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Month: May 2006

Positive Thoughts

Published by dee on May 9, 2006

The last couple of weeks haven’t been too great for me.  I’ve kind of been on a downward spiral and trying desperately to pull myself out of it.  Sometimes life just gets to be more than what I can handle.  Saturday night I was at a party and everyone was having a great time…except me.  I just couldn’t shake the feelings I was having.  I should have been enjoying myself, but instead was wallowing in my depression.

No one really seemed to notice except for my sister.  I can usually hide things pretty well, but I guess she saw through me.  We had a talk about some things that did seem to help a little.  It was really her talking about her problems, but they were similar to mine and it made me feel a little better.  I was able to get a couple of things off my chest that have been weighing me down.  For once, I think she actually understood what I was feeling.  Nobody else I know really gets it because they haven’t been in the same situation.

Since Saturday night I have really been trying to focus on the positive things in my life.  I spent all day Sunday actually relaxing at my sister’s house.  I even snuggled up with hubby on the couch for a while and didn’t mind it so much.  I watched Zach and his cousins play together and enjoyed being with my family. 

I’ve also been really focusing on Zach and all of his recent accomplishments.  He can now take 2-3 steps at a time before he falls down.  Plus, two more teeth broke through lastnight (it was so lovely when he woke up screaming at 4:30 because of it too).  And, did you see that last post?  He is learning to use his toys as ladders!  I’m never going to be able to contain him again!

When I keep my mind on the positive, I don’t get quite as down about the negative stuff.  I know it is still looming underneath, but as usual, I’m just pushing it away and trying not to think about it.  I’m sure it will come back up to the surface soon, but in the meantime I’m just going to try to enjoy myself.

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A Mommy Moment

Published by dee on May 8, 2006

Saturday morning I woke up at 7:30 a.m. to the familiar sound of Zach chatting away through the baby monitor.  I layed there and listened to him for a few minutes with a smile on my face before climbing out of bed.  Then I stumbled into the kitchen to fix him a cup of milk and headed back to his room.  As I cracked his door open, I heard a squeal of delight.  I looked up to see a huge smile on the face of my beautiful baby boy.

As has become our usual Saturday morning custom, I picked Zach up and took him to the living room.  I turned the TV on and chose a recorded episode of Jack’s Big Music Show from the Tivo.  Zach cuddled up in my lap, drank his milk, and ate a few cheerios from my hand as he bounced to the music.  Once his belly was full, he was ready to get down and play.  I sat, perfectly content, watching him fiddle with each toy as he removed it from his toy bin.

After playing for a while, he started getting fussy and was ready for his morning nap.  While he was napping, hubby and I decided to watch a movie.  Just as the movie was getting toward the end, Zach woke back up.  I brought him back into the living room to play with his toys while we finished the movie.  He wasn’t very interested in the toys, however, instead choosing to climb up onto my lap and snuggle  with me.

As the movie ended, hubby and I started tickling and playing with Zach, trying to hear that little giggle that brings so much joy to our lives.  Zach wasn’t so much in a ticklish mood, choosing instead to curl back up in my lap and give hugs and kisses.  As I hugged my son, suddenly I got a choked up feeling in the back of my throat and tears started welling up in my eyes.  As I looked at him, all of the love that I feel for my son came rushing at me and all I could think was "I made this."  I held him tight and vowed to myself that I would never, under any circumstances, forget the feeling I had right at that second.  Motherhood is so awesome.

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Perfect

Published by dee on May 5, 2006

It is 8:40 p.m. on Friday night.  Zach is in bed asleep.  Hubby is at a friend’s house.  Pearl Jam is playing on the stereo.  The T.V. is turned off.  There’s a pizza in the oven.  I’m sitting on the couch, my notebook computer in my lap.  I can hear the swishing of the dishwasher in the kitchen.  The dog is curled up next to me.  For once, I am alone.  At this very moment, life could not be more perfect.

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Basketcase

Published by dee on May 4, 2006

Recently there seeems to be a surge of great bloggers who are getting paying gigs to blog.  For quite some time now I’ve admired some of the regulars at Blogging Baby and wondered if there would ever possibly be a chance that some day I might be able to do something like that.  In the last couple of weeks I’ve read about several people getting jobs at ClubMom and even AlphaMom. 

As I read about each one, I sit here in disbelief that these people are getting paid to blog.  Then I start dreaming and think, what if I could get paid to blog?  Quickly, reality sets in and I realize that I am nowhere near the status of these great bloggers who get hundreds of comments on every entry they post.  I’m lucky if I even get ten or fifteen visitors a day on my blog.  But everyone has to start out somewhere, right?

Today I did something that makes me nervous as heck.  I finally sucked up some courage and put in my application to one of those big multi-blog sites.  I keep telling myself not to get my hopes up, but I know that if I don’t at least try that I will always wonder, "what if?"  I don’t want to someday regret the fact that I sat here and didn’t chase after my dreams.

My fingers are officially crossed…

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