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Month: January 2006

And the Answer Is…

Here are the answers to the questions I’ve been asked so far. These were posted both at my old blog site and my new one, so I’ve combined all the questions into one post.

Jen asked: what do you consider your greatest talents? how deep does your creative side run??

Sure Jen, stump me on the first question. I’m not really sure what I would consider my greatest talents. If asked that question a few years ago, my answer would have been my intelligence. I was always a straight-A student and I thought I was pretty darn smart. Then I realized that being smart really wouldn’t get my anywhere so now I’m not so sure, plus I don’t feel so smart anymore. My other talents that I consider to be great are my ability to play music (when I apply myself) and my creativity.

I have a creative side that I have been trying to explore more and more over the last few years. I’m not creative in that I’m a really great artist or writer or anything specific. But, I do have a creative side that I can apply to most anything I do. My main focus of creativity recently has been designing web pages. I love creating web pages because I can use my creative side to make the page look pretty and I get to use my brain in figuring out the code to make it all work right. If I could only get a few hours to myself I could start doing that again!


El Santo asked: What is in your CD’s players right now? What is the best concert you ever saw? The best and worst places you ever lived, and why?

You will probably laugh, but right now in my cd player is Carrie Underwood-Some Hearts. A friend loaned me a copy and I kinda dig it. She was my favorite American Idol from last season. There are a couple of songs on there that hit close to home and make me all emotional, which is just the way I like it.

The best concert I’ve ever seen? That’s such a hard question because I’ve seen so many. Can I give a list? Well, I’m going to anyway.
Dave Matthews Band (from the front row)
Pearl Jam (either the first KC show or Knoxville, it’s a toss up)
Alabama (the Farewell Tour)
Sarah McLachlan (the first time I saw her in Omaha)
Shinedown/Silvertide (first time I saw them at a small club in KC)
Tom Petty (first real concert without parents, plus a special someone surprised me with tickets which made it even better)

The best place I ever lived was a small town in northern Missouri. In my opinion, I had the best 3 years of my life there. I met my first real boyfriend, my first husband, and my lifelong best friend there. It was also the first place that I ever felt like I fit in.

The worst place I ever lived was in a suburb of KC, where I moved after that small town in northern Missouri. I had to leave all of my friends and the love of my life behind. The school I attended was very racially biased (not toward my race) and I fell into probably the deepest depression I have ever been in. This is also where I lived when my family started falling apart which was pretty hard to deal with.


Almsthvn asked: How did you come to choose your nickname? What is hard to imagine? Who is your favorite aunt/uncle and why?

The nickname Hardtoimagine came from the song title Hard To Imagine by Pearl Jam. When I was setting up my first blog I has just purchased the Lost Dogs cd and had it in constant rotation in my cd player. The line in the song “things were different then, all is different now, i tried to explain, somehow…” reminds me of a certain period in my life so Hardtoimagine was born. Here are the rest of the lyrics if you are curious:

paint a picture, using only gray
light your pillow, lay back, watch the flames
i’ll tell a story, no one would listen that long
it’s hard to imagine, it’s hard to imagine…
tear into yourself, count tales on your arm
ah the beating, tickin’ like a bomb
after having seen all that they saw
it’s hard to imagine, it’s hard to imagine…
things were different then, all is different now
i tried to explain, somehow…
things were different then, all is different now
i tried to explain, somehow…
things were different then, all is different now
i tried to explain, i hope this works somehow…
things were different then, all is different now
i tried to explain, oh, somehow…
ooh…oh…oh…

When I was a kid, my favorite Aunt & Uncle (my dad’s brother) were the ones that lived in Virginia. They would come to visit every summer and always brought us presents when they came. When they were here we would always do fun stuff like go to baseball games and amusement parks so for me that translated into them being my favorites.

Now that I’m older (and wiser) my favorite is my Aunt Barb. She is one of the most down-to-earth and loving people I have ever known. She has raised 7 kids (the youngest is 16 now) in a very small house and on a small budget. She is the one that always wants to get the family together and when we are together we have the best times. I have watched her work her way up from a Wal-Mart cashier to a computer programmer for a large hospital and couldn’t be more proud of her accomplishments.


Alicia asked: Where do you see yourself in 20 years? What is your favorite book/movie? Who is the first person you call when the going gets tough? What is your “comfort food”?

Twenty years from now I imagine I will be getting ready for an “empty nest”. My kids (I’m assuming I’ll have more than one) will be growing up and venturing out on their own. Hopefully I will own a home in a nice suburb on the Kansas side of the city. If I’m lucky, I will be preparing to finish out my working years by baby-sitting my grandchildren (well, maybe more like 25 years from now for that part).

It is hard to choose a favorite book, but probably the one that made the most lasting impression on me was When Rabbit Howls by Truddi Chase. I read it for one of my Psych classes in college and I’ll never forget it.

My favorite movie would probably have to be 50 First Dates. I absolutely love Adam Sandler! I wouldn’t mind waking up every morning and having him try to make me fall in love with him all over again!

I really don’t have anybody I call when the going gets tough. I’m more of a writer than a talker. I either blog it or just write it out on paper and then rip it up. It usually makes me feel better. But, if someone such as my mom or one of my friends happens to call at just the right time, they will get an ear full. I also have a friend that I talk to over IM. If I can catch him, he’s usually my first choice to talk to.

My “comfort food” is PIZZA! Specifically, Papa John’s Hawaiian Barbeque pizza. I’m pretty sure I could eat my weight in the stuff. In fact, I could really use some now…


I’m having a great time answering all these questions, so feel free to ask more and I’ll post another set of answers.

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Joining in on the fun

I’ve been trying to resist the temptation, but this just seems like fun.  I’ve seen it on several other sites and you guys are asking some great questions.  I decided I had to try it too.  So, ask away and I’ll answer as best as I can.

The problem with blogs: we all think we are so close, but we really don’t know as much as we’d like to think we do about each other. So I want you to ask me something you think you should know about me. Something that should be obvious, but you have no idea about: childhood particulars? physical traits? relationship stuff? education? Ask away. Then post this in your blog and find out what people don’t know about you.

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Working on the Budget

Does anybody know of a way that I can get paid to read blogs? I’m pretty sure I could become a millionaire overnight and solve all of my financial issues. I could even get paid for doing two jobs at once!

I would love to make money from my blog like Dooce but I’m just not that talented and not that many people are interested in my life. Although, I do think that Zach is almost as cute at Leta.

I’m seriously wanting to look into some part-time work from home type of opportunities. If anyone has any suggestions please let me know.

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Where is my head?

I’m sitting here right now eating carrots and ranch dressing for breakfast.  Why, you may ask?  Because my breakfast is either sitting at home on the counter or it is in the diaper bag at day care.  It certainly was not in my purse or lunch bag where it was supposed to be.  I am SO GLAD it is Friday!

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All About Perspective

Lastnight I was digging through some old boxes of clothes.  I have always been a bit of a packrat and I save everything, including clothes that no longer fit.  Most of the clothes in these particular boxes are from 4-6 years ago.  During those couple of years, I went through a divorce and a major depression where I lost a lot of weight and was probably at the smallest size of my adult life.  Then, as I put my life back together, I started gaining the weight back…plus some.  And now, as I’ve written about, I’m finally making some changes and losing the extra pounds.  I’ve lost enough now that my clothes are hanging on me and I had to dig out some smaller sizes to wear to work.

As I was looking through my old clothes I was surprised at the memories that they brought back.  I held up a pair of pants and can remember thinking how fat I was getting when I had to buy them.  They fit me perfectly now and I was amazed that I could fit into such a small size.  They are 2 sizes smaller than my old "regular" size, and 3 sizes smaller than my post-pregnancy size.  It is funny how differently I think of things like that now. 

I grew up my entire life thinking that I was fat.  I always hated wearing shorts or short skirts because I thought my legs were too chubby.  When I look back at pictures of myself I am surprised at just how thin I really was.  I did go through chubby phases as most kids do, but they were for short periods of time.  I don’t know who to blame for my distorted reality, but sometimes I wish I could go back and re-live some of my childhood years.  I think I would have enjoyed myself more if I was happier with my body.  I wouldn’t have been so self-conscious all the time.  I may have even been a tad bit more outgoing.  I was always bigger than the other girls in my class because of my body structure, but I really wasn’t fat.

I struggle every day with the whole body image thing.  I am still overweight based on America’s standards, but I don’t look so bad (at least that’s what I try to tell myself).  I do feel much better about myself after losing 22 pounds, but I still have a long ways to go.  I would like to lose another 25-35 pounds by this summer.  I need to get myself down to the basement and start working out and building up some muscle.  The dieting is working but if I lose much more without working the muscles I will just end up looking like a bag of droopy skin.

I am proud of myself for making a change.  I really want to set a good example for Zach when it comes to eating and exercising so that he doesn’t have to deal with the same issues I did growing up (yes, boys have these problems too).  I want him to be proud to call me his mom.  I am losing the weight for myself, but I’m not sure I ever would have committed to it without Zach.  I don’t want to be a fat mom.  I want to be able to run and play with him as he grows up.  I want to be able to put on a swimsuit and run around in the sprinkler without being embarrassed.

More than anything, I just want to feel good about myself.  I’m getting there, but I’m not quite there yet.  I think I can be, but it is going to take a lot more work, both on my body and my mind.

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Tuesday Blues

newyear05.jpg 
Don’t ya just hate Tuesdays that feel like Mondays?  I suppose the good news is that it really is Tuesday and that means there are only 3 more work days left this week after today.  I sure could use another day off though.  We had a wonderful weekend.  Thanks to all the help from Amy, my New Year’s party was quite successful.  I’m pretty sure everyone had a really great time.  I got gloriously drunk on Amy’s awesome margarita’s and a few glasses of champagne.  It was the first time I have allowed myself to over indulge since November of 2004, so I really enjoyed myself. 

Almost everybody at the party crashed at my house after the party.  Hubby got up and fixed everyone some eggs and toast for breakfast.  Then, my sister and her family stuck around and hung out with us for most of the day on Sunday.  After everyone finally left, hubby and I did a quick clean-up of the house and then settled down to relax and watch a movie.

Monday we slept in late (well, as late as possible with a 6-month-old baby), lounged around the house for a bit, and ran a couple errands.  Then we dropped Zach off with my mom for a while so Amy, hubby and I could have a little adult time.  We grabbed some dinner and then headed out to Dave & Buster’s to meet up with some friends of Amy’s.  We ended up not seeing much of her friends, but we did get to meet them and chat for a few minutes.  Amy and I had a good time anyway.  Hubby was not so impressed with the place, but I thought it was fun.

After that, we picked Zach up and headed home.  Amy and I sat up and talked for a bit before finally saying good-night.  Today we had to return to the real world.  Amy packed her bags and is heading back to Oregon.  Zach went back to Day Care.  Hubby and I had to go back to work.

I suppose the holidays are officially over now.  In a way, I’m glad because I’m not really sure how much more I could take of the craziness.  But, at the same time, I think sometimes I thrive on the craziness.  Tonight I’ll go home and it will just be me, hubby, and Zach.  It will be quiet.  Perhaps too quiet.

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