Category: Digging Deeper

When Inspiration Strikes

Published by dee on May 9, 2016

Somewhere on Facebook I saw a reference to the book Steal Like An Artist by Austin Kleon. It piqued my interest, so I looked it up on Amazon and bought it right then and there. I devoured it over the weekend. It was such a simple, easy read but it stirred something up inside of me.

I have been feeling such a lack of inspiration to create lately. I mean I really just haven’t created anything at all. I’ve taken photos, yes. But to say I’ve created – well, I can’t. The thing is, by not creating, I’m missing out on so much of who I am. It’s like I’ve lost part of myself.

The title, Steal Like An Artist, comes from the idea that nothing on earth is original. Every idea sparks from something – another work of art, something you’ve read or heard, or even an experience. Everything comes from something, you just take little pieces from all of your experiences and expand on those things to create and make it yours.

This got me thinking about where I get my inspiration from. You guys, it is you – all of you out there on the internet sharing such amazing things with your writing, your photographs, your art. I realized that the time in my life that I felt the most inspired to create was when I was back in the good old days of blogging when there were true connections and it wasn’t all about selling or pushing the next greatest product. I miss those days. I miss the friendships, the connections, and the true sharing of ourselves and our art.

Another of the big takeaways from this book is that to be an artist, you need to create EVERY DAY. Yep, Every. Single. Day. I’ve definitely been missing that step.

There is more, so much more, that I want to implement, but to start I’m going to start creating something every day. I want to start writing again, even if it isn’t always public. Creating may take the form of a blog post, journal entry, photograph, or even a craft project with my kids, but it will be something. I plan to find a way to track it so I can keep myself accountable too.

I want to make sure I am exposing myself to other sources of inspiration as well. I’m going to start following a few bloggers again and actually reading, not just skimming Facebook (Bloggers, where you at?!?). I’m going to be more intentional about who I follow on Instagram and other photo sites. I may even pick up some art history books at the library this summer.

The tricky part will just be finding the time and actually sticking to it. Here goes…

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My Why

Published by dee on March 10, 2015

my kids - my why

They are my why. Because I want to be there for them. Because I want to capture their childhood. Because I want to support them. Because I want to push them and encourage them to be who they are. Because I never want them to settle for less. Because I want them to dream. Because I want them to know that if you work hard enough and keep trying, even when you fail, eventually those dreams can and will come true. They are my why…for everything.

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2015 Is Here

2015 Is Here

Published by dee on January 4, 2015

We are four days into the new year, and today, more than ever I am reminded of how quickly the time passes by. Last night I had on my comfy, well-worn Garth Brooks hoodie. The one I bought at the concert we attended here in KC years ago…in 2007. I only know it was 2007 because the year is front and center on the hoodie, along with the words “Kansas City” and “I was there!”

As I got myself ready for bed last night, I stared at that ’07 in the mirror, somewhat in disbelief that so many years have passed since that night. The details came flooding back in an instant. The frustration that my babysitter backed out on me at the last minute, relief in finding a friend that was willing to watch Zach when our original plans fell through. I remember singing all of the old familiar songs, side by side with my sister, just as we had done when we were younger. I remember feeling Evie move in my tummy for the first time that night, as I felt the beat of the music vibrate under my feet. I remember the lights, the joy in finally seeing an artist I had admired for so long right in front of me.

How could it be that that night happened over seven years ago? As hard as it is to believe, I know it is true, because that little baby wiggling in my tummy that night is now nearly seven years old. So much time has passed, yet it feels like only yesterday.

Those few moments I spent reminiscing sent me into a spiral of deep thoughts (I’m not sure when the last time I actually had a deep though was, so it needs to be recorded somewhere). I suppose it is the time of year when everyone, voluntarily or not, does a bit of evaluation on their life. A “What have I done in the last year?” kind of thing. For me, because I was suddenly rushed back to 2007, I started thinking, “What have I done in the last 7 years that really mattered?” And, well, the list was much shorter than I would have liked for it to be. There are so many things I wish I would have done, missed opportunities to do good in the world that I passed up or just completely missed because I was too busy living in my own little world.

I’m reading a book called “Love Does” by Bob Goff, which has me thinking a lot about why I say yes or no when the opportunity to do something good comes up. The easy answer is no. It takes little effort. It allows for selfishness and laziness, which are two things I struggle with all the time. But why not say “yes” and see where it leads? Why not give a little more of myself to do good for others? What good can any of us do without action? After all, Love Does.

In 2015 there are so many things I want to do – personal goals, fitness, business, parenting, financial. More than I can possibly accomplish in a year when I add in all of the other responsibilities that stand before my “wants”. I have a list that could go on for miles, but the reality of time is that very little of it will actually happen. When 2015 comes to a close, what I want the most is to be able to say that I added something good to the world, that I did something that made a difference in someone else’s life and changed it for the better. I want to know that I did at least a tiny little thing to make the world a better place.

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Searching

Published by dee on November 21, 2013

I’m not sure where to begin, or even what I really want to say. I simply know that it is time for a massive brain dump and this has always been my place to do just that. So here I am. I’m pretty sure no one but my mom reads this any more anyway.

Life is strange right now. Everything feels uncertain and it has been a long time since I’ve been in this place. I got comfortable in my routine and now my routine has an expiration date. At the end of the year, barring some magical twist of fate, my job that I have had for the last 12 years is ending. I’ve had some time for this to sink in and yet I still don’t really know how to feel about it. In a way I’m excited about the idea of a new opportunity, of stretching myself and doing more. I’m also terrified of having to start over, meet new people, and learn new rules and routines.

Most of all, my heart aches and tears fill my eyes when I think about going back to work full time, rushing through the evenings, and only really seeing my kids on the weekends. The last 10 months or so of working part time (and working half of those hours at home) has been amazing and the thought of giving that up just crushes me. My house may still be a mess and we don’t always get to do the things we want to because we can’t afford them, but I get to spend time with my kids. I get to pick them up every day after school, help them with homework, eat dinner at a decent time so they can still get their baths in and have a little free time before I tuck them into bed. I get to work at home two days a week and hang out with Caleb. We get to sit and snuggle for a few minutes on those mornings, after dropping the big kids off at school, before I fire up my laptop and start in on my work. Time alone with him is so rare. Even though I may get frustrated at times, I cherish those days that I get to have with him. I really don’t want to give that up.

So I’ve been job searching. The last time I really had to do this was straight out of college. In 1999. It’s been a few years. Well, I guess that’s not really true. I applied for a bunch of stuff in 2001 and didn’t get so much as an interview, then my current job fell in my lap. The only problem is, I don’t really want to continue doing what I’m doing, yet I don’t meet the qualifications to do anything else that pays enough to support my family. I don’t have the time or money to go back to school to qualify for the jobs I am interested in. As much as I wish it was, my photography business is not to a place where I could even consider going full time with it yet. The only thing I really want to do is not financially feasible in any way. So I put in application after application, send out resumes left and right and just hope for the right call.

I know in the end that everything will be fine. We’ll get through this one way or another and life will go on. Chances are, something amazing will come along and knock the wind out of me with how perfect it is. I’m certain that there is a better plan for my life. I just wish I could know how it is going to turn out now so I can stop worrying. In the meantime, I’m putting on a brave face, dealing with it the best I know how, and getting in as many baby snuggles as I can.

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Processing Tragedy

Published by dee on December 20, 2012

I tend to be an optimist in most situations. I want to find the good in all things because I can’t believe that the world is entirely evil. I have to believe that there is good in the world. Sometimes, however, the good is hard to find.

I’m struggling to process the events last week at Sandy Hook Elementary. I cannot wrap my head around what things must have been in the mind of the shooter in order to do what he did. I don’t understand that kind of violence. I feel so much anger toward him. I’m angry that he killed so many innocent people. I’m angry that he murdered members of his own family. I’m angry that he took the easy way out and killed himself in the end. I’m angry that I no longer feel safe sending my own child to school, regardless of the probability of this happening in my own community.

I can’t keep myself from reading posts online, thinking about it, or watching the news stories. My eyes well up with tears. My heart aches when I think about the fear, not only of the children, but of the teachers who spend every day of their lives loving and protecting them. I imagine the feeling of helplessness when they realized there was nothing they could do to stop what was happening.

I imagine my own 7-year-old son, so oblivious to the truth of the violent world we live in. Just thinking about the fear he would feel in that situation paralyzes me. He knows what happened, at least the brief overview, but I don’t think he has connected it to his reality. He doesn’t realize that kids just like him got up that morning, griped about not wanting to go to school, said good-bye to their parents, walked through the school doors, and never came home again.

It is all just too much.

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On Dreams

Published by dee on September 21, 2012

When I was a kid, I dreamed of so many things I wanted to do when I “grew up”. The one that really stuck (at least through high school and early college) was that I wanted to cut hair and own my own beauty salon. I always wanted to own it. I wanted it to be mine.

Along the way, things changed (obviously) and that dream never came to fruition. I blame it all on the advanced accounting class I tried to take my freshman year of college. I grossly overestimated my ability to handle that class and dropped it after the second week. Then I changed my major from Business Management to Psychology. Oh, how I wish I could go back and tell my younger self what a stupid idea that was! (And I now do accounting on a daily basis for my full-time job!)

After I got my B.S. in Psychology, I went on and started on a Master’s of Social Work. One year into the program I decided I couldn’t finish it. One year of classes and more added college loans left me with no idea what I wanted to do with my life. I ended up in a temporary job that I have now been at for over 10 years.

Along the way I’ve dabbled in lots of different things. For a while I was convinced I could and would be a web designer, even though I had no background in design. I set up a web site and toyed with the idea of starting up a company. Then I had a baby and that whole idea fizzled out. It is a little hard to code on no sleep, with a crying baby in your lap.

The idea of wanting a business of my own never has gone away. It has stayed in the back of my mind for years, always as a dream, not a reality.

Then came photography. Photography has been a gradual journey for me. I have always loved taking pictures (as I can prove with the staged photos of my stuffed animals when I was a kid), but it wasn’t until I was finally able to afford my first SLR camera that I really pushed myself to learn about photography. I had no idea what an f-stop was, or ISO, or shutter speed. Little by little I figured it out and my love grew bigger than I ever imagined.

Last year I finally saw a little piece of my dream come true. I started my own business. I worked hard to figure out all the details and actually set it up as a legal business. Caleb threw a little bit of a wrench into my overall plan, but things are steadily growing. I’m learning a lot as I go along, including just how time consuming a little part-time business can be. I dream of it one day becoming full-time and being able to support my family doing something that I truly love. There is just no way to describe the feeling of joy it brings me when a client loves the photograph that I’ve poured my heart and soul into. It really is true that when you are doing what you love, it doesn’t feel like work at all.

I’ve got a long way to go to fulfill my dream, but the fact that I have started shows me that I do have it in me. I really believe that I will get there some day.

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If you would like to keep up with my photography journey, please visit and “like” my facebook page at http://www.facebook.com/deeperrinphotography. You can also follow the blog at http://www.deeperrinphotography.com, where I plan to be updating more frequently (soon!).

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