Skip to content

Month: April 2020

Well That Was Fun

So last week I posted I wasn’t feeling well. It started off slowly, just feeling tired and run down. Well, and needing to pee a little more frequently then normal. I didn’t think much of it – just blamed it on allergies wearing me down and maybe I was drinking more than usual.

Saturday I went to the store for some groceries and since things still weren’t feeling quite right I grabbed a bottle of cranberry juice thinking maybe I had the beginning of a UTI. I mean, I’ve never had one before that I can remember, but I’ve heard other people describe the symptoms and I thought that could possibly maybe sorta be what I’m experiencing. Maybe. I like cranberry juice anyway so I’ll enjoy it as a “treat” of sorts.

I started drinking the cranberry juice, mixed with a little sparkling water, and had finished off the bottle by Sunday evening. I was really wiped out that night. I was having some pain in my lower back and crashed on the couch for a couple of hours. I thought maybe it was just a sugar crash from the juice. After eating Keto for so long, flooding by body with sugar can have that effect. I love a good nap, but it is odd that I actually fall asleep in the evenings any more.

I made it through the next couple of days, forcing myself to drink as much water as possible and struggling through the things I had to get done. I thought about calling the doctor a few times, but I really hate going to the doctor and with the whole COVID-19 thing, the last thing I want is to be exposed to the virus because of a doctor’s visit.

By Wednesday, I was getting pretty uncomfortable. I was exhausted. My lower back was hurting. I was still experiencing some nausea and nearly every trip to the bathroom (like every five minutes) was getting more painful. After a text convo with my mom I finally gave in and called the doctor.

Luckily, my doctor was willing to see me via a telemedicine visit. I didn’t have to have to worry about exposure to all the nastiness out there, I could do it from my bedroom on my iPad. I got on the call and in less than five minutes of explaining what had been going on, she said she was prescribing me a strong antibiotic because she was sure I had a kidney infection. I didn’t even complain when she said she was giving me Cipro, even though I knew I’d be sick to my stomach for the next week until it was gone. And, as an added bonus, we talked about my anxiety over the last month or so that I’ve been home with kids and she agreed that I could use a little medicinal help with that as well. She instructed me to call Monday and leave a message to let her know how I was doing and that was that.

I was happy knowing that I was going to get some relief finally. What I didn’t know was that Wednesday night I was going to crash hard. I picked my meds up that afternoon but didn’t take the first dose until after dinner. I knew the Cipro wouldn’t settle nicely on an empty stomach. After I took my meds I settled down on the couch with my iPad, headphones, and my quarantine blanket crochet project. I knew I wasn’t going to accomplish much of anything else anyway. My stomach was already turning from the meds and I was so very tired.

Within probably 30 minutes I found myself shaking uncontrollably because I was so cold, yet my face felt like it was on fire. I decided I was better off just going to bed. I grabbed the thermometer on my way to the bedroom. I had been checking for fever, but hadn’t been more then a few tenths of a degree higher than normal. Over what seemed like a short time span (but really I have no idea how long it was) my temp suddenly shot up to 99, then 100, then 101, and finally settled around 102.7 for a bit. Fortunately, my mom had talked me into taking some Tylenol for the pain earlier and I’m guessing that helped the fever drop back down at some point. It was by far the worst I had felt since I started noticing symptoms nearly a week earlier.

Thursday morning I let myself sleep in a little. I got up feeling much better, got through all of the most important things I needed to do for work, helped Caleb with his school work, and by mid afternoon was on the couch dozing off and on. I spent the rest of the evening pretty much in that same spot.

Friday I woke up feeling SO. MUCH. BETTER. After a full day of work and school work, I was suddenly obsessed with cleaning up my office/family room/temporary school room. I spent the evening streaming Disney movies and cleaning, and even unpacked some boxes that have been sitting there since last June when we moved in. I didn’t quite finish, but woke up Saturday morning ready to go again and got it done. It looks so nice and organized now that I just want to sit and admire it.

I’m still fighting with my energy levels being low and the back pain when I’ve done a little too much, but overall I’m feeling so much better. My stomach is still a bit unhappy from the antibiotics, but I only have a few doses to go and that will be done. I’m anxious to get this whole thing behind me and get back to a somewhat normal routine.

Comments closed

School Closing Extension and a Stay-At-Home Easter

With last week’s orders from the Missouri Governor, schools are now closed through the end of the school year. I knew it was coming, but after the week we had last week it felt a bit like a punch to the gut. The novelty of e-learning at home has definitely worn off. It is becoming more and more of a struggle to get the kids up and doing their work every day.

I think the announcement also brought with it the reality that we are going to be stuck here at home a lot longer than we initially thought. It means our “postponed” sports seasons are now cancelled. It means no get-togethers with friends for the foreseeable future. It means no church. It means no enjoying the beautiful Spring weather riding roller coasters at Worlds of Fun. It means not getting to experience the end of the school year with their friends, which is honestly the best part. It means not exchanging year books and phone numbers and making plans to get together over the summer. It means that instead of being excited to stay home and sleep in over summer break, the days will just continue, the same as they are now.

I saw a shift after the announcement was made. It was physical, visible. Their shoulders slumped, eyes lowered. As much as they complain about going to school, this isolation and distancing from their peers is hard. They miss their friends. They miss the routine. Even my most optimistic child, who typically can make the best of any situation, is struggling to keep her head above the water of the depression pool at this point. It is so hard to watch and know there really is nothing I can do to help. I try to stay positive, but it is hard when I am struggling too.

We tried to make the best of Easter on Sunday. We colored Easter eggs with the cousins via Zoom Saturday night. The Easter Bunny delivered baskets of goodies and hid eggs for the kids to find when they woke up. We watched church services online, but it just isn’t the same as being in a church building filled with like-minded people singing and worshiping. We spent some time on a Zoom call with my Dad and Debie, and my siblings families. I cooked an actual meal (with the help of Evie). We had ham, potatoes, deviled eggs, and green beans. It would have been perfect had I remembered to buy some bread rolls at the store, and if my oldest would have actually come upstairs for dinner. He is definitely in the stage where family is not a priority. By the time we cleaned up after dinner I was wiped out and ended up taking a nap on the couch for a bit.

To be honest, I haven’t felt the greatest the last few days. After a bit of a “high” last week with the incredible sunshine and lots of exercise, I crashed. Friday and Saturday my stomach wasn’t feeling great and I started noticing my energy levels were way down. Saying you aren’t feeling well right now throws up all kinds of red flags, but my symptoms are not COVID-19 related, I swear. Though I’ve had no fever, I’m suspecting an infection. If things don’t get better soon, I’ll be calling my doctor, though a trip to the doctor is the last thing I want to do right now. I do, however, want to start feeling better and get my energy back up. It is hard to be peppy for everyone else when all I want to do is crawl in bed and sleep. I just have to make myself pick up the phone and call.

Comments closed

Movement

It is not shocking that my mood is better when I get more exercise. I spent years hating physical exercise and even though I could stick to a routine for a few weeks, or even months, it never really stuck. Somewhere along the way though, something changed and I started needing it, craving it even. There are still days when I really don’t want to get up and move, but I know if I make myself I will feel so much better.

I got a bit lazy over the winter. Oddly enough, my favorite exercise activity now is running with my dog. Running outside. In my neighborhood. On the sidewalk or streets. Even typing the words now feels strange. I have never been a runner and even when I tried to force it, it was always on a treadmill. Running outside is a newish thing for me and it pretty much just sucks in the winter. It turns out I’m not a fan of running in ice and snow and sleet. So I got lazy. We’d still get out on nice days, but more often than not I used the cold or the cruddy weather to just stay in.

Fortunately for me, Phoenix gets a bit crazy when he doesn’t get out for a run (or walk) every day. Since the weather has been nicer, he is D.O.N.E. staying in and so am I. We’ve been walking or running every day again and it has been good. I’m trying to alternate running/walking so I can get at least one of my kids (usually my daughter) out walking with me a couple days a week as well.

The bad thing about running is that it kills my knees. There’s a lot of family history of knee problems and sadly, it seems that is one of the blessings I have received as well. In order to protect my knees, my doctor has given me exercises to do that will help to better support my knees while running. And I haven’t done them, because there is never enough time of course. Well, guess what I have now? Time. A lot of it.

So, because I like to do things all the way, not just start out easy, I’ve been researching workouts for runners. Since summer is coming up and my eating habits have gone significantly downhill over the last few weeks, I’ve now added not one, but two workout routines to my day. In addition to running or walking every day, I’m doing a squat/lunge/plank challenge and an additional 20-30 minute strength workout. I’m not going crazy, but working with what I’ve got at home.

Apple Watch with movement ringsI’m now three days into the routine and feeling really good about it. I’m also feeling really sore in pretty much every muscle in my body, but it is a good sore. It feels great to push myself in this way. I may not fit all of it in every day, but I’m ok with that too. Today I skipped the walk/run, but our riding mower is down (again) so I push mowed the entire yard and I definitely got plenty of steps in. When I was done mowing, my daughter asked if I wanted to join her for her 30 minute PE class workout and I couldn’t tell her no, so we decided to do it on the trampoline and had so much fun together. I got a second dose of lunges and squats in as well as some arm and shoulder exercises and we did some jumping in between sets. For the record, it is even harder to keep your balance while doing lunges on a trampoline.

Today was definitely a good movement day. After taking my second shower of the day, I’m now sitting on the couch and don’t even want to think about moving again…well, maybe to my bed. Hopefully, that also means I will actually be able to sleep tonight.

Comments closed

Current Mood

Nope.

I gotta be honest. Staying home is starting to get to me more than I thought it would. Surprisingly, the weekends (which are significantly less demanding), are harder than the weekdays. Weekdays require getting up, getting my work done, making sure the kids have what they need for their school work and sticking to some sort of regular routine, even if it is incredibly flexible. Then the weekend hits and there is nothing to compel me to get out of bed, get dressed, or do much of anything at all.

Don’t get me wrong, there is plenty to do. I just have absolutely no motivation. Knowing that we are at home for at least another three weeks leaves absolutely no sense of urgency to get things done. I mean, why do it today when I know I’ll be here to do it tomorrow, or the next day, or the next day?

Adding on to my general lack of motivation is that I let myself run out of my ADHD meds. I made a trip to the pharmacy last week to fill them and managed to leave my prescription at home and I haven’t gotten back out again. Not helpful. Without my meds my motivation to do things is even less than normal. The funny part is I lived most of my life without them and was just fine. Now that I know how much better I can function with them, I hate the days when I miss a dose. Yesterday, for instance, I barely moved off of the couch.

My husband looked at me this morning and asked, “What’s wrong?”

My response? “Nothing. Everything.”

More than anything, I think I just miss the ability to go somewhere when I want to. As much of a homebody as I am, I miss being able to just hop in the car and go. My daughter is definitely feeling it as well. She was nearly in tears when I told her I couldn’t take her with me to the grocery store. She is desperate to just get out somewhere, even if just to buy groceries.

Really the toughest part is trying to make sure everyone else in my house is doing okay, even when I am feeling moody and distant myself. Yesterday was a rough day all around. The kids are tired of being cooped up and are fighting. Everybody is over-reacting to pretty much everything. I feel like I have to be the peacekeeper all the time for my own sanity, even when I don’t have the energy to deal with it all. I know how ridiculous it is, but I feel like I’m failing when they are not happy. So right now? Yep, feeling like a huge failure in that department.

The weather the last few days hasn’t helped at all either. It turned cold and rainy, which brought an abrupt stop to our walks and trampoline time for a few days. It is a bit warmer today, so a walk with the dog is definitely on the priority list – after I make a trip to the pharmacy for my meds. The meds are definitely essential.

I’m trying to turn things around today a bit. I got up and showered, got dressed, cleaned the kitchen, and made pancakes for the family. I am determined to get some exercise and accomplish a few things around the house today that will hopefully lift my mood and get me in the right headspace before we begin the work/school week tomorrow. I’m determined not to let myself sink too low, but I’m admitting that it is a struggle right now.

1 Comment

Remembering

Today marks an anniversary – one that is not celebratory, but significant nonetheless. One year ago today a friend left his home here on earth and made his way to heaven. He had a long struggle with brain cancer, and could no longer withstand the surgeries and treatments. He chose to stop fighting, and because of his strong faith, knew that he was going to a better place.

When he passed away, I struggled with how I should feel. You see, though I call him a friend, we really had not been in contact for many years. He was a huge part of my life during my high school and college years. He was the best friend of my high school boyfriend/husband. The two were pretty much inseparable during those high school and college years, so we all spent a lot of time together. When my ex and I separated and later divorced, I also lost many friendships. One of those was Mike. We never really talked again after that time, but I would get an occasional update from mutual friends.

It is an odd thing to mourn someone who you really haven’t known in nearly twenty years. I am sad for the loss his family and friends feel. I am sad for his wife and his boys. I am definitely sad for my ex. I honestly can’t even imagine the incredible loss that losing your life-long best friend would be. For me, I suppose I am mourning the memories. There are so many memories – concerts, road trips, proms, and just hanging out. So many of my high school and college memories include him. I am sad that those memories ended when my marriage did. I wish I could have known him and the man he became after that time. From what I hear, he was pretty incredible – an amazing husband, father, and man of God.

It has taken me some time to process his death. It hit me a lot harder than I expected. I think it was even more difficult because I really didn’t have anyone to talk to about it. Other than my parents, no one in my current life really knows a lot about my past. Plus, the fact that we are about the same age made it all the more strange. I have been fortunate that I have not had to deal with the loss of many friends my age, and certainly not close friends. It tends to make you think about your own mortality and just how precious this life is.

Today I remember him – the big, goofy, floppy-haired, lovable teddy bear of a guy that always made me laugh when I was around him. Regardless of the reasons why we parted ways, I will always love him and celebrate the memories we had together.

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger... Comments closed