Category: Zach

All Around the Mulberry Bush

Published by dee on April 4, 2011

Seeing as it has been nearly a month since I wrote anything here, I suppose it is time to get my fingers back to the keyboard and share some earth-shattering news. Except, I don’t have any. Well, nothing earth-shattering anyway. I’ve been busy and just generally overwhelmed with life these last few weeks, which seems to happen often. One of these days I swear I’m going to get my act together.

First off, I am a bad, bad, mommy blogger. I let my beautiful baby girl’s 3rd birthday go by without so much as a mention on my blog. I’ve wanted to post something about it, but just haven’t had the time or the words to do so. She had an excellent birthday, with a super fun Dora Fairytale Adventure birthday party. This was the first year she got to invite friends to her party (we’ve done family only parties before). A friend of mine who is starting up a party planning business helped plan it, and it was much better than my standard at-home birthday parties. The birthday girl certainly enjoyed it!

Behind the scenes, I’ve been working on getting my photography business set up. I’m definitely not a pro yet, but I’m taking some little steps to make things legal. I filed my d.b.a. a few months ago, and just last week set up a separate business checking account so that I can track my income/expenses. I’m also working on some marketing/branding stuff so that when I’m ready it will just be a matter of sending it off to the printer. I still have a few more things to do to feel like I’m official, but I am legal enough to be in business at this point. I’m just nervous about making that jump. I absolutely love photography, but I know I still have a lot to learn. I’m hoping to get a few more (non-family member) sessions in over the next couple of months. I’ve pretty much exhausted my kids and my niece/nephews with all of the photo taking. Here’s one of my favorites that I took of my niece a few weeks ago.

I still see imperfections in every photo I take, so I know I need more practice. However, I also know I love nearly every portrait ever taken of my kids – perfect or not – so maybe I can make it fly. I’m a little stuck in the “I need more practice to take better photographs, but I need better photographs to get people to want to hire me so I can get more practice” conundrum. Or maybe I just need more friends willing to loan me their kids.

On top of all that, I’m still stressing out about summer day care for Zach. I pretty much just stopped looking because I needed to just stop and breathe for a while. Sadly, ignoring it is not making it go away. The end of May is coming up very quickly.

Oh, and then there’s the really fun thing that happened on Friday – my car blew up! Well, it may have actually been easier if it did blow up, but it is broken (again) and undriveable until we get it fixed. I’m ready to trade it in, which we most likely will do, but not so ready to have to make car payments again. In the meantime, I’m driving hubby’s car, which we just had to put new tires on and he thinks needs a new starter. It works most of the time, but every once in a while just decides it doesn’t want to go. Kind of makes me wish we lived in a city where cars were not a necessity.

There are so many other things, but not enough time in the world to write it all out. My lunch hour just does not last long enough.

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I’m Not The Best at Making Decisions

Published by dee on March 10, 2011

Never in my 33 years of life have I dreaded summer. I have always looked forward to it. I love the sunshine. I love the heat (as long as I have air conditioning available when I want it). I love splashing in the water with my kids, taking trips to the lake, BBQ’s, and all of the other fun stuff that comes with summer.

This summer, however, there’s a new component – trying to figure out what to do with Zach while school’s out. This is filling me with so much anxiety right now that I can’t even think about the joys of summer yet. It’s complicated this year. If Evie was on school break too, I would hire a sitter to come to our house and call it good. I seriously doubt I could find a sitter to come to the house for what I can pay for only one child. If both kids were home it would be much more feasible, but I’m not ready to take her out of the day care that we love (it already makes me sad to think about putting her in preschool).

I’m not really sure where else to look at this point. I’ve checked with the YMCA day camps and they are a bit more pricey than what I can pay. His old preschool has a school-age program in the summer, but he wasn’t very happy there towards the end and says he doesn’t want to go back there. I’m sure there have to be more day camp programs around, but I haven’t found them yet, at least not ones that we can afford.

It seems odd that we can’t afford day camp costs, considering that we paid for full-time day care for the first five years of his life. Those years were a big struggle financially, especially after his sister came along. Now that we finally have a little bit of breathing room (thank you public school system!), adding on another $140-160 a week seems like a lot of money.

Then there’s the other issue that’s staring me in the face. Now that we know he has some definite sensory issues, I worry about introducing him to a new situation. What if we put him in a summer camp and he just can’t handle it? It took us several months of school before I felt like things were under control and I feel like we’ll be starting all over again. I don’t want the poor kid to be miserable all summer because he’s put in a situation that makes him uncomfortable. For my own comfort, I need to know that he’s somewhere that can handle his quirks and can manage a meltdown if/when it happens. I would hate to think that all the work we’ve done with him over the last few months would be blown because he isn’t in a place where he can get the support he needs.

So I’m stuck. I know I still have two and a half months or so to figure it all out, but I’m a little stressed out about it right now. Parenting brings so many challenges, but deciding who is going to care for my child when I can’t is the most challenging thing I’ve ever had to do. I never feel like I’m making the right decision, although I have been super lucky a couple of times. I guess I just have to keep looking until I find something that feels right.

In the meantime, I’m sending him back to Evie’s day care for spring break next week (even though he thinks he’s too old for it). He’s not at all happy about it, but I tried to buffer the disappointment a little by signing him up for another session of swimming lessons. I can’t wait to see him in the water again. Not only does he love swimming, but he’s getting pretty darn good at it too!

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Giving In

Published by dee on March 7, 2011

This weekend was a bit of a bust when it comes to the long to-do list I had carefully crafted on Friday. I think my lists are a little more ambitious that my body. I did get a few things checked off, but those were mostly the fun things. The not so fun things, like mail state tax returns and update budget spreadsheet, somehow were forgotten.

Friday night we stayed in, and after everyone went to bed, I stayed up and finished sewing Evie another skirt. My sewing is far from perfect, but I’m having fun experimenting and the skirts are turning out really cute. I added a ribbon trim to the bottom of this one and love how it turned out. Sadly, my sewing machine decided to quit working just after I finished this one so I didn’t get to do any more this weekend. I will have to remedy that soon as I have a stack of fabric already cut for several more skirts.

Saturday morning we had promised the kids each a surprise. Evie got to go to Grandma’s and play with her cousin, Caitlin. Zach got a trip to the movies with Mom and Dad to see Rango. It was a pretty cute movie, and included enough adult humor to keep it entertaining.

After the movie, we stopped at the pet store to invest a bit of our tax refund in the Tidy Cat Breeze cat litter system. We searched and searched and couldn’t find it in the store, so we were letting Zach look around at the animals. He was really into the fish and started asking the inevitable question, “Mommy, can we just get a goldfish?”

We stood firm for maybe a whole ten minutes. We already have enough pets to take care of. We don’t need any more. Then we started wavering a little bit. Maybe one fish wouldn’t be so bad. We started looking at the Betta fish. Before long I had a new fish tank in my arms, along with the necessary supplies. We decided on a Betta and went back to pick one out. That’s when we realized that the Breeze boxes we had been looking for were sitting just under the Betta fish display. We got the litter boxes (both with $10 off coupons on them!). Zach picked out his fish and proudly carried it up to the checkout counter.

After the required 24 hour tank set up time, Mario Oscar Perrin, the red Betta fish, is now happily swimming around in his new home. So far Zach has been very responsible in feeding him and he goes in to check on him often. The cats have also discovered this little moving thing and are quite interested in figuring out how to get their paw into the small opening on the top of the tank.

I’m just hoping we can keep him alive for a while.

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Answers Only Lead To More Questions

Published by dee on January 28, 2011

Tuesday morning was our first meeting with Zach’s Occupational Therapist. I don’t know why I felt so nervous about this appointment, but I was. I was so anxious that even with a stop at McDonald’s for breakfast, we ended up being there 30 minutes early. I should note that I’m rarely ever early for anything, especially on a weekday morning.

Thankfully, Zach brought his DSi to keep him busy while we waited. The waiting room was very nice, decorated to entertain the kids. We didn’t end up waiting very long before they called us back. The OT had Zach start on an activity where he searched for small items stuck in a blob of putty. While he worked on that, she asked me questions. We went through all the basic questions, with her stopping for more details when necessary. As we talked, she went through some more activities with Zach. He got a little antsy at a couple of points, though he didn’t get too out of hand.

When she finished her questions, we finally got to the part I wanted to hear. Everything that I have been stressing about over the last several months was confirmed. Zachary definitely has some sensory integration/sensory processing problems. Most of his issues stem from the auditory and proprioceptive areas. She explained what this all means. Some of it I understand, some I don’t. I suppose that will come with time.

We left with a bunch of handouts to read, including some more book suggestions, activities to try at home and at school, and information specifically on proprioception. We have an appointment to go back on the 15th of February, where she will do some more specific activities (heavy work, etc.) with Zach to see what works the best for him. She said that the benefits of certain activities can last up to 8 hours after the activity. Again, I’m anxious to go back and see how this all works.

I still have mixed feelings about all of this. In a way, it feels good to be validated, to know that I’m on the right track and that we’re finally getting somewhere. Yet, I also feel very overwhelmed. There is so much to learn still. We’ll need to make changes to our routine. We’ll need to incorporate more activities and breaks for Zach into our already busy schedule. There will be a lot of trying and failing before we figure out what really works for him and what doesn’t.

We’ll get there, this I’m sure of. There is just a long winding road to make our way through first.

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Tomorrow

Published by dee on January 24, 2011

This morning was a hard morning. This will hopefully be our first full week back to school and back to our routine since Zach got out for Winter Break on Dec. 20th. Between snow days, holidays, sick days, and a couple of doctor’s appointments, our schedule has been all out of whack. Both kids had a hard time getting up and around this morning, as I suspected they would. What I did not expect was for Zach to cling to me when I dropped him off at school. He’s been doing really well with drop-off time since we made arrangements for him to go to the quiet room instead of the noisy gym for his before/after school program. Today, however, his regular staff person was with another group and he wouldn’t even go in the room.

I suppose it shouldn’t have surprised me though. The last two days at home have been difficult as well, with several meltdowns of varying degree. Part of that I blame on myself as I was too busy working on my own things to spend the time I should have with him. When he is so good at entertaining himself, I sometimes forget that he needs a little extra attention. Too much down time, not enough physical activity.

Tomorrow at 10:00 a.m. we finally meet with an Occupational Therapist to go through a full sensory evaluation with Zachary. I’m feeling very anxious. I’ve read through all the paperwork and yet I still don’t know exactly what to expect. I am ready (and hoping) to get some answers. The answers are only the beginning of a long road we have ahead of us.

On the forms I had to fill out, one of the questions asked what three things I wanted to get from this evaluation. I can’t even remember what I wrote down. What I really want is for someone to say, “This is what’s wrong with your son. This is how you fix it.” I know better than to expect that, but it is truly what I want. I’m tired of trying to figure it out on my own. I want fast, concrete answers. And more than anything, I want someone to just tell me what to do.

I’m still reading through The Out-of-Sync Child, and trying to make sense of it all. I can’t keep all of the terms straight in my head, but I have had many, many, “a-ha” moments. I wish I could read it faster, but I’ve never been one to read non-fiction of any sort in a timely manner. I wish there was an easier way to get the information to sink into my head. In over two months, I don’t think I’ve made it even halfway through the book.

Answers. I want answers. I may have a little too high of expectations for tomorrow. I’m afraid that, once again, I’ll leave feeling defeated and not knowing any more than I do today. I want someone to tell me that I’m not crazy, that there is something to all of this sensory stuff, that there is a way to help my son not feel so out-of-sorts all the time, and mostly, that I am not a bad parent for not being able to deal with it.

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This One Is For The Grandparents

Published by dee on December 17, 2010

Zach’s school had a Winter Music Program this week. Sadly, it was at 3:00 in the afternoon and nobody could make it there but me. Lucky for all of you though, I recorded as much of it as I could with my shaky hands. I ended up sitting on my knees in front of the chairs they had set up for parents as it was the only place I could get a clear view. Here are the four songs that the Kindergarten performed, minus a few seconds I missed at the beginning of a couple songs. Zach is a little hidden by the big hair in front of him, but you can find him at the end of the second row from the top, on the right side.

The best part though, was at the end when the principal announced they had a Christmas gift for every single child, sponsored by Toys for Tots. I’m not sure I’ve ever heard so many kids squeal all at once!

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