of my pretty stuff to be put away, as well as anything else that falls below the three foot level that you can get your hands on.  Pretty much anything that you can touch will end up either in your mouth or on the floor.  The word “no” is becoming much more frequent in my vocabulary and I think you are starting to learn what it means even though you usually just turn around and laugh when I say it.

s41101cb103617_18With Alicia’s help at day care you are finally taking more consistent naps and going to bed much easier.  Instead of nursing and rocking you to sleep, I now just have to put you in bed, turn on the mobile and in about two minutes you are asleep.  Sometimes you cry a little bit, but the last few days you haven’t even cried when I put you down. 

I still haven’t figured out how to get you to sleep through the night though.  It will seem like you are making some progress, sleeping 5-6 hours before you wake up, and then you’ll start waking up every two hours again.  You did sleep all the way through the night one night.  I woke up in a panic at 6:30 in the morning because I hadn’t heard from you all night.  Just so I didn’t worry too much you woke me up at least once every hour the next night.  I can’t even tell you how much I appreciated that.  I’m not sure what I did right that one night that you decided to sleep, but if you could clue me in that would be great.

s41101cb103617_10The other area where you have me completely flabergasted is when it comes to food.  You have always been a very good eater since you started on foods.  I recently started giving you some soft table foods and finger foods.  You really seem to enjoy feeding yourself.  You have become a lot more coordinated over the last few weeks and whatever is in your hand almost always gets to your mouth now.  You are also finally figuring out how to drink from a sippy cup.  What I can’t figure out is that sometimes you want to feed yourself and other times you get mad when I don’t spoon feed you every bite.  Sometimes you just don’t want to eat at all, which I really don’t understand because I don’t think I’ve ever experienced that feeling of not wanting to eat.  Momma and Daddy love to eat and we just assumed that you had inherited that from us. 

Some of your favorite foods that we have discovered are spagetti and meat sauce, goldfish, Gerber veggie crackers, mashed potatoes, broccoli, and pretty much any kind of fruit.  You have grown really tired of eating oatmeal for breakfast so we started exploring some other options.  Your favorite breakfast these days consists of Cheerios and about 1/3 of a banana.  You love it and it makes it much easier on me because you can feed yourself.

s41101cb103617_16You really seem to enjoy learning about your mouth and all of the fun things it will do.  You started clicking your tongue last week and laugh whenever someone clicks back at you.  You also have started to smack your lips together like you are kissing which I find to be absolutely adorable.

I haven’t mentioned it yet because I wanted to save the best for last, but my heart totally and completely melted when you finally started saying “Mama” last week.  You started saying “Dada” just before Christmas.  Then somewhere along the way you figured out how to say “bubba,” then “Mama,” and just in the last few days you are working on “nana.”  You seem to really know what Dada and Mama mean and when you get mad you usually scream “Mamamamamamamamama” which is ok, but could you please yell at Dada a little bit too?  I’m sure it can’t always be my fault!

s41101cb103617_14I still can’t believe how fast you are growing.  At 8 months old you are already wearing 18 months size in clothes.  You weigh 22 pounds now and have definitely surpassed your cousin Ryan who is almost 7 months older than you.  People are always surprised when I tell them how old you really are.

Daddy and I have been talking lately about how we wish we could have another tiny little baby to hold.  You are growing up so fast and we already miss those days when you would just cuddle up in our arms and sleep for hours.  Each day with you now is a completely new experience.  You are constantly changing and it is so much fun to watch.  I am so proud of you and everything you have accomplished already.  You are truly my inspiration for everything these days.  I love you so very, very much.

Love,
Mama

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FYI

For anyone that may have my old gmail adress, I have now changed it.  I chose that name before I was really using this site and now it just doesn’t make sense anymore.  You can now reach me at voicesinmymind at gmail dot com.  If you are one of the select few that have my other address, that one still works too.

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